How To Love
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: James is a single father. A few months ago,  BTR broke up and moved back to Minnesota, but their friendship also came to an end.Almost a year later, the band must get back together. In LA, James meets an old friend. Can his walls be broken down?
1. Story Of My Life

**I'm back with a new story! I just finished the Round and Round series, but I'm really excited about this new story! I hope you enjoy it:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

"Okay, your diaper is changed, you got your bath, the dishes are clean, and I did the laundry." Christina Harper says, straightening the sleeves on her niece's pink onesie. Mackenzie Elizabeth Diamond was born 10 months ago, on March 15th, 2015. She has her dad's hazel eyes and her mama's everything. Jenna died while giving birth to Mackenzie. Truthfully, Christina, or Chris for short, doesn't even understand what went wrong. One minute, the doctors were getting little Mackenzie cleaned up. The next minute, they're desperately trying to revive her mom. They tried so hard, but Jenna still didn't make it. Chris remembers James coming out of the delivery room and just as everyone thought he was about to announce that both mother and baby were healthy, he collapsed in a fit of tears, sobbing that Jenna had passed away. Since then, he has been raising Mackenzie as a single father.

"Alright, your daddy should be home soon." She says, kissing Kenzie's cheek. Instead of calling her Mackenzie, they just shorten her name to Kenzie.

The little girl puts her first on her mouth, getting it wet with her baby drool. Chris laughs and grabs her tiny hand, shaking it gently. "Why do you keep doing that?"

Minutes pass, and Chris fears that something happened to James. But her worries are alleviated when the door finally opens. James walks into the small apartment, obviously exhausted from working at the supermarket all day. After his band, Big Time Rush, broke up, the guys moved back to Minnesota. They tried to keep in touch, but the phone calls and visits became less frequent until they finally drifted apart. Luckily, Chris moved to Grand Marais with them, so James wouldn't have to be totally alone in raising Mackenzie. The poor guy is only twenty two years old and Chris will be thirty in a few months, so she can give him the support and guidance that he needs. Besides, she didn't really want to stay in the town where she lost her sister.

"How was work?" She asks him, smiling when Kenzie babbles.

"The same." James sighs, taking Mackenzie into his arms. He hugs his baby girl closely, smiling at her.

"Dada." She coos. When James kisses her cheek, she smiles. As her daddy, James knows how to get a smile out of her. That beautiful baby girl is what motivates him to stay strong, even when he just wants to break down. Without his daughter, James doesn't know what he would do. He's not living the lifestyle of the rich and famous like he wanted. He's living in a small town in Minnesota, in a ragged out apartment complex, and working at a supermarket. That's definitely not the kind of life that he wanted. He was going to be a rich and famous pop star, but he's not. After Jenna died, his dream completely fell through. He was too heartbroken and he just couldn't do it anymore.

"Were you good for Auntie Chrissie?" He asks her. "I see you're all dressed for bed."

Kanzie sucks on her thumb and lays her head on James's shoulder, indicating how tired she is.

"Okay, let's put you to bed." He whispers, giving Chris a smile before taking Kenzie to their shared bedroom. Since their apartment only has two bedrooms, Kenzie can't have her own room. James wants to make sure that he's nearby, in case she wakes up in the middle of the night.

"You're a tired little girl, aren't you?" He says as he gently lowers her into the crib, pulling her purple Care Bear blanket over her small body. He touches her head of reddish brown hair, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "Sleep tight, princess."

He walks to his own bed, collapsing onto the soft mattress. He grabs a picture off the bedside table and his eyes fill with tears. _Jenna Elizabeth Diamond..._His sweet, beautiful Jenna. She never even got to meet her daughter, who is a spitting image of her. Kenzie is growing up without a mom. The thought truly kills James.

He sniffles as he rolls onto his side, facing the wall and holding the picture against his chest. He lets the tears fall and it seems like forever before Chris finally comes in to check on him. He feels her hand on his back, trying to provide some comfort to him. He's pretty sure that nothing could possibly comfort him.

"Hon, you need to get ready for bed." Chris whispers, stroking his hair. "I think you're getting tired."

"I miss her." James whispers.

"I know." Chris says softly, looking at him with sympathy. "I miss her too."

James's body shakes with the sobs that he's trying to hold in. He wishes that Jenna could have stayed, so they could have been a family. James could have been a singer, she could have been a school counselor, and they could have raised their daughter together. James never wanted to be a singe father. He loves his daughter, but he doesn't know if he could raise her without Chris's help.

"Get ready for bed, James." Chris says, putting the picture back in its place. She helps James off the bed and leads him out of the bedroom. They walk through the kitchen and to the bathroom. "I'll get some nightclothes for you."

She kisses his cheek and affectionately rubs his back before leaving him to brush his teeth. About a minute later, she returns with some grey sweatpants and his old hockey jersey. She pulls the toilet seat down, setting the clothes on top, and quietly closes the door.

It only takes James about ten minutes to get ready for bed. Soon enough, he leaves the restroom. Without acknowledging his sister in law, he goes to his room. He checks on his sleeping daughter, then walks to his bed and crawls under the covers, turning the lamp off.

* * *

><p>When James wakes up around nine thirty, Chris and Mackenzie are already awake. He smiles as he leans against the archway of the living room, watching Chris play peek a boo with Mackenzie. Every time Chris removes her hands from her face, Kenzie smiles and giggles sweetly.<p>

"Did she have breakfast yet?" James asks her.

"Yes, she did." Chris says, pulling Kenzie onto her lap. She kisses Kenzie's cheek and lets the baby chew on a strand of her hair. She can always take a shower later. Kenzie is at the age where she loves to chew on stuff. Her fist, hair, toys, and anything that she can get her hands on. She's already got a couple of her bottom teeth and she's probably going to get a few more soon. When she started teething, the first thing James did was buy her a teething ring. Those things are suppose to soothe the pain that comes with teething. It seems to have worked for Kenzie.

"Did you sleep good?" James asks sweetly, sitting on the floor next to Chris. He grabs Kenzie and gives her a loving hug, placing kisses all over her face. He chuckles as she gives him an open mouth kiss on his cheek. For a ten month old, she's very affectionate. She loves giving hugs and kisses to people, especially her daddy. James is Kenzie's favorite person in the world. Every day, she always wants to play with her daddy.

"I've gotta start getting ready for work." James says, kissing the top of Kenzie's head.

"Go on." Chris laughs, taking Kenzie from him. James grins and jumps up, walking back to his room. He walks over to his closet and begins looking through his clothes. He's not really the same James Diamond that he use to be. He always had an obsession with his looks and girls. Well, now he just throws on some jeans and a T shirt, and he hasn't been on a single date since he lost Jenna. Dating is the least of his priorities. He's got more important things to think about. He doesn't even feel comfortable with the idea of dating after losing Jenna. She was his first real love and no one could ever replace her.

After looking through the clothes, he decides on a pair of jean, a plain white T shirt, a black and white hoodie, and a grey pull over hat. The ground in Grand Marais is currently covered in snow, so people need to wear something warm when they go out.

After changing into the clothes, brushing his teeth, and running a comb through his hair, he walks to the kitchen and grabs his car keys. Before he leaves, he walks to the living room and says goodbye to Chris and Kenzie, giving his daughter a kiss. He waves bye to them before walking out the door. They live on the second floor, so he has to use the elevator on a regular basis.

He presses the down button and patiently waits for the doors to open. He wishes that they could have found something like the Palm Woods, but this apartment complex was the best thing in Minnesota. It isn't really classy or even clean for that matter. It''s been around for several years and it's starting to get run down. James isn't complaining, though. It wouldn't be fair. He's lucky to even have something as good as this. They got one of the last apartments left, so they pretty much lucked out on this one. He should be grateful.

Their parking space is in the front, so James doesn't have to walk around to the back. He just exits the elevator, walks past a few more apartments and past the front office, and out the front door.

He gets into the Mercedes Benz convertible that his mom gave him. He wouldn't let her pay for anything else, but she insisted on letting him have her old car. She has her own cosmetics company, so she could easily buy herself a new one. Even after moving back to Minnesota. James could've have been pretty well off if he had accepted his mom's help, but he didn't want her handling his problems.

He turns the dial on his radio, turning it to his favorite pop/rock radio station.

As soon as he hears an old Big Time Rush hit, he turns the radio off. He doesn't need to be reminded of those three. He hasn't talked to them at all in the past nine months. For about a month after he lost Jenna, the guys stayed close, but it wasn't too long before they just stopped being friends. Even if they do see each other in public, they don't even acknowledge each other. James is pretty peeved off about that. He was falling apart and his friends didn't even stand by him like they promised. James is especially surprised at Kendall. Kendall Donald Knight was the one that comforted James when he collapsed into tears outside the delivery room. For the first couple of weeks, when Mackenzie started crying in the middle of the night and James was too tired, Kendall would look after her. Even if Carlos and Logan didn't stick around, James thought that Kendall would always be there for him.

But if Kendall and the others guys want to be like that, then so be it! James doesn't even care anymore. He has Mackenzie and Chris, so why does he need the three people that he has known since he was four years old?

When he arrives at the supermarket, he parks in his usual parking space and walks into the store. He walks to the employee locker room, where they keep their personal belongings and their uniform. James grabs the red apron and puts it on.

"James, could you fix the canned foods in aisle three?" His boss, Mr. Harrison, asks him. "They got out of place."

"Sure." James says before walking out of the locker room. He walks to aisle three and looks at the rows of canned goods. He starts taking cans and putting them in their correct places. Jobs like this are very tedious and exhausting. He can't say that he's a big fan of his job, but he needed to do something. He wants a good life for his daughter and he'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

"Need help with that?"

He was standing on a ladder, rearranging some cans on the top shelf, when a girly voice speaks. He looks down and sees Samantha, a somewhat skimpy eighteen year old coworker. James doesn't talk to her very much, except when she's trying to throw herself at him. He tells her that he's not interested, but she never seems to get the hint. She's a pretty girl, though. Curly blonde hair, blue eyes, good figure, but her behavior sickens him. Other employees and Mr. Harrison seem to tolerate her, but she's not as innocent as people think. The other day, James saw her making out with some guy in the locker room. James thinks that he was her boyfriend. Well, he's actually her ex boyfriend. Yesterday, she announced that they had broken up. She proceeded to tell James that she is totally available.

"Sure." James says, stepping down from the ladder. Samantha gives him a flirtatious smile and climbs up the ladder, taking some cans and putting them where they belong. James rolls his eyes when he sees that she made sure to wear shorts and a really tight T shirt today. That girl is just trying to seduce James, but it isn't going to work. Even if he were interested in dating someone, Samantha isn't the kind of girl that he would want to bring into his home. He would want to date a girl that would actually be appropriate for Mackenzie to interact with.

"Jay, why did you wear that hoodie? You would look better without it." Samantha says as she steps down.

"It's twenty something degrees outside!" James exclaims.

"I'm just saying. "Samantha says, kissing his cheek before walking away. James is so relieved because Samantha takes annoying to a whole new level.

He wipes his cheek and cringes in disgust. He looks at the long rows of cans, groaning quietly. He still has a lot of work to do.

* * *

><p>"Alright, sweetie, let's do the laundry." Chris says as she carries a basket to the laundry room. Being the cool aunt that she is, she lets Kenzie sit in the basket. The little girl loves getting rides in the laundry basket, so she loves going to the laundry room with Chris.<p>

Chris walks into the small laundry room and puts the basket down. She removes Kenzie from the basket and takes some clothes, putting them in the washer. She turns around just as Kenzie stands up and tries to climb back into the basket. She giggles in amusement, picking the little girl up and removing her from the basket once again. Kenzie whimpers when she sees that she can't get back into the basket, but Chris is able to prevent a tantrum by giving Kenzie her favorite teddy bear to play with. Kenzie forgets about the basket and starts chewing on her bear's ear.

"I have to put some more clothes in here." She says, taking more clothes from the basket. "Your daddy needs to start putting his stuff in the basket, instead of leaving everything on the bathroom floor."

Kenzie just ignores her, still chewing on the teddy bear.

Chris shrugs and presses the button on the washing machine. She covers her mouth with her hand as she yawns. While she waits for the clothes to get washed, she picks Kenzie up and fixes some strands of her curly hair, having noticed that they were a little out of place. Jenna had the same problem. She use to have long hair, but she finally got it cut to shoulder length because it would never cooperate. If she had survived, she would have been the one fixing Kenzie's hair, getting her dressed, and playing with her. Chris has tried to be a good motherly figure, though. James always tells her that she's like a mother to Kenzie and that really makes her happy. She adores her niece and if the girl can't have her real mom, Chris is happy to step up.

"It's probably going to take at least an hour for these clothes to get washed." She says, playing with Kenzie's little fingers. "Then forty five minutes to dry. We can't stay in this laundry room for that long, can we?"

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims.

"Do you wanna visit daddy?" Chris asks sweetly. "Okay!"

She puts the basket against the wall and leaves the room.

* * *

><p>"Hey, have you guys seen James Diamond?" Chris asks the supermarket employees.<p>

"Aisle three." One of the guys says. Chris fixes the hood Kenzie's green coat, flattening it. She walks towards aisle three, where she finds James rearranging some food cans. When she realizes that he doesn't see her, she clears her throat loudly. When he sees her, he smiles and walks over to them.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, grabbing Kenzie.

"It takes a long time to wash and dry clothes, so we decided to visit you while we wait." Chris tells him.

"Dada!" Kenzie says, touching James's cheek.

"That's right." James smiles, kissing her cheek.

"Oh my gosh, whose baby is that?" Samantha squeals.

"She's mine." James says awkwardly. He glares at Chris when he sees her grinning in amusement.

"She looks so much like you." Samantha says sweetly. "Where's her mommy?"

Chris's eyes widen at Samantha's question. Everyone knows not to bring Jenna up. Chris is the only person that can get away with that. Most people are afraid of upsetting James. He hasn't really moved on yet, so Chris hates when people talk about Jenna like it's no problem. They don't understand what James has gone through. They haven't spent the past ten months living with him and helping him care for his daughter. On the rare occasion that he actually cries, Chris is the one that holds him and comforts until he just can't cry anymore. But most people are aware of what happened. Even though they didn't get to see the worst of it, they have enough respect and compassion to not bring up James's situation. That's why Chris is baffled by Samantha's question. Was she not aware of what happened to James? If she did know, she wouldn't have asked such a question.

"Don't you have work to do?" She asks sharply.

"Gosh, what got your panties in a bunch? I was just asking a question." Samantha says before walking past them.

"Why don't you get back to work?" Chris says softly, taking Kenzie back into her arms.

"Yeah." James whispers as he turns to the shelves.

"Do you want us to leave?" Chris asks gently.

"Yeah." James says quietly. "I'll be home later."

"Okay, we'll see you later." Chris says, rubbing his shoulder before leaving. She holds Kenzie in her right arm while running her left hand through her brown hair. She sighs sadly as she walks through the automatic double doors. She flags down a cab, since James took their only car to work.

At four thirty, James finally gets to leave work for the day. He spent a lot of time rearranging cans of food, then the rest of his time was spent being a cashier at one of the check out aisles. Now he's tired and he just wants to go home. He always looks forward to getting out of work because he still gets enough time to spend with Kenzie and Chris. He loves his family. They are the ones that will always stand by him, even when things get a little hard. James doesn't know why his friends gave up on him, but they did. The reason doesn't matter. They weren't there for him and that's all he needs to know.

As he pulls into his parking space, he sees some kids having a snowball fight in front of the building. Even as James walks to the door, the kids don't stop and he ends up getting pelted with snowballs. He rushes into the building and lets the door close on its own. Once he is inside the elevator, he leans against the wall and closes his eyes. He would fall asleep, but the elevator beeps before he can. He steps into the hallway and turns left, walking to his apartment. He turns the doorknob and pushes the door open. He can see that Chris has cleaned up a little more, much to his relief.

"Chris, I'm home!" He calls out.

"I'm in your room!" Chris responds.

Chris is sitting on the floor with Kenzie, playing with her toy blocks. She stacks one on top of another, then Kenzie tries to imitate her. Whenever the blocks fall down, Kenzie bursts into a fit of giggles. That's one thing that James loves about his daughter. She is a very happy baby. She isn't too clingy or too whiny. She's friendly, sweet, and happy. She got those traits from her mother.

"Why don't you sit down and play with us?" Chris suggests. James sits next to her and smiles happily as he tickles Kenzie's stomach. She's a little chubby, but not too much. It's okay, though. She gives awesome hugs, so James doesn't mind that she's kinda chubby. It's actually really cute.

"Look at this, Kenzie." He says, stacking two blocks. He stacks another one on top of those two, then knocks them over. Kenzie squeals with laughter, clapping her hands and smiling cutely. She grabs one and actually tries to put it in her mouth, but James quickly grabs it. "You're not suppose to do that, baby."

"Hey, what's up with that Samantha girl?" Chris asks him.

"I don't even know." James shrugs. "She just has this really weird crush on me. But I don't think she actually likes me. She just likes how I look."

"A few years ago, you wouldn't have had a problem with that." Chris teases, ruffling his hair. James smiles sheepishly and rolls his eyes, giving her a playful shove.

"People change." He reminds her.

"On the bright side, you're a lot smarter now."

"Oh, that was rude." James laughs.

"Jay, you were a walking idiot." Chris says, touching his shoulder. "No offense."

"How can I not be offended when my sister in law just called me stupid?"

"Honey, I didn't call you stupid." Chris says gently. "I'm saying that you use to be stupid."

James chuckles, burying his face in her shoulder. He and Chris are almost like real siblings. They love each other so much, but they drive each other crazy sometimes. Chris loves to tease James about his former obsessions and James makes fun of her tendency to be too motherly. She's like Mrs. Knight. If someone gets sick, she mothers them to the point of near insanity. Whenever James got the flu, she made him stay in bed and wouldn't let him get up unless he needed to use the restroom. She wouldn't even let him get up to feed Kenzie! If he was hungry, she brought the food to him.

"You're a jerk." He says, his voice muffled by Chris's shirt.

"But you gotta love me, right?" Chris asks, resting her head on top of his.

"Of course." James sighs.

"Dada!" Kenzie babbles, holding a block out to James.

"Thanks, sweetie." James says, kissing her cheek.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	2. Incomplete

"We've gotta do a little grocery shopping." James says, holding Kenzie with his right arm. This morning, Chris realized that they were seriously low on some decent food, so she sent James to the store to get some. He doesn't have work today, so why not? He would rather be grocery shopping than sitting at home with nothing to do. He knows that he needs some fresh air anyway. He works six days a week and has Sunday off, so he doesn't exactly have a lot of free time. He doesn't even really remember what it's like to just do whatever he wants. While Jenna was pregnant, James's mom always said that once someone has a child, their social life is put on the back burner for a while. James never realized how true that statement was until the baby was actually born. After that, Kenzie became James's priority. While his friends went out and played hockey or went to the movies, James usually stayed at the apartment with his daughter.

"I think Chris said that we needed...You know what? We need to get a buggy." He murmurs. "She wrote way too much on this shopping list."

He looks at Kenzie and smiles, kissing her cheek.

"How could I forget that?" He chuckles, walking to the buggy's lined up near the exit. He grabs one and puts Kenzie in the child seat, fastening the seatbelt around her. He is about to continue his grocery shopping, but he stops when he sees a familiar person enter the store. He sighs heavily as he quickly tries to get away before Carlos can notice him. The last thing he wants to do is talk to one of his ex best friends right now. He just wants to get the groceries, then go home and eat a pizza with Chris. He doesn't need any stress.

"Dada." Kenzie babbles. James frowns as he strokes her cheek, smiling softly as she grabs his thumb. She gives him her usual baby like grin, unaware of James's anxiety.

"James?"

James groans as he turns around, coming face to face with the short Latino boy. He has a grin on his face, actually excited to see James again. But James isn't really returning the love. His friends ditched him when he needed them the most, so they don't deserve his forgiveness. So he just tightly clenches his jaw and starts walking to the frozen goods section. He can hear Carlos's footsteps behind him, but he still ignores the boy.

"Okay, you're still mad." Carlos says calmly. "I can understand that."

"Good." James murmurs.

"Go ahead and give me the silent treatment, but would you let me say hi to Mackenzie?" Carlos pleads.

James shrugs and motions to his daughter, signaling for Carlos to say whatever he wants to her.

"Look at how big you've gotten!" Carlos coos to the little girl. Kenzie only proceeds to whimper and look at James. James turns around and looks at Kenzie apologetically, lifting her into his arms. She snuggles against him and he gently rubs her back, giving her as much security and comfort as he can. He kisses her head, then looks at Carlos, who seems confused by her behavior. Of course, Carlos hasn't been around Kenzie enough to know that she's shy around strangers. As Kenzie continues to whimper, James decides explain this to Carlos.

"She's shy around strangers." He says, rubbing Kenzie's back.

"Oh, I didn't mean to scare her." Carlos tells him.

"It's okay."James shrugs. "You didn't know."

"Would you like to get lunch or something?" Carlos asks him. "Maybe do some catching up?"

He wants to catch up. Why didn't he want to catch up before? He could have came over to the apartment any time. However, he never did. James is annoyed that Carlos would wait until they ran into each other at a supermarket to say that he wants to catch up. James's blood is nearly boiling as these thoughts fill his mind.

"Oh, so now you care." He snaps, putting Kenzie back in the buggy. "Come on, Kenzie, let's finish shopping."

"James, please." Carlos says desperately. "I just want to talk about it."

James stops walking again, almost totally still. He becomes noticeably tense, gripping the handle of the buggy.

"Fine." He says, looking at Carlos. "I'll meet you at Dairy Queen in an hour."

With that, he continues his shopping trip, grinning every smile or cute sound that Kenzie gives him.

* * *

><p>"The chocolate malts at DQ are amazing." Carlo says, sipping from the straw. They are sitting across from each other in a booth at their favorite fast food restaurant. Before the guys ever moved to LA, this was their favorite place to go after school. They would talk, laugh, flirt with hot girls, and much more. Those were the days when they were still close. Now he and Carlos are here once again and it's almost like old times, except for two things. First of all, Carlos and James aren't best friends anymore. Second of all, Kendall and Logan aren't here with them.<p>

"Wow, she sure can drink." Carlos says, watching Kenzie. The baby girl is sitting on James's lap while he feeds her a bottle of milk.

"Yeah." James says just as Kenzie finishes the bottle. He cleans it up and puts it in the pink and green baby bag, then he wipes Kenzie's mouth with a cloth.

"Do you feed that child?" Carlos asks, but James can tell that he's just kidding.

"Shut up." James says, unable to hold back a smile.

At that moment, a waitress walks over to them with a tray of food. Carlos digs in before the young waitress leaves, but James politely waits until she's gone. Then he puts Kenzie in her high chair and picks up the cheeseburger. The combination of melted cheese and warm meat reminds him why he loves this place so much. Not only does he have some good memories of this place, but the food is delicious. During his lunch break, he loves coming to DQ and ordering himself a nice, juicy cheeseburger. If only he could have all his friends and Jenna here with him. The guys loved Jenna too. She was like a sister to them. In fact, they all had a bit of crush on her when they first met her. James isn't going to lie. She was hot. if she were still here, they could have visited Minnesota and they would have ate at Dairy Queen, then had a snowball fight. They had a fun loving and playful relationship.

"James? Are you okay?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"Yeah." James says nonchalantly. "Why?"

"Well, you're crying."

"What? No, I'm not!" James says through a mouthful of fries.

"James, there are tear stains all over those cheeks." Carlos says, playfully pinching James cheek. James pushes his hand away and glares at him.

"She looks so much like her mom." Carlos says, staring at Mackenzie. James tenses up once again, hating that Carlos mentioned his wife. He always makes sure to avoid any conversation about her, but Carlos just ruined it by bringing her up. James doesn't even know what he's gonna do about Kenzie's birthday. They will be celebrating Kenzie's first year of life, but also the day that Jenna lost hers. At Kenzie's age, she probably doesn't understand why her mother can't be here, but someday she's going to ask James why she has never met her mom.

"Um, I need to go home." He says, eating the last of his burger and fries. He lifts Kenzie from her high chair and throws the trash away, then pushes the door open and walks out to his car. Once again, Carlos follows him. Just as James is about to open the backseat door to put Kenzie in her car seat, Carlos grabs his arm.

"I'm sorry." He says sadly. "I didn't know that it still bothered you that much."

Oh, he _did not_ just say that. James can't believe that he would say something like that.

"You didn't know that it still bothered me?" James says says in disbelief. "Carlos, my wife _died_ ten months ago! I was a miserable wreck and Big Time Rush broke up and we moved back to Minnesota! Now I'm a single father working at a supermarket and living in an old apartment. I'm not living the life that I wanted, but that doesn't matter to me. I lost someone that I cared about! Don't act like you know how I feel, Carlos! Because you don't!"

He gets into the car and slams the door shut, putting the key in the ignition and driving away, leaving a very hurt Carlos behind. In the rearview mirror, he can see Carlos shaking his head and walking to his own car, but James is too hurt to really care what Carlos does.

There's no way that they'll ever be friends again.

* * *

><p>Carrying Kenzie in one arm and using the other to carry two bags of groceries isn't easy, but James manages to do it. His arms are sore by the time he makes it to the apartment, but he makes it. As soon as he enters the kitchen, he puts the bags down and walks to the living room. Chris is sitting in the recliner chair, watching some soap opera. It looks like <em>General Hospital, <em>which is Chris's personal favorite.

"Hey, did you get the stuff?" She asks, never taking her eyes off the TV.

"Yeah." James sighs, putting Kenzie down. He sits on the couch and crosses his arms, staring at the floor. He takes his green pull over cap off and puts it on the coffee table. He runs a shaky hand through his hair, exhausted and stressed out from today's events.

"James?" Chris asks, her face matching the concern in her voice. She moves to sit next to him on the couch. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." James lies.

"Jay, please talk to me." Chris says, wrapping her arms around him. She pulls him close to her and he rests his head on her shoulder.

James hugs her waist and breathes deeply. He gets some comfort when Chris kisses his head, but it doesn't do too much. Running into his ex best friend and that ex friend bringing a new brand of stupidity with him, that's not what he had planned for today. He was just going to get some groceries and go home, not hear Carlos make more of his stupid comments. He sort of feels bad for blowing up at Carlos like he did, but Carlos shouldn't have said what he said. He acted so _surprised_ that Jenna's death still bothered James. It takes a lot more than ten months to move on after losing a loved one.

"I ran into Carlos at the store, then we went to lunch together."

"What did you guys talk about?" Chris asks softly, stroking his hair.

"We didn't really talk about much." James says tiredly. "He told me that Kenzie looks like Jenna and when he saw the tears in my eyes, he said that he didn't know that it still bothered me."

"Well, I don't think he meant to make you feel bad." Chris whispers, stroking his face. She isn't going to put her thoughts out in the open, for fear of hurting James even more, but she really wishes that he would be more open about his thoughts and feelings. He's a little too strong for his own good. He avoids talking about Jenna, he refuses to do anything for himself because he devotes his whole life to caring for his daughter, and he works way too hard. It's great that he cares about Kenzie because that means that he's a good father, but he needs to have a life too.

"Hey, why don't I put that pizza in the oven?" She asks softly, rubbing his back.

"Yeah." James agrees. "I got the pepperoni and the supreme. Just pick which one you want."

"I'm in the mood for pepperoni. What about you?" Chris smiles.

"Yeah." James agrees. He stretches his tired and tense muscles, glancing at Kenzie. She is occupying herself with her toy telephone. James's mom gave it to her as a Christmas present this year. She loves babbling as if she's actually talking to someone. To make it even more fun, James will hold his own cell phone and they pretend to be talking to each other. It gets some laughs out of both of them. That's just one of the many things that seems to crack her up. She also loves when James picks her up and lifts her in the air.

"Kenzie, come to daddy!" He says in a sweet voice, holding his hands out to her. Kenzie stops babbling and looks at her father, dropping the toy phone and using the coffee table to pull herself up. She toddles towards James and he gets on his knees, reaching for her little hands. He picks her up and carries her to the kitchen, watching as Chris puts their pizza in the oven.

"You're looking a little thin lately." Chris tells him. "So I want you to eat at least three slices, okay?"

"I weigh 163 pounds." James argues.

"Yeah, but you use to weigh 172. That means that you are ten pounds thinner than you should be."

"Chris, you're being ridiculous." James responds, playing with Kenzie's hair.

"I'm just saying." Chris giggles. "Now let me hold my niece."

James hands Kenzie to Chris, who happily cuddles the little girl.

"Hey, I'm gonna go browse the internet." He says, walking to Chris's room. He sits at the desk and turns the computer on. He goes to his Facebook account and the first thing he notices is that Kendall has posted. He wrote one sentence:_ I hate that things aren't the same anymore:(_

James won't argue with him on that one. He wishes that things could go back to the way they use to be. The guys could be making music in LA, they could all go on double dates together, and be the same crazy boys that they have always been. Sadly, Big Time Rush is just another memory on the wall. Kat's Krew, the girl group that Gustavo worked with, said that it would happen. James never thought that those girls would ever be right. Yet here they are. They've all went in their separate directions and are living their own lives. That's not how it should have been, but James has accepted it. Sure, life hasn't turned out exactly how he wanted, but he's happy. He has a family that loves him, so he has no reason to be unhappy. He doesn't complain about anything because he has learned to be satisfied with what he has.

He hasn't uploaded any pictures lately and since people have been asking him to, he uploads a new picture him and Kenzie. He is sitting on the floor with Kenzie standing in front of him. He has his hands on her waist to keep her from falling down. The photo is one of his favorites because of Kenzie's adorable smile. They both look so happy and James is certain that his FB friends will love it too.

For his caption, he types "Me and my love" with a little smiley face, then he presses the upload button.

After twenty minutes, he turns the computer off and returns to the kitchen. Kenzie is sitting on the floor, while Chris removes the pizza from the oven. The smell fills James's nostrils and he sighs with satisfaction. But he has to roll his eyes when Chris puts three slices on a plate for him. This is one of the many ways that she displays her mother like behavior. If something doesn't seem right with James, Chris will always be determined to make it right. James isn't even underweight, but Chris is acting like James is going to become anorexic or something. If he were becoming anorexic, he would be a lot thinner than he is right now. He just wishes that Chris understood that.

"Do I really have to eat that much?" He whines.

"Just eat as much as you can." Chris tells him, handing the plate to him. She gently pushes him out of the kitchen, then works on getting her own plate together. She puts two slices of pizza on her plate and gabs a Coke, then walks to the dining table.

"Hey, Chris?"

"Yeah." She asks as she starts to bite down on a slice.

"You left my daughter in the kitchen."

"My bad." Chris says, rushing to the kitchen. Luckily, Kenzie is just sitting on the floor, sucking on her fingers. "I didn't mean to leave you in here, sweetheart."

She carries her niece back the dining table and puts her in her high chair.

At that moment, Chris's cell phone starts ringing.

"Super Bass? You have Super Bass as your ringtone?" James laughs.

"Hey, it's a cool song! You know, I can rap the entire first verse." Chris says before answering the phone. "Hello? Hey! Yeah, he's here. Alright, here he is..."

"James, your mom is on the phone." She whispers, handing the phone to him.

"Hey, mom." James says through a mouthful of pizza.

"James David Diamond, turn your phone on!" Brooke Diamond says in an exasperated voice.

"Okay, I'm sorry." James says, putting his half eaten pizza down. His mother's sigh is heard on the other line, letting him know that she isn't actually mad at him.

"I know, honey." Brooke says gently. "How are you and Kenzie doing?"

"We're fine." James reassures her, picking at the toppings on the pizza.

"Well, then." Brooke says sweetly. "Let me talk to my grand baby."

"Okay." James chuckles, holding the phone to Kenzie's ear. "Baby, say hi to grandma."

Okay, so she doesn't actually say hi, but she does babble a little bit, which is good enough for Brooke. She doesn't care what Kenzie says, as long as she can hear her grandchild's voice. She rarely gets to see James and Kenzie, so she always looks forward to talking to them over the phone.

"James, I've gotta get back to work, but I'll talk to you later." Brooke tells her son. "Be good, okay?"

"I will." James promises. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby." Brooke says before ending the phone call.

"Alright, now eat." Chris says firmly, taking her phone back.

James looks at her as he starts on the second slice.

"Shut up." He says jokingly.

* * *

><p>"Alright, get some sleep, little girl." James says as he puts Kenzie to bed. Chris went to bed about an hour ago, but James stayed awaked with Kenzie until she started to show signs of getting tired. She makes it pretty obvious. She starts getting whiny, cranky, she cries, and she starts to lose interest in her toys. So James changed her diaper, gave her a bath, and changed her into some pajamas. Now she's all set for a good night's sleep. Hopefully, she'll stay asleep through the night and not wake James up. He understands that she's a baby, but he really likes when she just sleeps straight through the night without waking him up. That way, he's a lot less tired in the morning.<p>

"Dada." Kenzie whimpers.

"Hey, maybe I should sing you a song." James smiles, touching her hand. He sings Skyscraper, which always helps Kenzie fall asleep. She seems to find it very soothing. James won't blame her. It's a very beautiful song.

He doesn't even get to the chorus before Kenzie falls asleep. He gives her a loving kiss on her forehead, like he does every night, then crawls under the covers of his own bed.

**Songs**

**Super Bass-Nicki Minaj**

**Skyscraper-Demi Lovato**

* * *

><p><strong>Review:D<strong>


	3. Gonna Make It Right

Gustavo Rocque groans in despair, laying his head on his terribly cluttered desk. He has been a miserable wreck since those dogs left. He wouldn't say that out loud, but he kinda misses them. He misses their crazy antics, the way they would argue and fight him on his every word, the way they would end up destroying Rocque Records on a regular basis. Speaking of Rocque Records, it has been_ failing miserably_ since BTR ended. Gustavo hasn't been able to find a new band that matches up to Big Time Rush. He has tried, but none of those bands were as good as the dogs. They were a few that were decent, but they weren't Rocque Records material. Gustavo Rocque needs the fire and Big Time Rush had that fire. But James started having a hard time after losing that wife of his and he started struggling with his depression, so he decided to quit the band. Gustavo gave the other guys the option of trying the trio thing again, but they weren't about to continue their music career with James, so they quit too.

"Kelly!" He shouts. "Where is my coffee?"

Kelly Wainwright rushes into her boss's office and puts the coffee on his desk. The failure of Rocque Records has been affecting her too. Gustavo is miserable and it's driving her insane. She likes to think of him as a close friend, but she has to hear his whining and complaining every day. She''s not insensitive and it's not that she doesn't care, but who wants to listen to the same thing all the time? She misses the boys. Yes, they were crazy, but that's what made them so great. They weren't like other Hollywood stars. They didn't let the fame go to their head. Their careers are the least of her priorities, though. Her concern was their well being, safety, and happiness. She and Gustavo were two of the many people that were at the hospital with James and Jenna when Mackenzie was born. The minute James stepped out of that delivery room, Kelly knew that something was wrong. He wasn't super happy like most people would be when they become parents.

"Look at this place! It's a wreck!" Gustavo cries.

"I know." Kelly says calmly. "Um, it'll be okay. Eventually, we'll find the perfect band."

"Who is going to replace those monkey dogs?" Gustavo shouts. The door suddenly bursting open interrupts his self pity. He slowly lifts his head and lets out a scream when he sees Griffin. Oh no...He's probably here to tell Gustavo that Rocque Records is a failure and is going to be shut down. Like he doesn't already know that. If Rocque Records is shut down, Gustavo will have to work at his father's scooter business. Gustavo can't be a scooter salesman. He's a music producer! He has a wall of platinum records! A music producer with a wall of platinum records cannot work at a scooter store.

Griffin points to the desk and his assistants turn the desk around so he is sitting behind it. He sits down and clasps his hands together.

"Gustavo, Rocque Records has not been doing well." He says. "It has been months since the boys left and the record company has been on a downward spiral. That is why I want you to go Minnesota and get them back or you are fired."

He pats Gustavo's head, then turns around walks out of the room with his assistants. Gustavo lets out a strangled whine and his head falls back onto the desk.

"I guess I've gotta book us a flight." Kelly mumbles, taking her cell phone from her purse. She walks out of the room and calls the airport.

It's about ten minutes before she returns to Gustavo's office, a calm smile on her face.

"Go to your mansion and pack your things. We're going to Minnesota!" She says happily. She's kind of excited. They might have a chance at getting things back to normal. The boys can come back to Los Angeles, start making music again, and everything can be okay. Besides, Kelly needs a break from this crazy town. She was driving home and she saw two cars racing. Maybe the drivers in Minnesota aren't as crazy.

* * *

><p>"Alright, we've got our bags checked in." Kelly says, looking at her clipboard. "We went through security and now we're ready to board the plane. Well, whenever they call us. You know, I remember this one time when I was a little girl. My parents and I were flying out to visit my grandparents and my dad had to get strip searched."<p>

"Of course he did." Gustavo says weirdly as they enter the waiting room. They sit down and patiently wait for their flight to be called. There at least five other people in the room, but none of them seem to notice Gustavo. He's famous! How could they not notice him? Once again, He has a WALL OF PLATINUM RECORDS! A whole wall! He has worked with Jordin Sparks! Not to mention that he haas been on the cover of Rolling Stones! He can't believe that he's The Gustavo Rocque and he's in public, but no one is paying any attention to him. Those idiots don't seem to care that a famous music producer is sitting in the same room as them.

"I'm a music producer." He tells the lady sitting across from him. "Have you heard of Big Time Rush? I was their producer."

"No, I don't think I've heard of you." The woman says before returning to her magazine.

Gustavo freezes up, so Kelly has to snap her fingers in front of his face. He snaps out of it and looks at Kelly, whining loudly.

More people begin to fill up the waiting room until every seat is filled. They all wait patiently, except for Gustavo. He taps his fingers on the arm of his chair, wishing that they would hurry up already. If he can get those dogs to come back to LA, he might still have a chance to repair his career.

As annoying as those dogs were, he cares about them. He even likes James! There was a time when he couldn't stand that guy, but James started to grow on him after a while. Now Gustavo feels more sympathy for him. The poor kid is only twenty two and he's raising a child on his own. That's why Gustavo has never gotten married or had kids. Well...Yeah, that's sort of his reason. He's lovable enough for marriage, but there's too much heartbreak involved. He has been on dates before, but he is not interested in marriage.

"The nine o clock flight to Duluth is now boarding."

"Oh, that's us." Kelly says, quickly standing up.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, James is busy cleaning up the kitchen. In this home, cleaning up is a team effort. While Chris is doing the laundry, she asked James to clean the kitchen. Despite her love for laundry basket rides, Kenzie stayed in the apartment with her daddy. While he's washing the dishes, she is sitting at his feet, looking up at him. Occasionally, he'll look at her and give her a smile. She's his sweet little princess and she knows it. She smiles whenever he hugs and kisses her, so she must understand that he loves her.<p>

"Want me to tell you a secret?" He asks, looking at her with a smile. "I hate doing dishes."

He puts the last dish in the washer, then bends over to pick Kenzie up. He kisses her cheek and walks to the living room. Sitting on the couch, he turns the TV on and puts Kenzie on his lap. He chuckles as she chews on her fingers, changing the channel to MTV. He turns Kenzie around so she's facing him. He removes her hand from her mouth, wiping the drool off with his shirt. Then he stares into her hazel eyes, which mirror his. He loves this little girl more than anything else. He has more love for little Kenzie than he ever had for his Cuda products or his lucky comb. He doesn't even obsess over that stuff anymore. When he held Kenzie for the first time, he immediately fell in love.

Kenzie starts pointing at something and James tries to figure out what she wants. Kenzie starts to climb off his lap, but he quickly grabs her. He gently sits her down and she crawls over to her toys. She must want him to play with her, so he gets on the floor next to her.

"What kind of toys should we play with?" He asks sweetly. She grabs her toy keyboard, pressing the keys. James can't resist laughing at this. She must have inherited his musical genes. She makes a ton of noise with that keyboard, but no one ever stops her. It's funny to watch her press random keys and smile. She'll smile at just about anything and James loves it.

"Hey, look at this." He grins, playing a little tune. "Think you can do that?"

He laughs when Kenzie continues pressing random keys, babbling cutely.

"Ah, you're a funny little baby." James says, stroking her cheek.

He frowns when she starts crawling out of the living room. Someone knocks on the door and James knows that it's not Chris. Why would she have to knock when she lives here? James picks Kenzie up, then walks to the door. He looks in the peep hole and sees their next door neighbor, Ms. Hayden. She is an older women, most likely in her mid to late fifties, that moved in about a year ago. She has short and curly blonde hair, is usually seen in casual khaki pants and a shorty sleeve shirt, and wears glasses. She's a nice lady who absolutely adores Kenzie.

"Hi, Ms. Hayden." He says as he opens the door.

"Hi, James." Ms. Hayden says politely. "And hello, Miss Mackenzie!"

Ms. Hayden is no stranger to Kenzie, so she doesn't get shy and timid at all. In fact, she likes Ms. Hayden. Once she has met someone a couple times, she is happy to consider them as a friend more than a stranger or acquaintance. The only reason she was scared of Carlos the other day is because she has never really met him. He saw her when she was just a newborn baby, but that was exactly it. She was a newborn, but Carlos has never seen her again. She doesn't remember the people that she met when she was a newborn!

"James, do you have any butter? I ran out."

"Um, yeah." James says, walking to the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and grabs a stick of butter. He gives it to Ms. Hayden, who gratefully accepts it.

"Thank you so much." She says while shaking Kenzie's hand. "Bye bye, sweetie."

"Kenzie, say bye bye." James says softly.

"Bye bye." Kenzie says quietly.

James's daughter, the little socialite. She got her mom's sweet and caring nature, but she also got James's social ways. Jenna was a bit shyer than James was, not that he minded it at all. She was different than other girls he had dated. In high school, he dated cheerleaders, actresses, and surfer chicks, but when he met Jenna, he knew that there was special about her. For some reason, he liked that she was a normal person, instead of a celebrity. Of course, if Kenzie chooses to aim for a career in show business, James will support her, but he hopes that she'll continue to have her mom's down to earth personality.

"That's my girl." He chuckles. "Bye, Ms. Hayden."

"Bye, James." Ms. Hayden says before returning to her own apartment.

"Well, we lost a stick of butter." James jokes. "But it's okay because we still have one more."

"Dada." Kenzie murmurs, touching his cheek.

"Alright, what should we do now?" James sighs, trying to think of possible entertainment options. Babies need to be entertained and James knows that neither he or Kenzie will be truly happy until they're doing something. He already cleaned up around the kitchen and living room, he doesn't really feel like watching TV, and he isn't about to go for a walk in the freezing snow. He's always a bit reluctant to take Kenzie outside because he's afraid that she'll catch a cold. When he does take her out, he makes sure that she's wearing the warmest clothes that he can find.

He is contemplating this when he notices that Kenzie is struggling to get out of his grip. He frowns as he puts her down, giving her a confused expression. Weird...She usually loves when he holds her.

"What's with you?" He laughs when she stares up at him. She sticks her tongue out and James pretends to look shocked. It's just a baby thing, but James loves joking with her about it. Being a social person is a good thing, but one drawback is that she occasionally likes to start little "arguments" with James or Chris. She sticks her tongue out at them, they ask her why, and the next thing they know, she starts babbling like she's actually trying to argue. While she did get certain traits from both of her parents, James has no idea where she got the arguing from. He sure didn't teach her anything like that. He hopes that she won't be one of those troublesome teenagers.

"Kenzie." He says in a low voice. When she starts crawling away, he takes a deep breath and says "Daddy's gonna get you."

"No!" Kenzie says, shaking her head.

"Mackenzie Elizabeth Diamond, are you trying to be difficult?" James asks with an amused smile. Kenzie continues crawling away and James follows her as if he's chasing her.

"No!" Kenzie giggles.

"Kenzie..." James starts to say. He glances at her teddy bear, which is laying on the floor, from the corner of his eye. He gets a mischievous smile and grabs it, getting down on his knees. "Kenzie, look what I've got."

As soon as she sees the teddy bear, Kenzie gives up on their little chase. She crawls over to her dad and reaches for the teddy bear, happy when James hands it to her. He picks her up and tickles her stomach, kissing her forehead. She's sweet and crazy all in one, but he doesn't mind it. He would rather for her to be a little crazy than really boring. She keeps things interesting around here.

"James, some guy tried to hit on me in the laundry room." Chris says as she carries an empty laundry basket into the kitchen.

"And what did you do?" James asks, straightening the bow in Kenzie's hair. Chris has become obsessed with buying bows for the little girl. Seriously, there is a whole basket of bows sitting on James's dresser. They're cute, but he doesn't know how many bows one basket can hold. What will he do with the rest of them?

"He was weird, so I told him to go away." Chris tells him. "Anyway, I think he would probably be too young for me. He was about seventeen, maybe eighteen years old."

"Haha, you're twenty nine and a teenager flirted with you." James teases. "You need to find a man your own age."

"You're pushing it, Diamond."

"I know." James says, taking Kenzie to their room. He takes her over to his bed and they sit down. He bounces her on his lap, totally focused on the girl chewing on her teddy bear. He keeps one arm around her waist, while he absentmindedly messes with his phone. Every time she tries to grab his phone, he has to take it away from her. To keep her distracted from it, he gently holds the teddy bear in front of her face. She realizes that James will not let her play with his phone, so she continues chewing on her bear's ear. He doesn't understand why she always goes for the ear, but that's her business.

He can hear Chris opening the refrigerator, but he keeps his attention on Kenzie. A few seconds later, the TV in the living room comes on. He rolls his eyes at the melodramatic soap operas. He personally finds soaps to be kinda boring. He has watched one with Chris before and he ended up falling asleep. That's how bored he was.

"James! Sandra is about to tell her boyfriend about the baby!" Chris shrieks excitedly. Ah, she must be watching Jo Taylor's new show. New Town High ended after only four seasons, but Jo recently got cast on a new soap opera, where she plays Sandra, the rebellious teen daughter of a well known fashion designer. As far as her relationship with Kendall goes, they broke up as soon as the guys moved back to Minnesota. They didn't want to have a long distance relationship. James could understand why because long distance relationships cause too much heartache.

"James!" Chris shouts.

"Ugh, we need to find her a new hobby." He whispers, walking to the living room. "Chris, do I really need to watch this?"

"Shhh!" Chris makes some odd motion with her hand, her eyes fixated on the TV. James rolls his eyes again, sitting down and continuing to bounce Kenzie on his lap. She kicks her legs, ignoring the drama on TV. The room is totally quiet, except for the crying and fighting on the television, and Kenzie's babbling. The babbling distracts James from the soap opera, but only barely. The noise is still noticeable enough to annoy him. He would never tell Chris, though. She would have a fit if he ever insulted one of her soap operas. So he just keeps his opinions to himself.

"Ahh!" Kenzie exclaims, but James doesn't know what "Ahh!" means. She only knows four words; No, bye bye, dada, and mama (James has showed her pictures of Jenna and talked about her, so Kenzie recognizes her face) Even though Jenna isn't here, James wants Kenzie to know all about her mama.

* * *

><p>A few hours after boarding that plane, Gustavo and Kelly arrived in Duluth. Then they had to get a rental car and drove two more hours to Grand Marais. They drove around until Kelly found this ragged motel that they are currently parked in front of. It looks like something out of...Well, Gustavo doesn't even know. All he knows is that he refuses to stay here. He's The Gustavo Rocque! He's a five star hotel kind of guy. He has never stayed in such a horrible place. Isn't this the place where they had a robbery or something?<p>

"Uh uh." He says adamantly, shaking his head.

Kelly sighs heavily, rubbing her temples.

"Look, I don't want to stay here any more than you do, but this is the best place there is." She says, getting out of the car.

Gustavo looks at the place in disgust, taking their newly acquired room key and opening the door. When he sees the room, he gets a sick feeling in his stomach. This isn't a motel. This is a jumbo sized garbage can. The paint is coming off the walls, the floors look dirty, the beds look pretty uncomfortable, and Gustavo is pretty sure that a rat just crawled across the floor. He seriously doesn't want to stay here, but they don't have any choice. They need to convince the boys to come back to LA or their careers will be screwed. Gustavo is going to get those dogs back and he's going to be a star again. Why? Because he is _amazing._

"Kelly..." He whines.

"We can leave in a couple days, okay?" Kelly says carefully, cringing as she walks over to the vanity mirror. To the left of it is the restroom, but she's kind of afraid to set foot in there. This place gives her the creeps, but she's cooperative. She can handle a couple of days in an old motel. She'll be fine. _She hopes. _This isn't exactly the ideal place to stay when on a "vacation", but Grand Marais is a little on the small side. There was a Best Western hotel, but she found out that it was all booked up.

"When are we gonna find the boys?" Gustavo asks, putting his bags on the table.

"Tomorrow." Kelly tells him. "And we'll go to Kendall first, since we actually know where he lives. "

Gustavo forgets about the condition of the beds for a moment and collapses on his, but it creaks under his weight and sinks a little bit.

This is going to be a very long two days; He can already tell.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, I already have twelve reviews:D I am so happy that you are all enjoying this! <strong>


	4. We Need You

"Here we are." Kelly says awkwardly as they stand in front of Kendall Knight's home. They came here after the boys first auditioned and after Griffin dropped them from the record company. Now they're back. They aren't even sure if Kendall or any of the guys will want to come back. Their adventure in LA didn't exactly end well, so they might have no interest in continuing their music careers. Surprisingly, James is the one that worries them the most. He has a kid and the baby's mom died in LA, so they are concerned that he may say no and ruin their chances of ever fixing Rocque Records. They don't want to sound selfish, but they honestly can't help it. Rocque Records is only going to become successful again if they have all four of the guys. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan refused to do the trio thing again, so that definitely won't work.

"Okay." Kelly whispers, taking a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. Kendall's sixteen year old sister, Katie, answers the door. She's dressed in sweats and a T shirt, so the family must not be too busy. Hopefully, this means that Kendall is actually here right now.

"Mom, Gustavo and Kelly are here!" Katie calls out before looking at them. She leans against the door frame and patiently waits for her mom. She doesn't say a word, but continues to stare at them, The silence is very awkward until Mrs. Knight comes to the door and puts it to an end. They give her friendly yet nervous smile, silently praying that she's going to let them in. They're already freezing and they don't know if they can stand it for much longer.

"Come in!" She says, pulling Katie aside. They thank her before entering the house. Mrs. Knight closes the door and leads them into the living room, where Kendall is watching some hockey thing on TV. "Kendall, sweetie, Gustavo and Kelly are here for some reason. I'm assuming that they want to see you."

"Alright." Kendall sighs, getting off the couch. "What?"

"Have a seat." Gustavo says, sitting in the recliner chair. Kendall sits back down and looks at him with confusion, not understanding why he and Kelly are here. He thought that they were all done with LA and Rocque Records. Deep down, he misses the band and his friends, but Big Time Rush is a part of the past. Besides, things are weird between the four of them right now.

"Rocque Records is having some...issues." Gustavo says carefully, feeling like he's going to cry again. "And Griffin said that if I don't get you dogs back together, he's going to fire me. Oh, and Rocque Records will probably be shut down."

"What are you getting at?"

"We need you dogs back!" Gustavo cries, getting down on his knees. "I"m desperate, man!"

"Look, I would love to help you, but I can't." Kendall says, standing up.

"Why not?" Gustavo whines.

"I don't even talk to the other guys anymore!" Kendall explains. "Getting the band back together will never work if we aren't even friends. Anyway, what about James? Mackenzie is his whole life and I don't think he's going to move to LA for a stupid boy band. I've read his Facebook updates and it's obvious that BTR is the least of his priorities. His daughter is his priority now."

"Kendall, if we can get the other guys to agree to it, will you reconsider?" Kelly asks gently.

Kendall sighs, contemplating an answer to Kelly's question.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "Maybe. Mom, Katie, what do you think?"

"If the other guys agree to it, I don't see why not." Mrs. Knight responds.

"Okay." Kendall finally says. "If the other guys agree to it, I'll go back to LA."

"Thank you!" Gustavo says, hugging Kendall's legs. Kelly rolls her eyes and pulls him up, giving him a weird look.

"Do you know where the other guys live?" She asks Kendall.

"Yeah." Kendall nods, grabbing a sheet of paper from the coffee table. He grabs a pen and writes some stuff down, then hands it to Kelly. "Just go to these addresses."

"Thanks." Kelly says sweetly, waving at Mrs. Knight and Katie before leaving the house. Now they just have to convince, James, Carlos, and Logan. If they can do that, they'll be okay. Gustavo and Kelly both feel a little apprehensive about it, but they aren't going to be pessimistic either. They've got to think positive if they want the band back together. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. Kelly has never told anyone about this, but she has that written on the first page of her diary. Her diary is a secret and she writes in it whenever she can.

"Alright, let's go see Logan." She says, walking to their rental car.

* * *

><p>"Wow, this is a...nice place." Gustavo says, looking at the red brick two story house. There are a couple of rosebushes in front of the two first floor windows. But the landscaping isn't what they need to be thinking about. They need to get all four guys interested in making a big time comeback.<p>

Kelly rings the doorbell and Logan is the one that answers. These boys have not changed at all. Kendall and Logan look the same as they did the last time Gustavo and Kelly saw them. Kendall has a little bit of facial hair, but he still looks like Kendall Knight. Oh, Gustavo and Kelly miss those boys. If they can just get the boys to consider coming back LA, everything will be okay. Gustavo can get his success back and Kelly can get her sanity back. She's been just as miserable as Gustavo lately and she wants everything to go back to normal.

"Oh, you two are back." Logan says, clearing his throat. "Why?"

"JUST LET US IN!" Gustavo yells.

"You haven't changed a bit." Logan mutters, letting them in. They all walk to the dining room and sit at the table. There's a plate of pizza bagels and Logan politely offers one to Gustavo and Kelly. They each take one and look at each other, silently urging the other to start the conversation.

"Logan, how do you feel about a Big Time Rush comeback?" Kelly asks happily.

"I'm in medical school, so I don't think I'm interested."

Kelly nervously glances at Gustavo, who is glaring at her.

"Rocque Records is at an all time low right now and we really need you boys." She says calmly. "You could always transfer to UCLA. We'll even pay for it!"

"Really? You would pay for my college education?" Logan says carefully. "I don't know."

"If we don't get the band back together, I'm fired!" Gustavo says desperately. "We need you guys! We really need you! I know it seems like a bad idea, considering everything that has happened, but I need to get the band back together. If I get fired, I'll have to work at my father's scooter business and I just can't do that."

"Speaking of everything, what happened between you guys?" Kelly asks. "We talked to Kendall and he said that you guys don't talk anymore."

"I don't even know." Logan says softly. "We stayed close for a while, then we just drifted apart. The phone calls and visits became less frequent until we finally just stopped talking. Now we're like strangers. If we ever see each other, we don't even say anything. We just mind our own business. James actually works at the supermarket and he checked my groceries out before, but he just handed over my change and didn't say anything else, so I just left."

"How is he doing?" Kelly says softly.

"He seems okay." Logan sighs. "He seems a lot older than twenty two, but he looks the same. I've even seen him with Mackenzie a few times. She's a cutie, that's for sure."

"Do you have any recent pictures?" Kelly asks with a smile.

"James posted some on his Facebook." Logan says, grabbing his laptop. Once he has turned it on, he logs into his Facebook account. He goes to James's profile and pulls up a picture of James and Mackenzie. In the picture, James is holding Mackenzie while using his other hand to hold the camera.

"Oh my gosh, she's beautiful." Kelly whispers in amazement.

"I'm not sure if she looks more like James or Jenna." Gustavo says, looking at the picture.

"Check out one of his posts." Logan says with a small laugh. "It's funny."

He clicks out of the picture and scrolls down until he finds what he's looking for.

**James Diamond: Okay, I was putting Kenzie to bed, but she refused to go to sleep. Our conversation went a little something like this**

**Me: Kenzie, you need to sleep.  
>Kenzie: No!<strong>

**Me: Mackenzie, go to sleep!**

**Kenzie: No!**

**Me: I love you, but you're driving me crazy**

**Kenzie: No!  
>Me: Mackenzie Elizabeth Diamond, go to sleep now!<strong>

**Kenzie: No!  
>Me: Don't make me get Chris<strong>

**Kenzie: No!**

**Yeah, her favorite word is no. It took me thirty minutes of singing and reading a bedtime story for her to finally fall asleep.**

** Haha, Daddy loves baby:D **

"Awww." Kelly coos. She doesn't even think about how strange James being a parent is. Not strange as in "weird", but James was always the player of the group. In high school, he cared more about girls and his looks than having a family. Now he's twenty two and has a daughter that he loves very much. Kelly is happy to see this change. A part of her misses the old James, but she kinda likes his change in personality. Since he has a child, raising that child _should_ be his first priority. He seems to be doing well so far. She doesn't know how he's handling Jenna's death, but she hopes that he's okay.

"She's precious, right?" Logan smiles.

"You dogs seriously don't talk anymore?" Gustavo asks him.

"Unfortunately." Logan sighs.

"We're sorry." Kelly says softly. "Anyway, what do you say? If we can convince James and Carlos to come back to LA, will you go? Kendall already agreed to it."

"I guess." Logan agrees. "Honestly, I've kinda missed the band. However, I still want to continue school if I go."

"College will be taken care of." Kelly assures him.

"Okay." Logan says, shaking their hands.

Gustavo and Kelly sigh in relief. They've got Kendall and Logan, so they just need James and Carlos.

* * *

><p>Kelly presses the doorbell and waits for Carlos to let them in. A loud crash is heard, then the door opens. To Gustavo and Kelly's confusion, he is still wearing his helmet. They thought that he would grow out of that thing once he entered his twenties, but they were obviously wrong. He also seems to have gotten a little taller, but not much. He's still short, helmet loving Carlos Garcia.<p>

"Hey, you're back!" He says in surprise. "I don't know why, but just come in. I just want to warn you that this place is a little messy right now. I need to clean up later."

"Do you live by yourself?" Kelly asks him.

"Yep!" Carlos says proudly. "I used some of the money from the last BTR album to buy the house and most of the furniture. My parents helped buy some of it, though."

"Carlos, we need to talk." Gustavo says as they all have a seat in the living room. "Rocque Records is having some problems and Griffin wants the band back together. I've been a wreck, I'm basically a has been, I can barely afford to keep my mansion, and I haven't been to a red carpet event since you dogs left. I don't want to work at my father's scooter business either."

"What do the other guys think?" Carlos asks him.

"Kendall and Logan agreed to do it, but only if you and James will do it." Kelly tells him.

"Sounds great." Carlos says, propping his feet on the coffee table.

"What? We had to actually convince Kendall and Logan." Kelly says, shocked that Carlos would be so quick to say yes. She thought that he would be just as reluctant as Kendall and Logan were. Then again, he's Carlos. He'll agree to anything that sounds fun. He's not as serious as the other guys are. She's happy that he wants to do it, though.

"You're serious." She says slowly. "You want to give Big Time Rush another try."

"Yeah." Carlos nods. "I miss the guys and our band. I miss our Palm Woods friends and everything about LA. Good luck convincing James, though. I tried to have lunch with him the other day and the minute I brought Jenna up, the whole thing went downhill."

"You didn't make him cry, did you?" Gustavo says angrily.

"No! I just said that I didn't know it still bothered him, he yelled at me, and he left." Carlos admits. "On the bright side, he brought his daughter with him. She's so adorable!"

"Logan showed us a picture of her." Kelly smiles.

"And I can't believe that you said that you didn't know that it still bothered him!" Gustavo says, smacking him behind the head. "Who says that?"

"Come on, you know I'm not that smart." Carlos says, crossing his arms. Gustavo should know that! Back In LA, Carlos did or said something stupid almost every day. The other day, that stupidity got him in trouble. He knew after he spoke that he had said the wrong thing. He had never seen James so hurt and angry before. It actually scared him.

"Obviously!" Gustavo scoffs.

"Let's go talk to James." Kelly tells him. She looks at James's address on the sheet of paper, frowning. According to the address, he lives in an apartment complex not too far from the supermarket.

"We'll see you later, Carlos." She says, dragging Gustavo out of the house.

* * *

><p>"He lives here?" Gustavo says, cringing at the old and worn out apartment complex. This has gotta be some sort of joke. James had money from the album and he could have gotten help from his parents, so why did he have to go and do this? He could have bought a nice house or something. In Gustavo's opinion, this place looks disgusting. He doesn't know how anyone could live here without wanting to puke. He knows that James isn't really smart, but he's not stupid either. Surely he could have had enough sense to find something better than this. And that poor child of his. What kind of life will she have if she continues living here? If the dogs go back to LA, Mackenzie can have the life that she deserves. Gustavo is not saying that James is a bad father, but he could do so much better than this.<p>

"Ma'am, do you know where James Diamond lives?" Kelly asks a random lady that is exiting the building.

"Apartment 215." The woman says politely. "It's on the second floor."

"Thanks." Kelly says before she and Gustavo enter the apartment complex. She hears Gustavo gagging dramatically and she rolls her eyes. "Gustavo, be nice."

"What was the dog thinking?" Gustavo whispers as they enter the elevator.

"He probably wanted to save his BTR money for Mackenzie." Kelly says, anxiously tapping her foot on the floor. Finally, the elevator beeps and the doors open. They step onto the second floor and walk down the hallway. Kelly ignores Gustavo's quiet mumbling as they approach James's apartment. She knocks on the door, since there isn't a doorbell. At first, she wonders if anyone is home, but Chris finally opens it.

"Um, hi." She says, surprised to see them. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We need to see James." Kelly says politely.

"Well, he's at work right now." Chris says apologetically. "But he should be home soon. Just come on in and make yourselves comfortable."

Gustavo and Kelly follow Chris to the living room and sit on the couch. They smile when they see Mackenzie playing with her toys. She's even cuter in person. She's wearing a pair of jeans and a hot pink T shirt. She has a purple bow in her hair, which totally completes her outfit.

"This little princess has been keeping herself busy." Chris says, picking Mackenzie up.

"She's so pretty." Kelly smiles.

"Yes, she is." Chris says proudly, sitting next to Kelly. She bounces the baby girl on her lap. She kisses little Mackenzie's cheek and smiles at her. "Kenzie, this is Kelly and that's Gustavo. They use to work with your daddy."

When Mackenzie hides her face in Chris's shirt, Chris gives Gustavo and Kelly an apologetic smile.

"She has to get use to new people." She explains. "Come on, Kenzie. Gustavo and Kelly are nice people."

At that moment, the door opens. Gustavo gulps heavily, knowing that James is home from work. What if he doesn't want to come back to LA? What if he actually wants to stay in Minnesota? That's what Gustavo doesn't understand. Why would James want to stay here when being famous was his dream? Why would he suddenly not want that? All he ever wanted was to be a famous singer. He was so upset when Gustavo chose Kendall over him and he was so happy when they all went to California as a band. Has parenthood changed him more than Gustavo thinks?

"Chris, where..." James says as he walks into the living room. When he sees Gustavo and Kelly, he becomes silent. He takes Mackenzie into his arms and frowns as he sits in the recliner chair.

"Well, he's here." Chris tells Gustavo and Kelly.

"Right." Kelly says anxiously. "Gustavo, you want to talk?"

"No, you do it." Gustavo squeaks.

Kelly laughs nervously as he looks at James, who looks confused by their presence.

"James, I'm not sure how you might feel about this, but we need to get the band back together." She explains. "Rocque Records is completely screwed up and Griffin is going to fire us if we don't fix it. Not to mention that Rocque Records could be shut down. We're just asking you to consider getting back together with the band."

"So you expect me to just drop everything and go get back together with my old band?"

"_My band_!" Gustavo says quietly.

"Shut up, Gustavo." Kelly murmurs, smiling at James. "Sweetie, I know you probably don't think it's a good idea, but we need you."

"What kind of dad would I be if I moved Kenzie from Minnesota to LA just so I could become famous again? I'm sorry that you guys are having problems, but I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

Chris can see that this isn't going too well. It isn't really her business and she shouldn't get involved, but she feels bad for Gustavo and Kelly. She knows how James is probably feeling, but she doesn't want Gustavo and Kelly to lose their jobs. There's nothing wrong with her getting James to reconsider.

"Can I speak to him alone?" She asks.

"Sure." Kelly says, leading Gustavo out of the living room.

"James, this has been your dream for years." Chris says, grabbing her brother in law's hand. "Why are you suddenly not interested?"

"Chris, I have better things to do than be in a stupid boy band." James says, bouncing Kenzie on his lap.

"Hon, I know what this is really about." Chris says gently, kneeling on the floor in front of him. She touches his cheek gently, stroking it with her thumb. "You're afraid to go back after what happened to Jenna. LA holds some bad memories for you."

"What about you?" James says harshly.

"Yeah, but I guess I've recovered enough." Chris says, rubbing his knee. "I actually think I'm ready to go back to California."

"I'm not taking Kenzie back to LA." James says, shaking his head.

"Okay, look at it like this." Chris tells him. "Think about her life right now. You're working at a supermarket and we live in this apartment. Think about this town, then think about LA. Imagine the kind of life that Kenzie could have if you join Big Time Rush again and you guys make a comeback."

James knows that Chris is right, but he's afraid of returning to the place where he met and lost Jenna. He's afraid that he won't be able to handle it. He wants to get back together with the band, but he's so angry at his friends for pretty much abandoning him during his time of need. He needed them and they just gave up on him. How will Big Time Rush ever make a comeback if the guys aren't even talking?

"Dada." Kenzie says softly. James sighs as he turns her around so she's facing him. He strokes her cheek and smiles softly when his daughter smiles.

"What do you think? Should we go to California?" He asks her. Kenzie keeps smiling and although James doesn't know if she's answering his question, he finally makes his decision.

"Okay." He says quietly. "Chris, tell them to come back."

"Gustavo, Kelly, we're done talking!" Chris says, returning to the couch. Gustavo and Kelly walk back in, whispering quietly. They sit back on the couch and look at James with hopeful expressions.

"Okay, I'll do it." James tells them.

"Great!" Kelly says happily. "You can take Mackenzie to work with you and I'll even watch her for you. We'll make sure that you are able to work _and_ take care of your daughter."

"Awesome." James says, smiling at Kenzie. "We're going to California!"

He laughs as Kenzie babbles, kissing her cheek. He looks at Kelly, keeping his arms around his baby girl.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Of course." Kelly smiles as James hands Kenzie to her. She looks down at the baby girl, who is watching her with beautiful hazel eyes. "Hi, sweetie!"

"We're going to make your daddy famous again!" Gustavo says in a baby voice.

Kenzie starts to smile at them and that's when they both know that this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

They just hope that this comeback will be a real success. They've convinced all four guys to say okay, but they aren't exactly at a good place in their friendship. Maybe getting the band back together will help them bond. Those boys have know each other for a long time and they shouldn't just forget about their friendship. Gustavo and Kelly both know that those boys need each other. James needs his friends to be there for him.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	5. Hello Again

The next day, James starts getting ready to board a plane back to Los Angeles, the place that he really wanted to stay away from. But Chris made him feel guilty, like he could be giving Kenzie so much more than he has been. If he weren't so stubborn, he could have used the BTR money to buy a decent house and he could have accepted help from his mom. It's just that everyone has always thought of him as the "pretty boy" that doesn't work for anything. After Kenzie was born, he wanted to show people that he is capable of working hard for his money. So he decided to save the BTR money for Kenzie's expenses and refused to accept money from his mom. Instead, he got an actual job, when he could have just let someone help him.

Now he's returning to the place where everything went wrong. Kenzie is the only good thing that has happened to him in the past year. Other than that, he has been having a really hard time. He had a great life before. He had a successful career, his best friends, his amazing wife, and everything else that he had ever wanted. Then he was blessed with his beautiful baby girl, but everything else just fell apart. His dream career came to an end, he lost his wife, and he lost his friends. Now he's going back to the place that he has been avoiding ever since he moved back to Minnesota.

"I can't believe that we're going back to California." He mumbles, running a small brush through Kenzie's hair. "Honey, you need to be still."

He wraps his arm around her and tries to keep her still while he combs her hair. Of course, she doesn't cooperate. She babbles and moves her arms, and she even attempts to crawl away from him. It's kind of amusing to James, but also frustrating because he's already tired and stressed out. He would never take it out on Kenzie, though. No matter how angry, tired, or stressed out he may be, he doesn't yell at his daughter. She's only ten months old and yelling would just terrify her. It would break his heart if he ever scared his sweet little princess.

"Come on, Kenzie." He whispers, trying to finish. "Please be still."

"Aaahh." Kenzie babbles, putting her fingers in her mouth. James finally finishes brushing her hair, so he puts the brush down. Grabbing a yellow bow, he clips it around a few strands on top of her head. He fixes the straps on her little yellow sundress. Since they're going to be living in California, she might as well look like a little California girl. Kelly called them this morning and said that she got them an apartment at the Palm Woods. James wonders if Jo, Camille, Guitar Dude, Tyler, and their other friends still live there. If so, James hopes they won't act weird around him just because he has a kid. That's the last thing he needs.

"Okay, our bags are packed." He murmurs, standing up. He grabs the baby bag off his bed and walks to the living room. Kenzie keeps babbling and James smiles, having absolutely no idea what she's saying. One day, she's going to say actual sentences. He can't wait. As cute as her babbling is, it's also confusing at times. She's saying something, but Chris and James can never figure it out.

"Girl, what are you talking about?" James asks her. He puts the baby bag by the other suitcases and kisses Kenzie's forehead. He can never go a day without giving her hugs and kisses. She loves getting them as much as he loves giving them to her. She never gets tired of her daddy's kisses.

"Aaaah." Kenzie says again, touching James's cheek.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Chris asks him, picking some suitcases up. She got a luggage cart from the downstairs office, so they wouldn't have to _carry_ their suitcases to the car. It's one less thing to worry about. All they have to do is push the luggage cart to the car, load up, then leave. No more than one trip, much to their relief. Chris isn't exactly that strong and athletic either, so it's a lot easier for her. She hates carrying the heavier suitcases because all it does is make her arms feel like they're on fire. Burning muscles is not a good feeling.

"Not really." James responds.

"Jay, it'll be fun." Chris says, putting Kenzie's bag on the luggage cart. She pats James's cheek before they exit the apartment. She locks the door, then they walk to the elevator. Oh, how James dreads meeting the three jerks at that airport. His ex friends are the last people that he wants to see, let alone work with. He doesn't know why he let Chris talk him into this. He's perfectly happy in Minnesota. Being famous is an old dream. His dreams have changed. He would rather stay in Minnesota and raise his daughter, rather than move to California and continue trying to become famous. People just don't seem to get that he doesn't care about being famous anymore. People use to think that it was a pointless dream that would never happen, but as soon as he stopped wanting it so much, he is suddenly forced back into it. It's not fair!

"Once you get to LA, you're gonna remember why you loved it so much." Chris says as she fastens Kenzie into her car seat.

"I don't wanna go." James says, sitting into the front passengers seat.

Once Chris gets into the drivers seat, she ruffles his hair before starting the car. When he smiles and fixes his hair back to its proper style, she is satisfied. Chris may not be James's blood relative, but she knows him as well as his family does. She knows what he likes, what he hates, how to make him smile, etc. When he's upset, she can tell even if he tries to hide it. Basically, he can't hide his feelings from her.

"Don't mess with the hair." James laughs.

"The hair? You are such a dork."

"Kenzie, did you hear what your aunt just called me?" James grins, turning around to look at his daughter.

"James, she's ten months old." Chris giggles, playing with the dial on the radio. Oh boy, they're playing another Big Time Rush song.

"Ugh, turn it off." James says, the irritation in his voice obvious. Chris sighs heavily as she changes the channel to some country station. She doesn't know why James refuses to listen to anything related to Big Time Rush. She knows that they hurt him, but she can't figure out why he seems to have this bitterness toward them. She's mad at them for abandoning James, but that doesn't stop her from listening to their music. They may have been total jerks, but their music is really good. Big Time Rush is still one of her favorite bands. Unfortunately, she can't listen to it while James is in the room.

"I still don't wanna go." James argues.

"Jay, please don't be like this." Chris begs. "I know that you're still mad, but I think this is going to be a good thing. You may not want to admit it, but I don't think you're truly happy with your life right now. Deep down, you miss making music and performing with your friends. You may say that you don't care about being famous anymore, but I really don't believe you."

"Chris, what makes you think that I'm not happy with my life?" James asks, confused.

"I can tell." Chris says, taking one hand off the steering wheel. She pats his hand gently, then grabs it in a tight grip.

"I have my daughter and my whole family, so what else do I need?" James asks softly.

"You do everything for Kenzie." Chris explains. "But it's time to do something for _yourself_. Yeah, your daughter should be your first priority, but you should be happy too. Sometimes it's okay to want to make yourself happy. Remember how happy you were when the band was still together? Jenna and I use to watch you guys perform and you looked so happy up on that stage. You gave that up for ten months, hon."

James sighs softly, biting his bottom lip and staring at his lap. He doesn't even know what to say right now.

"I told you I don't like to talk about her." He whispers.

"I'm sorry." Chris says, rubbing his hand.

"It's okay." James says, looking out the window. They pass a sign that says "You are now leaving Grand Marais." As much as he wants to keep lying and say that he doesn't want to leave, he just can't. Why? Because Chris is right. He misses California and he misses making music. He's just afraid of facing Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

* * *

><p>"Alright, you take Kenzie to the waiting room and I'll take care of our luggage." Chris says as they enter the Duluth airport.<p>

James takes the baby bag from his sister in law, holding Kenzie in one arm. To keep her occupied, they let her hold her teddy bear. It keeps her from getting bored and throwing a tantrum. If she gets too bore, she will start to get cranky. She's no fun when she's cranky. It doesn't do much for James's mood either.

"Okay." James sighs before walking in the opposite direction. They already got checked in, so Chris is just going to take their luggage through security. James hates long lines, so he's happy to go to the waiting area. Well, he's more nervous than anything else. He's almost certain that the guys will already be there and he really doesn't feel like dealing with them. Unfortunately, he has to. There's no avoiding it. If the band is getting back together, they will have to put their differences aside and actually work together, even if they don't want to.

"I wish that Chris would just take us back home." He tells Kenzie. He wipes some baby drool from her cheek, then wipes his thumb on his T shirt. "But I pretty much made a commitment."

"Aaahhh." Kenzie babbles.

"Okay, you're confusing me." James laughs, kissing her cheek.

"Dada." Kenzie says quietly, grabbing a strand of his hair.

"Okay, that hurts." James chuckles, grabbing her hand. He finds their waiting room and stops walking for a moment. His friends are all sitting on separate sides of the room, not daring to speak. He gulps softly, then enters the room. He finds a chair as far away from them as possible, putting the baby bag in the next seat. He bounces Kenzie on his lap, hoping that she can distract him. She keeps babbling, smiling when Kelly waves at her.

"Let me see her." She says, sitting next to James.

"Kenzie, it's Kelly!" James says sweetly, handing his daughter to Gustavo's assistant.

"You're gonna love California." Kelly coos, tickling Kenzie's stomach.

"She's even wearing her new sundress." James grins, shaking his baby girl's hand.

"Did Chris buy it for her?"

James looks at Kendall, unable to resist glaring at him. He shouldn't even be talking to James!

"Yeah." he says calmly.

"Dude, are you still mad at us?" Kendall asks, crossing his arms.

James has to grip the arm of his chair, due to his sudden desire to punch something. He takes a deep and calming breath, ignoring Kendall. When he looks up, he sees Kelly whispering something to Gustavo. The music producer looks at all four of the boys, then gives Kelly a surprisingly worried look. James is ready to smack Kendall, Carlos and Logan look like they're ready to kill each other, so why wouldn't Gustavo be worried? James can understand that. To work together, the boys need to get along. So far, that doesn't seem to be going very well.

"That shirt is two sizes too small for you." Carlos tells Logan.

"You're one to talk." Logan snaps.

"Why are you dogs even arguing over that?" Gustavo says angrily. "If you're gonna fight over something, find something manly to argue about."

"Like the fact that Logan hasn't had a girlfriend in ten months?" Carlos asks. This earns him an angry look from Logan, but he just responds with a sarcastic wave.

"At least Kendall and James aren't speaking to each other." Gustavo whispers to Kelly.

"Dada." Kenzie babbles, waving her arms. James forgets about being angry with Kendall, giving his daughter a smile. He pulls her into his arms and kisses her cheek, giving her a hug. He hands her teddy bear back to her and smiles as she begins chewing on it. He fixes her bow, which was starting to come loose. He whispers to her, chuckling quietly.

"Gustavo, this is never going to work." Kendall argues.

"What happened to Mr. I'm So Confident and Leader Like?" James snaps.

"I was talking to _Gustavo_." Kendall says, not bothering to act like he's mad at James. He knows that James has every right to be upset. Kendall wasn't the good friend that he should have been.

"Good for you." James murmurs under his breath.

"Where's Chris?" Kelly asks nervously.

"She's going through security." James tells her.

"Great." Kelly says through a smile. She and Gustavo are going to have a hard time getting the boys to put their problems aside. She can already see it. In the past couple of hours, she has already had to break up two fights between Carlos and Logan. Airport security threatened to kick them out if they keep it up, so she separated them. She also made sure that the guys will not be sitting together on the plane. She knows that Griffin won't be happy if the boys are fighting instead of doing their job. Maybe a group therapist could help out. They could talk things over, sort out their problems, and become friends again.

"I'm bored." Carlos says after a moment of silence.

"No one cares." Logan says, emphasizing each word.

"Hey, maybe it's because I'm having to look at you." Carlos says as if he actually thought of something important.

"Kelly?" Logan whines.

"If you guys aren't going to be nice, just don't talk to each other." Kelly says, rubbing her temples.

"Fine by me." Carlos and Logan say in unison.

Gustavo looks at all four boys once again. He cannot believe that these are the dogs that he use to work with. They were best friends the last time, now they're back together and they can do nothing but argue. He thought they were annoying when they were friends, but that's better than hearing them fight. He doesn't know how this comeback is going to happen if they don't forget about their past problems. Maybe putting them in an apartment together was a bad idea. Unless he wants to get sued by Mr. Bitters, he might want to think about putting them in separate apartments. He can't afford to get sued.

"Kendall, where is Katie and your mom?" Kelly asks.

"They went upstairs to get some lunch." Kendall says tiredly.

"Why don't you boys go and get lunch together?" Kelly suggests.

"Kelly!" Gustavo whispers.

"Maybe they just need some time to bond." Kelly explains quietly.

"Fine, we'll go." Kendall says, standing up. "But don't expect us to talk."

* * *

><p>James never realized how awkward having lunch with the guys would be. In fact, he never thought about having lunch with them at all. He thought that he was done with these guys. Now they are sitting at a table together, eating chicken nuggets and trying hard to ignore each other. Kenzie is the only one at the table that James likes right now. She hasn't done a thing to hurt or upset him, so she doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of James's anger. All of his anger is directed at the three jerks that he is trying to ignore.<p>

"Kenzie, you are so messy." He whispers, wiping some more drool from her mouth. He sits her on the edge of the table and keeps his hands on her waist. She makes her cute baby noises, unaware of the awkwardness at the table. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are completely silent as they eat their nuggets. Carlos and Logan occasionally give each other dirty looks, but that's it. James doesn't understand why they are at each other's throats today, but he honestly doesn't care. Another thing that bothers him is that they haven't even acknowledged Kenzie since she and James got here. Even if they don't care about James, he's surprised that they haven't tried to interact with his daughter.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims.  
>"Awww." Carlos says out of nowhere.<p>

"You don't have to talk to me, but I was going to ask if I could hold Mackenzie." Kendall says quietly.

"Fine." James says softly, handing Kenzie over to Kendall.

"You've gotten big." Kendall says, bouncing Kenzie on his lap. To James's surprise, she actually smiles. Kendall makes a silly face and she starts laughing. James tries hard to keep a serious look on his face, since he's still upset with his friends. He anxiously rubs the back of his neck, looking around the small restaurant in the airport's food court.

"My turn." Logan says, holding out his hands.

"She'll probably spit up on him." Carlos says with a smirk. "Which I would really like to see."

"Don't make me hit you." Logan growls as Kendall hands Kenzie to him. As soon as he looks at Kenzie, he smiles. "Hey, cutie!"

"Okay, your turn is over!" Carlos says quickly, reaching for Kenzie. As soon as Carlos touches her, she starts crying. Carlos's eyes widen as he looks at James, who is watching Kenzie with concern. She is passed back to her dad, who takes her into his arms and cuddles her closely. Carlos looks at his hands, then he glances at Kendall and Logan with confusion. She let them hold her, so what's wrong with Carlos? Kids aren't usually scared of him.  
>"Hey, it's okay." James whispers, rubbing her back. "Kenzie, please don't cry."<p>

"You see what you did?" Logan says, smacking Carlos behind the head.

"I don't even know what I did wrong, jerk!" Carlos says, smacking him back.

"You were probably nervous when you reached for her." James explains. "She can pick up on people's emotions. When she was a newborn and I tried to hold her, I would always be a little nervous and she knew it, so she would get upset."

"Wow, smart kid." Logan says, looking impressed.

"A lot of babies are like that." James says, patting Kenzie's back. "They can tell if you're stressed or nervous, which makes them get upset when you try to hold them. They can sense your emotions."

"How do you know that?" Carlos asks him.

"Because I'm Kenzie's daddy." James says, kissing Kenzie's head. "I had to learn a lot about babies."

_Riiiing!_

"Hey, it's my mom." Kendall says, looking at the caller ID on his cell phone. He answers the phone and the other guys stay silent. "Hey, mom. Okay, we're almost done. Yeah, we'll be there in a minute. Yes, I'm being nice. No, we're not fighting. In fact, we've barely said a word to each other. Mom! Mom, it's really complicated. Look, we'll be there in a minute. I love you. Bye."

"That was my mom." He says as he hangs up. "They're about to board the plane."

Great, the moment that James has been dreading. He still doesn't feel good about this comeback thing. He hopes that it won't end in disaster like last time. Before they can make a good comeback, they need to do something about their messed up friendship. He doesn't know how they will manage to do that, but he knows that they need to do something. They aren't looking forward to living in the same apartment together, but maybe being forced to spend time together will fix things between them. James doesn't know what's going to happen in LA, but he hopes that everything will okay.

"At least Kelly arranged for us to sit in separate rows." Carlos says as they begin walking toward the boarding area.

"It's a good thing that she did." Logan mutters. "Because I don't to talk to any of you."

"Same here." The other guys say in unison.

Big Time Rush will hopefully make a successful comeback, but it isn't looking too good. Then again, things can change. Even though things look bad right now. it just might get better.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, i've gotten twenty nine reviews in just four chapters:) That's so exciting!<strong>

**If I can update tomorrow, I will. But I have a History test on Thursday and I really want to do well. Just letting you know:)**

**Anyway, please keep reviewing! :D**


	6. Welcome Back

James looks up at the familiar six story story building. They arrived in Los Angeles about twenty minutes ago and now they are standing in front of the Palm Woods hotel. They had so many crazy adventures at this place, they met so many friends, and now they're back. James still doesn't want to be here, but he feels somewhat happy about seeing the Palm Woods again. Well, happiness combined with the nauseating anxiety that he's feeling. After Kenzie was born, James spent so much time in the apartment, so people never really got a chance to see him with her. Now they're finally going to see him with his daughter. Will people see him differently? As much as he loves Kenzie, he doesn't want people to think of him as "The parent". He fears that people are going to act weird around him and treat him like some old guy. People are use to seeing him as crazy, fun loving James Diamond. If they see him with his baby girl, they might think of him as an old man. Having a child doesn't make him old. If he has to be here, he doesn't want to be treated like a circus freak.

"Kenzie, this is the Palm Woods." Kelly says, letting Kenzie look at the hotel. As soon as Kenzie sees a pretty yellow butterfly, she starts giggling. Kelly whispers to her and points at the butterfly, while she keeps smiling and laughing. She seems to like LA so far. She hasn't stopped smiling since they got off the plane. Every time she sees something interesting, she starts grinning like crazy. She likes seeing the seagulls and colorful butterflies. On the plane, James showed her some pictures of sea animals and she loved it. He loves how easy it is to keep her happy.

"Dada." Kenzie babbles, reaching for James.

"Okay, go back to daddy." Kelly says, handing her back to James.

"How do you like California so far?" James asks, kissing Kenzie's cheek.

"Dogs, let's get you checked in!" Gustavo says, leading them into the hotel. A few familiar people are in the lobby and when they see the guys, namely James, they whisper quietly. He tries to distract himself from the anxiety by talking to Kenzie. She's usually a good distraction. After all, her cuteness is hard to ignore.

"Mr. Bitters, look who's back!" Kelly says happily, motioning to the guys.

The Palm Woods manager, Reginald Bitters, removes his eyes from his computer, groaning when he sees the four guys. They use to drive him crazy with their schemes and the constant destruction of his hotel, so it's no surprise that he's less than thrilled about their return to the Palm Woods. Luckily, James is more mature now, so that's one less person for Bitters to worry about. James no longer has time for wild schemes and mischief. It isn't necessarily that he couldn't get involved in said schemes, but he's just not interested anymore. Becoming a parent really makes a person grow up, especially when that person is a single parent.

"Mr. Bitters!" Carlos says, prepared to jump over the desk to give Bitters a hug. But Gustavo grabs him before he can move.

"We are checking in." Ms. Knight says politely. "Apartment 4B."

"Riiiight." Bitters says in a bored tone.

"Hey, cool stapler." Katie says, staring at a blue and red decorated stapler. She starts to reach for it, but Ms. Knight quickly grabs her daughter's hand.

"I got you guys one of the better apartments." Kelly whispers. "There's three bathrooms, four bedrooms, a great view of Los Angeles, and a big kitchen. Bitters almost refused, but Gustavo and I paid him to change his mind. It's actually one of the family suites. You know, one room actually includes a crib. The family suites are made for people with small children."

"Okay, here's your room key." Bitters sighs. He puts on a fake smile. "Have a Palm Woods day."

James looks at the pool as they walk towards the elevator. He's almost certain that he sees Camille out there, but he is dragged into the elevator before he can get a good look. He sighs as he leans against the wall, cuddling Kenzie in his arms. He looks at her adorable face, smiling and giving her a kiss. When he notices that her strap is falling off her shoulder, he pulls it back up. The baby girl rests her head on his shoulder and starts sucking her thumb, a habit that he hopes she'll grow out of. For now, he's going to try not to worry about it. When she's about two or three, he might be a little concerned.

"I think she's getting tired." Kendall says, rubbing Kenzie's back.

"That crib better be comfortable." Chris murmurs as she looks at the floor indicator screen. The elevator finally stops on the fourth floor and opens, and they begin walking down the hallway. The Palm Woods hasn't changed a bit since they left. As they approach apartment 4B, James feels kind of weird about not living in 2J like last time. However, this is a family suite, so it should be more convenient.

"Welcome to apartment 4B." Kelly says, pushing the door open. They slowly walk inside, gasping in surprise. None of them thought that they would ever say this, but this apartment is even better than 2J. The floors are made of wood, there's a huge window with a balcony in the living room, and the furniture is quite nice. The couch is bright red, there's a big TV attached to the wall, and everything else is just as stylish and cool. It'll definitely give Kenzie lots of room to play. It's a little bigger than 2J, but not too big. It's just big enough for its eight residents. Since there's four bedrooms, there will be two people in each one. James has already decided that he and Kenzie will share a room, just like they did in Minnesota.

"Wow, this is way better than 2J." Katie says, walking over to the window.

"Hey, let's go see your room." Chris whispers to James.

"Let's go to the pool later." Carlos suggests.

"Great, as long as you stay away from me." Logan mutters. That's literally the first thing he's said to Carlos all day. They pretty much ignore Kendall too, but they try to talk to James. The young father doesn't really respond with more than two or three words, but he doesn't completely ignore them.

"Hey, this isn't too bad." Chris says as she opens the door to James and Kenzie's room. It's medium size with a window on one side and a double sized bed next to it. Across the room is a nice white painted crib with a green blanket covering the mattress. Next to it, there is a matching rocking chair. There is a closet behind the two beds and a dresser at the opposite end of the room. This should be a good place for James and Kenzie to sleep.

"This is nice." James says, handing Kenzie over to Chris. He begins digging through the baby bag, taking a pink blanket and Kenzie's teddy bear out. He walks over to the crib and puts the folded up blanket in it. Then he puts the teddy bear in one corner of the crib. Now it looks like a crib made for a baby girl.

"Yeah, that's nice." He smiles.

"Are you gonna go to the pool with the guys?"

"Should I?" He asks, anxiously messing with the sleeve of his grey hoodie.

"Yes, you should." Chris tells him, rubbing his arm. "Go and have fun, okay? I'll stay here and watch Kenzie."

"Fine." James grins, kissing Kenzie's cheek. "Baby. daddy's gonna go to the pool for a while, okay?"

"Dada." Kenzie says softly, touching his cheek.

James's heart fills with guilt. He doesn't want to leave his baby girl. He can barely stand being away from her when he's at work, but now he's just leaving for "fun." If everyone would stop being so concerned about his well being, he could actually stay here and spend time with his daughter. He could have the chance to spend more time with her, but he's being forced to go the pool with his ex friends. _Thanks a lot, Chris._

"I'll see you later." He whispers, kissing Kenzie's forehead.

* * *

><p>"Okay! I dare you to tell Guitar Dude that he's so hot!" Jo Taylor laughs, giving Camille Roberts a light shove. The girls are in the middle of a truth or dare game, having a relaxing break from work. Jo just finished filming the second season of her new soap opera and Camille has been filming a new movie. Their other friend, Lucy Stone, has been writing a new song for her comeback album. Her former record company wanted her to start singing some bubblegum pop trash and she refused, so they fired her. Now she's signed with a new record company.<p>

"Fine." Camille rolls her eyes. "Hey, Guitar Dude!"

"Sup." Guitar Dude says in a chill voice, looking up from his guitar.

"I just want to say that you are so hot." Camille says flirtatiously. Jo bursts into loud laughter, while Lucy just cracks a small smile. She strums her guitar and writes some lyrics and musical notes in her notebook. She spends a big part of her free time with these crazy girls, but she wouldn't trade her friends for anything. Their personalities are quite different, but they get along well. Jo is sweet and innocent, Camille is a little insane, and Lucy is quiet and mysterious. Jo and Camille are actresses, while Lucy is a singer and guitarist.

"Cool." Guitar Dude says, smiling stupidly.

"Jo, you suck for making me do that." Camille tells her blonde friend. "You know I still like Logan."

"Language, Camille." Lucy says, not removing her eyes from the sheet of paper.

"Like you haven't said bad words before." Camille says playfully.

"Yeah, but only if I get seriously peeved off." Lucy says, still strumming her guitar.

"There are worse words." Jo reminds her.

Lucy rolls her eyes and hums her new song to herself. It's not quite finished yet, but it will be. She just finished writing the chorus, now she just needs to come up with some good verses and a bridge. Her producer wants her to have it done by the end of the week, so she can record it. Her first album was a bit rebellious, but her former record company didn't like it. They wanted her to be just like the other pop stars in Hollywood. Basically, they wanted to turn her into a Britney Spears wanna be. They just didn't appreciate music like My Chemical Romance, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, etc. Since she didn't want to become the artist they wanted her to be, they just fired her. Whatever. It doesn't matter because she got signed to another record company a month later. Her current record company was impressed with her first album. They thought it was edgy and rough around the edges, just the kind of image they liked.

"Hello, girls." Jett Stetson, Jo's former New Town High costar says, wrapping his arm around Jo's shoulders.

"Jett, I don't like you." Jo says simply.

"Maybe these will change your mind." Jett says, holding two tickets in front of her face. "I got us two tickets to that new Julia Roberts movie."

"Thanks." Jo says, taking both tickets from him. "Now go."

"Don't tell me that you're still hung up on Kendork." Jett asks her.

"His name is_ Kendall._" Jo says through clenched teeth.

"Jett, don't bother us." Lucy says, writing more lyrics in her notebook.

"Just so you know, I like feisty girls." Jett says before walking off.

"Sure you do." Lucy whispers.

Camille is about to ask Jo truth or dare when their eyes land on some guys walking out to the pool. There's a blonde haired boy, a short Latino, a dark haired boy, and a taller brunette. They look very familiar but, for some reason, the three girls don't immediately recognize them.

"Wait a minute..." Camille murmurs. Slowly, her eyes widen in surprise. "The guys!"

"There are, like, fifty guys at this pool." Lucy says, putting her notebook and guitar down.

"Big Time Rush! Our boys!" Camille says happily. "LOGAN!"

With that, she jumps up and chases after her ex boyfriend. Logan turns around and smiles nervously as Camille runs at him, jumping into his arms and causing both of them to fall into the pool. Jo and Lucy choke on their laughter. Camille quickly climbs out of the pool and helps Logan out, dragging him into a hug.

"Hey, why did they leave again?" Lucy asks quietly.

"Well, remember Jenna Harper?" Jo asks. When Lucy nods, she takes it as a sign to continue. "You know how she died during childbirth? Well, James was so depressed and he just couldn't do Big Time Rush anymore. So the guys just gave up and moved back to Minnesota. Now James has a little girl to take care of. But I don't know why they're back."

"Wanna go and say hi?" Lucy asks, standing up.

"Sure." Jo says happily, following Lucy.

"Camille, you're squeezing too hard." Logan says in a strained voice.

"Sorry!" Camille says, quickly pulling away.

"Oh my gosh, you're that hot rocker chick." Carlos says, pointing at Lucy.

"Uh huh." Lucy says simply. She hopes that he and James won't go crazy like they did when she first moved here. They were constantly trying to one up each other to see who would date her, even when they knew that she didn't want a boyfriend. Romance is the least important thing on her list. She's is entirely focused on her music, so she doesn't need a boyfriend. Eventually, she would love to date someone, but she's definitely in no hurry. Her last boyfriend was a total jerk and she decided to take a nice, long break from relationships.

"James, why didn't you bring your daughter out here?" Jo asks him.

"Chris wanted me to take a break from Kenzie." James says, taking his black tank top off. "But you can come to the apartment later and meet her."

"Sounds great." Jo says, awkwardly glancing at Kendall.

"Hey, I'm gonna work on the song some more." Lucy tells her Jo and Camille, waving at the guys before returning to her chair.

"So what are you guys doing back in LA?" Camille asks, crossing her arms.

"Gustavo begged us to come back since Rocque Records is basically falling apart." Kendall explains.

Camille watches in confusion as the other three boys walk in separate direction, not speaking to each other. Before they left LA, those boys were inseparable. Now there seems to be something different about their relationship. It almost feels like they aren't even close anymore. Camille noticed that they were talking to her and Jo, but not each other. What happened to the four crazy boys that they know and love? She knew that the guys went through a lot after Jenna died, but she never got a chance to see just how much it had affected them. All she knows is that James was a depressed and miserable wreck. James rarely left the apartment for a month after his daughter was born, then they all just picked up and left. Everything changed after those boys left. The Palm Woods was a lot quieter and just a little boring. Those boys kept things interesting around here and Camille is thrilled that they're back.

"Well, we're really happy that you guys are back." Jo says, hesitating before hugging Kendall's waist.

"How has James been doing?" Camille asks.

"I don't know." Kendall shrugs. "The four of us aren't really friends anymore. I hate to say it, though."

"What happened?" Jo asks worriedly, pulling away from him.

Kendall frowns as he tries to remember why their friendship ended. He doesn't even really understand what happened. Aside from the end of their phone calls and visits, he doesn't really have much that he can explain. He doesn't know what has happened to his three friends in the past nine months. James's situation is obvious, but Kendall doesn't know anything else about him, Carlos, or Logan. He doesn't understand what happened to their friendship or anything. That's why he was hoping that no one would ask the question that Jo just asked him. He doesn't really have a good answer.

"I don't know." He says honestly. "It's really complicated."

"Oh...Well, why don't you join us for a game of truth or dare?" Camille suggests, reaching for his hand.

"Truth or dare? Isn't that a slumber party game for ten year olds?" Kendall laughs.

"We were bored!" Jo argues as she sits down.

"She got Camille to tell Guitar Dude that he's hot." Lucy tells him.

"She really did that?" Kendall asks, looking at Camille.

"Yes, I did." Camille says, staring at her feet. "But only because I never back down from a dare. Unless it's bad or dangerous."

"Camille, you're the definition of dangerous."

"Jo, be quiet." Camille retorts.

"What are you working on, Miss Rocker?" Kendall asks Lucy.

"A new song for my new, _rocking_ album." Lucy responds with a smirk. "What about you? Has Gustavo said anything about the next BTR album? Well, it doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm sure it'll be very _cute_."

"Let's not get that started again!" Kendall says, pointing at her. "And BTR does rock! We performed Paralyzed on top of a truck and blocked traffic."

"Oh, you're such a cute little rocker, aren't ya?"

* * *

><p>After about three hours at the pool, the guys decide to go back to the apartment for the day. The girls happily join them, eager to see Kenzie. They haven't seen her since she was a newborn, so it'll be interesting for them to see her now. James finds himself excited to show her off to some old friends. He's proud of his little girl and he's happy to let people play with her, as long as they don't act weird about it. These girls don't seem to be bothered by James being a parent. It seems like they still think of him as the same James that they've always known, just a little more mature.<p>

"She's so precious." Logan tells them, pushing the apartment door open.

"Kenzie, look at the pretty fishies!" Chris says excitedly. She's sitting at the dining room table with Kenzie on her lap, looking at a book of sea creatures. Kenzie babbles and Chris giggles, slowly turning the page.

"Hey, let me see her." James says, taking his daughter from Chris. He smiles as he walks out of the dining room. When the girls see Kenzie, they smile. "She's shy around strangers, so don't try to grab her right away."

"Okay." Jo coos, looking at Kenzie. The baby girl snuggles against James and sucks her thumb, looking at Jo. The blonde girl gently strokes Kenzie's cheek and they all smile when a grin slowly appears on Kenzie's face. James finally decides that it's safe to let Jo hold her, so he carefully hands her over to Kendall's ex girlfriend.

"Hey, pretty girl." Jo says sweetly.

"Aaahhh." Kenzie says, putting her fingers in her mouth.

"Uh, what did she just say?" Lucy asks slowly.

"That's just baby talk." James says, rubbing Kenzie's back.

"She totally reminds me of..." Camille starts to say, but Logan quickly slaps his hand over her mouth. James knows what she was about to say and he feels his heart sink, but he gives her a weak smile. No reason to make her feel bad just because he's still struggling with losing his wife.

On a happier note, he has actually enjoyed his first day back in Los Angeles. Gustavo and Kelly gave them the day to get settled in, then they have to be at Rocque Records tomorrow. Gustavo knows that they've probably lost their 'boy band skills", so he's going to put them through another round of boy band boot camp. Their first time wasn't as successful, but he said that they better not give him any trouble this time. That shouldn't be a problem unless they decide to start getting physical with each other. But it's not likely. Gustavo warned them that if any punches are thrown and if anything gets broken, he won't hesitate to fire them and just look for another boy band.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I actually had time to update! I had a pretty good break between my classes today, so I studied for my test. Now that I have finished this chapter, I'm gonna study some more!<strong>

**Alright, who wants to guess who James's love interest is gonna be? Hint: She's not an OC**

** Also, I got forty one reviews in only five chapters:D That is so awesome! **


	7. Back In The Game

_"Baby, you can do it." James whispers, gently squeezing Jenna's hand. This morning, Jenna went into labor and now she's giving birth to their baby girl. She has been in labor for the past twelve hours, scared and in a whole lot of pain. James is doing everything he can to comfort her; holding her hand, stroking her hair, and talking to her. But all Jenna can do is squeeze his hand and scream at the top of her lungs. She tries breathing, but it doesn't look like it's helping. When the doctor tells her to push, she does, but it takes a lot out of her. That's what scares James. Seeing his wife tired and in so much pain._

_"Jay, I can't do this." Jenna says in a strained voice. She suddenly cries out in pain and tightens her grip on his hand. James flinches, but keeps a tight hold on Jenna's hand. He watches as she breathes and struggles to deliver their daughter. He can hear the doctor coaching Jenna through the birth, but he's entirely focused on his wife. His heart breaks as she lets out another pained sob. He's completely terrified for her, yet excited at the same time. He carefully wraps his other arm around her waist to support her, kissing her tear stained cheek._

_"Almost there." The doctor says gently. "Just one more."_

_Jenna pushes again and a baby's cry is heard. Jenna collapses onto the bed in exhaustion, still holding James's hand. The new parents smile at each other and watch as the doctor holds their daughter. It's such a beautiful moment for both of them, But that soon changes. James looks at the heart monitor and notices that Jenna's heart rate is slowing. He looks at her with worry and notices that her eyes are drooping._

_"Jay, something's wrong." She whispers softly._

_"What? Jenna!" James says, shaking his head. "Doctor, something's wrong!"_

_Suddenly, James is being pushed out of the way._

_ "We're losing her!" The doctor shouts as he and the others try to keep Jenna alive. James feels his eyes welling up with tears, watching as Jenna slowly fades away. He takes a deep breath and watches the heart monitor with tearful eyes. He looks at Jenna again and notices that her eyes are almost completely closed. He can't take it anymore. He rushes to her side and grabs her hand, begging for her to come back. Sadly, he finds that it's too late. He hears a loud beep and he looks at the heart monitor for the third time, watching as it slowly flatlines._

James gasps as he sits up in bed, immediately starting to cry. He runs his hands through his hair, trying to stop his crying. He hates having dreams and flashbacks about Jenna's death. Life is a lot easier when he can just avoid thinking about it. That day is still fresh in his mind. He remembers what was said, what happened, what was done, and everything. He hates that he remembers it so well. He just wants to forget about it and pretend that it never happened. He would be better off if it could be like that. If he could just pretend that it was just a horrible dream, life would be great. But he can't pretend. He can't pretend because Jenna isn't here with him. She's really gone and she's never coming back. He's raising their baby girl without her and it kills him whenever he thinks about it. He can't stand it.

He sniffles as he stands up, realizing that he can't sleep anymore. When he looks at the alarm clock, it's six thirty. They have to be at Rocque Records at nine, so he still has time to sleep. However, he'll never be able to sleep after the dream that he just had. It's hard to get any sleep after such a horrible dream.

He frowns when he sees Kenzie standing up in her crib. She's holding on to the bars, staring at James. He puts on a fake smile and picks her up. Since he's getting up now, he might as well spend the next few hours with Kenzie. They could use some one on one daddy/daughter time. He doesn't know why Kenzie is awake so early, but he's relieved. He doesn't want to be alone right now.

"I had a bad dream." He whispers as they enter the living room. He puts her on the floor, then grabs his grey zip up hoodie from the couch. He slips it on, then sits on the floor. He sits Kenzie on his lap and smiles at her. He chuckles as she crawls over to the coffee table and pulls herself up. She's becoming an independent little person. Pretty soon, she'll be walking without support. James loves seeing her grow up and experience different milestones. When she called him "dada" for the first time, his heart swelled with joy. When he showed her a picture of Jenna and she said "mama", his heart exploded.

"Why are you awake so early?" He grins, pulling her back onto his lap. She babbles and looks up at him, smiling softly. He wipes the last of the tears from his cheeks, then kisses her nose.

"James?"

He watches as Chris walks into the living room and looks at him with concern. He wants to laugh because her hair looks terrible, but she would probably slap him, so he refrains from doing that. He just sighs as he reaches for the TV remote, but Chris grabs his hand. He rests his chin on Kenzie's head, watching as Chris sits next to him.

"Why are you up so early?" She asks worriedly, rubbing his back.

"I just woke up and couldn't go back to sleep." James lies, looking away. When Chris gently cups his cheek in her hand and forces her to look at him, he knows that she isn't fooled. He tries to avoid her concerned gaze, not wanting to deal with any pity, sympathy, or concern.

"You're lying." Chris says, stroking his cheek.

"I just had a bad dream." James admits, taking a deep and shaky breath.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Chris asks him, kissing his forehead.

James holds back tears, shaking his head. Chris kisses his forehead again, then walks to the kitchen to do whatever. James looks at Kenzie and smiles weakly as she touches his cheek. He stands up with her in his arms, carrying her into the kitchen. He absentmindedly watches as Chris makes some coffee. He wants to think about something else, like the boy band camp today. He doesn't know if he's super excited about it, but he doesn't really dread it either. He's actually quite indifferent about it.

"Jay, why don't you try to get some sleep?" Chris says softly, pushing his bangs away from his forehead.

"Do you wanna stay up with Kenzie?" He asks her.

"Yeah." Chris says, carefully taking Kenzie into her arms. "Now go back to sleep."

"Kay." James whispers before returning to his room. He crawls back under the covers and rolls onto his side, trying to fall back into a peaceful sleep. Finally, he does.

* * *

><p>"James, wake up." A soft voice whispers. James groans softly and buries his face in the pillow. He knows that he should be getting up right now, but he's so tired. He just wants to sleep until noon, or at least until he's no longer tired. But he knows that he needs to get up unless he wants Gustavo to throw a fit. Another thing that Gustavo told them was that if they're late, they will be in big trouble. James isn't in the mood to be yelled at by Gustavo. So he slowly opens his eyes and sees Ms. Knight looking at him with gentle eyes. He sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes, then stands up.<p>

"I already got your breakfast ready for you." Ms. Knight tells him. "Does eggs and bacon sound good?"

"Yeah." James says as they walk to the kitchen. Everyone else is already seated, silently eating their food. Chris's plate is empty and she's feeding some yogurt to Kenzie. James feels kind of awkward because the other guys are already dressed and he's still in his night clothes. Oh well, it's not his fault that he didn't sleep well last night. When he finally went back to sleep, he was exhausted. Really, if it weren't for Gustavo needing them at the studio, he would sleep all day. He doesn't even know how he's going to sing or dance when he feels so sleepy.

"Just eat." Ms. Knight tells him.

It only takes ten minutes for James to finish eating, then he starts getting ready. He doesn't take too long, though. He just throws on a pair of red basketball shorts, a white T shirt, and a black bandana. Before he puts the bandana on, he runs his comb through his short brown hair. Then he wraps the bandana around his head. He looks in the mirror, frowning at his reflection. He feels much older than just twenty two years old. Sure, he still looks young, but there's just something that makes him different than other people his age. If he still had Jenna, it wouldn't be like this. He just knows it.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Kendall asks, leaning against the door frame.

"Sure." James shrugs, turning the bathroom light off. Since he couldn't possibly handle hours of being away from his little girl, he takes Kenzie and her bag from Chris.

"Try not to annoy Gustavo, okay?" Ms. Knight warns them.

"Speaking of annoying, I've gotta go to the lobby." Katie says, walking past them.

"Don't get into trouble!" Ms. Knight calls out to her daughter.

The guys say good bye to Ms. Knight and Chris, then walk to the elevator.

* * *

><p>"DOGS!" Gustavo says loudly, getting the boys attention. He paces back and forth in the dance studio. He is sure that these guys remember nothing about how to be a boy band since they haven't worked in ten months. So he has to reteach them everything. The dancing, the singing, the performing, and everything else that comes with being a band. He also needs to find a way to fix their friendship because if they don't work things out, they'll never make the great comeback that they need to make. That's just one of the many problems with these boys. Another thing is James and his "blossoming" personality. The last time BTR was together, James was "The Face". He obsessed over his looks, spent almost two hours getting ready in the mornings, and was constantly fixing his hair. As annoying as it was, it made him the hot guy of the band. He has lost that personality. He doesn't even act like a rockstar. He just behaves like a regular person. The Face can't act like a regular person. Yeah, Gustavo needs to get just a little bit of the old James back. Now, he doesn't want James to put fame as the most important thing in his life. His daughter has that spot filled, but he needs to get just a little of the old James Diamond charm back.<p>

"Um, Mr. X should be here any moment to reteach some dance moves to you." He says,, stopping in his tracks. He looks over at Kelly, who is sitting in a chair with Kenzie on her lap. Gustavo doesn't normally find himself interested in anything cute unless it's his cat, Monty. But Kenzie is an exception. Gustavo has to admit that the little girl is very adorable.

"Ow, you stepped on my foot!" Logan snaps at Carlos.

"Well, get your foot from under mine!" Carlos responds, kicking Logan's leg. Soon, the two boys are fighting, but James grabs Logan and Kendall gets Carlos, pulling the two boys apart. They stand between the two shorter boys, preventing them from getting into anymore physical confrontations.

"I'm warning you dogs that if we have any problems, you are all FIRED!" Gustavo says, yelling the last word.

"Dada!" Kenzie babbles.

James looks at Gustavo with a pleading expression. Gustavo sighs heavily, but signals for James to tend to his daughter. He watches as the boy walks over to Kelly and reaches for Kenzie. He has never seen James care so much for another person before. He thought that James would never care for anyone but himself, but that has changed completely.

"Are you done?" He says impatiently.

"Kelly, can you take her to another room?" James asks. He smiles at Kenzie and kisses her cheek. "I don't want her to distract me."

"Sure." Kelly says, carefully taking the baby girl from James. She grabs the baby bag and exits the dance studio. As she is leaving, Mr. X enters. Mr. X is a wild and eccentric dance instructor that has been working with BTR ever since they were signed to Rocque Records. At first, he didn't believe that they could become an amazing boy band, but they proved him wrong. They all hope that they still remember something about dancing, so he can see that they still have some skills. They probably don't have much, but they want to show him something.

"You're late." Gustavo says flatly.

"I know." Mr. X shrugs. He stands in front of the band and examines them carefully. His eyes land on James and he walks closer to the boy. James smiles nervously, not knowing why Mr. X is looking at him.

"Is this the one that was depressed?" He asks. James rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. Gustavo shrugs his shoulders, looking at James and silently telling him to answer Mr. X's question. Well, that's a problem because James can't really answer that. He actually has an answer, but he doesn't want to say it out loud. He's still trying to put his past issues behind him and questions like this aren't helping at all. He doesn't understand why he's the first person that Mr. X decided to pay attention to. Kendall is way more interesting than him.

"I'm fine now." He whispers awkwardly.

"Where's the kid?" Mr. X asks him.  
>"Um, Kelly took her to another room."<p>

"Hmm." Mr. X murmurs before stepping front of Logan. "You're transferring to UCLA. Am I correct?"

"Yep." Logan says slowly.

"Nerd." Mr. X mutters before approaching Kendall.

"Hey, why all the personal questions?" The band leader asks, earning a glare from Gustavo.

"Gustavo and Kelly mentioned that you boys are having some personal issues, so I am also going to work on that with you. You know, along with the dance lessons." Mr. X says proudly. "I'm a good mediator. You see, I heard that you three boys abandoned James when he really needed you. While he was raising his daughter, it seems that you three were too busy doing your own thing. Right?"

James holds back laughter. If Mr. X thinks that James is going to forgive these guys for what they've done, he is sadly mistaken. James can't just immediately forgive them for completely ditching him. What makes it real bad is that they made a promise several years ago that they would always stick together. That promise was broken last year and James isn't about to let it go easily. Mr. X isn't going to be able to rush a reconciliation between them. It's going to take a long time for James to forgive them. It'll definitely take longer than a week or two.

"But we'll work on that later." Mr. X says before looking at Carlos. "You got anything to say?"

"Um, not really." Carlos says nervously.

"Good." Mr. X says before walking to the middle of the studio. "Let's get started, shall we?"

* * *

><p>"You're very talkative for a ten month old." Kelly says, bouncing Kenzie on her lap. While the guys work on their dancing, she took Kenzie to the recording studio since it's completely empty at the moment. She's been having a blast with this little girl. She feels kind of sad, though. Being with Kenzie reminds Kelly of her desire to have a baby of her own. Her dream since she was twelve years old was to get married and have a baby someday. She's thirty years old, single, and has no children yet. She has dated a couple of guys in the past two years, but neither of them was the one for her.<p>

Kenzie babbles and tries reach for some control on the sound board. Kelly gently grabs her hand and stands up so she can't touch anything.

"Let's go and see what your daddy is doing." She says, leaving the studio. As she walks down the hallway, she sees the Big Time Rush poster. For some reason, even after these bands left Rocque Records, Gustavo never took the posters down. Gustavo may seem like like a cold hearted person, but he's really not. At first, Kelly didn't believe it, but she learned that Gustavo Rocque does have a heart. He loves the bands that he has worked with and BTR is probably his favorite. Kelly can see why. Those boys are different than other bands that Gustavo has worked with.

When she enters the dance studio, she is shocked. Carlos and Logan are fighting while Kendall is desperately trying to break them up. James is just standing to the side, Gustavo is ready to rip them to shreds, and Mr. X looks like he's ready to have a nervous breakdown. She knew that this couldn't possibly go well. She kept telling Gustavo to have them sit down and talk out their problems before putting them to work. He should have know that putting them together in a dance studio would be a bad idea. And she doesn't even understand why Carlos and Logan hate each other. She thought that the issue was with _James_.

"James, what happened?" She asks, walking over to Kenzie's dad. She hands the baby girl to James and stares at him with annoyance.

"I don't know!" James says, watching his three ex friends. "One minute, we were dancing. The next minute, Carlos and Logan started going at it."

"GUYS!" Kelly shrieks, rushing to assist Kendall. While she grabs Logan, Kendall grabs Carlos. The two boys try to lunge at each other, but Kelly and Kendall use all of their strength on the two shorter boys.

"So what do you think?" Gustavo asks Mr. X, his face red with anger.

"They can't possibly be fixed." Mr. X says, shaking his head.

"I'll up your salary."

"Done." Mr. X says, shaking his hand.

"You're still going to mediate, right?" Gustavo asks anxiously.

"Fine." Mr. X sighs.

"Guys, what do you two have against each other?" Kelly asks, pulling Logan back.

"You're scaring Kenzie!" Kendall snaps. "So stop acting like idiots."

As soon as Kendall says Kenzie's name, the two boys become still. They look at little Kenzie, who is whimpering as James rubs her back. They look guilty as they step farther away from each other. To everyone's confusion, Logan turns around and walks out of the room.

"Guys, just go home for today." Kelly tells them after Logan has left. "We'll talk about this tomorrow."

* * *

><p>When the guys arrived at the Palm Woods, James changed into some swim shorts and a tank top, then took Kenzie out to the pool. He needs some sunlight and he thought that Kenzie might like to go outside. He still feels weird about people seeing him with a child, but he's not going to stay in his room every minute of the day. He's going to get over that anxiety. He's James Diamond, so that shouldn't be a problem. He doesn't want people treating him any differently, but since the girls didn't, he's going to assume that no one else will.<p>

"Look at the nice pool." He whispers, sitting in a lawn chair. He lays down and lets Kenzie sit on his stomach. He pulls her up to his chest and smiles at her, placing a kiss on her nose. Kenzie looks around, curious about these strange new surroundings. She squeaks and tries to stand up.

"Do you want to see the kiddie pool?" James asks her. He carries her over to the child size pool and gets in, sitting on the steps with Kenzie on his lap. He chuckles as she kicks her legs, splashing water everywhere. She seems to enjoy the water. They didn't go swimming very often in Minnesota. That's probably why the pool seems to excite her so much.

"Yeah, you like the water, don't you?" James whispers sweetly.

"Make sure you keep a hold of her. You don't want to be known as the guy that let his kid drown."

James looks up and sees Lucy sitting across from him. The rocker girl is wearing a pair of red shorts and a black bikini top. Her long, dark brown hair and bright red highlights are soaked, while her eyes are covered with a pair of sunglasses. James gives her a weird look, wondering why she would say something like that. What kind of father does she think he is?

"Are you kidding me?" He asks in disbelief. "I think I know that."

"I don't know." Lucy says, pretending to sound unsure. "I mean, you seemed like the cute yet _ditzy_ type last time I saw you."

"I've changed." James retorts, splashing her.

"Hey, chill out." Lucy says, taking her sunglasses off. "I was just kidding."

"Yeah, I bet you were." James says, sitting Kenzie on his lap. He kisses her cheek, then gives her a gentle hug. "I would never to do anything to put my baby girl in danger."

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" Lucy sighs.

"Well, you practically called me irresponsible, so what am I suppose to do?" James asks her. He's not really angry or annoyed with Lucy. He doesn't really think her "joke" was all that funny, but he's not that easily offended. He knows that he would never let Kenzie get hurt, so he has no reason to be bothered by a simple joke.

"You know what? I'll let it go." He says simply. "This time."

"Good boy." Lucy says, patting his head. She climbs out of the pool and smiles at him. "Have a nice day, and don't forget to keep a close eye on that child. Make sure to baby proof your apartment."

"I live in one of the family suites!" James argues. Funny thing, he doesn't remember Lucy Stone being so sarcastic. She is being sarcastic, right? She should know that James wouldn't forget to baby proof the apartment. Great, now she has him all confused. She already tricked him and Carlos into the Friends Zone and now she has him confused.

"Well, then I guess you're all set." Lucy says, shaking Kenzie's hand before walking away.

Kenzie kicks her legs again and giggles. James gives her a confused smile.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Kenzie keeps giggling and James laughs softly.

"Yeah, you're definitely laughing at me."

* * *

><p><strong>I took my History test today and I feel good about it. I'm just happy that I got it out of the way:) Anyway, this story got FIFTY ONE reviews in only SIX chapters:O Wow, that is really great. I've thanked you guys before, but I'm so happy, so I need to thank you again:) Yeah, thanks for those amazing reviews. So happy that you're enjoying this story! <strong>


	8. Reasons

"Why did they start fighting?" Chris asks as she turns the coffee pot on. After James returned from the pool and gave Kenzie a bath, he and Chris started talking about today's rehearsal. Now that he has, she's shocked. She knew that the boys weren't close anymore, but she didn't think things were this bad. Anyway, wasn't the original issue with James? Didn't they just stop being friends with him? She knew he was mad at them, but she didn't know that they were also having problems with each other. She hopes that they'll work things out because all this fighting is driving her crazy. She's glad that Carlos and Logan refused to share a room. If they were in the same room, no one would ever get any sleep.

"It's stupid." James sighs. "Logan bumped into Carlos, Carlos bumped into Logan, and they started shoving each other. Next thing we know, they are in a full out fight. Kelly brought Kenzie back to the studio right in the middle of it and the poor thing got scared. I tried to keep her calm, though. Then I made sure to smack both of them behind the head in the car."

"You're so abusive." Chris jokes. She becomes serious, gently touching his cheek. "You ready to talk about that dream you had?"

James walks to the living room, trying to avoid answering that question. Talking about his dream is the last thing he wants to do. He doesn't want to relive the day that his whole life fell apart. He feels so bad for saying that because he did get Kenzie, but he lost his wife too. March 15th was the best and worst day of his life. When the doctors finally put Kenzie in his arms, he couldn't fully enjoy the experience due to what had just happened. He was happy to be holding his daughter, but he was scared because he knew that he had just entered the world of single parenthood. He didn't know how he was going do it, but he supposes that he has done pretty well.

"Jay?" Chris asks him, sitting next to him on the couch. She wraps her arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer. She lets him rest his head on her shoulder and she buries her face in his hair. She feels tears soaking her night shirt, but James isn't making a sound, so he must not be crying too hard. She hates seeing her brother in law cry. They're only related by marriage, but this boy feels like her real brother. That's why she loves to jokingly refer to him as her "baby brother." But the important thing right now is finding out what his dream was about. He seemed a little upset this morning, so she's dying to know what did that to him.

"It was about J-Jenna." James whispers weakly. "It was like a flashback to Kenzie's birth. Kenzie was born and we were smiling, then Jenna started fading. Chris, I had to relive it all over again."

Chris tightens her arms around him as he starts crying harder. She gently kisses his head, rubbing his back and arm. She rocks him gently, trying to soothe him. His sobs just break her heart and she wishes that she could do something to help him, but she can't. She feels her own eyes filling with tears and she moves her hand to his hair, playing with the soft strands. If there's anything about him that hasn't changed, it's his hair and face. He still has soft, silky hair and he has a very cute face. When Jenna brought him over to their house for the first time, Chris wasn't immediately crazy about him. But she had to admit that he was attractive. After a few more visits, he started to grow on her. Now he's one of her best friends.

"Shhh." She whispers softly. She gently pulls away from him and wipes the tears from his cheeks. She rubs his shoulder, hoping to calm him down.

"Sorry." James says weakly, wiping the rest of the tears away. "I think I'm just getting tired. I'm gonna put Kenzie to bed, then go to sleep myself."

"If you have any problems, just wake me up." Chris says, kissing his cheek before walking to her room.

Before going to his room, James walks to the kitchen to get some water. Crying made his throat hurt and water usually helps. He grabs bottle from the fridge and takes a sip, then puts it back. He sighs in relief as the pain is soothed, then he walks to his room. He let Katie play with Kenzie for a while, but he also made her promise to be careful. It's not that he doesn't trust Katie, but he just wants to be safe.

"Kenzie, should I play a prank on Bitters?" Katie asks. She is sitting on the floor with the baby girl, just talking to her. James smiles as Kenzie babbles in response. She probably doesn't even know what Katie is asking her, but it's still funny. James loves talking to her and hearing her babble as if she's really responding. It cracks him up every time.

When Kenzie yawns, James decides to speak up.

"Hey, I think the princess needs to go to sleep." He says, picking Kenzie up.

"Can I use her for my prank?" Katie asks hopefully.

"No." James says, trying not to laugh. He lowers Kenzie into her crib and pulls the blanket over her. He strokes her cheek and kisses her forehead, quietly whispering "I love you."

"I was just asking." Katie murmurs before walking out of the room. James smiles as he walks over to his bed, climbing under the covers. He changed into his night clothes after he got back from the pool, so he can just go to sleep. He also brushed his teeth. He's glad because he's too tired to do it right now.

* * *

><p>Another long day at Rocque Records is about to begin. James can imagine how that's going to work out. Yesterday was full of fighting and making Gustavo angry, so today is probably going to be just as bad. James cooperated, though. While his ex friends argued, he just stepped back and left them alone. He's going to do the same today. If they start arguing, James is just going to take Kenzie to another room and let her keep him busy. All the yelling yesterday freaked her out, so he wants to make sure that she doesn't have to feel scared anymore.<p>

"Alright, cutie." He says as they walk into the lobby. "The guys are already waiting in the car."

He is walking when he nearly bumps into someone. He takes his attention away from Kenzie and looks at Lucy. She looks a bit annoyed as she crosses her arms. Well, she wasn't watching where she was going, so James isn't going to apologize.

When he tries to walk past her, she puts her hand on his chest, preventing him from going any farther. He looks at her with confusion, wishing she would just let him go.

"I just wanted to see your kid." She says, stroking Kenzie's cheek. The little girl smiles softly and puts her fingers in her mouth. Lucy rubs her back and looks at James.

"How old did you say she was?" She asks him.

"Ten months." James tells her. "She'll be one in March."

"That's cool." Lucy says as she picks her guitar case back up, walking past James.

James looks confused for a moment, then exits the hotel. He walks out to Ms. Knight's rental van, which she is lending to the boys for work. Kendall is in the drivers seat and Logan is sitting next to him, whole Carlos is anxiously waiting in the back. When James climbs into the backseat, he begins getting Kenzie strapped into her car seat. Once that's done, Kendall starts driving. It's just another awkward car ride. The guys aren't talking, laughing, and joking about anything. They are just sitting there, thinking about whatever. James never realized how bad things were between them. It makes him sad that everything has changed so much. Truthfully, he wants to forgive them. He really does, but he doesn't know how hard it's gonna be. He doesn't understand why they stopped being there for each other, but it really hurts.

He notices that Kenzie is getting a little antsy, so he grabs her teddy bear and hands it to her. He takes a cloth and wipes some drool from her mouth, then puts it back in the bag.

"You know that day that I really screwed up?" Carlos whispers to James. "When I said that I didn't know that you-know-what still bothered you?"

"What about it?" James asks tightly.

"I'm sorry." Carlos says. "I didn't mean to say that."

"Whatever." James shrugs.

When they arrive at Rocque Records, Gustavo looks stern and Kelly looks anxious as the boys walk into the sitting area. As Mr. X enters the room, the four guys realize that it must be time for their mediating session. They don't understand why Gustavo got their choreographer to help them with their personal issues. Shouldn't that be something that they should deal with on their own? Of course, they probably wouldn't even try to work it out, so Gustavo forcing them is probably the only way.

"Dogs, sit down." Gustavo says, pointing to the couch. The guys sit down and look at Gustavo with exhaustion and boredom.

"Just fix this." Kelly tells Mr. X before following Gustavo down the hallway.

"Okay, who wants to tell their story first?" Mr. X says, sitting across from the boys. "How about you, James?"

"I don't really wanna discuss my situation." James says, keeping his arms around Kenzie.

"Just talk and be done with it." Logan mutters.

"Fine." James says coldly. "The four of us promised that we would stick together! Then my wife died, I became a single parent, and these guys only stuck with me for about a month. After that, they stopped calling me, stopped visiting, and whenever we saw each other in public, they wouldn't even say hi. They completely forgot about our friendship like it meant nothing!"

"Wow, that's really sad." Mr. X says. "Anyway, who wants to go next? Kendall?"

"Fine." Kendall snaps. He takes a deep breath and calms down. "Yes, we did stop hanging out, but we couldn't help it. We didn't just abandon James for no reason!"

"Oh, so you're going to try to justify it?" James snaps.

"James, let Kendall finish"

James glares at Kendall and lets him finish whatever he was going to say. Not that James is interested in hearing it. Kendall can try to justify what happened, but that doesn't make it right. James thought that he would always have his friends, but it didn't work out that way. Even after promising to always be there, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan broke the promise.

"Anyway, I don't think he realizes how much it killed me to see him hurting." Kendall says sadly. "I don't know about Carlos and Logan, but I just couldn't keep watching James struggle. It was too much to handle, so I decided that I just couldn't be around him anymore. I know it was wrong and it probably doesn't even make sense, but it's true. James has always been so confident and happy, then he just became a completely different person. He wasn't the best friend that I had grown up with and I just didn't know how to handle that."

James looks at Kendall with sad eyes, but he refuses to cry.

"Carlos? Logan? Do either of you wanna talk?" Mr. X asks gently.

"I guess I will." Carlos says, sitting up straight. "I feel the same way as Kendall. You know, it was too hard for me to just watch James hurt. Sometimes he would have to leave the room because he didn't want to cry in front of us. Stuff like that happened a lot and it scared me. Kendall is right. James wasn't the same person that we had grown up with. I missed my best friend, but now he had all of this responsibility and pain to deal with. After a while, I just stopped messing with him because I couldn't stand to see him hurt. Now I regret not telling him that because it could have spared us so much trouble, but it can't be changed."

James wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, keeping his eyes on Kenzie. Lucky her for being so oblivious to the whole conversation.

"What about you, Logan?" Mr. X asks carefully. Logan hasn't said a word since they got here.

"I think we're all thinking the same thing." Logan tells him. "I mean, it hurt us to be around James because he was going through so much. Good friends would have stood by him even when it got too hard, but I don't really know if any of us could have handled it. Anyway, we miss Jenna as much as he does, and whenever we saw him crying or taking care of Mackenzie, it reminded us that Jenna was really gone."

"Don't talk about it." James says weakly.

"Okay, I'm just curious about one thing." Mr. X says carefully. "Why are Carlos and Logan always fighting? Wasn't the main issue was between you boys and James?"

"I guess when we gave up our friendship with James, we also gave up on each other." Logan says softly. "I didn't know that the whole group was going to break up. The whole thing put a strain on all of us and I guess we just started taking our anger out on each other."

"You see? Deep down, you boys miss each other. It's obvious! If you didn't care about each other, talking about this wouldn't bother you so much."

"Who said that it bothers us?" Carlos asks, yelping when Kendall elbows him.

"When each of you was telling your side of the story, you all had sadness in your eyes." Mr. X explains.

Kenzie starts whimpering, interrupting the meeting. James looks at her with concern, bouncing her on his lap. She keeps whimpering and tears start rolling down her cheeks. James sighs as he grabs her bag, guessing that she's probably hungry. He already changed her diaper, but she hasn't eaten much today. He brought her favorite flavor of yogurt, so that should make her feel better. He takes her to the lounge, where a table, coffee pot, and blender are located. By now, Kenzie is crying loudly, openly expressing her agitation.

"Okay, I'm getting your food." James says, sitting at the table. He takes a small container of yogurt and a spoon out of the bag. He quickly opens the container and scoops some yogurt out of it. "Look, Kenzie!"

He holds the spoon to her mouth, letting her taste the vanilla flavor. She stops crying, proving that James was right about her being hungry. James is usually pretty good at knowing what Kenzie wants or needs. At first, he was worried that he wouldn't know what to do, but he's learning more every day.

"You were a hungry girl, weren't you?" He says, feeding her another scoop of yogurt.

"Wow, she really likes that yogurt."

Kendall is standing there, watching with eyes that are filled with both amusement and concern. James feels touched by what the guys told Mr. X, but at the same time, he doesn't know if he's ready to forgive his friends just yet. He's happy to know the reasoning behind the end of their friendship, but he isn't sure if it really matters. Who abandons a friend just because they can't handle seeing that friend hurting? Maybe they really felt that way, but James just can't believe it. Logan was right. Real friends would stick together even when things got hard. No matter how much he was hurting, James didn't think that it would push them away. He probably should be happy to know the truth, but it kinda makes him even angrier with them. He really wants to forgive them, but he doesn't know how to feel about their explanation. It's rather ridiculous. The whole group splitting up because of his problems? He almost feels like they were putting the blame on him. Maybe that wasn't their intention, but it sure feels like it.

"It's vanilla." James says softly. "Her favorite."

"So," Kendall says, sitting across from him. "What do you think?"

"About what?" James asks bitterly.

"About everything." Kendall explains. "What we all said."

"I don't know what to think." James says quietly. "I want to forgive you guys, but it's going to be really hard. It doesn't matter what you were thinking. You really hurt me."

"We're sorry." Kendall whispers.  
>"I know you are."<p>

* * *

><p>After the whole mediating thing and a few hours of dancing, the boys go home. James needs to get his mind off the guys, so he takes Kenzie back to the apartment, then gets dressed for the pool. Once he's there, he heads over to the hot tub. The warm water feels great against his skin and very relaxing. But it doesn't feel the same with his shirt on, so he takes the garment off. Once he has done that, the water feels even better. He puts his sunglasses on and closes his eyes, his tense muscles slowly loosening up. Even when he hears someone else getting in, he doesn't bother to open his eyes.<p>

"Did you guys go to Rocque Records?"

James frowns when he hears Lucy's voice. He opens his eyes and, from behind his sunglasses, he sees her sitting on the opposite side of the hot tub. He nods in response, then tries to relax once again. But Lucy obviously isn't going to let him do that because she chooses to keep talking.

"How did it go?"

"Okay." James says flatly.

"Well, that tone tells me otherwise."

"What? I said okay." James says, looking at her.

"Yeah, but you sounded like you were either tired or annoyed." Lucy says carefully. "It sounded like both."

"Well, I don't wanna talk about it." James grumbles.

"Alright, you obviously had a bad day, so I'm going to leave you alone." Lucy says as she starts to climb out of the hot tub.

"You don't have to leave." James sighs.

"I just assumed that you wanted to be left alone." Lucy says, sitting back down. James seems a little on edge. If he wants to be left alone, she'll leave him alone. She was looking forward to the hot tub, but she isn't going stay if she's not welcome. She doesn't really understand James's problem, but he obviously doesn't want to talk about it. But Lucy is curious. She wants to know why he changed so much. She knows the basic explanation of the whole situation, but she doesn't know the details. She only knows what her friends have told her. If she weren't afraid of upsetting James, she would ask him about it. She isn't about to ask him to talk about his dead wife if he doesn't want to, but she seriously wants to know more about him and his life. Frankly, he kind of fascinates her. That's funny because she wasn't all that interested when she first met him.

"I don't really care." James says with a small smile.

"Yeah, now you decide to lighten up." Lucy says, splashing him.

"Hey, be careful!" James says, covering his face.

"It's just water."

She listens as James laughs, but she holds back a smile. She would like to keep her rebel image in tact, so she doesn't like to overdo the smiles of amusement. She isn't completely unemotional, but she has a reputation to uphold. Her reputation as the rocker chick that could really care less about what people think of her.

"Yeah, but chlorine is bad for hair." James tells her.

"Just take a shower afterwards." Lucy says, splashing him again.

"Whatever." James grins. "Hey, how's your album going? It's gonna rock, right?"

"Very much." Lucy says, crossing her arms. "My current record company lets me have plenty of creative freedom, so I write most of the songs."

"You're not singing crazy songs like you did on your first album, right?" James asks her.

"Not really." Lucy says, shaking her head for emphasis. "It's still rock, though. I may have toned down the rebellious aspect a little bit, but it's not too much different. Instead of singing songs about rebelling against authority, I'm singing about bad boyfriends and issues that teens can relate to. But just so you know, it's nothing like the bubblegum pop that a lot of people are doing. That's what my old record company wanted me to do and I refused, so they just fired me. I walked out with my dignity in tact and I just found another company."

"Wow, you are bad." James smiles, shaking his head.

"Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all."

"Good." Lucy says with a satisfied smirk. "Hey, how is your daughter?"

"She's good." James says. "She's in the apartment. I needed to clear my head."

"What happened today? What upset you so much?"

"You ask a lot questions."

"I'm just curious."

"Fine." James sighs heavily. "Gustavo and Kelly got Mr. X to mediate and I found out why the guys and I stopped being friends. Please don't ask anymore questions because I'm not ready to talk about the details yet."

"Alright." Lucy shrugs.

"What have you been doing today?"

"Stayed in my apartment and finished the song."

"Can I hear it?" James asks her.

"Come to my apartment later." Lucy tells him. "I'll play it for you."

"Do you still live in the some place?"

"Yep."

"I'll see you there."

* * *

><p><strong>James is going to hear Lucy's new song! But I don't want to rush their relationship, so they're just friends right now:)<strong>

**Review!**


	9. Just Like Old Times

Later, after getting cleaned up, James goes to Lucy's apartment. He doesn't know why he accepted her invite, but he did. Now he's standing at her door, prepared to knock. But the door opens before he fist touches it. Lucy, in black jeans and a blue T shirt, is standing there, waiting for him to enter her home. Once he does, he finds that she has done quite well at getting everything decorated and cleaned up. The TV in the living room is on and James is pretty sure that he smells brownies. He takes a whiff of the smell, smiling in satisfaction. He loves the smell of baked goods.

"Nice glasses." Lucy says as she closes the door.

"Thanks?" James says, starting to wish that he had worn his contacts. He only wears his glasses when he's not in public. He normally wears his contacts, but he didn't feel like it today. He just wanted to wear something comfortable, so he threw on a pair of jeans and his hockey jersey. If he isn't out in public, he doesn't really care about getting all dressed up. But he should have known that this girl would tease him about the glasses. He apparently wasn't thinking clearly when he put them on. Most people, other than his family and friends, don't know he has them, and he would like to keep it that way.

"They're cute." Lucy says, turning the TV off. "Ready to hear the song?"

"Yeah." James says, sitting on the couch. Lucy grabs her guitar that was propped against the wall, then she sits next to him and begins singing her song.

Wow, James knew that Lucy could sing, but he just knows the voice from that debut album of hers. She sounds even better without all the auto tune and editing. As he listens to her sing, he finds himself feeling glad that she went to a different record company. She makes good music, but that old record company wanted her to be something she's not. He actually admires her for standing up for what she believes in, not letting anyone change her. She'll make a great album with this new record company. They let her write the songs and they like her rocker image, so that's great.

She stops playing and looks at him, waiting for his opinion.

"So?" She questions.

"That was...very nice." James stammers.

"Yeah, I'm quite proud of it." Lucy says, putting her guitar back against the wall. "It's has some pop influences, but it still rocks."

"I thought you hated pop."

"I said I hated _bubblegum_ pop." Lucy reminds him. "I didn't say that I hate pop music in general. In my opinion, Michael Jackson was a creative genius. He made good pop music, not the stuff that some of these stars are making. Look at the stuff those Jennifer girls do. I have listened to their recordings on Youtube and I just want to say that it nauseates me. No offense to them, but what they do isn't considered real music. I think they just try to copy Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. And don't get me started on that cover of Beat It that they did."

"They covered Michael Jackson?" James asks, surprised.

"Yeah, and I was disgusted." Lucy says from the kitchen. "A person shouldn't try to copy a classic song like that if they're just going to mess it up. It didn't even sound like the original track!"

"I'll have to check it out later." James says, reaching for the remote. Suddenly, that sweet smell hits his nostrils again. He notices that Lucy is sitting a plate of brownies on the dining table. He hopes that she'll offer him some. He could use something sweet right now. Chocolate is his guilty pleasure, which is why he convinced Chris to show him how to bake. His mom was always a health nut, so she was always reluctant to give James sweets. She said that chocolate was bad for his skin, but he would sneak some whenever she wasn't looking.

"Dude, you're drooling." Lucy says. "If you want one, just ask."

"Can I?" James asks her.

"Go ahead." Lucy says, grabbing his hand. She pulls him over to the table and hands a brownie to him. "They're hot, so be careful."

James takes a bite, enjoying the sweet taste on his tongue. He smiles as he gobbles the rest down.

Lucy gives him a weird look as he grabs another brownie. But once she has looked at him long enough, she realizes that he looks really cute when he eats. As soon as the thought enters her mind, she quickly shakes it off. James Diamond is just a really cool guy friend. Who said that it was weird to think that a guy friend is cute? Lucy has had plenty of _cute _guy friends. But she never found herself interested in them as more than friends. That's how it is with James. She thinks that he's attractive, but he's nothing more than a friend.

"Are you gonna share?" She asks, taking a brownie off the plate.

"Hey, I've had enough for now." James says as he walks past her. "Um, where are your Ziplock bags?"

"Over here." Lucy says, opening the drawer next to her fridge. She hands a bag to him, watching as he puts four of _her _brownies in the bag. "You know, you don't wanna eat too many of those. They have a lot of calories. I'm sure a guy like you doesn't want to weigh three hundred pounds."

"Four brownies will not make me gain a bunch of weight." James grins.

"Don't be so sure." Lucy whispers in his ear.

"Have you taken a good look at me?" James chuckles as he walks to the door. "I look amazing."

"I didn't know that you were still so full of it." Lucy says as she opens the door. "I mean, I thought a child changes a person."

"It does!" James argues as he steps into the hallway.

"Okay." Lucy says in a sing song voice, closing the door.

_"Unbelievable." _James thinks to himself. He actually feels embarrassed. He just had to let his sweet tooth take over. Now Lucy thinks that he just likes to pig out. He's nor trying to impress her, but really, he doesn't want her to see him as a chocolate loving pig. Again, he doesn't care about impressing any girls, but he hates making a idiot out of himself. He was a guest in her home and all he could do was stuff his face with her brownies. And the Ziplock bag? What was he thinking? Taking four of those brownies and putting them in a Ziplock bag!

He groans as he enters the elevator. He presses the third floor button and leans against the wall, taking a brownie from the bag and quickly eating it.

When he opens the door to 4B, Kenzie is sitting on the living room floor with the guys, but as soon as she sees her dad, she starts crawling towards him. He hands the brownies to Chris, then kneels down and picks his daughter up. He gives her a kiss on her cheek, thrilled to see his little girl again. He was only gone for about twenty minutes, but he can't stay away from Kenzie for very long.

"Were you good while I was gone?" He asks her.

"She was great." Ms. Knight says, shaking Kenzie's hand.

"Dada." Kenzie says, touching James's cheek.

"She missed you." Chris tells him.

"Next time you decide to go hang out with a girl, take_ your_ girl with you." Carlos says through a mouthful of food.

"Dude, you have no idea how weird that sounded." Logan says, shaking his head.

"Well, he said that Kenzie was the most important girl in his life." Carlos argues. "Now he's going on little apartment dates with Lucy, who should have been my girlfriend."

"Dude, it wasn't a date." James says quietly, sitting on the couch. He protectively wraps his arms around Kenzie and kisses her cheek. "Kenzie is the only girl that I need. "

Chris listens to those words and she can't help thinking about the future of James's love life. She wonders if he'll ever let someone new into his life. Chris isn't saying that he should start dating around, forget about Jenna, and neglect Kenzie, but he should know Jenna would want him to be happy. If James ever meets a special girl, Jenna would tell him to go for it. Chris really believes that, but she knows that it's going to be a long time before James starts dating again. Chris isn't going to force him to do anything, but she wants him to be happy. He puts Kenzie as the most important thing in his life and that's great, but he doesn't really allow himself to be happy. That means that he refuses to go on dates and he nearly refused to come back to LA. She's glad he did, though. She knows that he misses being in BTR, so she was secretly thrilled when Gustavo and Kelly announced that they wanted to get the band back together.

"Kenzie, you're sucking your thumb again!" James says, removing Kenzie's hand from her mouth.

"Jay, it's normal for her age." Chris tells him.

"But I don't want her to be doing this when she's four years old." James complains.

"Sweetie, she'll grow out of it." Ms. Knight reassures him. "I learned that from Kendall."

"Mom!" Kendall yells.

"It was cute, though." Ms. Knight smiles dreamily. "I even have pictures."

"Can we see them?" Carlos laughs.

"I'll go and get them!" Ms. Knight says excitedly, running out of the room.

"Kendall Knight was a thumb sucker." Carlos laughs quietly.

"You see?" James whispers to Kenzie. "That's going to happen to you in a few years if we're not careful."

Kenzie puts her thumb back in her mouth as if she's saying "So? I don't care."

"How was Lucy's song?" Katie asks him.

"It was good." James says, stroking Kenzie's cheek. "It was pop/rock, but mostly rock. She refuses to make bubblegum pop music."

"I got it!" Ms. Knight squeals, rushing into the living room with a small box. She sits between James and Katie, reaching into the box. She takes a picture that shows young Kendall in a diaper and Superman T shirt, sucking his little thumb. James hasn't done this in a while, but he sends a playful smirk in Kendall's direction."

Carlos and Logan stand behind the couch and look over Ms. Knight's shoulder, laughing at the hilarious sight. Kendall just rolls his eyes in annoyance, but no one seems to notice.

"It's not that funny!" He snaps.

"Yes, it is!" Logan laughs.

"Ba, ba, ba, ba..." Kenzie repeats, putting her fingers in her mouth.

"I'm gonna get her some juice" James says, still laughing about the hilarious photo. He carries Kenzie into the kitchen and grabs her bottle, which is filled with apple juice. "Alright, princess, here it is."

Kenzie happily accepts the drink as James holds the bottle to her mouth. She grabs the bottle herself and James slowly lets go, letting her feed herself. She's at the age where she can start doing that. A few months ago, James had to hold the bottle and spoon for her, but now she's learning how to feed herself. Even when James is dressing her, she wants to help. She likes to hold onto James's bed and lift each leg as he helps her into a pair of jeans.

"Try not to drop that, okay?" James whispers. But it's too late. Just as he says the words, the bottle falls to the ground. The top comes off and the drinks spills all over the floor. "I spoke too soon."

"Ms. Knight, do you have a towel? Kenzie spilled her drink." He calls out.

"Sure." Ms. Knight tells him. "Chris, could you get a dish towel from my room?"

"Look at that mess." James says, tickling Kenzie's stomach.

"Wow." Chris says, looking at the mess. She kneels on the floor and starts wiping the juice up. Kenzie reaches out for her bottle, whimpering softly. James kisses her cheek and walks to the refrigerator, reaching for the carton of apple juice. Messes like this happen all the time. It's okay. James is use to this and it's not like he's mad at Kenzie. She's doing what little kids do. Be cute and make lots of messes. He actually finds it kind of funny. She's still learning how to keep a good grip on her bottle, so it's not her fault. As she gets older, the messes will become less frequent.

"Why don't we try that new sippy cup that I bought for you?" James suggests, looking through the baby bag. Kenzie's new sippy cup is purple with a green top. James has slowly been introducing her to thecup and he hopes that she'll be using it full time in a couple months. He wants to wean her off the bottle.

He lets Ms. Knight hold her, while he pours some juice into the cup. Then he takes her back and hands the cup to her. To make sure that she doesn't drop it again, he also keeps a hand around the cup. He returns to the living room, where Carlos and Logan are still laughing at the picture of Kendall. Since they all got home from Rocque Records today, the guys have mostly ignored each other, but they finally got bored and ended up watching TV together. It was kind of weird. They were in the same room together, they laughed at the funny jokes, but they never really acknowledged each other. Now Carlos and Logan are laughing together. They're laughing at Kendall's expense, but they're actually having a nice laugh.

"Ms. Knight, you've gotta frame this!" Carlos laughs.

"I would, but Kendall won't let me." Ms. Knight says in disappointment.

"Kenzie, are you done?" James asks his daughter. He shakes the bottle to make sure that it's empty, then hands it to Chris. He rubs Kenzie's back and gives her a kiss. Kenzie snuggles into his chest and he slowly stands up.

"James, why don't you put her to bed? Then you boys could watch a movie." Ms. Knight suggests.

"As long as you don't try to pound each other's faces in." Katie warns, earning a glare from Ms. Knight and Chris.

* * *

><p>James never thought that he would watch another movie with the guys again, but here they are. Carlos just put Sucker Punch in the VCR and he said that it's going to be just like old times. watching a nearly all girl action movie and talking about how hot the actresses are. It's something that they use to do all the time.<p>

"Vanessa Hudgens is mine." James warns them.

"Yeah? Well, I call Emily Browning." Kendall retorts. "I've already decided that she's going to be my future wife."

"Dude, Emily Browning is never going to marry you." Logan says, shaking his head. "Besides, I thought Jo was your future wife."

"We're not together, man!" Kendall says, punching Logan in the shoulder.  
>Logan mouths "ow" and rubs his shoulder, suddenly remembering how hard Kendall's punches can be. Yeah, it's definitely just like old times.<p>

"Shut up! It's starting!" Carlos says, sitting in front of the TV.

"Dude, don't sit so close to the TV." James says, pulling him back.

"How can you not want to be closer to these girls?" Carlos asks in surprise, wildly pointing at the screen.

"We're close enough." James rolls his eyes. He can drool over pretty girls without having to press his nose to the screen. Anyway, the guys and his family all know checking out girls isn't a big deal for him anymore. There are so many more important things to do. Despite this way of thinking, he finds himself very interested in the action film. This movie wasn't that successful at the box office, but James actually thought it was pretty good. Lots of action and cute girls to check out. That's just James's personal opinion, though. Apparently, the critics had a different opinion.

"I want to marry that girl." Kendall says in a dazed voice, staring at the screen.

"You see why I regret leaving LA?" Carlos asks him. "You run into chicks like that every day."

"You guys are so girl crazy." Chris says, rolling her eyes.

Carlos gives the guys a mischievous smile before sitting next to Chris on the couch. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and gives her a light squeeze.

"How about you and I go out?" He asks her, making sure that she doesn't see him smirk at the other guys.

"Carlos, I'm twenty nine!" Chris says, pushing him away.

"Chris, maybe you should give him a chance." James says through his laughter. This earns him a slap on the head from Chris, but it's totally worth it. Her expression is priceless!

"Chris, I may seem crazy about girls in general, but I'm really just crazy about you." Carlos says, leaning forward like he's about to kiss her. Chris pushes him again and stands up, jumping over the back of the couch. Not a good idea, because she ends up landing on her behind. She growls under her breath and stands up, slapping his head before walking to the kitchen.

"I love messing with her." Carlos laughs as he returns to the floor.

"Isn't this crazy?" Kendall asks, no longer paying attention to the movie. James, Carlos, and Logan look at him with curiosity. "Look at us! We're doing something that we haven't done in months. We're actually laughing and joking around like we use to!"

"He's right." Logan agrees. "We've barely said a word to each other in the past nine months and now we're back in LA, actually doing something fun together."

"Now all we need is to see James do that weird thing with his hands." Kendall sighs.

"No." James says, trying to hold back a smile. "I'm not doing that."

"Come on." Carlos begs. "Just do it!"

"Fine!" James says quickly. He takes a deep breath and does his famous "The Face" hand motion. When the other guys cheer, he can't help smiling. He can't say that he really feels as close to them as he use to, but that doesn't mean that they can't enjoy some boys time together. It's going to be a while before they're truly friends again, but James is actually having fun right now. Carlos and Logan aren't fighting, they're all sharing some good laughs, and things don't feel completely weird and awkward. That's a pretty big step in the Big Time Rush comeback.

**Songs**

**What Doesn't Kill You-Kelly Clarkson**

* * *

><p><strong>DOUBLE UPDATE!<strong>

**This chapter was just a break from all the angst and drama;) Everything seems to be getting better between our boys, right? Or is it? Haha;D**

**Anyway, please review! :D**


	10. You're All I Need

"Gustavo finally gave us the day off, so you and I are going to spend it at the park." James says as he carries Kenzie over to a large tree. He sits down with his back against it and looks Kenzie in the eyes. She tries to stand up, so he keeps his hands on her waist for support. She makes funny baby sounds and smiles. He thought that she would enjoy the park. Most babies love going outside and seeing nature. Kenzie enjoys butterflies and the Palm Woods park is full of them. Anyway, James needed to get out of the apartment for a while. The whole week has been full of dance rehearsals, mostly without breaks. So James wants to take advantage of this break and do something relaxing. He's an outdoorsy kind of guy and the park is one of his favorite places. That and the gym are at the top of his list. Parks are relaxing and the gym keeps him looking good. He use to be chubby when he was younger, then he joined the hockey team and started working out. That's how he got his good looks.

"Since we're here, we don't want to sit around." He says, kissing her cheek. "But we're going to enjoy a nice picnic first."

He picks her up and carries their lunch basket over to a spot by the lake. He puts Kenzie down and spreads the blanket out. He sits down and starts taking their food out. He made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for himself, but he made some chicken nuggets for Kenzie. She can only eat finger foods, so he has to be careful with the meals he feeds her. Today is special, so he made foods that they enjoy. Once they are done eating, James will find something else for them to do. He wants this day to be fun for both of them. If Kenzie wants to look at butterflies or birds, that's what they'll do.

"Eat up, sweetie." He says, handing a nugget to Kenzie. The baby girl happily accepts it and James bites into his sandwich. He looks at Kenzie and smiles as she picks the nuggets up by herself, eating them. Just when he thinks that she's going to eat all of them, she offers one to James. He chuckles as he accepts it. It's adorable when she offers her toys and food to others. It just shows how sweet and generous she's going to be when she gets older. Just the kind of person that he wants her to be. As long as she doesn't go down the Jennifer route, they should be okay.

Once he has finished eating the sandwich and drinking all of the chocolate milk, he waits for Kenzie to finish. He adjusts his black baseball cap and stares Kenzie with a small smile. She looks too cute in that purple and white checkered sundress. To accessorize the outfit, he put a cute headband on her.

He wants to make a permanent reminder of this memory, so he takes a camera out of the basket and snaps a picture of his little girl. Chris has been making a scrapbook and this photo will be the perfect addition. She asked him to take some pictures while he's here.

"Are you done?" He asks when he sees the empty plate. He puts everything back in the basket. He'll clean the dishes and blanket later. For now, he's going to enjoy a day with his little girl.

"Come here, pretty girl." He says, pulling her onto his lap. A small yellow butterfly passes by and Kenzie starts giggling as soon as she sees it. James chuckles quietly and kisses her cheek, laughing at how easily amused she is. It's no wonder than James loves making her laugh. After all, it's quite easy.

"What should we do now?" He asks her. Kenzie makes some cute babbling noises and tries to stand up. James looks around and he sees the fountain. He stands up and carries Kenzie over to it, sitting on the edge. He lets Kenzie dip her does in the water and she laughs cutely. He grins as he gives her a hug and places kisses all over her face. He notices this Jennifers nearby and he is aware that they are whispering as they look at him. There are two possibilities. One, they are talking about how hot he looks. Two, they are talking about him and Kenzie. He would prefer the first one, but only because he doesn't want people talking about his personal life. Once this comeback is fully underway, the whole world will be talking about him, but he would like to enjoy his privacy while it lasts.

Kenzie discovers her reflection in the water and she smiles, causing James to smile as well.

"Who is that baby?" He asks her. "She kind of looks like you. Seriously, you two are like twins."

He laughs as he kisses her again, holding her as close as possible. He looks up to find the Jennifers walk toward him. He is about to get up and leave, but the three girls sit next to him before he can. He isn't sure if he wants to know what they're about to say. When he was a teenager, he thought these girls were so hot, but he grew up. Now he would really like for them to leave him alone.

"Wow, you are looking so good today." Brunette Jennifer says, touching his arm.

"Yeah." The other Jennifers agree. James refrains from rolling his eyes, forcing a smile onto his face. He keeps his arms around Kenzie, hoping that she can keep him calm.

"You know, we should totally go out." Blonde Jennifer whispers.

"You girls weren't interested before, so why now?" James asks, trying to stand up.

"But that was before we realized how cute you really are." Curly Jennifer says cutely, touching James's hair. He's starting to get annoyed and he's so close to telling them to back off. His special day with Kenzie is already falling apart. It was suppose to be just him and his daughter, but the Jennifers just had to come in and ruin it. He almost wonders if these girls are crushing his day on purpose, but he doesn't see why they would do that. Maybe they really just wanted to flirt a little, but James doesn't care about that. He just wants to get away from them.

"Look, I've really gotta go." He says, making another attempt at escaping.

"Come on." Blonde Jennifer says flirtatiously. "Just stay a little longer."

"Girls, I was really wanting to spend the day with my daughter, so I would like to continue doing so." James says, still struggling to get up.

"Oh my gosh, this is your baby?" Brunette Jennifer says excitedly. "She looks just like you!"

"She's adorable." Curly Jennifer says, reaching out to touch Kenzie. When the little girl snuggles against James, she pulls her hand back. "Oh, she's shy? Sorry about that."

"No problem! Now I _really_ need to leave." James says. Before the Jennfiers can respond, Lucy's harsh voice stops them.

"Just leave him alone." She snaps, grabbing Blonde Jennifer and pulling her off of James. The girl gasps in shock and the other Jennifers glare at Lucy. When she makes a threatening step toward them, they quickly stand up and rush in another direction. Lucy gives them a sarcastic wave, then rolls her eyes and looks at James.

"You see how annoying they are?" She says, sitting next to him.

"Wow, you really scared them off." James says, looking impressed.

"I guess." Lucy shrugs. "It's fun to scare people. When Kendall read the song titles from my first album, his expression was hilarious, especially when he read the last one."

"What was the last one again?" James asks with a weird expression.

"Cut it off and..." Lucy starts to say. But James quickly stops her, a disgusted look on his face. Now he remembers what it was. Lucy does not need to repeat it. It was both disturbing and disgusting. It makes him sick to just think about it. Song titles like that are the reason that he's so relieved about her toning down the rebel factor in her songs. Really, a song can rock without being completely and totally insane. He doesn't even know how Lucy could perform such songs without feeling disgusted. They were rocking, but they may have rocked a little too hard.

"Pretty cool, right?" Lucy says with a proud smile.

"Your old company actually let you record that?" James asks, cringing.

"Yeah." Lucy nods. "They had to let me because I threatened to give them atomic wedgies if they didn't."

"You're very..." James says, trying to think of the right word. Yeah, he can't come up with anything. So he just stays silent.

"Want me to give you a demonstration?" Lucy jokes.

"No!" James says quickly.

"Okay, then." Lucy shrugs.

James is still baffled by Lucy's hard core ways when he hears Kenzie's babbling. She is currently attempting to chew on his T shirt. He smiles in confusion and removes the fabric from her mouth, fixing her headband. He smiles and shakes her hand, bouncing her on his lap. She enjoys that, so he hopes that it'll distract her and keep her from chewing on stuff.

"Is she teething?" Lucy asks him.

"Yeah." James says, still bouncing Kenzie. "She will chew on anything that she can get her hands on. She even tried to chew on my shoelaces one time and I kindly reminded her that she's not a puppy." He smiles jokingly at Kenzie, tapping her nose. "She's a baby. Only puppies chew on shoelaces. Babies don't."

"You're really good with her." Lucy says.

"I've gotten a lot of experience." James tells her. "I spend a lot of time with this girl."

"Can I hold her? I'm not sure if you feel comfortable with other people holding your kid, but I was just asking." Lucy says reluctantly. Surprisingly, James smiles and hands his daughter to her. She sits the little girl on her lap and looks at her. "Hey, Kenzie!"

James is amazed when Kenzie smiles at Lucy. He's not trying to be judgmental, but Lucy seems like the kind of person that babies would be afraid of. That isn't the case with Kenzie, who seems to enjoy being held by Lucy. She smiles and babbles, reaching for a strand of Lucy's hair.

"Whoa, she's a hair puller." Lucy says, gently grabbing Kenzie's hand.

"That's something that you'll have to get use to." James smiles. "She does that a lot."

"Does she do it to you?" Lucy asks him.

"Oh yeah." James nods.

Lucy looks at the brown haired, hazel eyed girl on her lap. She doesn't remember too much about James's wife, but she remembers how Jenna looked. It's really hard to tell if Kenzie looks more like her mom or her dad. She has so many features from both of them. Some may say that she looks more like Jenna, but others may see more of James in her. Lucy sees a little bit of James and a little bit of Jenna. She has her dad's eyes and ears, his same cheekbone structure, yet she also has her mom's smile and hair color. It doesn't really matter. She's just a very beautiful baby. Lucy really likes this little girl and thinks that they could be very good friends.

"She's cute." She says, stroking Kenzie's cheek.

"And she's all mine." James says happily.

"Did you ever see yourself being a parent so young?"

"Not really." James says, thinking carefully. "I thought I would be at least thirty years old. But during my senior year, I met Jenna. When we were twenty one , I asked her to marry me. Shortly after we got back from our honeymoon, she told me that she was pregnant. For nine months, I had to deal with her mood swings and weird cravings. I remember her sending me to the convenience store early in the morning because she would be hungry for something that we didn't have. I thought that I would end up going crazy, but it was worth it. Nine months later, I got my little girl."

Lucy hears the slight sadness in his voice and she regrets asking him anything about it.

"You didn't have to go into detail about it." She tells him. "Yes or no would have been good enough for me."

"Whatever." James sighs. He quickly puts a smile on his face, reaching out to Kenzie. His baby girl wraps her hand around his finger and smiles cutely. "As hard as being a single parent is, I'm okay with it. I'm just happy to have her. I wouldn't trade her for anything."

"Not even hair and skin products?"

"Nope." James says, shaking his head.

"Wow." Lucy says simply. A faint beeping interrupts them and Lucy takes her cell phone from her jeans pocket, checking her text messages. "My music producer wants me to come to the studio. I'll see you later, okay? Maybe we could meet up sometime. You know, the pool is almost totally empty in the later hours, so it's a lot more fun."

"I'll see." James smiles, taking Kenzie from her.

"Bye." Lucy says before walking toward the parking lot.

* * *

><p>After spending another hour at the park, James chooses to go home for the day. It's hot outside and James is really tired, so he just wants to go home and get some rest. He can't help thinking about Lucy as he drives home. She's even cooler than he thought she was. When he first met her, he thought she was just another pretty girl, but she seems to be more than that. She has a fun personality, too. She's nice, but she doesn't overdo it. She's really good with Kenzie and she was the one person that could actually scare the Jennifers. She's not a wimp either. She wasn't afraid to grab the Blonde Jennifer and yank her off James. Most people would be afraid to do that, but she certainly wasn't. Plus, James has found that he really enjoys talking to her. He feels so comfortable when he's with her. He wonders if he should be worried about that.<p>

He finally pulls into their parking spot in the Palm Woods parking garage. He gets Kenzie out of her car seat, locks the car, and walks into the building.

"Daddy is really tired." He says, kissing her cheek. "What about you?"

Of course, Kenzie doesn't respond. She doesn't have a big enough vocabulary yet. She can say four coherent words and the rest is just gibberish.

When he enters apartment 4B, he finds that Chris is the only one here. She's sitting on the couch, drinking a glass of tea while she watches the Soap Opera channel. He stifles a laugh as he sits next to her, letting Kenzie sit on the floor. The baby girl heads over to her toy blocks and begins playing with them. While she enjoys her playtime, James rests his head on Chris's shoulder. As he closes his eyes, he hears Chris sitting her glass on the end table.

"Lay down." She instructs. "You look tired."

James gladly obeys and as soon as he does, Chris starts playing with his hair. He use to get mad if people touched his hair, but he has found that it's pretty relaxing, especially when he's tired. For some reason, it's very helpful in getting him to fall asleep.

"What did you two do at the park?" Chris asks, playing with his bangs.

"Ate lunch, the Jennifers flirted with me, Lucy scared them off, and we talked for a while." James says nonchalantly. "Then I took Kenzie for a walk around the park. She got to see some pretty butterflies."

"I wouldn't mind meeting this girl." Chris smiles, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

"Chris, I don't want a girlfriend." James warns her.

Chris groans softly and rolls her eyes. Any time she talks about him spending time with a girl, he gets so paranoid. His first words are usually along the lines of "Chris, I don't a girlfriend" or "Chris, I'm happy with being single." She wishes that he would just loosen up and have a little fun. Dating someone doesn't mean that he's going to marry them. For some reason or another, dating and girls are a sore subject for him. She cannot mention relationships without him getting irritated. She personally thinks that he needs a special girl in his life, but she's going to let him make his own decisions. If he wants to stay single, then she'll let him stay single.

"Did I say anything about a girlfriend?" She asks him.

"No." James says softly.

"Then just shut up and get some sleep." She says, kissing his forehead.

James keeps his eyes closed as Chris plays with his hair, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Chris smiles happily when he falls asleep. She can tell that he needs to get more sleep because he has circles under his eyes. It's her job to take care of him and Kenzie, so she makes sure that they both get the care they need. If she sees that James isn't taking care of himself, she's not afraid to say something about it. She makes sure that he gets proper nutrition, enough sleep, and enough leisure time. He can't take care of another person if he doesn't take care of himself, so she makes sure that he stays healthy, even if she has to be a little pushy.

She carefully gets from under him and puts a pillow under his head. She grabs a blanket and places it over his tired body, then turns around to look at Kenzie.

"We don't want to wake your daddy up." She says, picking her niece up. She carries Kenzie to her shared room with Carlos and quietly closes the door. She puts Kenzie on the floor and hands her a stuffed monkey to play with. Once Kenzie is occupied, Chris sits on her bed and grabs a copy of Vogue magazine. She really hates that she can't afford high fashion. She only has one designer item, a Louis Vuitton handbag. She only got it because her mom saved enough money to buy it for her as a Christmas present when she was twenty five.

"Kenzie, I thought the Jennifers weren't interested in your dad." She says suddenly. "They use to reject him and Carlos all the time."

Kenzie doesn't pay attention to her because the little girl is too busy chewing on the stuffed monkey's tail.

"Oh yeah, you can't say full sentences yet." Chris says with a sheepish smile. "Anyway, I really want to meet this Lucy girl. The only problem is that I don't think your daddy will let me. He doesn't really care about dating these days. You're the only girl that he wants, sweetie. That's really good, but I kinda wish he would find himself a girl. He doesn't have to marry her, but he hasn't been romantically involved with anyone since he lost your mama. He really misses her, you know? She was very important to your daddy and I think that he's afraid of replacing her."

Kenzie doesn't really seem to understand, but Chris just needed to express her thoughts to someone. She isn't about to tell James how she feels. She should be able to talk to him about anything, but there are some things that he refuses to discuss. Romance is one of them. She doesn't want to anger him, so she doesn't bring up anything that he doesn't feel comfortable with.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Carlos walks into the room and sits on his own bed, sighing heavily.

"James is trying to sleep." Chris says flatly.

"I noticed." Carlos says, bouncing on the bed. 'Don't worry! I didn't wake him up."

"Good." Chris says, giving him a warning look. "He needs some rest, so you tell the other guys, Katie, and Ms. Knight to be quiet."

"Chris, I don't mean to offend you, but you're turning into his mom." Chris says calmly.

"Yeah? Well, his mom is in Minnesota and she put me in charge of taking care of him." Chris reminds him. It's true. Since James doesn't live with his parents anymore, Ms. Diamond made Chris promise to take care of him. Ms. Diamond is always worried about James and his well being, so she was so grateful when Chris moved to Minnesota with him. She thinks that it's good that he has someone helping him with Kenzie. Chris and Ms. Diamond are totally on the same page. Chris knew that James would need someone to help him out and since she was ready to get out of California for a while, Minnesota seemed perfect. But she didn't just move with him without asking. She kindly offered to go with him if he wanted her to and he accepted. The first few months were kind of hard since everyone was going through the grieving process, but they got through it.

"Okie dokie." Carlos sings.

"Don't say that." Chris says, laying on her back. "It sounds stupid."

"Yeah, you're right." Carlos admits. "Hey, where's Kenzie?"

"What?" Chris shouts, sitting up. She looks at the floor and finds that Kenzie is gone. She jumps off the bed and rushes into the living room. She sighs in relief when she sees Kenzie by the couch. The baby girl is holding onto the couch and attempting to pull herself up.

"I told you that your daddy needs some sleep." She whispers, carefully picking Kenzie up. "You can play with him later."

"Wow, you're a really good babysitter." Carlos laughs as Chris returns to the bedroom.

"Well, you distracted me." Chris argues as she closes the door. "We were talking and she just crawled away."

"Let me see her." Carlos says, reaching out to Kenzie. As soon as he does, Kenzie lets out a small whimper. She grabs Chris's shirt in her hands and glances at Carlos. Chris sits on the bed and rubs the girls back, reassuring her that she's safe. She can tell that Carlos doesn't understand why Kenzie is afraid of him, so she should probably try to give him an possible explanation.

"You can't just immediately try to grab her." She warns him. "You have to let her get use to you first."

"She's been around me all week." Carlos complains.

"Actually, she has been clinging to James all week." Chris reminds him. "But if you ask James, he might let you play with her. She just needs to spend a little time with you. Once she gets use to being around you, I'm sure she'll start letting you hold her. Don't worry too much."

"Okay." Carlos pouts.

"Cheer up." Chris says with a smile.

"How can I when James's daughter is scared of me?" Carlos asks in disappointment.

"Look, I'm going to check on him." Chris says, sitting Kenzie on the floor. "While I do that, you can talk to Kenzie. Don't try to pick her up. Just talk to her, okay?"

"Okay." Carlos sighs.

Chris smiles before leaving room, closing the door behind her. Sure enough, James is still fast asleep. He's laying on his side now and the blanket is on the floor. Chris picks the planet up off the floor and pulls it back over James, kissing his forehead. She shows a little extra love by giving him a gentle hug. Then she walks back to her bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong>At first, I had Writers Block with this chapter, but I finally came up with this. I'm proud of it:) I hope that you enjoyed it, too!<strong>

**Review! :D**


	11. Mr Independent

Kendall is the leader. He protects the people that he cares about. That's how it has always been. When one of his friends was hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally, he was there to help them through it. When Logan broke his ankle in hockey, Kendall rode in the ambulance with him. When Carlos's first crush rejected him, Kendall was there to comfort him. When James's parent divorced, Kendall was always there for him. Anytime his friends needed a shoulder to cry on, he was always there. That's why he doesn't understand how things could have changed so much. He mostly worries about James. He knows that James doesn't have a easy life, but he hasn't been able to be there for his...Well, he could say friend, but that's a bit of an overstatement. He just hasn't been there for James. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes how stupid he and the other guys really were.

He stands in the doorway of James's room and watches as James paces back and forth, cradling Kenzie in his arms. Kenzie looks like she's almost asleep and James's eyes are filled with both love and exhaustion. This just reminds Kendall of how stupid and wrong he was. He gave up on James when he need him the most. It was hard to watch James grieve and suffer, but that was no excuse. Kendall wants to tell James what he's thinking, but it probably wouldn't do any good. James seems very reluctant to forgive them. He's reluctant about almost everything, except caring for Kenzie. He'll be there for her in a heartbeat.

James lowers Kenzie into the crib, then turns around to face Kendall.

"I was just checking on you." Kendall says, sounding a bit hesitant. "We were all down at the pool, but you didn't come with us. I guess I was just worried."

"Why?" James asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

_Here we go again._ James acts like he doesn't even want anyone to worry about him. What does he expect when he's twenty two and he acts like he's forty? Most guys his age, parent or not, would be out having a little fun. Date some pretty girls, go to hockey games, and just enjoy life. James is a great person, but he can be so stubborn. People want to help him, but he won't let them. Kendall doesn't want to sound selfish, but this is pretty annoying. When someone wants to help James, he just pushes them away. It drives Kendall crazy.

"Well, because...James, I don't know!" Kendall says, finally getting frustrated. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay!"

"Well, I'm fine." James says, trying to walk past Kendall. But Kendall grabs his upper arm, preventing him from walking any farther.

"James, I just wanna talk, okay? We haven't had a real conversation in months." Kendall begs.

James stays silent for a moment, but finally sits on his bed. Kendall sits next to him and there is another moment of silence. That gives Kendall enough time to see the ring on James's left hand. He never takes that ring off unless he's in the shower. Other than that, he leaves it on his hand as a permanent reminder of his wife. It also reminds Kendall of James's refusal to let go. That ring is keeping a part of Jenna with him. Kendall doesn't mind that. The only thing that bothers him is the way James handles everything. He refuses to let anyone else into his life. He acts like he's so sure that he can take care of himself.

"You should come to the pool with me." Kendall says. "The girls, mostly Lucy, have been asking about you. "

"Maybe I'll go later." James smiles. "Kenzie is taking her nap right now."

"Chris and my mom are here." Kendall tells him. "They can take care of her."

"What if she starts crying? Kendall, sometimes she wakes up and starts asking for her daddy. That's why I need to be here."

Kendall stifles a groan. He's real proud of James for taking such good care of her daughter, but why does he act like he's the only one that can comfort her? When she's upset, there are other people that can be there. She has Chris, Mama Knight, Katie, Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and lots of other friends. With that many people supporting him, Kendall would think that James would actually accept some help. People shouldn't have to force him out of the house. He shouldn't be so stubborn. He should be grateful that people want to help him. Kendall isn't trying to say that James is selfish. He's far from being selfish. Actually, he's a little too _selfless. _Kendall isn't angry with him for that, but he's angry at himself. Maybe if his friends had stuck around, James wouldn't be the person he is today. He might be more open to people.

"Dude, Kenzie will be fine." He says calmly. "You need to take a break. We have to be at work tomorrow and I don't think you want to spend the rest of the day with the baby."

Kendall immediately realizes the stupidity of his words. Why did he go and say something like that? He didn't mean it in a bad way. He cares about Kenzie as much as James does. He just thinks that James needs to take a break from her. He needs one night to be just a regular guy.

"Is there something wrong with me spending time with my daughter?" James asks, looking hurt.

"No!" Kendall says quickly. "I didn't mean it like that! Come on! I just put my foot in my mouth. I'm like Carlos, man! I don't always think before I speak."

"Yeah, I can tell." James says, standing up.

"I'm sorry." Kendall says, emphasizing the "sorry" part. He really is sorry. He knows that he said the wrong thing. He may have phrased it wrong, but he just wants James to see that it's okay to get support. It doesn't make him a bad father or anything like that. James is a great dad. It's no secret that he loves that little girl. He _would _be a bad parent if he didn't. Kendall wishes that he would have just shut up, instead of making James even more annoyed with him.

"Why can't you guys just leave me alone? You people treat me like I'm the baby." James says in obvious anger. "I'm not five years old anymore! I'm twenty two and I just want to take care of my daughter without everyone interfering. So if you could just mind your own business, that would be great."

When James storms out of the bedroom, Kendall could easily say that their conversation is over. But he's Kendall Knight. He doesn't let things go very easily. According to Kendall, this conversation isn't over until he says so. What? If James wants to be stubborn, Kendall can be the same way. So he follows James to the living room.

The taller boy is sitting on the couch with the TV on, trying to pretend that he doesn't notice Kendall.

Kendall grabs the remote and turns the TV off, determined to make James listen to him.

"Dude, I was watching that." James says bitterly.

"And I don't care." Kendall says, sitting next to him. "Now you and I are going to talk, got that?"

"You can talk, but I'm not saying anything." James says, glaring at Kendall.

"Fine." Kendall says, starting to get even more aggravated. Why does James have to be so difficult? Why can't he just be normal? He could just listen to Kendall and talk when he is asked to talk. "You're being a total pain, you know that? You have so many people that want to help you, but you won't let them in. James, do you realize how many people care about you? A lot, James! My mom is happy to take care of Kenzie so you can go out and have a life of your own! But you refuse to cooperate. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but it would be really nice if you would stop being such a jerk about it."

"Whoa! I'm the jerk?" James asks in shock. "You think that I'm the jerk? You're the one that is trying to force help on me when I don't want it! You don't get it, Kendall! I don't need anyone to help me. When are you going to realize that I am a grown man? I'm old enough to handle myself. I don't need anyone to take care of me."

"James, your situation is different." Kendall says as James starts to stand up, grabbing his wrist. "Believe or not, you need all the help you can get. You can't raise Kenzie on your own. I know you may want to be the one comforting her every time she cries, but you've gotta think about yourself. Don't stress yourself out. It's important to care for your child, but every parent needs a break from their kids. That doesn't mean that they don't love them."

"Well, what am I suppose to do?" James says, his eyes showing anger and exhaustion.

"Spend more time with your bandmates." Kendall says, lightly punching James's arm. "And Lucy. She's a cool girl, man. If I were you, I would try to get to know her a little better. Kenzie could use a good stepmom."

_Kendall Knight, you did it again. Way to go, idiot._

"Kenzie doesn't need a stepmom." James says, practically jumping off the couch. "She has me."

_Okay, never mind. You're both idiots!_

"Yes, she does have you." Kendall agrees. "And she's a very lucky little girl for that. But don't you think that she needs a mom?"

"You're forgetting about Chris." James murmurs.

"Yeah, but she's just the cool aunt." Kendall says carefully.

"If you're thinking that I'm going to replace Jenna, you're wrong." James tells him. "You're right, man! Chris is just the cool aunt. I don't think that she intends on replacing Jenna. I don't want anyone replacing my wife! _Jenna _is Kenzie's mom. I'm not going to bring another woman into the family and say "Hey, Kenzie! This is your new mom!" I don't want to do that, Kendall! What part of that don't you understand?"

He sniffles as he stares at his wedding ring, his eyes filling with tears.

"Just get it through your head." He says tearfully. "I don't need anyone. And Kenzie? She just needs me."

With that, he walks out of the apartment. Kendall yells in frustration, covering his mouth when he hears Kenzie's cry.

"Kendall, did you wake the baby up?" Ms. Knight calls from her room.

* * *

><p>James storms out of 4B without a second glance at Kendall. He can't believe that Kendall suggesting remarrying. And bringing Lucy into it? Lucy is just a friend. That's all she is. She's nothing more than a friend. James is serious when he says that he does not want to get married again. He is so sick of everyone telling him what to do. Take care of himself! Have a little fun! Meet a nice girl! Lately, everyone seems totally determined to control what he does. He knows what he wants and needs, so he would really like for everyone to leave him alone.<p>

He is so relieved that there is no one else in the elevator. Once the doors are closed, he punches the wall as hard as possible. He flinches at the pain it brings to his hand, but he chooses to ignore it. When he looks at his fist, he notices that the knuckles are red and a bruise is starting to form, but he doesn't care. It felt good to punch that wall. He needed to punch something. He's so frustrated and he needed to let it out.

He painfully opens his fist, trying to keep his expression normal.

"James?"

Great, it's Lucy. He's really not in the mood for her right now, but he can't tell her that. She doesn't even know about his conversation with Kendall. It's not her fault that everyone else keeps interfering in his life. He can't let himself take it out on her. He needs to relax.

"Are you okay? You're looking a little flustered."

"You have no idea." James grumbles as he walks to the pool. Of course, Lucy follows him. He collapses onto a lawn chair and rubs his temples. When he goes back to the apartment, he's gonna have to take some aspirin. When he gets too stressed, he gets really bad headaches.

"What got you all upset?" Lucy asks, sitting in chair next to him.

"Two words." James says tiredly. "Kendall Knight."

"What did he do?" Lucy asks him.

"It's not just him!" James exclaims, sitting up, "It's everyone! They seem to think that they know what's best for me! I would rather spend my time with my daughter, but they want me to be more concerned about myself. I'm just so tired of people telling me what to do with my life. They don't seem to understand that I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"Have you ever thought that they care about you?" Lucy asks, leaning back in her own chair. "You always have Kenzie with you and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you need to mellow down. Spend at least one day away from her. Sometimes it's okay to take a break from your kid."

"And everyone talks about me dating again." James whispers. "But I don't want to!"

"If you don't want to, that's okay." Lucy tells him. "But you shouldn't be afraid to get close to someone."

"Who said I'm afraid to get close to anyone?" James asks her. He's not afraid to get close to people. He just doesn't care about having a social life anymore. It's not important to him and he wishes that people could understand that. He doesn't have a problem with getting close to anyone. He could easily get a girlfriend if he wanted to, but that's not something that he really wants. It's his life and he is the only one that should be deciding what to do with it.

"Well, you know there's a problem when you're fighting with your best friend about it." Lucy tells him.

"My best friend? Kendall and I are so far from being best friends."

He really hates saying that, but he's not going to deny it. They're just coworkers. There's a lot of bands that have members who aren't really friends? Gustavo told them that even if they aren't friends, they're gonna have to pretend for the cameras. That's gotta be the biggest scam that James has ever heard of. Forcing people to fake friendship? Even if they pretend, everyone will see right through it. It's hard not to see the awkwardness between them. They've had a few good moments in the past week, but it's not the same.

"You're a difficult person to deal with, aren't you?" Lucy says, looking at him with a small smirk.

"What do you mean?" James says, finally laughing.

"You're insanely stubborn, you're way too serious, you have an anger issue, and..."

"Are you just here to make a list of everything that's wrong with me?" James grins.

"Hey, I never said there's anything wrong with you." Lucy whispers, patting his shoulder before going back inside.

* * *

><p>The first thing James hears when he returns to 4B is Kenzie's cries. Ms. Knight is sitting on the couch with the girl on his lap, trying to calm her down. Tears are streaming down Kenzie's cheeks and her face shows how upset he is. Kendall gives him a nervous smile before reaching over to rub Kenzie's back. This is exactly why he doesn't like to be away from Kenzie. If she starts crying, he's the one that can get her to stop.<p>

"What happened?" He asks as he sits next to Ms. Knight, putting Kenzie on his lap.

"Well, after our...discussion, I got frustrated, yelled, Kenzie woke up, started crying, then she realized you were gone and she started crying harder." Kendall rambles.

"You see what I mean?" James snaps before calming himself down. He holds Kenzie against his chest and kisses the top of her head. "Come on, baby. Daddy's here."

When he sees that Kenzie isn't calming down, he carries her to their room. He kisses her cheek and sits on his bed, cradling her in his arms.

"Kenzie, you're okay." He whispers, smiling at her. Slowly, her cries quiet down, until she is completely silent. He sighs in relief, hugging her closely. He chuckles softly, happy to know that he was able to make her feel better. This is what makes him happy. He doesn't need anything else because being a father is the best feeling in the world. He doesn't care what anyone says. He doesn't need to party or have a girlfriend to be satisfied with his life. Kenzie brings so much joy to his life and she's the only thing that matters to him.

"You have a really good set of lungs." He jokes, kissing her hand. "But you need to be careful. You don't want to disturb the other guests."

"Can we talk?"

James looks at Kendall, who is standing in the doorway.

"Haven't we talked enough?" He asks quietly.

"Don't worry." Kendall says, sitting next to James. "I just want to apologize."

"For what?" James asks him.

"For our little fight earlier." Kendall tells him. "I should have tried to be more understanding. When a person becomes a parent, the child needs to be their first priority. You don't care about doing the things that you did before Kenzie was born, but that's how it's suppose to be. Kenzie needs to be the most important thing in your life and I'll try to understand."

"Really? You'll stop trying to tell me what to do?" James asks slowly.

"James, we're not trying to control you." Kendall says, wrapping his arm around James's shoulders. "We just..."

"I know." James says softly. "You guys just want what's best for me."

"But we don't know what's best, do we?" Kendall says quietly. "We want you to be happy, man. But maybe we don't know what makes you happy. We haven't been around you enough to know what you want and what you care about. James, I hate that it's like that. I wish that the guys and I had been there for you. We were terrible friends."

James nods in agreement. He's not going to argue with Kendall on that. They weren't exactly perfect friends. There's no denying it, but it's not like he wants Kendall to feel guilty. They may not be buddies like they use to, but James doesn't want them to be miserable. He doesn't want them to feel guilty. He just wants them to understand him. If everyone would just back off a little and just let him make his own decisions without any arguments, life would be a lot better. When people pressure him, it makes everything seem so much harder.

"You're right." James says, his expression unreadable. "You guys weren't there for me when I needed you."

"Things are gonna have to change if we're gonna make a comeback." Kendall tells him. "Remember the other night? When we were watching that movie and we were actually laughing together? James, that's how it should be. The relationship between the four of us shouldn't be fluctuating so much."

"Um, what does fluctuate mean?" James asks slowly.

"Dude, you need to pick up a dictionary every once in a while." Kendall mutters before speaking out. "It just means that our relationship goes up and down. One minute, we're actually getting along. The next minute, we're fighting about something totally stupid. You, Carlos, Logan, and I just can't seem to decide whether we want to be friends or not."

"It sucks, doesn't it?" James says softly.

"Wow, I did not know what you could say words like that." Kendall says, lightening the mood.

"You are so immature." James says, hugging his now sleeping daughter. "Now I'm going to put Kenzie to bed."

As Kendall watches James carry Kenzie over to her crib, he feels proud of his best friend, along with regret for his behavior earlier. From now on, he's going to try to trust James more. Even when he feels tempted to make suggestion to James about how to handle himself and his daughter, he's not going to say a thing. James is mature and he knows what he needs to do.

Kendall isn't sure if he really believes that, but maybe he'll start believing if he keeps saying it.

* * *

><p><strong>I love double updates:) Just saying<strong>

**I don't want this story to be rushed, so I'm taking things slow with James's relationship with the guys and Lucy. Speaking of Lucy, I love what she said before leaving the pool. "I never said there was anything wrong with you." :) I'm really proud of that line**

**As I always say, review!**


	12. Show A Little Respect

It's about about eight thirty when Gustavo called the guys and announced that he had finished their comeback single. Now the boys are headed to the studio hours before noon, really justing wanting to go back to bed. Gustavo can need them at the worst times, always wanting them at the studio for whatever reason. Dance rehearsals, new song, whatever. On the ride to the studio, Kelly keeps reassuring them that she'll make sure that they get a twenty minute break. At least Kelly understands. They need to rest not only because it's healthy, but also because they won't be able to make music if they're tired. They're pretty sure that Gustavo won't want them to fall asleep onstage. That's what will happen if he doesn't take it easy on them. He'll never take it easy on him. Gustavo will work them until their muscles are on fire and they can barely move. That won't do too much good when they perform their first concert.

"The new song couldn't have waited until this afternoon?" Logan asks tiredly, resting his head against the window He's not too much of a morning person. He's okay with the hours between ten and noon, but he hates getting up any earlier than that. He feels all groggy and cranky. So he really doesn't care for their current work schedule.

"Guys, he just wants to show you the song." Kelly assures them. "Then I'm sure he'll let you go home."

"Probably not." Kendall disagrees. "You know how he is. You think he's gonna just show you a song and let you go home, then he decides to record the song and start working on a dance for it. He's completely and totally insane! We've known the guy for years, so we know how he thinks."

"Yeah, I've known him for longer than you have." Kelly says dryly. She isn't going to argue with them. She totally agrees with what Kendall said. Gustavo is insane. He yells, throws tantrums, works his bands too hard, and he's just plane weird. She really does consider him to be a friend, but he's a very strange friend. For years, she has had to listen to him yell and complain when the guys have actually did just fine. The guys could sound amazing on a song and Gustavo would find something wrong with it. She understands wanting the band to be good, but they already are! She has tried to get him to compliment them more, but he never listens.

"So you know what I mean!" Kendall says excitedly.

"On the bright side, Gustavo finished our comeback single!" Carlos says, trying to show them the positive side. He's as tired as they are, but he likes to think positive thoughts about kittens. Carlos really loves kittens. He use to have a kitten named Sparky, but they lost her. He doesn't know what happened, though. Okay, now he's getting depressed.

"And that's the only bright side." Logan says, still annoyed.

"Exactly." James agrees. "Kenzie woke up at six because she needed a diaper change, then I went back to bed. The next thing I knew, Kendall was waking me up. It felt like I only got about five minutes of sleep, even though it was longer. Time doesn't even matter. I just want to hear the song, then go back to sleep."

"I think Kenzie's tired too." Kendall says, pointing to the baby girl next to James. Sure enough, Kenzie is fast asleep in her car seat. The poor thing probably wasn't too thrilled about getting up so early either. She's lucky that she's still a baby because she can sleep whenever she wants. She doesn't have to stay awake so she can record a song or practice a dance. It's all play and no work for her. It's going to be interesting to see how she reacts when she starts school in a few years. James is worried about taking her to pre school because she might get upset and start throwing a fit when he tries to leave.

"She can just fall asleep whenever she wants." James grins, stroking Kenzie's cheek. "I'm so jealous."

"Guys, we're here." Kelly says as the limo comes to a stop. She and the guys silently complain as they step out of the limo. Without waking Kenzie, James removes her from the car seat, taking his daughter and the baby bag with him to the studio. It's super cute when she yawns in her sleep and snuggles into James's shoulder.

"Dogs!" Gustavo says when they enter the studio. "I just finished your big time comeback single! I'm going hand you the sheet music and you are going to sing it. Got that?"

"You see what I mean?" Kendall whispers.

"What was that, Kendall?" Gustavo glares, crossing his arms.

"Don't say another word." Kelly whispers through a smile.

"Fine." Kendall says, lifting his hands in defense.

Gustavo writes their names on the music sheets before handing them to the boys. James hands Kenzie and the bag to Kelly before Gustavo stats speaking again.

"Alright, let's hear it." He says impatiently.

"Gustavo, maybe they should do some warm ups first." Kelly whispers.

"They'll be fine." Gustavo says, motioning for the boys to begin.

Kelly smiles nervously and looks at the boys, finding herself irritated with Gustavo once again. He's working the boys too hard. Making them sing without doing warm ups when he knows that they haven't performed in months? She and Kendall were so right. Gustavo Rocque is crazy. She can't tell him that, but no one ever said that she couldn't think it.

"STOP!" Gustavo shouts, interrupting their singing. Luckily, the guys actually listen to him. They look a little annoyed, but that's not his problem. "That was terrible!"

"Gustavo, they sounded fine." Kelly tries to reason with him. She gives the guys an apologetic look and hands Kenzie to her dad. Then she grabs Gustavo by his ear and drags him out of the room, ignoring him pained whines. She pulls him into his office and closes the door, locking it so he can't get out. She stands in front of the door and glares at him, motioning for him to sit down. He looks bored, but she doesn't care. He needs to start showing those poor boys some respect. They respect him most of the time, so it shouldn't be hard for him to do the same.

"Could you try to show a little compassion?" She asks him.

"Those dogs don't need compassion." Gustavo responds. "They need someone pushing them because if they didn't have that, they wouldn't do anything!"

"How do you know?" Kelly whispers, sounding as threatening as possible.

"Because...I don't know!" Gustavo yells. "Kelly, Griffin expects the dogs to be amazing, so I need to make sure that they are amazing. If they aren't amazing, WE'RE FIRED!"

Kelly doesn't know what she's talking about. Gustavo isn't trying to run them into the ground. He just wants them to be the best they can be. He knows their potential and he's just trying to bring it back out. He knows that those boys have the fire, but they need to show it. They've always been full of energy and passion, which is just what they need. If Kelly could just try to understand that, Gustavo would be really happy. He cares about those boys and he believes in them. He may not always show it, but he really does believe in them. He knows what they can do.

"What is Griffin gonna say when they start getting sore throats and passing out?" Kelly asks him. "He won't be too happy, will he?"

When Gustavo doesn't speak, Kelly knows that she struck a nerve. Gustavo may be the musical genius , but Kelly is great at winning arguments.

"That's what I thought." She whispers, opening the door."

"They've been talking for almost ten minutes." Logan says, looking at his watch.

"I know." James says, cradling Kenzie in his arms. He's amazed that she hasn't woken up yet, but that's fine. Just because everyone else has to wake up and work their behinds off, it doesn't mean that she should have to suffer with them. James would love to trade places with her, but that's physically impossible. Therefore, it can't happen. James hopes that Kelly is giving Gustavo a good talk about giving them a break. He gave them a couple days off and now he's back to being Mr. "Do What I Say Or Else." But Kelly can be very convincing, so she may be able to convince him to be a little easier on them.

"I'm hungry." Carlos pouts. "I want to go to that coffee shop across the street. I want some bagels."

"That sounds really good." Kendall agrees, looking at his own watch. It seems like forever before Gustavo and Kelly finally return to the studio. Kelly is smiling in satisfaction, looking at Gustavo. The music producer looks embarrassed and a little annoyed, but the guys just want to hear whatever he has to say.

"Gustavo, do you have something to tell the boys?" Kelly asks sweetly.

"You can go home for the day." Gustavo snaps. "We'll finish working on the song tomorrow, but we'll do warm ups first. We don't want your dogs to lose your voices."

"Alright, see you later!" Kendall says before they practically run out of the room. They don't get to see the annoyed look that Gustavo gives Kelly. All he gets in response is a happy grin, He really needs to work on winning arguments with Kelly. Because of Kelly's ability to argue well, she made Gustavo admit that he likes the boys and now she convinced him to give the dogs a break. What is it about women and arguing? Gustavo has never been able to understand them. When it comes to an argument between a man and a woman, the woman always wants to be right. That's how Gustavo's last girlfriend was. That was when he was about twenty five and now he's in his thirties, but he remembers the relationship quite well. It was not a pretty experience. She always wanted her way and if Gustavo tried to argue with her, she would cry. She was so annoying.

"Ugh, I need an aspirin."

* * *

><p>"I'm going back to bed." Logan says as they walk into 4B.<p>

"I think Kenzie's waking up." James says as he puts the baby bag down. He sits on the couch and kisses Kenzie's forehead, smiling as she opens her eyes. She starts to whimper, but she stops when he kisses her again. "Good morning, pretty girl. You slept a lot today, didn't you?"

He sort of feels like going to the pool, but he feels worried about leaving Kenzie. He remembers his and Kendall's fight the other day and part of him agrees. He knows that he shouldn't be so stubborn and he should just accept help. It's just that he's always been independent. His mom was so busy with her cosmetics company and his dad preferred having a good time over spending time with him. Needless to say, he had to be pretty independent. His mom knew where her husbands priorities were and when James was eleven, Brooke Diamond decided that she couldn't take it anymore. So she filed for divorce. It had some long term affects on James. He's always afraid that he's going to get hurt and he never accepts help from anyone, even when he really needs it.

"Hey, you're back!" Chris smiles. "How was the new song?"

"Really good!" Carlos tells her. "But we're really tired."

"Go to the pool." Chris suggests as she takes Kenzie from James. "It's beautiful outside today."

Kendall and Carlos are gone before she can even finish speaking. Then she looks at James and reaches out to rub his back.

"Please go." She says, running her fingers through his hair.

"Okay." James says, kissing Kenzie's cheek. He rubs his eyes as he steps into the hallway, eager to lay on a lawn chair under the sun.

* * *

><p>"They're behind on their bills and the cars barely running, but he buys a ring with the tips that he saved." Jo sings. Normally, Palm Woods fire pit jam sessions take place later in the day, but they were all bored. So here they are! Guitar Dude let Jo play his guitar and sing a song for their other friends. Everyone is swaying to the music and some are even humming along. Lucy is sitting next to Jo, listening to her friend's song. Jo learned to play guitar a few years ago and now she never stops. She is a big Lauren Alaina fan and she taught herself to play "Eighteen Inches", the song that she's singing right now. As Jo sings, Lucy can't help noticing the smile on Kendall's face. He so wants Jo back and Lucy feels like telling him to just hurry up and get his woman back. If he likes her, he shouldn't keep waiting.<p>

"There ain't no greater distance than the eighteen inches from your head to your heart." Jo sings, strumming the guitar.

Lucy sees James coming out to the pool and she holds back her smile, like she always does. She actually feels excited when he approaches the group and joins them for the jam session. The best part is when he actually sits next to her. She doesn't have a crush on him, but he's cute. She likes sitting next to cute guys. Some girls might be intimidated by a guy that already has a kid, but Lucy doesn't mind it all.

"What are we doing?" James whispers.

"You know what." Lucy says, playfully nudging him.

"Right." James nods.

"Alright, who's next!" Kendall asks the group.

Lucy immediately raises her hands and Jo hands the guitar to her. She starts strumming the tune to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", one of her favorite songs.

"We both lie silently still in the dead of the night. Although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart inside." She sings, glancing at James. When he looks up, she quickly takes her eyes off him. She can't have him thinking that she likes him as more than a friend. Because she doesn't. She is not interested in being his girlfriend or anything of the sort. She does not want a relationship right now and she probably won't want one for a while longer. She just wants James as a friend and nothing else. If she did like him as more than that, she would know.

James listens to Lucy's voice, humming to himself. He likes this song and Lucy's voice goes really well with it. He's impressed that a girl can pull off a rock song so well. He likes her voice. He likes it a lot, but that means nothing. James thinks that a lot of girls can sing, but that doesn't mean that he likes them. He just thinks that Lucy is very talented.

"Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song. Every rose has its thorn." Lucy sings as Jo starts to join in. Okay, Lucy supposes that they've got some duet action going on. She was intending to go solo on this, but she isn't about to say no to her friend. So she just keeps singing and strumming her guitar, keeping her eyes off the hazel eyed boy sitting next to her.

* * *

><p><strong>I have 77 reviews! YAY! :D<strong>


	13. Memories

James stares up at the ceiling, humming an unknown tune. As he does, he finds himself looking back on everything that has happened since he was sixteen. Big Time Rush happened, he met Jenna, married Jenna, and Jenna gave birth to their daughter. So many good things happened, but it all ended in disaster. One special thing that James remembers is the Youtube account that he and Jenna made together after they got married. They just posted random videos of what was going on in their marriage and when Jenna became pregnant, she would post videos and update their viewers on what was happening in her pregnancy. James was in most of the videos and viewers got a kick out of seeing James act like a total dork while Jenna playfully scolded him. Their Youtube channel was **Mr and Mrs Diamond.** He remembers the night that they arrived in Turks and Caicos for their honeymoon. It was a beautiful night and they were just relaxing in bed, when Jenna suddenly got the idea to make their own account. James thought that it sounded like fun, so they did it. James hasn't visited the account since Jenna died. He had actually forgotten about it, until tonight.

It's two in the morning, so everyone else is in bed. James gets out of bed and sneaks to the living room. He grabs his laptop off the coffee table and logs into the old Youtube account. He lets out a shaky breath when he sees their background. It's a tiled background of a picture of them by the Palm Woods pool. They were in the pool and they were smiling into a kiss. He hasn't kissed his beautiful wife in ten months. He feels so helpless when he thinks about it. He doesn't know how he has managed to live through it. When Jenna died, he could have just ended everything, but he didn't.

He scrolls through their videos until he finds the first one that they ever posted. They filmed it on the first night of their honeymoon. When he clicks on it, he and Jenna appear on the screen. They are both laying in bed, wearing their pajamas and eating a box of chocolates. He lets the tears fall freely as he watches the video.

_"Hey!" Jenna says, crawling onto James's lap. James smiles widely and tries to hold back laughter as Jenna gives him a big hug. "We're celebrating our wedding night at a hotel in Turks and Caicos. It's really beautiful out here and we've got a great view of the ocean. So me and my hubby are really happy. Anyway, I'm just going to explain the purpose of this account. We just got married earlier and we decided to make this account so we could just...I don't know. Jay, you explain it to them."_

_James looks at Jenna with a confused smile._

_"Why? I don't know why we did this." He chuckles before looking at the camera. "We were just tired and bored. We're too tired to go to the beach, so we're gonna wait until tomorrow. To entertain ourselves, we made a Youtube account! Yay! It was all Jenna's idea, by the way. She was all "Jay, let's make a Youtube account!" and I was like "Okay?" I'm sorry, but I have no idea what we're gonna do with this thing. I guess just post videos about our adventures as a married couple. One more thing, Jenna told me to tell all you ladies out there that if you ever flirt with me, she's going to kick your..."_

_Jenna slaps her hand over his mouth before he can finish, giggling._

_"Babe, I never said that." She says, lightly slapping him behind the head._

_"Yes, you did!" James argues._

_"No, I didn't." Jenna responds, tickling his stomach._

_James laughs and falls onto his back, pushing her hand away. He already warned her that he's ticklish, but she never listens. She loves using that against him when he gets on her nerves. He loves this girl, but she's so insane sometimes. He wouldn't have married her if he didn't love her, though._

_"He's so ticklish." Jenna says, patting James's stomach._

_"Hey!" James whines, pushing her hand away. "Youtube viewers, be aware that my wife is abusive. She's so mean to me."_

_"He's such a baby." Jenna whispers. "But he's my baby, for now."_

_"What do you mean by "for now?" James asks in confusion._

_"I want to have a real baby soon." Jenna says, crawling into his lap. "In a few months, I want a little one. I think that you and I would be a very good mommy and daddy." She kisses his cheek before looking at the camera, smiling. "We've talked about having kids before and I'm pretty sure we're both on board. Before you marry someone, make sure that you both want kids. Just saying. Anyway, we've talked about it and I hope to be pregnant in a few months. My mom told me that pregnancy is a pain in the butt, but I can handle it."_

_"Jen, your stomach will get all big and I'm not sure if your body can handle all that weight." James warns playfully._

_"Jerk!" Jenna gasps, slapping his bicep. "You are such a meanie!"  
><em>

_"Aww, I love you too." James grins, kissing Jenna while he turns the camera off._

James sniffles as he begins looking for another video. They loved joking around with each other. One of them would make a sarcastic comment and the other would say what a meanie they are, but they never meant anything by it. They were just a playful, fun loving couple. Jenna meant the world to him and she will always be the love of his life. Every day that he wakes up without her in his arms...It hurts so much. He hates that he hasn't seen or talked to her in months. The worst part is that she's never coming back. He's never going to see her again until he dies.

He finds the first pregnant Jenna video they posted. They posted this video to tell their viewers that Jenna was finally expecting their first child. The whole video showed Jenna talking about the pregnancy and James, while he affectionately rubbed her still flat stomach. They were just sitting on their bed, celebrating a new life that would be arriving in nine months. He loves how excited Jenna was. She was a little on the hyper side, but James thought it was funny and cute. If Jenna got too excited, she had a tendency to start acting a little crazy.

_Jenna is sitting on James lap with his hands on her stomach. She squeals and claps her hands as she looks at the camera._

_"Hey, Youtube." James says before Jenna can speak. The girl giggles and kisses him before facing the camera again. She starts to speak, but James interrupts her again._

_"We have some exciting news." James smiles. "Seriously, it's really awesome."  
><em>

_"Tell them what it is." Jenna says happily._

_"Jenna's knocked up." James blurts out. Of course, that wasn't a smart thing to say. As soon as he speaks, Jenna elbows him in the gut. Pain erupts in his stomach and he groans, falling onto his back and taking Jenna down with him. While he's collapsed in pain, Jenna is giggling and giving him a hug. He knows that she didn't mean to physically harm him, so he's gonna forgive her this time. If it happens again, he might end up going to the hospital. Jenna looks both amused and apologetic, so he's just focusing on the apologetic part._

_"He meant to say that I'm pregnant." Jenna tells the camera. "I'm finally expecting our first baby and we're really excited."_

_"I think you left a bruise." James groans, his arms covering his stomach._

_"I'm sorry, honey." Jenna says, reaching out to rub his stomach. "Yeah, he's going to be a really good daddy. I'm not even showing yet and our kid is probably the size of a blueberry right now, but he loves rubbing my belly and talking to the baby. He also likes to kiss my stomach. It's the cutest thing ever."_

_"I need an ice pack!" James cries dramatically._

_"You are such a drama king." Jenna smiles, rubbing his knee. "But I'll get an ice pack for you in a minute."_

_"Fine." James says weakly as he sits up._

_"I'm six weeks along." Jenna says proudly as she grabs James hand, placing it on her stomach. James forgets about his pain and a smile appears on his face, while he rubs her flat stomach._

_"Alright, I've gotta get a snack for me and an ice pack for my guy, so we'll post another video soon." Jenna smiles before turning the camera off._

That's it. James can't take anyone, so he quickly logs out and closes his lap top, leaving it on the couch. He hides his face in a pillow and tries to take deep breaths, not really wanting to cry. He can't keep crying because he needs to be strong for Kenzie. She needs a manly and strong guy as her daddy, so he has to be that for her sake. He wants to cry so bad, but he just let himself do it anymore. All he needs to do is find something to keep his mind off of it. Before he started looking at the old Youtube videos, he had been humming a really good tune. It would be a great song and all he needs to do is write some lyrics. They would surely keep him distracted.

He walks to his room and grabs his guitar from the wall, taking it to the dining room. He wipes the last few tears from his cheeks, then sits at the table. He pulls his notebook and pen in front of him. He had left the two items there yesterday and forgot to put them away.

He has only written one song before, called "Oh Yeah." It's just about liking a girl and wanting to be with her. The song that randomly popped into James's head tonight...It's not really too dancy or anything. It's a slow ballad, full of raw emotion. James isn't sure what lyrics he'll come up with, but he wants it to be personal. He wants to write it for Jenna. "Oh Yeah" kind of reminds of him of how he felt when he first met her, but this song is different. He wants it to be about the days shortly before and after her death. He wants to do something really special for her.

"Okay, James." He murmurs. "Let's see what you've got."

He strums the tune, humming softly.

"Yeah, that's pretty good." He whispers, grabbing the pen and writing the lyrics down. He smiles softly and starts strumming again, singing softly. If he can just keep the tune in his head, it shouldn't be that hard to write lyrics with it. Those first thee lines are really good, so he needs the rest to be just as good.

* * *

><p>Kendall wakes up to music coming from some other room in the apartment, along with someone's voice singing. He sits up, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and curiosity. He doesn't know who would be up at...He has to check the time on his alarm clock, only to find out that it's already almost three. He doesn't know how anyone could get up so early. He wants to know who it is, so he carefully gets out of bed, making sure that he doesn't wake Logan. He tip toes to the living room, quickly learning that the mysterious and beautiful music is coming from the dining room. So he sneaks over to the archway leading to the dining room, seeing James sitting at the table with a guitar.<p>

Is it unmanly for Kendall to feel like crying? Because his eyes actually start welling up with tears. Kendall Knight isn't a crier, but he does have a heart. He has never heard James sing something so emotional before. He usually wants to sing all these upbeat pop songs, but now he's singing songs like this. Kendall doesn't know if James wants to release this song, but it would be perfect for the new BTR album. Gustavo mentioned wanting to go for a more mature sound, which is why this song would be so awesome. But he isn't going to ask James about it. If James wants to put it on the album, he will.

Kendall doesn't stay hidden for any longer. He steps from behind the wall and walks over to James, sitting next to him. James slowly stops strumming the guitar, looking at Kendall with tired and worried eyes. Kendall understands. James probably wasn't expecting anyone to actually hear him. Maybe he wanted this to be a secret. But when Kendall woke up and heard it, he couldn't help wanting to hear more.

"Did you hear that?" James asks him.

"Um, yeah." Kendall nods, hoping that James isn't mad. "Is that okay?"

"I guess." James says softly, closing the notebook.

"Why did you get up?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"I was just thinking." James shrugs. "And I couldn't sleep."

Kendall feels tempted to ask him if he was thinking about Jenna, but he isn't about to bring that up. He knows better than to talk about that around James. That's the one thing that James refuses to talk about. Kendall isn't about to force him into it. As much as he wishes that he could, he won't. He has more respect for his friends than that and if they feel uncomfortable with something, he isn't going to force them to do anything. Well, he's talked Logan into doing stuff before, but it was never anything serious. When it comes to significant things, Kendall doesn't pressure anyone.

"That's a really good song." He says, patting James's shoulder.

"Thanks." James smiles softly. "I just woke up and this tune came to my mind."

"I like it." Kendall nods.

He gets a smile from James, which is kind of weird. He really thought that James hated him, but maybe he was wrong. James may have been angry with him, but being angry doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with hatred. Anyone can be angry with someone without hating them. Kendall can handle James being mad, but he would be feel bad if James hated him. He hopes that was never the case. He and James met in pre school and they've always been the closest out of the group. When either of them were having a problem, they always went to each other for comfort. Occasionally, Carlos and Logan would come over and they would all talk about it.

"I just wanted to write a song for Jenna, you know?" James says, talking quietly to avoid waking everyone up.

"Oh."

"Yeah." James says, touching his precious wedding ring.

So he _was _thinking about Jenna. Kendall feels his heart shattering as he remembers his best friend's wife. He, Carlos, and Logan loved Jenna. She was so sweet and fun to be around. She loved making people laugh when they were feeling down. She could be as crazy as the boys sometimes, which made them love her even more. When James first brought her over, Carlos actually had a bit of a crush on her, but he knew better than to flirt with his best friend's girl. One of Kendall's favorite memories is when Jenna told the Jennifers off. She didn't use violence, but she gave them a tongue lashing. Some of it shouldn't be repeated, but it was funny.

That's just one of the many memories. Then there's the worst of them all. The day that James walked out of the delivery room and collapsed in a fit of tears. Kendall had no idea what was wrong, but he knew that it wasn't good.

_Kendall is sitting in the waiting room with family and friends, waiting for news on Jenna and the baby. The room is filled with anticipation and everyone is eager to meet the new baby girl. They just want to get in there and congratulate James and Jenna on their daughter. They've been waiting for nine months and they don't want to wait any longer. Twelve hours of labor is long enough and they really just want it to be over. Carlos and Logan secretly made a bet about who the baby is going to look like. Logan thinks that she will look more like James and Carlos thinks that she'll look like Jenna. Kendall honestly doesn't care, as long as the baby is happy and healthy._

_They can hear Jenna's piercing screams, since she's giving birth in the room across the hallway. She sounds like she's in pain and everyone is a little scared, but they know that pain is normal. In a few minutes, it'll be over and there will be a new baby in the Diamond family._

_Suddenly, the screams and cries stop. They're guessing that it's finally over and a few people start smiling. Kendall stands up and walks into the hallway, anxious for James to come out and tell them that Jenna had a beautiful baby girl. But what he gets is completely different than what he expected._

_James walks out of the room, but he doesn't look happy at all. He looks like he's on the verge of tears._

_"Are you okay, buddy?" Kendall asks, grabbing his shoulders. When James collapses to the ground and starts sobbing, Kendall almost wants to start crying as well. Instead, he kneels in front of James and pulls him into a hug, letting James sob into his shoulder._

_"Hey, what happened? James, what's wrong?" He whispers, rubbing James's back. "Is the baby okay?"_

_"Yeah." James sobs._

_"Then what's wrong?" Kendall asks worriedly._

_"It's J-J-Jenna!" James cries out. Kendall's shirt is soaked with tears, but James and Jenna are his only concern._

_"What?" Kendall asks, starting to get very scared. His heart starts pounding and his grip around James tightens. What happened to Jenna? "James, you've gotta talk to me."_

_"She's dead!" James wails. Kendall gasp and everything seems to freeze. No. James has to be lying. This has gotta be some sick joke. Maybe James is just messing with him and is actually about to say that both mother and baby are fine. But why would James lie about something so serious? He wouldn't do that. This is how Kendall finally realizes the truth of the situation._

_"No." Kendall whispers, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks._

That day is when everything became completely screwed up. The next day, they took Kenzie home, but it was usually Ms. Knight or Chris that took care of her. James just stayed in bed, refusing to talk to anyone. He held Kenzie quite a bit, but he was too depressed to really play with her very much. It's not that he never played with her, but he didn't do it as much as most new parents would. Sometimes Kendall would find James being comforted by Chris or Mama Knight while he sobbed, seeming unable to regain control. One day, the guys couldn't take it anymore, so they stopped messing with James. They stopped visiting and calling. It was stupid, but they didn't know how to handle everything that was happening.

"Kendall?" James asks slowly. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just stuff." Kendall says absentmindedly. He's still remembering the days after Jenna's death and the birth of little Mackenzie Elizabeth Diamond.

_"Sweetie, you need to eat." Ms. Knight says, sitting on the edge of James's bed. The newly widowed father is laying under the covers, facing the wall. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan just stand in the doorway, watching as Ms. Knight tries to convince James to put some food in his tired and weak body. He seems to be refusing, since he's completely still and he isn't responding to Ms. Knight's pleas. They've never seen James in such a terrible state before. Even as his newborn daughter is crying in the next room, he isn't making any move to tend to her. He's just grieving, but still. They didn't think that losing his wife would cause him to ignore his daughter._

_"Mama Knight, can we talk to him?" Logan says quietly._

_"Yeah, maybe you boys can get him to eat." Ms. Knight says, rubbing James' shoulder. "I'm gonna tend to Mackenzie."_

_She kisses James's forehead before leaving the room._

_Kendall, Carlos, and Logan walk over to the bed, crowding around James. Kendall leans over to see James's face. It's stained with tears and his hazel eyes are dull and lifeless. He doesn't even seem to notice Kendall, which makes it even scarier. None of the boys know what's wrong with their friend and it scares them. This isn't the James Diamond that they've known for so many years._

_"Jay, it's us." Carlos whispers timidly, reaching out to wipe the tears from James's cheeks. They watch as James slowly touches his left hand, removing the wedding band from his finger. He holds it out to them, shaking as he buries his face in the pillow. Carlos whimpers softly as he takes the ring from James, putting it on the bedside table._

_"James, you really need to eat." Logan says gently. "If you don't, you could get sick."_

_"I don't care." James says with absolutely no emotion._

_"Jay, if you don't eat enough, you eventually die." Logan warns him._

_"I don't care." James repeats through gritted teeth. That's when Carlos runs out of the room, obviously about to cry. When Kendall and Logan look at James again, he's on the verge of tears himself. Logan already has tears streaming down his face like waterfalls, but Kendall is just watching James with shock. Why couldn't this be a horrible dream? He hates that this is really happening. He's losing his best friend because of this._

"I'm gonna go to bed." Kendall says quietly before standing up and quickly exiting the dining room. Maybe he'll feel better after getting some more sleep.

* * *

><p>James frowns as he closes his notebook and takes his guitar back to his room. He sits it back against the wall and puts his notebook on the bedside table. Before he crawls under the covers, he checks on Kenzie. As he approaches her crib, he finds that she is still fast asleep. He smiles at his precious daughter, feeling a huge amount of love for her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to him. For the first few weeks of her life, James wasn't the best father in the world, but that changed one day. They had already moved back to Minnesota and Chris had left to go grocery shopping. She was reluctant to leave James alone with Kenzie, since she didn't think that he would really take care of her. As soon as Chris left, James picked his daughter up and something inside him changed. He remembers feeling regret for not spending enough time with her. From that day on, he stayed totally devoted to his baby girl.<p>

His smile fades as Kenzie's eyes open.

"Did I wake you up?" He asks softly, lifting her into his arms. "I'm sorry."

"Dada." Kenzie says, touching his face.

"Wanna lay down with daddy?" James whispers, carrying her over to his bed. He lays on his back and lays Kenzie on his chest, pulling the covers over them. He wraps his arm around her, making sure that she doesn't fall off. He chuckles softly as she babbles and makes some cute baby noises.

"We should both be asleep right now." He tells her. "I've gotta be at Rocque Records tomorrow and it's after three in the morning. Gustavo won't be happy when he finds out about this. On second thought, he won't know if we don't tell him. Are my sleeping habits any of his business? No!"

He smiles cheerfully as he pulls Kenzie closer to his face, so he can give her a kiss. He looks at her and yawns tiredly.

"Wow, I'm tired." He says, letting her lay her head on his chest.

As happy as he is about his new song, he wishes that he hadn't gotten up so early. He's already exhausted and he knows that he needs to catch up on sleep. He just had so many thoughts on his mind. When he's thinking about something serious, he usually has a hard time falling asleep. That's why he hates to think about certain things because all they do is keep him awake at night.

* * *

><p><strong>I am so proud of this chapter:) Seriously, I really love it<strong>

**Review!**


	14. What You Don't Know

Have you ever felt really conflicted before? That's exactly how Kendall feels right now. It's just that he wants to get back together with Jo, but he doesn't know how to tell her. He isn't even sure if she wants to get back together. The voice in his head that is telling him that she does, but he also feels some doubt about that. He's just standing outside her door like an idiot, seriously thinking about going back to 4B. He really wants his girl back, but he doesn't know what to say. He knows that he can't ask her upfront, but he needs to give her some hints. That's why he wants to hang out with her tonight, but he's freaking out. Is it a good idea for him to get back together with his ex? Or should he just leave it alone? Those are the questions that he's asking himself. He doesn't know the answer to either one. He still cares about Jo and he hopes that they can be together again, but something tells him that he needs to be careful. Jo's career is at an all time high, so she has a lot more important things to focus on. Maybe a relationship isn't what she wants right now, since her career has gotten to be so successful.

He raises his hand to knock, but he slowly lowers it. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. If he turns around and walks away, he won't have to deal with rejection. It hurts to be rejected someone that you care about. Kendall doesn't want to deal with that pain. Really, if Kendall asked Jo out and she said no, he would be crushed.

Just as he is about to walk away, the door opens. He slowly faces Jo, gulping when he sees how pretty she looks. He wants her to be _his_ pretty girl and no one else's. Who knows what she's going to say? Seriously, she has that soap opera, so a relationship might be the least of her priorities. He has to get out of this situation fast, before he makes a total fool out of himself.

"Hey." Jo says. "Did you need something?"

"Well, um, yeah?" Kendall stammers. He gets the surprise of a lifetime when Jo slips her hand into his, leading him into the apartment. That gives him some reassurance that she might be interested in giving their relationship a second chance, but he could still be wrong. He wishes that he could be more like James. What girl can possibly resist James? Well, the Jennifers did, but even they're all over him now. James can easily flirt with a girl and she'll fall head over heels for him, but Kendall has to try a little harder to get a girl. It's not that difficult, but it's not easy either. When he first met Jo, she rejected him a billion times before they finally got together.

"What is it?" Jo asks him.

"Well, I was going to ask you if you would...go to the movies with me later? I mean, there's this new romantic vampire movie out and I remembered that you liked that sort of thing, so maybe we could check it out." Kendall says, trying to be as smooth as possible. He's not usually this awkward around girls, but he hasn't really dated in a while. It's not like he can just start flirting with his ex girlfriend and expect her to fall back in love with him. He knows that he's gonna have to try really harder if he wants her back. He has to impress her.

"That sounds fun." Jo says with a smile. "I'll see you at seven?"

"Sounds great." Kendall says, finally relaxing. She said yes to their date, so the next step is to become her boyfriend again. He just has to make sure that he really wows her tonight. He has to make their date really special, so Jo will hopefully become even more attracted to him. He just has to show her how romantic he can be.

* * *

><p>When Logan and Camille dated the first time, it was great, but it did not end well. She was rehearsing for a role with James and the two ended up kissing, which caused Logan to break up with Camille. He kind of regretted it later on, but he also found that he didn't really mind being single. But now they're back in LA and he actually wants her back. If they did get back together, he would like for it to be a long term thing. He isn't a big fan of those on againoff again relationships. He has already made up his mind about Camille and he hopes that she feels the same way. He wants to be with her for the long run. They've been spending a lot of time together in the past week and a half. During that period of time, he has found himself falling right back in love with her. She may be a little crazy, but he loves that about her.

He sees her relaxing in the hot tub, but he's reluctant to approach her. He wants to, but he isn't sure if he can. Besides, he just saw Rachel get in. He wants to talk to Camille alone, rather than with a bunch of people watching. He's thinking about asking her out, but he wants to do it at the right time. He wants to find that perfect moment. Once she has said yes, then he's going to take her out and sweep her off her feet. He may be a little on the shy and awkward side, but he got some relationship experience with Camille. He learned a lot about how to impress a girl.

He hides behind a tall plant and smiles when Camille gets out of the hot tub. He has never seen a girl that could look so good in a bathing suit. Oh, he wants that girl so bad. He already knows where he would take her for their date. He found out that RENT is playing at the Hollywood Bowl and since that is Camille's favorite musical, Logan is sure that she would have a great time.

Camille starts to walk into the hotel, but Logan stops her.

"Hey, Logan." Camille says with a flirtatious smile.

"Hey, RENT is going to be performing at the Hollywood Bowl on Friday night." Logan says hopefully.

"I know." Camille nods. "I was thinking about getting a ticket."

"What if I could get two?" Logan asks her. "Maybe you and I could go together?"

She's smiling, so Logan is partly expecting her to kiss him and say yes. Maybe the kissing part won't happen yet, but he just wants to go out with her. The kissing can wait for now, but he really wants to take her out. She loves live theater, so this offer should have impressed her. Logan's not a total girl expert, but he's pretty sure that it impresses them when a guy remembers what they like.

"I would love that." Camille smiles, kissing his cheek before going inside.

Logan giggles shyly, touching his cheek. Inside, he's jumping for joy. He has had a romance free year, but now he has the opportunity to change that. If Camille enjoys the date, she might want to get back together.

* * *

><p>Carlos can't believe that James actually trusts him to watch Kenzie. Ms. Knight and James went to the store to buy more diapers, Kendall and Logan are trying to get their ex girlfriends back, Katie is pestering Bitters, and Chris went to see some romantic comedy. Carlos doesn't have any girl to impress, the pool is too crowded, and there are no movies that he's interested in, so that means that he's stuck babysitting Kenzie. If it weren't for his fear of making her cry, he wouldn't mind it. She's terrified of him, so he doesn't think that this is going to work out. He's afraid that if he touches her, she'll start screaming her head off. He shouldn't be afraid of her, since she's so little and cute. But he can't help it. He doesn't know how to interact with her without freaking her out. Everyone says that he needs to be more gentle, but he doesn't know how to do that.<p>

She's just looking up at him from the living room floor. She looks so innocent and cute, yet Carlos is afraid to touch her. Despite that, he still enjoys her cuteness. She's wearing some pink pants and a white hoodie. James bought the outfit for her at the mall yesterday and he was eager to see her wear it. James has always been the fashionable one, so he gets a kick out of dressing his daughter in cute clothes.

"Okay, be gentle." He tells himself before kneeling in front of Kenzie. When the little girl whimpers, he groans quietly. "Kenzie, I'm not gonna hurt you."

Kenzie grabs the coffee table and pulls herself up. She toddles over to the end table, unsuccessfully reaching for one of Ms. Knight's figurines. She babbles as she keeps trying to grab it, failing at every attempt. Carlos knows that Ms. Knight won't be happy if her figurines get broken, so he pushes his fear aside and carefully grabs Kenzie. The baby girl whimpers again, but she doesn't cry. At first, Carlos is confused by this, but he looks down and realizes that she has put one of the two straps of his helmet in her mouth. If his helmet will get her to like him, then he's okay with this.

"I like my helmet, too." He says proudly, sitting on the couch. He sits her on his lap and allows her to keep chewing on the strap. He feels kind of grossed out because his helmet strap is now covered in baby drool, but whatever. Ever since they came to LA, he has been trying to get Kenzie to like him and he finally did it. There's no way that he's going to ruin that.

"Does your daddy ever let you play with his helmet?" He asks her. "You can play with mine whenever you want."

With the strap still in her mouth, Kenzie gives him a small smile. Drool slowly dribbles down her chew and it takes a of hesitation before Carlos wipes it away with his thumb. He gets a disgusted look on his face, wiping his thumb on his shirt. He bounces Kenzie on his lap, since she seems to like when other people do that. He always sees James doing it with her, so maybe it'll work for him.

"Promise me that you won't soil your diaper until your daddy and Ms. Knight back." He warns her. "If you feel like you're going to, please let me know. I really don't want to be holding you when you do _that._"

Kenzie doesn't care about a word that Carlos is saying. He can tell. She's too busy chewing on the helmet strap, so she's pretty entertained. Now that Carlos has sort of befriended her, he doesn't feel too nervous anymore. As long as he can keep her happy, he's perfectly fine. He would hate for James to come home and find his daughter in the middle of a tantrum. Chris trusted Carlos to watch the baby and be responsible, so that's what he wants to do. He needs to prove that he isn't all fun and games. That's how a lot of people see him. They view him as childish, but he's going to prove the critics wrong. He is capable of being responsible.

"You know what? I'm really jealous of Carlos and Logan." He tells her. "They both have a girl to impress, but I have no one. There's you, but you're ten months old. I'm talking about a girlfriend. I haven't had too many of those. I dated this Sasha girl for a while, but it turned out that Gustavo had paid her to date me. He wanted me to experience heartbreak so I could sing some breakup song. That was pretty messed up, right? I ended up breaking things off with the girl because she hated corn dogs. Who could possibly hate corn dogs? They're amazing!"

While Carlos rambles on about girls and corn dogs, Kenzie continues to find enjoyment in chewing on his helmet straps.

* * *

><p>After getting the diapers and other groceries, James and Ms. Knight stopped by McDonald's for lunch. As James eats a delicious cheeseburger, he finds himself really missing Kenzie. He's like any other parent. He can only enjoy so much time away from his child. That's why he's so eager to get back to the Palm Woods. Also, Chris called and said that she had left Carlos to babysit Kenzie. James knows that Carlos has been trying to get Kenzie to like him, but leaving him alone with the baby doesn't sound like such a good idea. Chris insisted that James should trust Carlos, but it really makes James nervous. Carlos can be so childish sometimes. He can't handle babysitting, can he? He's twenty two and he still wears a helmet. That makes it hard to see him as being able to handle a big responsibility like babysitting.<p>

"I can't believe that Chris left her alone with Carlos." He groans after eating the last of the burger.

"Sweetie, Kenzie will be fine." Ms. Knight says, patting his hand.

James wants to believe Ms. Knight, but he doesn't. This is Carlos that they are talking about! Not only does he wear a helmet, but he still gets a joy out of breaking stuff. He's too adventurous! When they wear fifteen, he actually tried to bungee jump off the roof of his house. That had to be the stupidest thing that he has ever tried to do, but he did. James is amazed that the guy didn't break any bones. He escaped with a sprained wrist and some scrapes on his arms and legs, but no broken bones. Incidents like this really make James question his trust in Carlos.

"Ms. Knight, it's Carlos." James tells her. "He can't take care of a child."

"You worry too much." Ms. Knight says, touching his shoulder. "Now lets go home and see how he's doing."

"Thank you." James mutters as he throws their trash away. Then he follows Ms. Knight out to the van.

When they finally pull into the Palm Woods parking garage, James practically jumps out of the front passengers seat. He leaves Ms. Knight to get their groceries while he rushes to get back to 4B. He accidentally bumps into Lucy on his way to the elevator and he quickly apologizes before running into the elevator, pressing the fourth floor button. He anxiously taps his foot against the floor, waiting for these stupid doors to open. He needs to make sure that Carlos hasn't accidentally dropped Kenzie or something terrible like that.

He's so relieved when the doors open. As soon as they do, he speeds down the hallway to 4B. He forces the door open and frantically looks around for Carlos and Kenzie. He stops panicking when he sees Carlos sitting on the couch with Kenzie, watching Spongebob Squarepants. He breathes a sigh of relief, rubbing his aching temples.

"Carlos, how's Kenzie?" He asks.

"She's fine." Carlos tells him. "She likes the straps of my helmet, so I've been letting her chew on them."

For the first time all day, James laughs. He sits next to Carlos and smiles as he pulls Kenzie onto his lap. When she finds that she can no longer chew on the straps, she whimpers.

"Did you like those straps?" James chuckles, kissing her cheek. He frowns as Kenzie tries to crawl back over to Carlos. Usually, she wants to cling to him, but now she seems to prefer Carlos. It kind of hurts his feelings, but he tries not to let it bother him. Kenzie still loves her daddy. Carlos's helmet straps are just new and interesting. James can understand that. So he hands Kenzie back to Carlos and sighs as she happily accepts the strap when Carlos offers it to her. She puts it back in her mouth and goes back to being a happy baby.

"I guess you got her to like you." James says, watching his daughter.

"We were both a little intimidated by each other at first, then she discovered my helmet and everything was okay!" Carlos says happily.

"Thank you for leaving me to carry the groceries!" Ms. Knight says as she stumbles into the apartment, carrying all three of the grocery bags. James quickly goes to help her, grabbing the bags and taking them to the kitchen. He sits them on the island, smiling nervously at Ms. Knight.

"I know you were worried, but you could have helped me out." Ms. Knight tells him.

"Sorry?" James laughs awkwardly.

"I'll let you off the hook this time." Ms. Knight says, pointing a finger at him.

* * *

><p>Later, after James changed Kenzie's diaper and gave her a bath, he reluctantly allowed Carlos to babysit Kenzie for a while longer, so he could go to the pool. It feels nice to put on some swim shorts and a tank top and relax by the pool. Los Angeles is beautiful in the evening hours. The sunset is setting and there is a light breeze. James knows that it's good to take a break from Kenzie, even though he loves spending time with her. While he was at the store, he spent a lot of time worrying about whether Carlos was being careful with Kenzie, so he didn't get to do very much relaxing.<p>

He slips his sunglasses over his eyes and lays on the lawn chair, enjoying the breezy Los Angeles air. It's even better when there aren't too many people around. It's a lot more peaceful that way. There's a few people in the pool and hot tub, but that's really all there is. Everyone else has went back to their apartment or wherever. Yeah, this is nice. James really enjoys this.

"Hey, where were you earlier?" Lucy asks, sitting in the chair next to him.

"Around." James says nonchalantly.

"Around? Where?" Lucy asks in curiosity. James takes his sunglasses off and shrugs. He doesn't know why she's interested in where he was.

"I had to buy more diapers for Kenzie." James tells her.

He never knew that Lucy Stone was so inquisitive. Every time he sees her, she always wants to know stuff about him. It's great that she is interested, but he didn't think that she was that type of person. She always seemed like the "I don't really care about your business" type of person, but maybe he was wrong. He actually likes that about her. Her constant questions show that she actually cares. At least she isn't always talking about herself. Come to think of it, when does she talk about herself? When they hang out, she doesn't really say too much about her own life.

"She must use them up real fast." Lucy tells him.

"She does not." James smiles. "The last pack I got actually lasted for quite a while, but she used her last one earlier this morning. Since I knew that she would probably be needing another diaper change again today, I really needed to get more."

"My cousin's son is always soiling his diapers." Lucy says, cringing.

"Ew." James says, looking disgusted.

"You know what? I would rather not talk about messes that babies make." Lucy says, sitting up. "Got anything interesting to change the subject?"

"How's your album coming along?" James asks her. He actually went to her official website and listened to some of her songs. Even though they're a little crazy, he actually found a few that he liked. There's even a couple from her upcoming album that have already been posted. He wasn't looking for any particular reason. He just felt like listening to some music and he happened to pick hers. He enjoyed listening to his _friend's _music. Lucy has talent and he really enjoyed listening to her songs. He wonders when she'll be performing a live show...Not that it's important or anything.

"Good." Lucy responds. "Guess who I might be singing a duet with?"

"Britney Spears?" James jokes.

"No!" Lucy says, slapping his arm. "Joel Madden!"

"From Good Charlotte?"

"No, from the garden club. Of course Good Charlotte!"

"No need for the sarcasm." James chuckles.

Lucy rolls her eyes and lightly punches his arm.

"Hey, want me to show you something awesome?" She asks him. "Just come with me."

She grabs his hand and pulls him up, leading him into the building. She takes him into the elevator and presses a button, not letting James see what she pressed. James just looks around in confusion, not sure where she's taking him. He hopes that it isn't anything disturbing. She wouldn't do anything to freak him out. She's a little crazy, but she's not terrible. He's sure that whatever she's about to show him is really cool. That's what he's telling himself. He's never really sure when it comes to Lucy. He doesn't know whether she's gonna turn right or left. That's how unpredictable she is.

"Where are we going?" He whispers.

"Come on." Lucy says, grabbing his hand once again. "Close your eyes."

James slowly closes his eyes. He feels himself being pulled out of the elevator. All he sees is darkness, but he feels a familiar breeze on his skin, so he knows that they are outside. He opens his eyes and finds that they are on the rooftop.

"It's nice and quiet up here." Lucy says as she looks out at the beautiful city of Los Angeles. The sun is almost completely down and the many lights can be seen all over the city. At first, James is entirely focused on the view, then he notices Lucy taking something out of her jeans pocket. He frowns as she lights up a cigarette. Does she not realize how unhealthy that is? He didn't even know that she smoked. By now, the beautiful scenery is forgotten and all he can think about is Lucy. Why did she decide to light up as soon as they were in private?

"I didn't know that you were a smoker." He says, getting closer to her.

"There's a lot you don't know about me." Lucy says, "Anyway, I just started recently."

"Well, stop." James says, snatching the cigarette from her hand. He drops it to the floor and puts it out.

"I have more, you know." Lucy says as she takes a whole pack of cigarettes from her pocket. James clenches his jaw and takes the pack from her, throwing it off the roof. Lucy looks angered as she looks over the half wall, seeing her pack hit the ground below. She glares at James.

"What was that for?" She snaps.

"You don't need that stuff." James retorts. "I don't know what issues you have, but you don't need to smoke!"

"Who says that I have issues? Maybe I just like to light up every once in a while." Lucy says, starting to walk past him. James grabs her arm before she can, stopping her from walking any farther.

"Don't leave, okay?" He says softly. "But smoking is really bad for your health."

"Yeah, I know." Lucy says, leaning against the half wall.

"Why do you do it?" James asks her. A girl like Lucy doesn't need to do that. He doesn't know why she would smoke, but she definitely doesn't need it. He wishes that he could make her see that. The girl that he met when he was seventeen wasn't a wild smoker type. She was edgy, but he knows that she had her limits. The Lucy Stone that he knew would never drink or smoke. That's why he's trying to figure out why she does it now. What changed? As her friend, he feels that he has a right to be curious. Did she just start smoking for no reason? Or is there something else going on?

"Just because." Lucy shrugs.

"Well, you shouldn't." James tells her. "It can do a lot of damage to your health."

"I know I would be a lot better off without it." Lucy admits. "But once you start, it's pretty hard to stop."

"Maybe I can help." James says.

"Wow, you're the first person that has actually cared enough to say that." Lucy says with a small smile.

"Hey, that's what friends do." James grins. "Now let's enjoy this awesome view."

"It's like my private hangout." Lucy explains. "When I need to think, I always come here. It's usually empty, so it's a good place to go when I want to be alone."

"Then why did you bring me here?" James asks her.

"Let's just say that you're the exception."

* * *

><p><strong>I have 89 reviews right now! Let's get to 100! :D<strong>


	15. I Want You Back

"What movie are you and Jo seeing?" James asks, never taking his eyes off the TV. There's a really good hockey game on and he's not gonna miss it. Although, it's pretty hard to focus while Kendall is rushing to get ready for his date with Jo. There is a small part of James that is jealous, since he doesn't have a date. It's okay, though. He has Kenzie to keep him company right now. She's actually occupying herself with some toys while sitting in the play pen that James finally put together, but she's still there to keep him busy. Eventually, she's gonna need a diaper change and he'll have to put her to bed, so she probably won't be in that play pen for much longer.

"It's some movie based on those vampire romance novels that she likes." Kendall says, buttoning up his shirt.

"Did they make another Twilight film?" James jokes.

"No, it's not Twilight." Kendall says, rolling his eyes. "It's called Shadows Of The Night or something. Jo knows more about than I do. She has read every book in that series. Man, I don't know how I'm gonna get through the next hour and a half, but I really want to impress her. This is my chance to get her back, so this date has to be perfect."

"Good luck with that." James says as he stands up, walking behind the couch. He reaches into the playpen and picks Kenzie up, giving her a gentle hug. He strokes her cheek and gives her a kiss. He may not have a hot date, but he has his daughter, which is perfectly fine with him. He doesn't even know about the whole dating thing. Eventually, he might start dating again, but he's not ready yet. It's way too soon for him. He doesn't want to find another girl just ten months after losing the only girl he has ever truly loved. He wouldn't feel right about it.

"Jay, let me take care of Miss Kenzie tonight." Chris says as she walks out her room. "I think we need to have some auntie and baby time."

"Um, sure." James says as he hands Kenzie to her aunt.

"Kendall, where are you going?" Chris asks as Kenzie grabs some of her hair.

"Out with Jo!" Kendall says before running out the door.

"He must be pretty excited." Chris murmurs, smiling as she takes Kenzie to James's bedroom. It's getting late and this little girl needs to get some sleep. She has been playing all day, so she must be tired. it's not that hard to tell when she's tired. In the past thirty minutes, she hasn't been as talkative or playful as usual. Her aunt and dad know her very well.

* * *

><p>Jo sighs dreamily as she grabs her favorite blue leather Marc Jacobs handbag. She can't believe that she and Kendall are finally going on a date again. They broke up ten months ago and she honestly didn't think she would even see him again. Then he showed up in LA and it gave her hope that things could go back to normal. She may be having a lot of success in her career, but something has been missing. That something is Kendall. This was their second breakup, the first being when she moved to New Zealand for three years to film a movie. When she moved back to LA, she and Kendall didn't immediately get back together. They had only been back together for a few months when Jenna died. So it's safe to say that they've had a pretty rocky relationship. But that could change tonight.<p>

"Hey, do I look okay?" She asks Camille and Lucy, who plan on sleeping over tonight. She's going to let them get settled in while she's out with Kendall, then they're going enjoy an all girl sleepover. Hopefully, she'll have a lot to tell them when she returns from the date, like her and Kendall getting back together. She really wants him back, so she's going to keep praying that it happens. She has missed Kendall and if there's any chance of them restarting their relationship, she's incredibly happy. In the tabloids, she has been linked to everyone from Jett Stetson to Justin Bieber, which she cannot believe. Bieber is cool, but he's not her type. Anyway, isn't he still dating Selena Gomez? She is so tired of being linked to every guy in Hollywood. She just wants to be photographed with one guy and she wants Kendall to be that guy.

"You look great." Camille assures her. "Have fun!"

"I can't believe you're actually going to that Shadows Of The Night movie." Lucy says.

"Those are good books and the movie is going to be awesome." Jo says, defending her favorite series. She would take Lucy just so she could show her friend how good the movie is, but she can't. This is Jo and Kendall time, not Jo, Kendall, and Lucy time. Lucy prefers action movies and rock music over romance films and pop music. Jo doesn't even know how they're friends, considering how different they are. Jo is a girly girl and Lucy is a rocker. Oh well! She has always heard that opposites attract, so maybe that applies to her and Lucy. On the other hand, Camille likes a variety of movies and she loves listening to show tunes. All three of the girls are opposites, but they're best friends.

"Have you seen how hot the lead actor is?" Camille says, obviously in agreement with Jo.

"He's a Taylor Lautner wanna be." Lucy tells them.

"Hey, I love Taylor Lautner!" Camille and Jo say in unison.

"Whatever." Lucy says in a sing song voice.

Someone knocks on the door and Jo knows that Kendall must be here. She smiles happily and skips to the door, opening it. Kendall is standing there in jeans and a blue long sleeve button up shirt, nearly causing Jo to melt. But she isn't that crazy. Seeing her incredibly cute ex boyfriend doesn't cause her to melt. That would be really weird, but she is happy to see Kendall. Now they can go see a romantic movie, followed by dinner at Little Italy. She loves how Kendall remembered her favorite restaurant.

"You look amazing." Kendall says, taking in her appearance.

"And so do you." Jo smiles. Kendall waves at the other girls, then takes her hand in his.

As they are walking to the elevator, Jo finds herself thinking about past memories of her and Kendall. Not just the less appealing ones, but also the good memories. Like laying on a blanket under the stars, and sneaking out to the pool at night. Those were some of the best and Jo hopes that they can make more.

"This movie...It isn't boring?"

"No way." Jo laughs as she presses the lobby button. "It's really good."

"You know how I feel about chick flicks."

"It's not a chick flick." Jo gasps, slapping his arm.

"I was kidding." Kendall says, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Hey, my mom is letting us borrow the van."

"That's very sweet of her." Jo says as they walk through the lobby.

They both have high hopes for this date, so they're very eager to get to that movie theater. A dark movie theater is the perfect place to start mending a relationship. Even if they get back together tonight, things may not immediately go back to normal, but it's definitely a start.

The drive to the theater is about thirty minutes long and most of it is spent listening to music, as well as some brief conversation. Westwood's Mann Village Theater is the location of many Hollywood movie premieres, including Miss Independent, a teen comedy that Jo starred in. The only downside to premieres is having to pose in three inch heels and try to keep a smile on her face. But it's nice to go there as a moviegoer, rather than a celebrity.

"Two tickets to Shadows Of The Night." She tells the guy at the box office. Just as she is about to take her wallet out, Kendall stops her. He hands his own money to the guy, who gives them the tickets in return. They enter the theater lobby and glimpse at the paintings on the walls. Once they have done a little sightseeing, they go to the snack bar to buy their popcorn. After that, they head towards the correct theater. They pick seats in the middle of the audience, so they aren't too close or too far away from the screen. The people around them are chatting with friends and family, others are just sitting quietly, and some are even using their cell phones.

"I haven't been to the movies in forever." Jo whispers.

"Neither have I." Kendall says. "The last one I saw was some Adam Sandler film. Katie insisted on going."

"I remember when you guys, Jenna, Camille, and I went to the movies." Jo giggles. "The four of you were being so loud and some guy got mad at you. He almost beat Carlos and James up because they wouldn't be quiet. And poor Jenna was at least five months pregnant and I remember how she was feeling so horrible that day. You guys nearly drove her crazy."

"James got one heck of a lecture when we got home." Kendall laughs.

"I miss Jenna." Jo sighs, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Me too." Kendall says, kissing the top of her head.

Jo doesn't get a chance to respond because the lights dim and the advertisements begin.

* * *

><p>"Wow, that was awesome!" Jo exclaims as they leave the theater hand in hand.<p>

Kendall smiles awkwardly, still trying to recover from that rather intense fight scene. The girl got kidnapped by a vampire and her boyfriend, who is also a vampire, fought to save her. Inside, he was gagging, but he can't say that to Jo's face. She looked so cute as she was smiling and talking about how romantic it was. And she was having so much fun. Kendall doesn't want to ruin that for her. Truthfully, he thought the movie was a rip off of the Twilight saga, but that's just his opinion. The theater was pretty crowded, so it must be rather popular. However, most of the audience was girls and their boyfriends or parents and their teenage daughters. There were a couple of guys that came by themselves, but the audience was mostly women.

"I made reservations at Little Italy, so we won't even have to wait." He says as they get into the van.

"Thank goodness." Jo sighs. "I hate when you go to a restaurant and they make you wait thirty minutes or an hour to get seated. Again, thank you for making reservations."

Kendall plays around with the radio dial, settling on some 90's pop station. To his annoyance, "Girl To My Heart" by Boy Quake fills the car. He really did not want to be reminded of Gustavo tonight, not while he's on a date. That's why he's so quick to change the station. He doesn't want to get the song stuck in his head.

"Aww, I like that song." Jo pouts quietly.

"Ugh, fine." Kendall sighs, changing it back to the 90's station. Jo smiles in satisfaction and starts singing along to the old boy band. This lasts for the whole ride until they finally pull into Little Italy's parking lot. Being the gentleman that he is, Kendall opens the car door for Jo. To his surprise, she thanks him by giving him a kiss on the cheek. He wasn't expecting a kiss so soon. It wasn't lips to lips, but it was still nice. Any kiss from Jo is okay with him. He would even be satisfied with a simple hug. He just likes having her as close to him as possible.

"Hey, let me pay for dinner." Jo insists.

"I can..."

"You payed for the movie." Jo says as they are led to their table. As they sit down, the waitress puts two menus in front of them.

"Welcome to Little Italy." The short, blonde haired and blue eyes girl says. "My name is Victoria and I'll be taking care of you tonight. May I start you off with a glass of our delicious red wine?"

"Do you want to?" Jo asks him.

"You can, but I'm driving, so it's probably not a good idea for me to drink." Kendall says, shrugging.

"Just a sample." Jo tells Victoria. The waitress grabs a bottle of red wine and pours a very small sample into the glass. Jo accepts it and drinks it quickly, cringing at the taste. Kendall knows that she has never been a fan of alcohol. Neither has he, especially not after what happened at the release party for their fourth album. It involved James, Carlos, and a big bottle of Vodka. It wasn't pretty and Kendall really doesn't like to think about it. It was both strange and embarrassing.

"What can I get you to drink?" Victoria asks them.

"Two iced teas." Kendall requests. Victoria writes the order on her notepad, then allows them to look over the menu while she gets the drinks.

"I'm gonna get the cheese ravioli." Jo says, looking at the menu.

"Spaghetti for me." Kendall says, putting the menu down. He's glad that they came when it's not too busy. Within two hours of closing time, it starts becoming less crowded. People usually like to come here during mid to late afternoon, so Kendall made sure that they came here at just the right time. What's romantic about an overly crowded restaurant? Nothing.

"So," Jo says carefully. "What did you do back in Minnesota for the past few months? You must have done something to keep yourself busy."

"I was an assistant coach for a local kids hockey team." Kendall answers. "I guess I was pretty successful when I was on my school's team. Anyway, the coach had heard about me and he asked me if I wanted to be his assistant coach. I happily accepted, of course."

"But you're glad to be back in LA?" Jo asks hopefully.

"Yeah." Kendall says honestly. "I didn't think I would enjoy it so much, but I've been having a pretty good time. Things are still a little weird between the guys and I, but it's getting a lot better. Carlos and Logan are no longer out to tear each other to shreds and James doesn't seem to hate us that much, so I have to say that everything is working out."

"Why would James hate you guys?" Jo asks him. "I've never understand why you stopped being friends with him."

"Jo, we screwed up." Kendall admits, not really wanting to discuss this. "James was on the verge of a breakdown and I couldn't stand there and watch. None of us could! You never saw how bad it got. There were days when I would go over to his apartment and find him sobbing in Chris's arms. He could barely take care of his daughter because he was so depressed."

"Are you ready to order?" Victoria asks them.

"Yeah!" Jo says enthusiastically. "Kendall, you go first."

"I'll have the spaghetti with marinara." Kendall says, handing his menu to Victoria.

"And I'll have the cheese ravioli." Jo says politely, handing her own menu to the young waitress.

"Hey, aren't you in that one soap opera?" Victoria asks, carefully accepting Jo's menu. "South Valley? I think you played Sandra."

"That's me." Jo smiles.

"I'm a huge fan." Victoria says excitedly. "Anyway, just let me get those orders for you."

Kendall isn't unfriendly at all, but he's glad when Victoria finally goes back to the kitchen. He just wants to enjoy some time with Jo without any interruptions. He just now realized that he really needs to focus on his plan to get Jo to be his girlfriend again. She enjoyed the movie, but they didn't get to talk very much. Now they are no longer in a place that requires people to be as quiet as possible, he can have a real conversation with her. The only problem is that he has no idea what to talk about. It needs to be something that will get Jo's attention.

"Hey, how has your show been going?"

"It's been really good." Jo responds. "We recently finished filming season two."

"My mom loves it." Kendall says. "And Chris forces James to watch it with her."

"He has to be forced?" Jo says, feigning surprise.

"Yep."

Kendall's heart fills with joy when Jo laughs. She has such a cute laugh. He almost forgot how adorable it sounded, but it just went straight back to his memory. It's a good thing that Kendall is good at making people laugh. Otherwise, he would be seriously deprived of Jo's laughter. Aside from that pretty face, her laugh is another one of Kendall's favorite features.

"So, BTR album number five. How does it feel?"

"Weird." Kendall says with a small laugh. "I never thought that BTR would ever make a comeback. I thought we were just going to go our separate ways."

"Well, I guess you thought wrong." Jo says with obvious joy in her eyes. That's good! It probably means that she's still interested. Kendall isn't getting his hopes up, is he? If Jo didn't have any leftover feelings for him, she wouldn't even want to talk to him. So far, she seems very interested in whatever he has to say.

"I guess so."

* * *

><p>The meal was delicious, they had some good laughs, and the ride back to the Palm Woods was just as fun. They jammed out to 90's pop music, talked about a variety of things, and had a really good time. It's all going according to plan, much to Kendall's relief. He managed to avoid any embarrassing and awkward situations, so this has been a good date. The next step is to officially get back together with Jo. He's going to go for the kiss, which will surely get her attention. Once he has kissed her, she will remember how great it feels, then she'll want to be with him again.<p>

As they approach Jo's apartment, Kendall feels his stomach doing flips. This is the moment that he has been waiting for. He has to do it now because he'll regret not going through with his plan. Just as Jo starts to turn the doorknob, Kendall reaches for her hand. As she turns around, he slowly leans in for the kiss. Their lips touch and Jo's hands rest on his chest, while his hands become entangled in her locks of blonde hair. She doesn't fight it. Their lips move in sync and they enjoy every minute of it. It's at least a minute before Kendall finally pulls away.

"Well, that was very...nice." Jo falters.

"Jo, I've been meaning to ask you something." Kendall says, his forehead touching hers. "I know that we broke up for a while, but I want you back. I don't know how you feel, but I know what I want."

"I want that, too." Jo whispers.

"What do you say? Wanna give it another shot?" Kendall asks softly, touching her cheek.

"Yeah." Jo nods.

"Then I guess we're back together." Kendall smiles, kissing her shortly.

"I guess we are." Jo grins, kissing his cheek before walking into her apartment.

Kendall has hold back his excitement, but he lets it out as soon as he returns to 4B. The minute he closes that door, he lets out a victory yell and starts doing a happy dance.

"Dude, Kenzie's sleeping!" James says, coming from his and Kenzie's shared bedroom.

"Sorry." Kendall says, quieting down.

"How was the date?" James asks, sitting on the couch.

"I got my girl back!" Kendall says cheerfully, sitting next to him. "We saw the movie, went out to dinner, then I kissed her, and now we're back together."

"How was the movie?" James asks, turning the TV on.

"The theater was full as girls. As for the movie itself, I think they copied Twilight." Kendall says, shaking his head. "Except there weren't any werewolves. I was actually disappointed. I loved that whole vampire/werewolf rivalry thing. This movie was two vampires and a regular human girl. The plot is so played out, you know? Those directors should come up with something original. But I didn't say anything to Jo because she loved it. She actually started crying during the big kissing scene. I was just sitting there, trying to look like I was actually interested."

"Jenna took me to see Eclipse when it hit theaters." James laughs. "She was sobbing whenever Edward proposed to Bella. Then we started making out and she stopped."

"Way to get your woman to shut up." Kendall teases, punching his arm.

"Dude, I wasn't trying to shut her up." James retorts. "It just happened. One minute, she was crying. The next minute , we were kissing."

Kendall can still see a hint of sadness in James's eyes, but that sadness is combined with happiness. Even though Jenna's gone, it probably feels nice to remember the good times that they had. Ms. Knight, Chris, and Ms. Diamond encouraged him to do that, so he has been trying to take their advice. But Kendall understands that nothing is better than actually having her with him in person.

On another note, he is overjoyed at getting back together with Jo. Now they can fully focus on overcoming their past relationship problems.

They are ready to put all of that behind them.

* * *

><p><strong>96 reviews! We're almost to 100! I'm so excited:)<strong>


	16. So Mixed Up

"Look at the pretty block!" Lucy says, holding the toy in front of Kenzie's face.

James watches as Kenzie reaches for the block. The three of them are just sitting on Lucy's living room floor, playing with Kenzie and watching TV. Right now, Spongebob Squarepants is on, but James is too focused on the girls to really pay attention. Kenzie seems to like her daddy's friend, which is good. If he's going to have friends, he wants Kenzie to like them. If she doesn't like someone, she will cry and possibly throw her bottle at their head. She has done that when James came home with his coworkers from the supermarket, but he made sure to scold her. He wasn'ts too harsh, but he did tell her that it's not nice. For the most part, she just clings to James when she's scared, but there's always the chance of her throwing something. James likes to prevent that from happening, but it doesn't always work. When she does misbehave, he just has to give her a little scolding.

"She loves those things." He chuckles, grabbing another block. He takes the block that Lucy was holding and stacks them. One by one, he stacks blocks on top of each other. Then he smiles at Kenzie and knocks the blocks over, which gets a few excited giggles out of Kenzie. He pulls her onto his lap and kisses her cheek, then looks at the TV. The reef blower episode of Spongebob is on. It's one of his favorite episodes. Kenzie seems to enjoy this show as much as he does. She always starts smiling every time she sees those talking sea creatures.

"I can tell." Lucy says, watching the show. "Well, I guess that was the last straw for Squidward, since he's moving. This is going to sound really stupid, but I don't really understand why he hates Spongebob and Patrick so much. And why he seems to be so miserable all the time. I mean, he's so grouchy."

"He hates Spongebob and Patrick because he's too grouchy and they're happy all the time, so I guess their personalities clash." James shrugs. "Anyway, he wants to be famous and admired, but he's working in a fast food restaurant. Therefore, he is a miserable creature."

"Wow, that's sad."

"I know!" James laughs.

He and Lucy have been hanging out a lot in the past couple of days since James found out about Lucy's smoking habit. That is no good for a person and he promised that he's going to help her stop. If she's too busy spending time with him, she won't have time to smoke. He doesn't want her to keep smoking for whatever reason. It's no good for her and he knows that she's better than that. She has a successful career and lots of friends, so she doesn't need to light up a cigarette. He still wonders why she ever started, but he doesn't now if he wants to ask. It might be a sensitive subject for her, but he isn't sure. He'll never be sure unless he asks her, but he doesn't want to offend her. He tries to be considerate, but it can be pretty difficult for someone like James. He just wants to know the truth, but that curiosity has gotten him in trouble before.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" He asks reluctantly, trying to choose his words carefully.

"What?"

"Why did you start smoking?"

Something in Lucy's mood changes. While her eyes were filled with joy and amusement, they suddenly fill with anger. Her attempt to stay calm is obvious, but her eyes show that she's feeling far from calm. This is exactly why James didn't want to say anything. He knew that Lucy would probably get offended. She's a very calm and collected person, but behind that facade is a very intense person. He doesn't understand that, but not everything can be understood. Lucy is hard to figure out, but James is gonna keep trying until he does. Even though he really doesn't want to be too invasive.

"My last record company," Lucy explains. "They were constantly pressuring me and telling me what to do with my career. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ended up going to the local convenience store one day after work. I bought myself a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I just so tired of them trying to make me over into some girly and innocent pop princess, so I turned to smoking. I didn't want to turn to stronger drugs, so I decided on cigarettes. I've always heard that, although they don't really get you high, they are suppose to be relaxing."

"So your record company was stressing you out?"

"You have no idea." Lucy mutters.

Hesitantly, James puts his arm around her shoulders. She doesn't pull away from him. In fact, she actually gets closer and lays her head on his shoulder. He feels uncomfortable with how close they are at the moment, but he doesn't bother pushing her away. No one ever said that friends couldn't cuddle. Cuddling and hugging doesn't automatically mean that they're becoming a couple. Does it?

James feels a rush of relief as Kenzie starts babbling and tugging on his shirt. He removes his arm from Lucy's shoulders and stands up, giving Kenzie a confused look.

"Are you hungry?" He asks her, giving her a kiss. "Lucy, I'm gonna go back to 4B. I think this little girl is getting hungry. But I'll see you later, okay?"

"You're leaving already?" Lucy frowns. After James has left, she sighs in disappointment. They were having a moment, but that boy just had to ruin it. She knows that James was just looking for an excuse to leave. He confuses her so much. He put his arm around her, then he decided to leave. He apparently can't make up his mind.

She can understand not wanting to rush into another relationship. She doesn't care about having a boyfriend, but she hates that he had to find an excuse to get away from her.

* * *

><p>"Let's get you something to eat." James murmurs as they enter the kitchen. He reaches into the refrigerator, grabbing some of Kenzie's favorite vanilla yogurt. He sits at the dining room table and sits Kenzie on his lap, scooping some some yogurt and feeding it to her. What happened back at Lucy's apartment was no big deal, but he still felt anxious about it. His heart was beating inside his chest and he felt afraid. He has to make sure that it never happens again. He feels terrible for walking out on Lucy, but he couldn't think of anything else to do.<p>

"Daddy messed up." He says, kissing her head. "Lucy is a nice girl, but you're the only one that I need to worry about."

Deep down, he knows that he's saying the wrong thing. He cares more about Kenzie than himself or anyone else for that matter, but it would okay if he had a girlfriend. Surely Kenzie wouldn't mind. But he really doesn't feel like dating. Maybe later on, but not now. He needs to wait until he has recovered from the past ten months of his life. Losing Jenna and moving back to Minnesota wasn't exactly the high point of his life and he really wants to overcome that before he starts seeing someone else.

"That's good yogurt, isn't it?" He whispers as he gives her the last scoop.

She lets out a string of adorable babbles and he smiles, putting the empty container on the table. Keeping his hands under her arms, he helps her stand on his lap. She gives him a big smile and he chuckles softly, kissing her cheek. She makes a funny version of her usual "Aaaah" sound, causing James's laughter to become even louder.

"I'm gonna have a stomach ache if you keep making me laugh." He says, carrying her to the living room. He sits on the couch and lets her stay on the floor with her toys. The whole Lucy thing is still bothering him, even as he tries to push it side. Nothing is ever going to make him forget the awkwardness that he just endured. There's a lot that he likes about her. First of all, she's super hot. Secondly, she has a great sense of humor. Thirdly, he always feels happy when he's with her. But none of these things will ever make him change his mind about love. He's not ready for it yet and nothing can change that.

"What's with you?" Chris asks as she stands behind him, rubbing his shoulders. "You seem stressed out."

"It's no big deal." James lies. It is such a big deal, but he can't tell that to Chris. She will make a mountain out of a molehill if he tells her anything about what happened at Lucy's apartment. The minute he tells her about how he used Kenzie's hunger as an excuse to leave, Chris will start lecturing him about relationships and how it would be good for him. He doesn't care what she says. He doesn't want a relationship and he won't want one for a very long time. Nothing she tells him will change his mind and she needs to be aware of that.

"Jay, stop lying." Chris says as she walks around the couch, sitting next to him. "What are you thinking about?"

"Fine." James says, sounding a little snappy. "I was over at Lucy's apartment and while we were talking about something, I put my arm around her. Then we started cuddling and I got uncomfortable, so I said Kenzie was hungry so I could leave. She _was_ hungry, but I was just using that as an excuse. There was some food in her bag, but I had to get out of there!"

"James, this was your chance!" Chris says, slapping his arm. "You two were cuddling and you just pushed her away!"

"I'm aware of that." James snaps.

"Hon, I really don't understand why you get so defensive about love." Chris says, shaking her head. "You don't need to remarry any time soon, but you avoid romance at all costs. I just want to know why you do that. I mean, I know why you don't want to remarry, but avoiding any kind of romantic involvement? You won't even go on a simple date, even if it might just be a one time thing."

"Same reason that I don't want to get married again." James says, standing up. He can't take anymore of Chris's interrogation. He knows that she's doing it because she cares, but he really wishes that she would mind her business. When he dates someone, he's going to do it because _he _wants to.

Normally, he hates doing the dishes, but he's going to use that to keep himself busy. Since someone needs to watch Kenzie, there's no way that Chris will be able to follow him. Kenzie is having fun with her toys and James knows that his girl doesn't want to be messed with right now, but she does need adult supervision. Lucky for James, Chris has to be that supervision while he does the dishes. He doesn't need her following him and lecturing him on stuff that he doesn't care about. It'll be just like their other conversations about love. She talks to him about dating and how she thinks that it would be a good idea, and James will insist that he does not need a girlfriend. He doesn't want to have that talk and he's going to make sure that he avoids it.

Kendall has been talking about him and Jo a lot since they got back together yesterday. James is happy for them, but he's already getting tired of hearing about it. Maybe their relationship will work out this time, but James doesn't think that love is worth the heartbreak. James's first and only serious relationship ended in disaster and he refuses to go through that again. His past relationships have ended with him dumping the girl, but his last relationship ended with his girl being taken away from him. If that's how relationships end, James wants no part of it.

He tenses up when the doors opens and Kendall walks in, hand in hand with Jo.

"Hey, can you guys watch Kenzie? I need to talk to James." Chris says, getting off the couch. James groans when he feels Chris grabbing his hand and dragging him to her shared room with Carlos. She points to the bed, signaling for him to sit down. He obeys, still annoyed with her forcefulness. She really needs to stop pestering him.

"Don't you think Lucy probably knew what you were thinking? Now, I haven't met her before, but I've seen her and she doesn't look like the type that can be fooled too easily." Chris says, touching his shoulder. "She was probably hurt that you were so quick to get out of there."

"Lucy isn't that sensitive about those things." James argues. "She understands why I don't want to get romantically involved with anyone. _She_ doesn't even want a boyfriend right now."

"Jay, you've gotta stop this." Chris says, stroking his cheek.

"Stop what?" James says, the annoyance never leaving his voice.

"Making excuses." Chris says softly. "How do you know that Lucy doesn't want a boyfriend? Has she ever said that?"

"Yes."

"But she might change her mind." Chris says, kissing his cheek before leaving him alone.

Well, it's official. James feels like a terrible person.

As he is wallowing in guilt over his treatment of Lucy, he hears the apartment door opening, followed by some voices. When he hears Lucy's voice, his eyes widen in shock. He stands behind the bedroom door and peeks into the living room, seeing Chris and Lucy walking over to the couch. He tries to run to the closet to hide, but Chris's stern voice stops him.

"James, Lucy would like to speak with you."

James groans as Chris leads him to the living room. He smiles nervously as Lucy motions for him to follow her. He gives Chris, Kendall, and Jo a pleading look, but they make no move to save him. Before he can protest, Lucy's slips her hand into his and yanks him out of the apartment.

"Okay, what is your problem?" She says while standing in front of the apartment door, making sure that he can't get back in.

"What are you talking about?" James asks, faking confusion. He knows exactly what she's talking about, but she doesn't need to know. Playing dumb can get a person out of hot water, can't it? That's what he always thought. If Lucy thinks he doesn't understand, she might leave him alone. That's what he's hoping she'll do. He doesn't feel like being pressured into telling her about his reasons for everything he does. He doesn't need to tell her his entire life story. He refuses to talk about Jenna, he refuses to talk about his parents divorce, and he refuses to talk about what happened at Lucy's apartment.

"Don't play dumb!" Lucy says abruptly. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! I know that you were using your daughter as an excuse to leave!"

"No, I wasn't!" James laughs.

"James!" Lucy shrieks. She takes a deep breath to calm herself. "Look, I don't know what happened back there, but you need to stop this whole perfect and independent parent thing."

"I never claimed to perfect!" James retorts. "Excuse me if I care more about raising my child than having a girlfriend!"

"Who ever said that I want to be your girlfriend?" Lucy snaps.

"Well, you must want to be." James tells her. "Otherwise, you would have kept your hands off of me."

"No, do not put this on me!" Lucy says, pointing a manicured finger at him. "You're the one that put your arm around me. If you had't done that, I would have kept my hands off of you. Since you had your arm around me, I took it as a sign that it was okay to get closer. "

James doesn't know how to respond to that.

"Do me a favor." Lucy says, stepping away from the door. "Stop with the mixed signals."

And she walks away, leaving James standing in the middle of the hallway.

* * *

><p>"I guess she hates me now." He tells Chris just an hour after his confrontation with Lucy. He tried calling her, but she won't answer her phone. Now he knows that he screwed up. Lucy has never ignored his calls before. James feels bad for how he acted, but he wishes that she would accept that he doesn't want to get close to anyone. He wishes that she and everyone else would accept it without any arguments. The thought of falling in love again terrifies him and he can't do it. Love ends with heartbreak and he's not going to experience that again. The pain of losing Jenna was worse than any kind of physical pain. Heck, he would rather break a leg than lose a loved one, but he got the displeasure of losing Kenzie's mom. If everyone knew just how hard it was for him, maybe they would understand.<p>

"Honey, I don't think she hates you." Chris says gently, stroking his hair. While Kenzie is playing, James is sitting on the floor with his back against Chris's chest. He's allowing her to comfort him, but it isn't doing too much good. He wants to go and apologize to Lucy, but Chris says that he should give her time to cool down. He knows that she's right. If he went to Lucy's apartment and apologized now, she would probably throw a vase or ashtray at him. Therefore, he's going to give her some time before he tries to fix their friendship.

"I feel really bad, but I just felt so uncomfortable." He sighs.

"I know." Chris says, wrapping her arms around him. "Just leave her alone for a while. Once she has calmed down, you should talk to her."

"Just like you told me." James smiles weakly. "Do you think I'm a terrible person?"

Chris looks at him, shaking her head.

"No way! James, you are a wonderful person." She whispers, kissing his cheek. "You're an amazing friend, son, brother in law, and dad. Don't beat yourself up over this. I mean, I don't mean to be forceful when I talk to you about dating, but I just wonder if it might be good for you. You use to love meeting girls and getting to know them, even if you did end up breaking their hearts."

James smiles at the thought of his old heartbreaker ways. It cracks him up whenever he thinks about his old dating habits. He could never seem to keep a girl for more than a week. Many times, the relationship never got past the first date. He would go on one date with the girl, make out with her, and then they would never talk to each other again. Now it seems pretty mean and he doesn't want to do that to Lucy. He knows that he doesn't want a serious relationship, so he's not going to get romantically involved with Lucy, only to end up hurting her.

"Well, I'm not like that anymore." He says quietly.

"I know you're not, Jay." Chris says, giving him a tight squeeze. "I know."

"Hey, where are Kendall and Jo?" James asks her.

"They went to the pool." Chris tells him. "They seem to be doing well. They're a very cute couple."

"I know, right?" James smiles. "Kendall is head over heels for that girl."

"And I'm very happy for them." Chris says, hugging him again. "Hey, what would you think if they ever got engaged?"

"I would be okay with it." James says. He wouldn't mind if Kendall got married. He's already twenty three years old and he's known Jo for years, so he's definitely ready. But Kendall said that they want to take things slow. He and Jo just got back together and they're still working on strengthening their relationship. That's a good idea. They shouldn't go as far as getting engaged when they just got back together. He agrees that they need time to recover from their past troubles, like Jo moving to New Zealand and their most recent relationship disaster.

"But that probably won't happen any time soon" Chris says, reaching for the TV remote. "Now, let's watch South Valley."

"You have gotta be kidding me."

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D Thanks for helping me get to 100!<strong>


	17. She's Mine Again

Logan is not an expert at dating. He knows that, Camille knows that, the guys know that, his whole family knows that. He feels embarrassed to admit it, but Camille is his first serious girlfriend. She thinks that it's sweet, but he doesn't know why she wants to date someone with hardly any experience. He's not like James, who has dated a ton of girls. He's not super charming like James, romantic like Kendall, or adorable like Carlos. Those qualities attract girls and, from what he can see, they are qualities that he does not have. That won't be very helpful while he's on his date tonight. He already got tickets to Camille's favorite musical, but that's not enough to get her back. Kendall's plan to get Jo back was successful, but Logan doesn't know what will happen between him and Camille. He's going to end up embarrassing himself in some way or another.

He nearly trips over his feet as he makes a rushed exit from his bedroom. He needs some advice from James. That guy is a genius when it comes to impressing the ladies. He may not be dating anyone at the moment, but he still knows a lot about what girls like. So there's no reason that he can't help Logan.

He finds James sitting in the recliner chair with his lap top. Even though Logan is standing right in front of him, he doesn't seem to notice. He's too busy typing. So Logan moves to look over his shoulder, discovering that he's talking to his mom on Facebook. For a moment, Logan feels tempted to tease him about what a mama's boy he is, but Logan refrains from doing so. He'll make fun of James later. Right now, he needs to think about his date.

"James, I need help."

"With what?" James asks, not really paying attention. He's too busy typing away, which annoys Logan. The shorter boy grabs the lap top and puts it on the coffee table, the grabs James's wrist and drags him to the restroom. He's breathing deeply, struggling to stay calm. It's just that he is seriously freaking out about this date. What should he do? What should he say? What are some romantic things he can do to impress Camille? And when he makes his big movie (Getting back together), how should he go about it? He doesn't want to be too pushy, but he wants her to know that he wants her back. Can he say that without sounding too forward?

"I'm about to go out with Camille and I'm freaking out!" Logan says, grabbing James's shoulders.

"What's the problem?" James asks, pushing Logan's hands away.

"I don't know what to do! This is different than other dates." Logan whines. "Camille and I have dated before, but I don't know how to go about getting back together with her. You've gotta help me, man! I mean, you have a lot of dating experience. Jenna, Buffy, Rachel, Annie, the princess of Kerplankistan! You've had a lot of girlfriends, so you've gotta know something. James, I am begging you. Just give me some advice. I don't want to be too forward, but I really want her to be my girlfriend again. "

"Camille is a cool girl, so I would just be upfront about it." James says calmly. "After the show is over, take her somewhere romantic, like the park, and tell her that you want to get back together. You don't want to randomly ask her back out, but romance her a little. You know, give one of those romantic speeches, talking about how much you like her. Then ask her back out."

"You think that'll work?" Logan asks hopefully. He doesn't notice James's shrug because he's already out the door. He runs down the hallway to Camille's apartment, giving her door a rapid knock. He hums quietly, standing up straight when Camille opens the door. He nearly stumbles when he gets a good look at her appearance. She has a purple silk halter top on, paired with jeans. She looks great, which is causing Logan's mind to go blank. It takes Camille clapping her hands in front of his face to snap him out of his daze. Once he has snapped out of it, she grabs his hand and they begin walking to the elevator.

"What happened back there? You saw me and you just froze up." She says, still holding onto his hand.

"Oh, it was nothing." Logan says awkwardly. "Nothing at all...Bleep blap bloop."

"You are so weird yet so hot, you know that?" Camille giggles as they enter the lobby.

"Yeah." Logan says, clearing his throat. He coughs as Camille links her arm through his. He feels like his heart is literally going to jump out of his chest, due to beating so fast. He gulps heavily and rubs the back of his neck. He felt so confident about the advice that James had given him, but that was forgotten once he actually saw his date. Camille looks totally hot. In fact, she looks way too hot for a guy like him. How is Camille even interested in him? She could get back together with Steve, but she chose to accept a date with Logan.

"Are you okay?" Camille asks as they approach the van.

"Uh huh." Logan squeaks.

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No!" Logan says quickly. He opens the passengers side door for Camille, then gets into the drivers seat. He rubs his sweaty hands together, then starts the car. He drives out of the parking lot, ashamed of the awkward silence. He should try to get over his anxiety and start a conversation, but when he goes to speak, no words come out. Camille probably regrets going out with him tonight. Why wouldn't she regret it? He's acting crazy. When they dated the first time, he got nervous, but he never got this nervous. But this date is important because it could mean the restarting of their relationship.

"I've never seen you so on edge before." Camille says. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Bleep blap bloop." Logan stammers.

"Logan Mitchell, that's the second time you have used that catch phrase!" Camille exclaims. "And you only use it when you're lying and _nervous_."

"We'll talk about it after the show, okay?" Logan says, taking a deep breath.

"Fine." Camille murmurs.

* * *

><p>"This going to be so awesome!" Camille squeals as she and Logan take their seats in the outdoor amphitheater. Several people are already seated, eagerly awaiting the start of the show. When Camille looks at her watch, she finds that it will be starting in a few minutes. She looks at Logan, who is watching the other guests. She doesn't understand why he's acting so awkward and nervous. It's cute, but he has never acted this strange before. When they were together, he never seemed too nervous around her. They always felt comfortable around each other.<p>

"Hey, it's about to start" She tells him. Logan looks towards the stage as the lights suddenly turn on. The show begins and the whole audience becomes quiet.

While Camille enjoys the show, Logan is too focused on his plan. James told him to take Camille to the park. Now he needs to think about what he's going to say. He needs to say something romantic and sweet, so he needs plenty of time to plan it out. He thinks carefully about his "Let's get back together" speech, which will be short and sweet. He wants it to be really special, but he isn't quite sure how to do that. He wants to really impress Camille, but he is terrible at impressing girls. When he tried to ask Camille to the school dance, he ended up embarrassing himself. On the night of the dance, he got the courage to ask her by having James and Kendall dress up as a white horse, while he was a prince. It was a little late to be asking, but they had a great night. He hopes that tonight will be just as awesome.

Logan sighs and directs his attention to the show, since that's what they came here for. He finds that he really likes it. Soon enough, he's completely focused on the play and his worries are forgotten.

* * *

><p>"That was really cool!" He says as they leave the theater.<p>

"You really liked it?" Camille asks happily. "It's been my favorite show ever since I went to see it with my middle school drama club."

"Well, I can see why you like it so much."Logan tells her. Now that the show isn't distracting him, his concerns are back. His hands become shaky as he starts the car. He knows that he wants to get back together with Camille, but he doesn't think that he's going to be able to do it in some super romantic way. He doesn't want to ask her back out in a boring way, but he already knows that it's not going to be perfect. Logan Mitchell cannot pull off a perfect and romantic "get back together" talk. He's going to be stumbling over his words and Camille is going to wonder why she ever got involved with him.

"It's a really good show." Camille smiles. "My favorite song is Out Tonight."

Logan sees her taking a CD out of her purse and putting it in the CD player. "Out Tonight'" begins blasting through the speakers. She sings along and Logan realizes that she has a pretty decent voice. He didn't even know that she could sing, but she apparently has some vocals.

"Hey, where are we going?" She asks slowly, noticing that they aren't heading back to the Palm Woods.

"I actually wanted to talk to you." Logan says as he drives into the Palm Woods park. He parks the car and they walk to the lake. A long moment of silence follows while Logan debates himself over what he should say. He got so into the show, so he didn't really get to fully plan out his every word. He should have done this before the date even started, but he was too busy panicking over what to wear. He tried to ask James last night, but his tall friend was already asleep. He has learned to not wake James up in the mornings. He didn't want to risk getting hit again.

"Logan, are you gonna talk?"

"Well, I was...I was going to say that I had a really good time with you tonight. I also wanted to talk about us. Camille, this last year has been difficult." Logan says, trying to keep his voice even. "We have had lots of ups and downs, we broke up for a while, but since you and I have been spending more time together, I've realized that I really want to be with you. I know that I've been acting really weird tonight, but that's only because I'm been trying to decide what I should say to you. I'm not experienced in relationships and I don't know how you can possibly like me, but I just feel like you're the one that I want to be with."

"Logan, are you proposing?" Camille asks worriedly.

"No!" Logan says quickly. "I just saying that I want to get back together. Gosh, I knew that I would end up sounding stupid. I tried to plan my words carefully, but I made you think that I'm proposing. Camille, I am so sorry. If you want to end things right now, you can. I wouldn't be surprise if you did."

Before he can say another word, Camille drags him into a kiss. Her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss causes flashbacks to come flooding back to him. All the memories that he and Camille have made together. Then he remembers their second breakup from last year. Before the boys moved back to Minnesota, he sat down with her by the pool and they had a long talk about everything that was going on. Camille had been sad yet understanding. Now she's kissing him again and the breakup doesn't seem to matter anymore. Her lips against his, it makes him want to jump for joy.

"Yes." Camille whispers before kissing him again. The next thing Logan knows, they are laying on the grass, making out. Luckily, no one is around, so they don't have to worry about getting weird looks from people. He lets his arms wrap around her waist while she deepens their kiss.

"So you want to get back together?" He asks breathlessly.

"You already know the answer." Camille says, kissing him shortly.

Logan feels so relieved. Now that they are officially back together, he feels stupid for acting like a nervous wreck all night. The date was really fun, but it would have been even better if Logan had relaxed. At least he has his girlfriend back, though. That's something for him to be happy about.

"We should be going back to the Palm Woods." He says, sitting up. Camille stands up and pulls him up as well, then they walk back to the van. Logan wraps his arm around her shoulders. She's his girlfriend, so he can do that without getting slapped.

* * *

><p>He ended up staying at Camille's apartment for ten minutes, just talking. They mostly talked about getting back together. Camille even said that she was happy that he had asked her. She had mentioned that she had sort of been waiting for him to do that, which made Logan feel completely overjoyed.<p>

He returns to 4B with a stupid grin plastered to his face. The guys and Katie look at him like he's drunk, but he's too happy to care. He's aware that he probably looks like he just got back from a wild Hollywood party, but it doesn't bother him. He just experienced something much better than a wild Hollywood party. He spend a romantic yet wholesome night with Camille, and ended up getting back together with her. What could possibly get better than that? Despite the anxiety that he experienced for a big part of the date, he really enjoyed their night together.

"What did you do?" Carlos gasps.

"Dude!" James and Kendall whisper, slapping his arms.

"I got her back!" Logan says proudly, bumping fists with Kendall. Once James and Carlos get girlfriends, there will be no single guys in Big Time Rush. There are plenty of girls that would want to date Carlos and if James apologizes to Lucy, he could possibly have a shot with her.

"Congrats, man."James says, exchanging a high five with him.

"Yeah." Logan sighs dreamily. He walks to his room, smiling all the way.

"Hey, did you apologize to Lucy yet?"

James looks at Kendall, not wanting to talk about that. Lucy won't speak to him. He tried to talk to her at the pool and she just walked away. Then he tried to call her and she still wouldn't answer his calls. Yesterday, it's not that he didn't want to be around her, but he's not ready to cuddle with anyone yet. They just got so close and he felt nervous. He has tried explaining that to her, but she doesn't listen. He doesn't know why she's making such a big deal out of it. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but she just needs to understand why he did it.

"I tried, but she won't talk to me."

"Well, go to her apartment and apologize" Carlos advises.

"Maybe later." James says, walking to his room. He is about to lay down, but he notices that Kenzie is standing up in her crib. He gives her a look as he approaches her. He put her to bed an hour ago, but sleep must be the last thing she wants to do. Being the parent, James highly suggests that she go to sleep right now, so he's about to risk having one of their "arguments."

"Kenzie, you need to go to sleep." He says, touching her tiny hand.

"No!"

"Seriously?" James says in disbelief. "Kenzie, I'm tired."

"No!"

"Kenzie, if you don't go to sleep, I won't take you swimming tomorrow." James warns, knowing that she doesn't understand a threat like that. When Kenzie's smile just stays on her adorable face, he knows for sure that she doesn't understand him. He really needs to get this girl to sleep because if he doesn't, he's going to be tired tomorrow. Gustavo will be mad when James comes to the studio all exhausted and Kenzie will be mad because James will be too tired to swim afterwards. He really doesn't want to upset either one of them. Gustavo is just plain scary and Kenzie gets whiny when James doesn't do what he promised.

"You are so difficult." He says, lifting her out of the crib. He sits in the rocking chair and gives her a stern look.

"Kenzie, please go to sleep." He begs softly. Two small hands grab a hold of his shirt, refusing to let go, James can sense that she just wants to be held by her daddy, so he gives in this time. He kisses the top of her head and strokes her cheek. When Kenzie stands up on his lap, he gets a good look at those hazel eyes. They look just like his He personally thinks she looks more like Jenna, but he can see a little bit of himself when he sees her eyes. Even today, he still cant believe that she's his child. A few years ago, the thought of getting married and having a family never crossed his mind. Now he's twenty two and he has a beautiful ten month old baby girl. Now that he has her, he never wants to let her go.

"Kenzie, why are you chewing on my shirt?" He asks.

"I thought she was sleeping." Carlos says quietly, peeking into the bedroom.

"She was, but she woke up." James responds, playing with Kenzie's curly hair.

"Can I play with her for a while?" Carlos asks him. "Maybe that will tire her out."

"Yeah, let's try that." James agrees, handing Kenzie to his bandmate. With that, Carlos disappears, and James trudges to his bed.

* * *

><p>"Well, we both got our girls back."Kendall tells Logan, crawling into his bed. "Now, if we could just get girlfriends for James and Carlos."<p>

"I know, right?" Logan nods.

Kendall is happy for Logan. Now things are just a little closer to be normal again. The only things that aren't quite right are that the guys still aren't that close and James isn't obsessed with himself. Not that they want him to be too obsessed, especially since he has a child, but they do miss the old James. Kendall is amazed at how little time it takes for him to get ready in the mornings. He just throws on a T shirt and jeans, brushes his teeth, runs a comb through his hair, then he's done. The James Diamond that they all know so well took up to an hour, possibly more, to get ready.

"How was RENT? Jo talks about it, but I've never seen it before."

"It's good." Logan tells him. "I was pleasantly surprised."

"Aww, Logie likes show tunes."

"Don't make me hit you."

"I think someone's getting cranky." Kendall says in a baby voice, ducking when a pillow is thrown at him. He grabs said pillow and tosses it back to Logan, who glares at him in response. He doesn't want to sound mean, but he loves teasing Logan. He just looks so hilarious when he's irritated, so it's hard not to resist doing something to peeve him off.

"Shut up." Logan says, his voice slightly muffled by his pillow. "We have to be at Rocque Records tomorrow."

"Fantastic." Kendall says dryly.

If there's anything that the guys agree about, it's that Gustavo Rocque is driving them crazy.

* * *

><p><strong>I listened to BTR's new song "Music Sounds Better With You" and I loved it:D <strong>

**Review!**


	18. Unwanted Sympathy

Does Lucy like James? Yes. Does she care about him? Of course. But does she want to date him? No way. Yes, he's incredibly sweet, and she may be a little attracted to him, but she has no interest in being his girlfriend. There's certainly a lot to like about him. His looks aren't the only likable think about him. He also has some nice personality traits. A lot of people say that he has changed a lot, but Lucy happens to like that. She likes that he's no longer more interested in himself than others. He was cute before, but now there's just a lot more to him. He's smart, sweet, funny, and deep. That doesn't mean that she wants to date him. She has a lot of cute guy friends, but that doesn't mean that she wants to go out with them. She doesn't know where James get the idea that she wants to be his girlfriend. He offered some comfort and she accepted it. There is _nothing_ romantic about that.

She doesn't understand why he got so freaked out. Cuddling doesn't automatically make two people a couple. James has told her why he has relationship issues, but she doesn't know too much. She just knows that his wife died and he's a single parent. But she wants to know more. She can't just approach James and ask him for his whole life story. She'll have to do some research. It sounds wrong to go prying for information about a person's life, but all she's going to do is look at his Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and Scuttlebutter pages. Surely she'll find out something interesting about him.

So she takes her lap top over to the couch and goes to James's Facebook account. She almost feels like she's being a little invasive, but she needs to know more about James Diamond.

The first few posts are pretty ordinary, but when she looks at some of his earlier posts, things get more interesting. In one update, posted on July 15th, it seems as though he was pretty frustrated with his dad. It says "Just got into a fight with my dad over the phone. He needs to leave me, my mom, and Kenzie alone." Hmm, he doesn't seem to have a very good relationship with his dad. He doesn't really talk about his parents, but she has always assumed that he has a good relationship with them. Families can have arguments, but the "Leave me, my mom, and Kenzie alone" part tells her that things are pretty tense between him and his dad.

Next, she goes to his pictures. There is a whole photo album about him and Jenna, titled "Me and my girl". She hesitantly clicks on the photo album and begins looking through the pictures. As she looks at each picture, a smile slowly appears on her face. Just by looking at the pictures, she can tell that they loved each other. One looks like it was taken backstage at a BTR concert. Jenna, an attractive green eyed girl with reddish brown hair, is hugging James's waist, while he has his arms wrapped around her. Their smiles make their love for each other very obvious. Lucy knew that they cared about each other, but actually seeing them makes it even more apparent.

"Alright, let's check out Myspace." She murmurs, going to James's Myspace account. James's layout is a blue convertible on a white background. Under the General section, she notices a survey that he had taken. Maybe this will tell her something. She looks at each question and James's answer, but most of them are just regular questions.

Some are really sweet, like "The last person that saw you cry", where James put "Jenna" in the blank.

Some questions are just really funny, like "Would you rather: pierce your nose or tongue", and James replied with "Neither!"

Some are interesting like "Do you prefer: Flowers or candy", where James said "Candy" Yeah, he would say that. Why would a guy choose flowers over candy? Anyway, he always wants to eat her brownies when she bakes them.

One actually asks about the relationship status of his parents and he replies with one simple word: Divorced. Lucy can't believe that a survey would ask questions like that. But she finally knows a new fact about him. Now she's going to see what's on his Twitter page. That boy sure has a lot of social networking accounts. She learned something interesting from his Myspace, but she still has to look at his Twitter and Scuttlebutter accounts.

She gulps when she sees his Twitter background. He's sitting on a bed with Kenzie on his lap. He's got those incredibly hot glasses on. Man, she loves when he wears those glasses. She tries to surpress a shy giggle, but it's impossible. The giggle escapes and she covers her mouth in embarrassment, even though no one is around. That smile, those eyes, those rosy cheeks, he's so...hot. She doesn't care about that, though. She mutters a quiet "whatever" and looks at his posts. He posted a video on Twitvid with the caption "My wife is so cute when she's all cranky and pregnant."

Lucy clicks on the link and watches as the video begins. Jenna is sitting on the orange couch in apartment 2J, eating a huge bag of potato chips. She's wearing James's hockey jersey and her stomach is huge, so she must be at least seven or eight months along. James sits next to her and smiles at the camera, wrapping his arms around his wife.

_"Hey!" He says, waving at the camera. He puts his hand on Jenna's enlarged belly, giving it an affectionate rub. He kisses her stomach, frowning when Jenna pushes him away. He gives the camera another grin before placing a soft kiss on Jenna's temple. "She's eight months pregnant, so she's a little cranky. We've only got a few more weeks to go!"_

_"This kid needs to come out already! I'm freaking tired and hungry and if you don't get your hands off me, I'm going to smack you so hard!" Jenna says through a mouthful of chips. This threat makes James pull his hand away. "Ugh, my chips are gone! James, get me some more!"_

_James sighs heavily and gives the camera a tired look. He gets closer to the camera, groaning._

_"This woman is driving me crazy." He mutters before stepping out of the camera's view._

"Never try to hug a pregnant woman, James." Lucy murmurs as she logs out of Twitter. She would go and look at his Scuttlebutter, but she really knows all that she wanted to know. Now she's going to go and talk to him. She overreacted. She knows that. He lost the girl that he loved and he doesn't want anyone else. She should try to understand that, even if she was a little hurt by what happened the other day. They haven't spoken in almost three days. James has tried to apologize, but she always ignored him. Now that she knows about his parents and how close he was to Jenna, she feels bad for treating him the way she has.

She shuts down her computer and leaves the apartment, heading to 4B. When she finally gets there, she knocks on the door. She has to wait a couple of minutes, but the door finally opens. James, in swim shorts and a tank top, looks surprised when he sees her.

"I wanted to talk to you." She says, reaching for his hand. She leads him to the elevator and presses the rooftop button. If she's going to have a meaningful conversation with him, she might as well do it in a proper setting, something quiet and peaceful. As soon as the doors open, they exit the elevator.

"I want to apologize for what happened." She says.

"Lucy, I've been trying to apologize to you for days." James says calmly. "Why are you suddenly interested in making up? Not that I'm not happy about it, but why? What changed your mind?"

She can't tell him that she was doing research on him, looking for information about him. She can't have him thinking that she's a stalker. If he would just open up a little, maybe she wouldn't have felt the need to do that. She doesn't understand why he doesn't talk about his parents. Lucy's parents don't even talk at all, so James has no reason to feel uncomfortable.

"I was just thinking about it and I realized that I was being too sensitive." Lucy says, telling a half truth. She was being too sensitive, but that's not the only reason that she wanted to apologize. By looking at his Myspace, she found out that his parents were divorced. Something tells her that she's not suppose to know that, but it's too late to change anything.

"Lucy Stone is sensitive?" James jokes. Lucy punches his shoulder, making sure that it hurts. When James rubs his shoulder in pain, she smiles.

"So we're cool?" He says, still rubbing the hurting shoulder.

"I guess." Lucy shrugs, reaching for his wrist. Before she can drag him into the elevator, he stops her.

"Hey, after we go to the pool, I was wondering if we could visit Jenna's grave." James asks her. "I haven't visited once since I came back to LA."

"You couldn't go by yourself?"

"I don't wanna go alone." James says softly, walking past her.

* * *

><p>"Kenzie really enjoys that kiddie pool." Lucy says, drying her hair with a towel.<p>

"I promised her that we would go when I got back from work." James grins, drying his own hair. They couldn't go to Jenna's grave with soaking wet hair, so they both took showers. Lucy doesn't know why James invited her to come with him, but she really hopes that it's not going to be awkward. This is his dead wife's grave. The woman that he was married to for only nine months! The woman that he had been dating since he was seventeen! He and Lucy don't know each other that well, yet she's going with him to his wife's grave. What if he cries? Lucy hasn't seen him cry and she's going to feel really weird if he does. What will she do? Comfort him or just let him cry?

"James, why don't you take Chris with you?" She asks. "Not that I don't want to go, but I'm just a friend."

"It would be too hard on her." James says quietly. "I don't want to put her through that pain."

"Now I get it." Lucy says, patting his back.

"You didn't have the same connection to Jenna as we did, so it won't be as painful for you."

"Hey, I may not have known Jenna as well as you guys did, but since you and I are friends, I think I can feel sympathetic."

"Don't say that." James says, running his hands through his hair.

Okay, he doesn't like sympathy. Lucy can respect that. She still feels sorry for him, but she's not going to tell him. He's obviously someone that isn't a big fan of pity. Lucy isn't really too crazy about it getting it herself, but she can feel it for other people. James's situation calls for sympathy, but he has already made it clear that he doesn't want it. She's going to try not to force it on him.

"Let's just go." She says, grabbing his hand.

"Just let me go back to 4B and get Kenzie." James tells her.

It takes twenty minutes to drive to the cemetery. The car ride was pretty silent and as much as Lucy hated it, she didn't break the silence. As they are walking to the graveyard, the silence continues. Lucy wants it to stop, but she doesn't do anything to change it. She looks at the hundreds of tombstones, shocked by how many people have lost their lives. And to think that Jenna is one of them. From what Lucy has heard, Jenna was only three months away from her twenty second birthday when she died. Lucy hates when people die young. Back in New York City, Lucy knew a guy that was killed in a drunk driving accident. He was only seventeen at the time. Lucy had never talked to this guy, despite having him in a few of her classes, but she was horrified by his death. People shouldn't be dying before they've even had a chance to really live. Death is meant for people in their seventies or eighties.

They stop in front of a granite tomb stone. Holding Kenzie, James sits down. Lucy stands behind him, watching as he sits Kenzie down and cups his hands over his mouth. She moves closer and can see that his eyes are closed, while tears escape. Lucy isn't great at comforting people, but she'll give it a shot.

She kneels next to James and wraps her arm around him, reading the writing on the tombstone.

**Jenna Elizabeth Harper-Diamond**

**1993-2015**

**Loving mother, daughter, sister, wife, and friend**

He finally lowers his hands and Lucy reaches up to wipe the tears away. James reaches for a silver picture frame attached to the tombstone, lifting the cover up. A picture of James and Jenna fills it. James is hugging her from behind with his hands resting on her enlarged stomach.

Kenzie crawls over to the picture and looks at it.

"Mama." She says, smiling.

"Yeah, that's your mama." James says softly.

"She knows Jenna?" Lucy asks, surprised. She's only ten months old and has never met her mom, so Lucy doesn't know how that's even possible.

"I've shown her pictures and talked about Jenna, so she knows who her mommy is." James says, picking Kenzie up. When he gets another glimpse of the writing, he almost starts crying again, but Lucy gets an idea to prevent this from happening. Don't people usually feel better if they talk about happy stuff? Any time Lucy has felt depressed, Jo and Camille always talk about her music and her upcoming album. That always makes her feel better, so James just needs someone to cheer him up. She's not trying to interrupt his grieving, but if he keeps crying, Lucy's going to be more sad than she already is. She doesn't really feel like battling sadness today. Wow, that sounded really selfish.

"Hey, tell me about the day that you two met!" She suggests.

"Oh." James says, wiping his tears away, "Jenna had a friend who was obsessed with Big Time Rush and it was the friend's birthday, so they went to our concert to celebrate. She had gotten passes to our meet and greet, so they got to meet us. After her friend had gotten my autograph, she moved on to the other guys, while Jenna and I talked a little. I thought she was really cute and sweet. After the meet and greet, the boys and I went to McDonald's for a late night dinner and Jenna happened to be there with her friend. We both went to get some ketchup and we talked some more, then we exchanged phone numbers."

"Did she go crazy fangirl on you?" Lucy jokes.

"No." James grins. "I don't even think she was that much of a fan."

"Did her friend get jealous when she heard that Jenna had gotten your phone number?"

"She was more excited than anything else, but she started to get jealous when we officially became a couple. Every time we hugged or kissed, her reaction was hilarious." James says with a light chuckle.

"How did you propose to her?"

"I took her to the Palm Woods park, since we went there all the time. I had the ring with me and I made a short speech about how much I loved her, then I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Six months of wedding planning followed. It was fun, but we had some minor disasters. One time, we thought that we had lost the rings, but it turned out that we had left them at Jo's apartment. Jenna was crying because she was already stressed out and this had made her feel worse. So we had a very interesting wedding planning experience." James grins. "The wedding itself was great, thought. Except for one thing."

"How many problems did you guys have?" Lucy says in surprise. Aren't weddings suppose to be perfect and romantic? Are people suppose to have problems on their wedding day?

"Just one thing." James laughs. "That's the day that we learned about the extent of Carlos's sugar problem. He had two slices of cake and people thought he was drunk."

Carlos always did seem a little hyper. Very sweet, but hyper. Lucy thought he had ADHD, but she must have been wrong. He just had a bad sugar habit. Hopefully, he has cut down on the cookies and brownies since then. He's still a ball of energy, but he doesn't seem as out of control.

"He did have a little to drink, but that wasn't the reason he was hyper." James says, kissing Kenzie's cheek. "Jenna couldn't stop laughing. We both got a kick out him hugging her and yelling about how much he loved her. He just hugged her waist and said "I love you, Jenna!" before going somewhere else. It was pretty hilarious."

"Carlos is so affectionate, isn't he?" Lucy giggles.

"You have no idea." James says.

More silence follows as they stare at the tombstone. Fearing that James is going to start crying again, Lucy rubs his back gently.

"She was really pretty." She says softly.

"Yeah." James whispers. "She was."

"Was her pregnancy pretty easy?"

"Pretty much, except for the symptoms." James answers. "She had a lot of morning sickness for the first three or four months, then it got better. She was pretty cranky in the later months, though. She was constantly complaining about how she wanted Kenzie to come out already. She wasn't terrible, but she could be pretty tough to deal with for the eighth and ninth months."

He keeps talking, but Lucy finds herself thinking about what she did earlier. Was it creepy for her to look for information about him? She was so curious and since James isn't very open about his past, she had to resort to finding things out on her own. However, now that she has, she feels kind of bad. If James wanted her to know about his past, he would tell her when he's ready. Normally, looking at a person's Myspace or Facebook accounts wouldn't really be considered creepy, but Lucy knows that what was doing could be considered weird. She still wants to know why his parents divorced, but she refrains from asking.

"Hey, how are things between you and the guys?" She asks him.

"We're okay." James says nonchalantly. "But we're still not too close."

"Well, surely you miss being friends with them." Lucy insists. "I mean, haven't you guys known each other since kindergarten?"

"Kendall and I have known each other since Pre K." James corrects her. "But Carlos and Logan came along in Kindergarten."

He touches the tombstone with a loving hand.

"Baby, we miss you." he says sadly. "I'm taking good care of Kenzie, okay?"

They need to get out of here soon because this cemetery isn't really helping Lucy's mood, and it can't be doing James any good either. He needs to visit her grave every once in a while, but he shouldn't sit there and make himself feel worse. A few minutes is good, but Lucy can't stand to see him hurting. Being at Jenna's grave obviously breaks his heart, which hurts Lucy. She really cares about James and when she sees him near tears, it kills her. They knew each other before he moved back to Minnesota, but they only started really bonding when he came back to LA. He has only been back for two weeks, but Lucy doesn't care. James happens to be special to her and when he's sad, she feels bad for him.

"She loves her mommy." James tells his dead wife. "She may have never met you in person, but she knows who you are. Me and Kenzie love you very much, honey. "

He is making sure that Lucy can't see his face, but his shaking form give him away.

Lucy doesn't think twice before she wraps her arms around him, surprised when he accepts the hug.

"Remember." She whispers. "I'm just comforting you."

"I know." James whimpers, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Jenna," Lucy says carefully. "James is a really good dad. I'm sure you're very proud of him."

Even though tears are still escaping from James's eyes, Lucy doesn't miss the boy's smile.

* * *

><p><strong>I needed James to visit Jenna's grave:) <strong>

**Review! :D**


	19. Fight or Flight

Rehearsing for a comeback is hard work, but Gustavo is taking it overboard. The man is obsessed! Griffin's constant pestering is causing him to be even harder on the guys. They came to Rocque Records at ten and now it's six in the afternoon. They should be back home by now. They're drenched in sweat, their muscles are aching, and they're just plain exhausted. They are doing everything Gustavo is telling them to do, but they are silently begging him to let them leave. Eight hours is enough for them. They don't need to need work themselves to death.

"This is ridiculous." Logan whispers as they work on a new dance. Gustavo is making them relearn the routine for their song "Music Sounds Better With U", which is from their second album. Apparently, he thought that they were a little shaky on that one. They have went over it three times and Gustavo hasn't been satisfied yet.

"You think?" Carlos whispers, doing some boy band spin move.

James looks over at Kelly, who is watching Kenzie play with her toys. Kenzie has been fairly occupied, which is amazing. James doesn't know how she manages to stay entertained for eight hours. She has only started crying a couple of times, once due to hunger and the second time being because she needed a diaper change. James is surprised that Gustavo let him stop rehearsal to tend to her. Bringing Kenzie to rehearsal has it's advantages. If she starts crying or asking for her daddy, Gustavo has to stop rehearsal and let James take care of his girl.

"DOGS!" Gustavo shouts.  
>"What?" Kendall snaps.<p>

"There is so much wrong with this." Gustavo says in a haughty tone. "Logan's dancing is still suckish, Carlos can't get the spin right, and...You dogs are just plain terrible. If we are going to save this record company, you are going to get this right. Got that? Otherwise, you are all FIRED!"

"Hey, Logan's dancing is not suckish!" Carlos says, coming to his bandmate's defense.

Logan looks at Carlos, surprised that his former friend is defending him. For the first week back in LA, all they ever did was fight. The rest of the time, they just ignored each other. Logan doesn't understand why Carlos is suddenly being so protective. He doesn't hate Carlos. He has never hated him, but he didn't think that Carlos cared enough to defend him against Gustavo. When they were friends, defending each other just came naturally. When their friendship ended, the protective hold they all had on each other went away as well. What's happening now?

"Shut it, dog!" Gustavo snaps just as the door opens. He screams when he sees Griffin, who's arrival was completely unexpected. Griffin never called ahead of time. He gave no warning whatsoever! Yet he's here, with that excited grin on his face, making Gustavo wonder what he's been smoking. Sometimes he wonders about that. Griffin has always seemed a little...off. Not that Gustavo would say that to his face. If he did, he would get fired. Therefore, he can never be truly honest with the Rocque Records CEO. Arthur Griffin has authority over Gustavo. People are suppose to show respect for authority.

"Guess who's going to do a rap feature on your new song, Gustavo!" He says proudly. "Wayne Wayne!"

The door is roughly pushed open and said rapper storms into the dance studio. Gustavo, Kelly, and the guys look at Griffin in horror. Wayne Wayne? The guy almost got Kendall kicked out of BTR. Not to mention that he taunted them on a regular basis. He isn't even a real bad boy! When he finally got thrown out of the band, he joined the Ziggle Zaggles, a children's band. If he raps on their album, they'll lose their credibility. No one is going to listen to a band that has a former children's singer on one of their songs. This is just like Griffin. He was the one that agreed to Marcos Del Posy's stuffy puppy idea for the band's first Pop Tiger photo shoot.

"Him?" Kendall complains.

"Hush, Kendall." Gustavo says through a smile.

"What's wrong, Kendork?" Wayne Wayne asks, getting in Kendall's face.

"Wanna know?" Kendall says with a smirk. He yelps as James and Carlos elbow him. All three of his bandmates shake their heads adamantly, warning him not to say another word.

Wayne Wayne looks satisfied as he moves on to James, crossing his arms. James looks bored as he looks Wayne Wayne in the eyes. He doesn't like Griffin's idea, but he doesn't want to argue and get them fired. Gustavo and Kelly would have a conniption if that happened. The guys promised to help save the record company, so they must cooperate with Griffin and his idiotic demands. Of course, James would love to say something to Wayne Wayne, but he's also intimidated by this guy. Despite being a fake, his bad boy act is very convincing.

"You knocked up your girlfriend?" He asks. James clenches his fists, keeping his arms tightly crossed. He's not going to punch the guy, no matter how bad he wants to. Wayne Wayne is pushing it. He's pushing it _big time_.

"She was my wife." He says through gritted teeth.

"Oh, my bad!" Wayne Wayne whispers. "It's just that you have quite a reputation in Hollywood. Hook up, then never call the girl again."

"Okay, just back off!" Kendall snaps, keeping one hand on James's shoulder.

"Dogs, shut up!" Gustavo snaps.

"Did you hear what he was saying?" Logan says angrily.

"Guys, just forget it." James tells them. His blood is boiling, but he's not going to put their career at risk. Let Wayne Wayne insult him. As long as he knows the truth about himself, he doesn't need to worry about what other people say. He may have dated a lot of girls, but he never took advantage of them. He was never that terrible. He still wants to punch this guy, though.

"Whatever, I'm out." Wayne Wayne says, pushing past Gustavo and Griffin.

Griffin pats Gustavo on the head, then follows the incredibly rude and obnoxious boy out the door.

"Let's just get back to work." Gustavo says, playing the music again.

* * *

><p>The boys are let out at seven thirty and they are incredibly eager to go home and rest.<p>

While the other guys are talking amongst themselves, James is still thinking about what Wayne Wayne said. At first, it didn't seem like a big deal, but the more he thought about it, the more hurtful it became. He has never cared about haters, but this was a really personal thing. Wayne Wayne made James seem like some kind of...womanizer or something. James has never taken advantage of anyone. He doesn't care about what anyone says. Those rumors about him are completely false. Yes, he was a player, but he was never that mean. He always respected Jenna. He would never have even thought about doing _anything _to hurt her.

"James, you're not still thinking about what Wayne Wayne said, are you?" Kendall asks, noticing how distant James seems to be.

"No." James lies.

"Who cares about what he thinks? We know that you aren't like that." Carlos tells him.

"I know." James smiles, holding Kenzie close to him. Kenzie is one of the only people that would never believe lies about him, along with his friends and family. When he dated a girl, he treated her like a princess. Eventually, he dumped the girl, but he never mistreated her. Women deserve to be treated with respect.

Just when they think it's all over, everything is turned around. As soon as they enter the lobby, they see Wayne Wayne checking in. They did not know that he was staying here. It's like he's coming back to haunt them. Ugh, this is the last thing they wanted. He already insulted James once and who knows what he'll say if they're living in the same building.

"What up, _dogs_?" Wayne Wayne says, belittlement in his voice. James just wants to wipe that smirk of his face. "Oh, James, we didn't get to finish our conversation. I forget to add that Jenna must have been pretty desperate to ever go out with you. She must have been pretty slutty, considering that's the only kind of girl you can attract. She would get with anyone."

James's jaw drops in horror. He _didn't_. He did not just say what James thinks he just said. No one with a heart would say something so horrible. And anyone that knew Jenna knows that she was not an easy type. She had enough self respect, so she didn't need to be desperate to get a guy.

"Kendall, hold Kenzie." He grumbles, handing his daughter to Kendall. He walks up to Wayne Wayne and grabs the front of his shirt. "If I ever hear you say that again, I'll bust you up so bad."

"You know, there was a rumor in the tabloids that she actually killed herself." Wayne Wayne says, feigning sadness.

From a distance, Lucy is watching the scene unfold. James looks angrier than he has ever been as he grabs the front of some dude's shirt. She watches in curiosity, confused by his behavior. He never seemed like the violent type, but Lucy is worried that he's going to start a smack down with this guy. As she gets closer, she can make out some of what they're saying. It sounds like this guy said something that upset James because James is shouting "Never say that again!" with pure rage in his voice and on his face. Kendall is trying to grab a hold of him, but his attempts aren't working out so well. Maybe Lucy should step in. She may be a girl, but she can fight.

"Hey!" She yells, approaching them. She grabs James and pushes him out of the way, glaring at the Eminem wanna be. "Your name?"

"Wayne Wayne." The guy says, getting closer to him. "What's your name, hottie?"

She turns her head so she can gag, then gives her attention back to Wayne Wayne.

"Look, I don't know what you said to him, but you need to watch it." She warns.

"He called Jenna a slut!" James yells. Kendall puts his hand on the taller boy's chest, preventing him from attacking Wayne Wayne.

"His wife is dead, jerk!" Lucy yells, kneeing Wayne Wayne in the groin. Wayne Wayne groans and falls to the ground, then Lucy kneels by him. "If you ever insult him or anyone close to him, I will find you. And you'll get much worse. Hear me?"

"Uh huh." Wayne Wayne says, his voice strained from the pain that Lucy inflicted upon him.

"James, let's go." Lucy says, grabbing his arm. She drags the angered boy towards the elevator, quickly pressing the button to her floor. She doesn't understand how Wayne Wayne could be so insensitive. He must have not been aware of what happened to Jenna. If he had known, he wouldn't have said something so horrible about her. Jenna never seemed like the skanky type. She was classy, never trashy.

She involuntarily jumps as James punches the wall, but she recovers right away. Anyone else would be scared of him right now, but she feels no fear whatsoever. He's angry, but harmless. She knows that his anger wouldn't cause him to harm her. So she reaches for his hand and removes the other one from his hair, pulling them down. She cups his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks. He's breathing heavily, his face is flushed, and he's tense. He needs to relax before he does something he might regret later. Lucy knows what that's like. The results are never pretty.

"Hey, calm down." She says, leading him from the elevator.

"I can't calm down." James says, his voice quivering.

"Yes, you can." Lucy assures him as they walk into their apartment. They head over to the couch, where James collapses and buries his face in his hands. "You just need to breathe."

"Lucy, Jenna wasn't some slut that I took advantage of!" James yells suddenly. "We got married and we had a child together! So why would that jerk say that stuff about me and her? I never did anything to hurt her and she never let any guy disrespect her! Everything he said was a lie!"

Wayne Wayne has officially made an enemy out of Lucy Stone. She ism't going to break her promise to him either. If she hears that he has been saying stuff about James or his loved ones, she will hurt him even worse than she did today. James doesn't deserve a bunch of insults and derogatory remarks from anyone. No one is going to hurt James and get away with it. Not if Lucy has anything to say about it. Calling his dead wife a slut has gotta be one of the cruelest things that anyone could do. It's no wonder that James got so violent.

"James, I know." She says, running her fingers through his hair. "Please calm down."

"Do you have Aspirin?" James asks weakly.

"Sure." Lucy says, going to the kitchen. Poor James...Lucy just doesn't understand how people can be so mean.

"Okay, I've got it." She says gently, handing the medicine and a glass of water to him. While he takes the medicine, she sits next to him and rubs his back. He still seems a bit shaky, but he's calming down a little. He's not completely relaxed yet, but it's better than nothing.

* * *

><p>It takes a while, but James finally calms down. Depression has replaced his rage, but that isn't much better. It's a good thing that Lucy got him out of there, because he was so close to beating Wayne Wayne up. He feels grateful that she saved him from getting himself in trouble. He's not overly sensitive, but some things can get to him. Jenna isn't a subject to be made fun of, yet that's exactly what Wayne Wayne did. James feels that he had every right to get angry. Everyone was telling him to calm down, but how did they expect him to react? He wasn't going to stand there and allow his wife to be insulted and taunted.<p>

He doesn't feel like going back to 4B. Yes, his behavior was justified, but he's embarrassed. He has always portrayed himself as calm and collected, but that image has been destroyed. That, on top of his newly developed stomach ache, does not help his mood. Even as Lucy is holding him and playing with his hair, he's not feeling much better than he did a while ago. All that anger left him physically drained of any energy and all he can do is stay still as Lucy tries to soothe him. He should be taking care of Kenzie, but he can't bring himself to walk all the way back to 4B.

"Don't believe what he said." Lucy says, playing with his hair.

"I don't." he says faintly.

"Why was this guy even talking to you?" Lucy asks him.

"He's going to rap on one of our new songs." James explains tiredly.

"So you have to work with that guy?" Lucy asks him,

"Yep." James says bitterly.

"You guys couldn't get someone else?"

"It's not up to us." James tells her. He wishes it were up to them, but Griffin chose Wayne Wayne and they have to listen to his orders. That includes working with Wayne Wayne whether they want to or not.

"Well, that's stupid." Lucy mutters. "Hey, wanna go back to the roof? Isn't that kind of our special place?"

"_Our _place?" James says with a small chuckle.

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Lucy says, grabbing his hand.

They go up to the roof and since it's nighttime, the city lights are absolutely beautiful. It's peaceful and James feels himself relaxing a little more. He follows Lucy over to the half wall, overlooking the city. Lucy must think that he's still upset because she wraps her arm around his waist. A cool breeze hits them and blows their hair away from their faces. Strangely, having Lucy's arm around him doesn't make him feel nervous. In fact, he feels safe. He even gets the courage to put his own arm around her shoulders, pulling her just a little closer.

"You really got him today." He grins.

"Were you surprised?" Lucy asks him.

"Not really." James laughs.

"I wouldn't be if I were you." Lucy says, tightening her arm around him.

Whoa, what is happening? They are practically hugging, Lucy is making him laugh, and he feels no desire to get away from her. Last time she tried to get close to him, he made a beeline for the nearest exit, but that desire is gone. He...enjoys this. He wouldn't say that he feels the same emotions that he felt for Jenna, but he's starting to think that he just might like Lucy as more than a friend. The thing is, he doesn't know how to handle it. He can't bring himself to ask her out because he would feel guilty. If he went out with another girl, he would feel like he's replacing Jenna. No one could possibly replace Jenna, but if he went out with another girl, wouldn't he be doing exactly that? He doesn't know what he's feeling, but it's both good and bad. Part of him would love to take Lucy out on a romantic date, but his inability to let go of Jenna is preventing him from doing so.

"Don't worry about that." James says, letting his head rest on top of hers.

"I won't." Lucy smirks, patting his back.

"But don't let this go to your head." James warns playfully. "You might attack the wrong person one day."

"Hey, Wayne Wayne deserved it." Lucy argues.

James has to find a way to muffle his laughter, so he resorts to burying his face in her hair.

"Why aren't you doing it again?"

"What?" He asks, pulling his face away from her hair.

"Pushing me away." Lucy asks him. "Last time I got close to you, you had an excuse to leave."

_Pushing me away..._It's something that James has always done. Well, since his pre teen years. When he was little, it wasn't really like that. He wasn't afraid of getting his heart broken because it had never happened. His parents loved him and he thought that they had loved each other. When he was eleven, that changed. He had known that his parents were having some issues, but he didn't realize how bad it was until he came home from school one day and they announced their divorce. From that day on, James's relationships with girls and love in general was completely screwed. Every time he dated someone, he broke up with them before he could get hurt. If he continued each relationship for too long, his heart would end up shattered. So he beat them to it. He would break their heart before they could break his. When he started dating Jenna, he thought their relationship would succumb to the same outcome. However Jenna knew about his parents and she refused to let him push her away. She convinced him that not everyone would end up hurting him and, eventually, he let her in. He decided that Jenna was different than other girls and he wanted to give her a chance. Then he lost her and he went back to his old outlook.

"I guess I'm becoming more comfortable around you." James shrugs.

"Why weren't you like that before?"

"I don't know." James answers. "I just don't know if I want another relationship."

Lucy looks at him, hope in her eyes.

"Do you like me?"

"Of course." James says honestly. "Wait, I thought you didn't want a relationship."

"Honestly, I'm just waiting for the right person." Lucy tells him.

"That's cool." James says, holding onto her. "Do you like me?"

"I guess." Lucy says, rubbing his back. "Hey, are you feeling better?"

"Yeah." James nods. "My stomach still hurts a little, but it's not as bad."

Lucy has tried to avoid making too many impulsive decisions, since some can get a person in trouble. But she can't really back that up, considering she got into smoking. She certainly didn't think that through, but she has never did drugs or drove under the influence. Anyway, there's a difference between trying and actually succeeding.

For example, she tries to avoid kissing James, but she doesn't think that's working out.

The minute she returns her attention to him, her resistance comes crashing down and she does it.

She kisses James Diamond.

* * *

><p><strong>*Singing* Cliffhanger...<strong>

**Anyway, how do you all think James is going to react to the kiss?**

**Review! :D**

**PS: Wayne Wayne is a jerkX( He's not going to be a main character, but you will be seeing him again;)**


	20. Resistance

For a moment, James doesn't even realize what's happening. Then he becomes aware that Lucy is actually kissing him, even when she knew that he doesn't want a relationship. Shortly after her lips touch his, he slowly pulls away, hurt and fear in his eyes. This cannot happen. Jenna may be dead, but she's still his wife and he is not about to start seeing another girl. He can picture how hurt Jenna would look if she saw him kissing Lucy. He should continue to be faithful to Jenna, whether she's alive or not. He may like Lucy, but there's no way that he's going to get romantically involved with her. Once again, he can't let this happen.

"I've gotta go." he says, turning around and rushing to the elevator.

"James, I'm sorry!" Lucy says desperately, following him. She barely makes it into the elevator before the doors close. She grabs his hand and forces him to turn around. She probably shouldn't have kissed him, but she couldn't help herself. James Diamond is perfect and she just had to know what it's like to kiss that boy. Unfortunately, she mostly likely just put a serious dent in their friendship. It's much better having him as just a friend than not having him at all. But she just had to go and screw it all up. She really wishes that she could be with James, but he's never gonna let that happen.

"You knew I didn't want anyone else!" James snaps, pacing back and forth. The doors finally open and he steps onto the fourth floor, frustrated when Lucy keeps following him. He picks up his pace, trying to get to 4B as fast as possible. When he gets to the apartment, he pushes the door open. He tries to close it, but Lucy stops him. He doesn't want to deal with her right now. He's already suffered enough today and he doesn't need anymore stress. If she tries to force him to talk about what just happened, all the stress from earlier is going to come flooding back.

"James, don't be mad at me." Lucy says desperately, reaching for his hand. Of course, he isn't having none of that. The minute her hand touches his, he steps away from her. The last thing he wants is for everyone in the apartment to see them arguing, so he storms to his room. He turns around and glares at Lucy.

"Why shouldn't I be?" He snaps. "You knew how I felt and you still forced yourself on me."

"James, I really like you." Lucy says, touching his cheek. "And tonight, I finally did what I've been wanting to do. I'm not going to force you to be with me, but I just wanted to kiss you. And I guess I may have done it on impulse. Okay? I don't want one kiss to ruin our friendship."

"Lucy, could you go? I need to put Kenzie to bed." James tells her.

Lucy looks sad as she leaves, afraid of losing James. She's not going to look desperate, so she's going to act like she doesn't care. But she does care! Recently, she has started to realize how much she likes him. For two weeks, she has spent time with him and tried to pretend that she doesn't want a boyfriend. Now she's starting to think that she was fooling herself. She does want a boyfriend, but she doesn't want just any guy. She wants James. However, she's going to have to let it go, since she obviously has no chance with him.

* * *

><p>James wipes his eyes as he walks to the dining room, where Chris is busy feeding Kenzie. He gives them a weak smile as he sits at the table. He buries his face in his arms, taking a deep breath. This has been the worst day that he's had since he came back to this city. First, Wayne Wayne called his precious Jenna a slut, then Lucy kissed him. That massive headache has returned and all he wants to do is lay down and sleep for the next week. Unfortunately, he'll never get away with that. Someone would eventually force him to get up, whether he really wanted to or not.<p>

"Alright, Miss Kenzie." Chris says, kissing Kenzie's cheek. "I think your daddy is stressed out. Maybe you can make him feel better."

James sits up and accepts Kenzie when Chris hands her to him. He kisses her cheek and sighs as he tries to get his breathing back to normal. Due to all the stress, he has had to take really deep breaths. It's uncomfortable and he really wants to start breathing normally again.

"Hey, the guys told me about what Wayne Wayne said." Chris says, rubbing his arm. "But don't let it bother you, okay?"

She must think that's the only thing that is wrong, but she doesn't even know the half of it. For only a brief second, he considers telling her about the kiss, but he decides against it. She would start telling him about love and how he should give it a chance, so he isn't going to say anything. He doesn't care what she thinks. He has said it many times before and he'll gladly say it again. Chris and the rest of his family and friends may encourage him to give the dating world another chance, but he's not going to listen. Jenna is the only girl that he's ever going to love.

"I'm trying." He says quietly, standing up.

"Do you want me to put her to bed?"

"No, I can do it." James says, taking Kenzie to their room. He sits in the rocking chair and smiles at her. She's already in her pajamas, so he doesn't have to worry about dressing her. He just needs to get her to sleep, which he hopes won't be too hard. On some nights, that can be a challenge, but he doesn't want her to give him any trouble. He's so tired and stressed, which means that he just wants to go to bed. He wants to avoid taking it out on her, but he is praying that it won't take too long for her to fall asleep. When he's in a bad mood, he usually has to get Chris to take care of her, since he's always worried that he's going to accidentally snap at her or something.

"Honey, you need to try to go to sleep, okay?" He says gently. "I'm not feeling too good, so I need you to cooperate."

"Dada." Kenzie babbles, chewing on the drawstrings of his hoodie.'

James hugs her to his chest, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you." He whispers. "Now let's put you to bed."

He stands up and lowers her into the crib, making sure that she's tucked in. She looks up at him with a cute smile, which makes him smile in return. He can't say that he's feeling too happy yet, but having Kenzie around does relax him a little. She doesn't deserve to have a daddy that is always worried about something. That's why he's trying so hard to calm down.

"Hey, I made a smoothie for you." Chris says cheerfully, putting a cup in his hand.

"Thanks." James says, sitting on the couch. He sips the drink, recognizing the flavor as Strawberry Banana. It's one of his personal favorites.

"I heard that Lucy taught that jerk a lesson, though." Chris giggles, hugging him from behind.

"Uh huh." James says, failing to hide the frustration in his tone.

Chris quickly notices the tone, feeling confused as she sits next to him. When the guys returned to the apartment, they said that James had went to Lucy's apartment. And since he sounded so mad when she said the girls name, Chris is guessing that something happened during the visit.

"Jay, what happened?" She asks, looking at him with worry.

"Nothing." James lies.

"Just tell me!" Chris begs.

Why does James have the most invasive sister in law ever? He loves Chris like a real sister, but he hates how she forces him to tell her everything. When she thinks that there's something wrong with him, she just has to beg him to talk about it, even when he doesn't want to talk. The is one of those occasions where he's in no mood to discuss today's problems, but she still insists on it. Really, she needs to learn how to leave people alone. He knows that she cares and he appreciates it, but he does not want to talk about Lucy or Wayne Wayne or anyone. He doesn't even want to talk about Jenna! He just wants to go to bed.

"Lucy kissed me." He admits. Words can't even describe how hurt he feels. When someone says no, the answer is no. It's like when James was four and he was at Target with his mom and he wanted some Superman action figure. He already had enough already and his mom said no. He had started throw one of his famous tantrums, but when he looked his mom in the eyes, he changes his mom. When Brooke Diamond says no, she means no. She calls the shots and it's very rare for anyone to stand up to her.

"Finally!" Chris squeals. Of course, she calms down when she sees his face. "Okay, you obviously aren't as excited as I am. Why?"

"Chris, you know why! She knew how I felt about dating and relationships, but she still kissed me!"

Sometimes Chris thinks that James has worse anger management issues than Kendal does, and that's not a pretty sight. Anytime James is forced to confront his true feelings, he starts having a fit. She was hoping that Lucy kissing him might have a good effect on the boy, but it has apparently made him feel worse. Nothing ever seems to go her way. She only wants the best for James, but he just wants to do things his way. That means he is pretending to be a perfectly content and not lonely single parent. Who wants to be single for the rest of their life? Chris is almost thirty and she's still waiting for that special person to come along. James is only twenty two, so he still has plenty of time to find someone, but he's being his usual annoyingly stubborn self. Chris hates to sound like she's being too forceful, but she has to be like that with James. Otherwise, he would never tell her anything.

"Jay, she likes you." She says, forcing him to look at her. "That's a good thing."

"When are you going to get it?" James says, nearly yelling. "Just do me a favor and accept my choices."

Instead of speaking, she reaches for his hand, giving it a squeeze. The look on his face is hard and it worries Chris. He seems to have a lot of pent up anger and that all came to the surface today. She was quite infuriated when she heard what Wayne Wayne said about her sister. Jenna wasn't even close to being a slut. At her high school graduation party, some creepy guy tried to hit on her and she slapped him. She was sweet but she could be tough when she wanted to be.

While Chris is trying to comfort him, it only relaxes him a little. He's still a little confused, and a whole lot angry with Lucy. Or maybe it's not really her that he's angry with. Maybe he's angry with himself. Maybe he's frustrated with himself for not being able to let someone in. The truth is, he wants to. He really does like Lucy, but he can't betray Jenna like that. He still wears his wedding ring, so he has no business dating some other girl. This is exactly why he was afraid of commitment. He doesn't regret being with Jenna, since she and Kenzie are the best things that have ever happened to him, but he has promised himself that he's done with serious romances.

"I get it, James. You don't want any kind of emotional attachment, but It makes me sad to see you like this." Chris tells him. "You're lonely, James. You may have a beautiful daughter and family and friends that love you, but I know that you would probably love to have someone. You're just not allowing yourself to let anyone in."

"You know, I'm already in a bad mood, so let's talk about this later." James says, getting off the couch. "I'm gonna go to bed."

And he goes to his room, leaving Chris alone on the couch.

* * *

><p>The next morning, James doesn't even want to get out of bed. He's so glad that they have another day off because he feels terrible. Between him attacking Wayne Wayne and Lucy's surprise kiss, it's no surprise that he's so tired. He's thinking about getting Ms. Knight and Katie to watch her while he stays in bed all day. He doesn't want to neglect Kenzie, but he's too exhausted to take care of her today.<p>

"Dada!"

Of course, Kenzie is daddy's little girl, so she would spend the rest of the day crying out for him. She has officially guilted him into getting up, despite his fatigue. She's holding on to the bars of her crib, waiting for him to get her out of there. James has to laugh because, from a distance, it looks like she's in a little cage.

"Good morning." He says, picking her up. "Did you sleep good? I slept okay, but I really don't feel good."

The first thing he sees when he steps out of the bedroom is the guys. They are all sitting on the living room floor, watching some morning cartoons. Katie is sitting on the couch and when she sees him, she sighs. What's wrong with her? She doesn't normally act so cold towards him.

"James, can I speak to you in the kitchen?" The teen girl asks.

"Um, okay?" James says, yelping as the girl grabs his ear and pulls him to the kitchen. He feels so relieved when she finally lets go. "Katie, what do you want?"

"I overheard you and Chris talking." Katie responds. "And I just want to say that you are an idiot! A girl likes you and you're not even going to ask her out? I mean, I know you like Lucy as much as she likes you, yet you're going to keep a wall around yourself. Really, James, you're being ridiculous."

"Katie, I'm twenty two and you're sixteen." James says with a laugh. "This is adult stuff. Children like you don't need to get involved."

"I'm not a child, stupid!" Katie snaps, smacking him behind the head. She turns on her heel and returns to the living room. James loves Katie, but that girl can be mean. Thanks to Kendall's "lovely" little sister, James's headache has been worsened. He's glad that it isn't any worse. If she had hit him any harder, it probably would have caused some brain damage.

"Auntie Katie is a mean girl." He mutters to Kenzie.

Kenzie smiles at him and he smiles back, stroking her adorably pudgy cheek. James was overweight when he was little and he hopes that Kenzie won't be, but her extra padding does make her super cute and cuddly. Now, if she's five and she's still chunky, he's going to be concerned.

"What?" He laughs, kissing her forehead. "You're in a really good mood today, aren't you? Lucky you! Daddy had a rough day yesterday and he could use some love from his baby girl."

Instead of giving him a kiss or hug, Kenzie grabs a strand of his hair and pulls it.

"Hey, that's not really the kind of love I was talking about." He chuckles, pulling her hand away from his hair.

If he weren't afraid of running into Lucy, he would take Kenzie down to the pool. Sadly, he can't. He could suck it up, but he isn't going to. There is no way that he's going to risk seeing Lucy at the pool and getting into a discussion with her about love and a bunch of stuff that he doesn't care about. That means that he is bound to the confines of apartment 4B until this all blows over. He would be a lot safer in his bedroom, but he would go insane if he had to stay in one space all day. So he's just going to sit back and watch TV in the living room. That is if no one else tries to hog it. He's to scream if Chris makes him watch another soap opera.

"Hey, we need to get you some food." He tells Kenzie, taking some yogurt from the refrigerator. "Cause I know you're hungry."

He takes a spoon from one of the drawers, then takes a spot on the couch. Opening the yogurt container, he begins scooping some up and putting it in Kenzie's mouth.

"Aaaaah!" Kenzie exclaims, accidentally letting some yogurt fall on James's jeans.

"You messy little girl." James says as he uses his finger to wipe the yogurt off. He puts it back on the spoon and gives it back to Kenzie, making sure that it actually stays in her mouth this time. Every time she opens her mouth and food starts to fall out, he puts his hand under her chin. This jeans are brand new and he was hoping to keep them clean for a while.

"Hey, what were you and Chris talking about last night?" Kendall questions.

"Nothing." James says. Their conversation is none of Kendall's business, or anyone else's for that matter. It was between him and Chris, which means that no one else needs to get involved. if he wanted everyone to know, he would just post it in US Weekly. Yeah right! There has already been enough tabloid garbage about him and his bandmates. What he and Chris talked about does not need to be revealed to everyone in 4B. They may think that just because they live in the same home, they deserve to know what's going on, but they don't.

"Okay, then." Kendall shrugs. "But you sounded mad."

"So what?" James responds, feeding another scoop to Kenzie.

"I was just curious." Kendall defends himself.

"And you'll just have to keep being curious." James says smoothly. "Because I'm not saying another word."

"James, we were just concerned." Logan says, sounding annoyed for some reason.

"Okay." James says nonchalantly. He's not in the mood to talk to them right now, so he wishes that they would just shut up. He knows that he sounds like a jerk, but he honestly doesn't care. He mights start to care after he's feeling better, but he hasn't cheered up just yet. So he's going to keep being rude until they decide to leave him alone.

"You know what?" Carlos snaps, glaring at him. "We were just worried about you, but you obviously don't want that. So maybe we should just give up. You're never going to care about anyone but yourself, so I'm done concerning myself with your problems. I'm sure Kendall and Logan agree with me too."

Kendall and Logan both feel their hearts sink when they see the stricken look on James's face. He wasn't being very pleasant, but maybe Carlos was a little too harsh.

"Um, I'm sorry." James whispers, standing up and going back to his room.

He sits down on his bed and contemplates what Carlos said, and he realizes that Carlos was right.

He is always pushing people away, only thinking about his own feelings.

But how does it make other people feel?

Man, he feels terrible.

* * *

><p><strong>First of all, if you see any typos, I'm sorry. I'll go back and edit them later, but I have to start getting ready for bed, so I don't have time. I just wanted to go ahead and let you all read the chapter:)<strong>

**Second of all, I can't promise that I'll be able to update tomorrow. I have a math test on Thursday and I need to study for it. Plus I have a reading test for History in two weeks and I need to stay on top of my reading.**

**Now that I've said that, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Review:)**


	21. Overcoming Fear

Lucy has decided that she is done with trying to reach out to James Diamond. If he wants to grow old and alone, then he can. Lucy doesn't need to keep waiting for a guy that doesn't even want her. She isn't going to lie and say that she doesn't still want James, but she can only wait for so long. As much as she hates to say it, it's too late. James keeps trying to pretend that he's so independent and doesn't need anyone. He's never going to change. If he wanted to change, he would have done it by now. Why should Lucy stress herself out to try changing someone that doesn't want to change? She has tried to help him, but he keeps walls around himself. Obviously, it's impossible to break down those walls. Lucy can't deny that she has feelings for him, but she has to move on. She's not going to waste her time on James.

This is starting to make her depressed. Therefore, she's sitting on the hotel roof shortly after noon, puffing on a cigarette. She has never felt such a mixture of desperation, love, heartbreak, and frustration. Why doesn't the world just slap her in the face? She is sick and tired of being rejected. She's gonna have to let James go, even though she really doesn't want to. She's never gonna be able to forget about that boy. But she doesn't want to keep getting hurt. James may think that he's the only one that is afraid of heartbreak, but he hasn't thought about Lucy. She was terrified when she went in for the kiss. She knew how James felt and she understood that he might be angry with her, but she had to take that risk. She had been dying to kiss him, so she did. The result wasn't what she had hoped for, but she got to know how it feels to kiss James.

What about little Kenzie? Lucy just adores that little girl. She was still getting to know that child, but she loved Kenzie already. If she gives up on James and their relationship, she might never get to hold Kenzie or play with her ever again. That leads to Lucy's main question. Is she doing the right thing?

"Men are stupid." She mutters to herself, taking another puff of her cigarette. James Diamond has gotta be one of the stupidest ones. He's so stubborn and aggravating. Yeah, he gets on her nerves, yet she still wants him. She was honestly hoping that she could change his mind about having a relationship, but it's hopeless.

She is just about to take another puff when she hears footsteps near the elevator. She looks up and sees a certain hazel eyed boy walking towards her.

_You have gotta be kidding me_

"Here to yell at me some more?" She asks, putting out the cigarette. James would end up taking it from her anyway. She might as well save him the trouble. She didn't even expect him to show up. She thought that he hated her. It certainly seemed like it yesterday when he pulled away from that kiss. She thought that he was done with her. He made it seem like he was ending their friendship over a kiss. Now he has the nerve to show up like nothing ever happened. She should smack that pretty face of his, but she isn't that mean. If it were anyone else, she _would_ hit them.

"No." James says quietly, sitting next to her.

"Why are you here?"

Lucy doesn't expect James's next action. As soon as she looks at him, he kisses her. Just by instinct, her hand moves to his face, resting on his cheek. Slowly, the hand moves until it's holding the back of his neck. She doesn't know why she's letting this happen, but she's too caught up in the fact that James actually kissed her this time. But she doesn't know why he did it. When she kissed him yesterday, he freaked out. Now he decides to turn the tables and initiate the kiss himself. It shocks her, but she's not complaining. Now that both of them are into it, it's much more beautiful and romantic.

"James, what changed your mind?" She says quietly.

"Something Carlos said." James answers. "He made me see that I've been selfish. I'm afraid of getting hurt, so I never let anyone in. But I haven't been thinking about how others feel. Then I started thinking about you and I knew that I had screwed up. I want to be with you, but I just don't want to end up losing you. Lucy, Jenna was my first serious love and I lost her. I'm afraid that if you and I were to get together, I would end up experiencing that heartbreak all over again. I know that I've been acting like a jerk, but I'm just scared. I'm scared of falling in love, only to end up alone again."

"James, you're never going to be alone." Lucy whispers, kissing him again.

"Do you wanna start over? Maybe we could hang out." James says with a small smile.

"You've been pushing me away ever since you got here, James." Lucy says carefully. "I don't know if we should go out as soon as you change your mind."

"Lucy, please." James says desperately. "I want to talk about it."

Well, he said that they were going to talk about it. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go and hang out with him for a while. She still doesn't know how she feels about having a relationship with him, but it might be worth discussing. Besides, she feels bad for him, especially after what he said about being scared. If they do get together, she's going to show him that love doesn't always end in heartbreak.

"Alright, let's go." She says, touching his hand.

* * *

><p>"Ah, Starbucks." Lucy sighs happily. "I haven't been here in forever."<p>

James drinks his Vanilla Frappucino and looks at the girl sitting across from him. After Carlos told James off, he decided that he needed to make things right with Lucy. She doesn't deserve to be treated with so little respect. James hasn't thought about how he was making her feel. He was just thinking about himself and he regrets that. He doesn't want to keep rejecting Lucy because, truthfully, he really likes her. He wants her to be his girlfriend, but he's afraid of getting his heart ripped to shreds. Plus, he's afraid of replacing Jenna. He doesn't want her to think that he doesn't love her anymore. Even if he does start dating Lucy, Jenna will always mean the world to him.

"Okay, talk." Lucy tells him. "Why have you been refusing to go out with me?"

"Well, you know part of the reason, but there's something else." James admits. "I don't wait to feel like I'm replacing Jenna. She was the love of my life and she will always be. How would she feel if I started seeing another girl? No one can ever replace her."

"James, Jenna would want you to be happy. She would want you to find someone." Lucy says, reaching across the table to take his hand. "I know that no one could ever replace her. No one should ever do that, but I really believe that she would be okay with you seeing someone."

"You think?" James says quietly.

"Yeah." Lucy says with a smile.

"You wanna be that someone?" James grins.

"I've been wanting that ever since we started hanging out." Lucy tells him.

"Then let's give it a shot." James suggests.

As soon as James says that, Lucy finds herself on cloud nine. Her wish is finally coming true. James is asking her to be his girlfriend. It sounds so weird coming from him, but she's okay with that. She's just happy that he's actually letting her into his life. She doesn't necessarily need a boyfriend, but she would definitely like to date James Diamond.

"Okay, then." She says. She leans across the small table and gives him a kiss, then sits back down.

"Wait." James says suddenly, looking at something behind her.

"What?" She questions, turning around. A few tables down, Wayne Wayne is sitting with an unfamiliar raven haired woman, who must be in her early to mid twenties. She looks serous as she talks to Wayne Wayne. Lucy rolls her eyes and looks back at James, who is still watching Wayne Wayne and his lunch date. She doesn't know if they're dating, but it certainly looks like it. Even better, maybe she's dumping him. Lucy is silently warning the mystery girl to make a run for it. Something about Wayne Wayne doesn't sit too well with Lucy. Even when she spoke to him yesterday, he gave off a very unsettling vibe.

"Who is that girl?" James whispers.

"Calm down, boyfriend." Lucy tells him. "I don't know. His girlfriend? Or maybe it's a business meeting."

"No, she's gotta be his girlfriend." James says, watching Wayne Wayne and his date. James and Lucy's eyes widen when Wayne Wayne turns to look at them. James glares at him and Lucy quickly grabs his hand, hoping to keep from losing his temper again. Wayne Wayne still has that stupid smirk on his face, so Lucy does the first thing that comes to mind. She mouths a few obscenities to him, making sure that it's easy to tell what she's saying. Then she and James get up, throw their trash away, and leave the small coffeehouse.

"Man, I can't stand him." James mutters, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"Neither can I." Lucy says, her arm tightened around his waist. She sees some paparazzi crossing the street, which makes her quickly drag James to the van. She jumps into the front passengers seat and motions for him to get behind the wheel. In recent years, she has slowly started to attract the attention of paparazzi. It's going to get even worse as she becomes more popular. For the most part, the paparazzi keep their distance, but when she becomes really famous, the real harassment will begin. She's not really looking forward to that, but it'll be worth it when she starts gaining a larger fan base. She also hopes to win a Grammy. The reason her new record company wants her to work with Joel Madden because it will get her more attention from the public. People will notice her if she works with a big name celebrity.

"What's wrong?" James asks as he pulls away from the curb.

"Paparazzi." Lucy tells him. "They aren't too bad yet, but as I get more noticed, I'm going to start seeing more of those guys."

"Well, we got away before they could bother us." James assures her. "Now let's go to the Palm Woods park for a while."

* * *

><p>"Isn't this Kendall and Jo's thing?" Lucy asks, looking at her new boyfriend. "You know, laying next to each other on the grass at the park?"<p>

"Yeah, they do it all the time." James says, pulling her closer. He gulps as Lucy lays her head on his chest, feeling nervous all of a sudden. He's happy to finally have Lucy as his girlfriend, but he's still got that nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. He keeps reminding himself of what she told him. Jenna would want him to be happy. She would want him to find someone. But he's still scared of being in a relationship. Even though Lucy has given him reassurance, he's never gonna stop being afraid of love. His worst fear is falling in love and losing the girl. It happened once and he doesn't want it to happen again.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asks, giving him a weird look.

"Yeah." James lies. He tries to focus on Lucy's looks. She's wearing some camouflage cargo shorts and an olive green tank top. She looks incredibly attractive in the outfit.

"You're lying, Diamond." Lucy says, looking at him.

He stares up at the blue sky as she kisses his cheek, choking on a sob. He's tired of being such a crybaby. This time, he's going to be a man. A man doesn't cry when he's scared. He sucks it up and stays strong, even when he feels like crying. He can't let Lucy see him cry. She deserves a manly boyfriend, not some overly emotional little boy.

"Since when do you call me by my last name?" He asks weakly.

Instead of speaking, Lucy just shrugs.

"Okay," James says softly. "I'm still worried about this whole dating thing."

"James, I've already told you." Lucy says, sitting up. "You don't have to be scared. I'm not going to hurt you, okay?"

She strokes his face, looking at his tired eyes. They are full of exhaustion and fear. She knows that he's worried about looking like a crybaby, but if he were to start crying right now, she wouldn't hold it against him. He's been through hell and he mostly holds in his feelings. Therefore, he should cry every once in a while. It can't be healthy to hold it all in. Lucy even cries when she's sad or stressed out. She doesn't let anyone see her cry, but she's human. Humans are emotional, even if some don't show it.

"How can you know that?" James asks her. "You don't know what's going to happen. Lucy, you may say that you're not going to hurt me, but you can never be sure. I didn't think my parents were going to split up, but it happened. It didn't think my dad was going to remarry, but he did. I didn't think that Jenna was going to die, but she did. I never thought of that stuff happening, but look at my life now."

"Your dad remarried?" Lucy asks in surprise.

"Yeah." James nods. "To a woman fifteen years younger than him."

"You never told me that." Lucy says. What else doesn't she know about this boy?

"Hey, we always talk about me." James says, sitting up. "Now I want to know about you. Every time we're together, you're always focused on me. What's your life story?"

"My parents are divorced, they don't speak to each other, and my dad is a jerk." Lucy says simply. "They split up when I was nine. I don't have the best relationship with my dad because he doesn't really approve of what I do. He wants me to have a practical career, while my mom is totally supportive of whatever I choose to do. My dad would love to see me become a doctor or a lawyer, but I want to be a musician. He doesn't think about what makes me happy. He wants me to follow his dreams for me, rather than my own. Since I didn't listen to him, he has basically stopped having anything to do with me. We were communicating for a while, but every phone call turned into an argument. So he just stopped calling."

"That's messed up." James says, shaking his head. "He should be happy for you. The chances of becoming famous very small, but you're doing it. He should be proud of your achievement."

"I don't really care." Lucy tells him. "As long as my mom is supportive, I really don't care what my dad thinks."

"Are you sure?" James asks her.

"Yes." Lucy says adamantly. "What do your parents think of your career?"

"They're cool with it." James responds with a smile. "In fact, my mom wasn't too thrilled when I went back to Minnesota, mostly because I ended up working at the supermarket for a living. One time, she called me up and lectured me about how much better off I would be if I continued my music career. She said that with me working at a supermarket and living in an old apartment complex, I'm not giving Kenzie the best kind of life. That's all I want , though. That's why I hope that this Big Time Rush comeback turns out okay. I didn't like how my life back in Minnesota worked out. I was never really satisfied and I know that Kenzie deserves so much better than what I've been giving her."

"You're trying, James." Lucy reminds him. "And I know that BTR is going to do great. You guys may not have rocking songs likes I do, but I'm sure you boys will do fine."

"Wait a minute! What makes you think that we don't rock?" James asks her.

"Listen to some of your albums." Lucy says, patting his shoulder.

"You're so mean." James chuckles. "I guess I'm gonna have to write a rocking song for BTR to sing, just to prove you wrong."

"Good luck with that." Lucy whispers.

"You need help." James mumbles, laying down with his head on her lap. "You need to go see a therapist or something, because you're crazy if you think we don't rock."

* * *

><p>"I'll see you later." Lucy says as they walk to her apartment.<p>

"Sounds good." James says, grinning when Lucy kisses him. His girlfriend (It still feels weird to say that) enters her apartment and closes the door. With a shy smile on his face, James heads back to the elevator. He supposes that it feels nice to have a girlfriend again. He still gets a little antsy when he thinks about it, but it's certainly not a bad thing. He just keeps reminding himself that Jenna would want him to be happy. He feels happy when he's with Lucy. He enjoys spending time with her. Surely Jenna would be happy to know that he's making an effort to let someone new into his life.

When he gets to 4B, Chris is waiting for him with Kenzie.

"Hey, cutie." He grins, taking Kenzie into his arms.

"You're in a better mood today." Chris says slowly. "Which is weird because you were depressed this morning."

"Well, I decided to give Lucy a chance." James tells her. "I really do like her and Carlos said something that brought me to my senses."

"What did he say?" Chris asks him.

"He said that I don't think about anyone but myself." James says carefully.

Chris groans, running her hands through her hair. She is happy that James is trying to change his outlook on love, but she cannot believe that Carlos went so far. James's whole life revolves around caring for another person, so how in the world is he selfish? He cares about everyone but himself. He may be stubborn and difficult to deal with, but he's a very caring person. Kenzie is his whole world and he always puts her needs before his own. Chris going to have a talk with Carlos later. Sometimes that boy just speaks without even thinking. He needs to break that habit.

"That idiot." She says under her breath.

"Dada." Kenzie says softly.

"Have you missed me?" James asks sweetly, giving her a kiss.

"Yes, she has." Chris smiles, walking to the kitchen.

"I've missed you, too." James says, taking Kenzie to the living room. He sits on the floor and sits her in front of him. He's going to try to be more positive. Kenzie doesn't need a daddy that's tired and depressed all the time. Also, James needs to control his temper. He doesn't know how that's going to work out since Big Time Rush is going be working with Wayne Wayne, but James will try not to punch the guy. But if he says anything else about Jenna, James is going to have a problem. Other than that, it shouldn't be too hard for James to be a better person. The least he can do is try. He needs to do that for Kenzie.

* * *

><p><strong>Everything is good right now, but there's more drama to come;) <strong>

**I did some reading during my break at school today, so I was able to update:) Now I've gotta study!**

**Review! :D**


	22. Suspicious

James is quiet as he and Lucy cuddle on a beautiful Saturday night. He put Kenzie to bed an hour ago and everyone else is asleep as well, so that leaves them alone in the living room. While Lucy is entirely focused on the sitcom they have been watching, James is thinking about their new relationship. He's happy to be with Lucy, but the whole thing still makes him nervous. He and Jenna use to cuddle on Saturday nights and watch old sitcoms. Now he's doing the same thing, but with another girl. He can't shake the thought that he's betraying Jenna by continuing their tradition without her.

"Hey, let's finish those cookies that Ms. Knight made." Lucy says as she gets off the couch.

James gives her a halfhearted smile and continues staring at the TV. He has to at least try to be cheerful. After all, he doesn't want to ruin their night. His tiredness might be contributing to his sudden anxiety. When he gets too tired, it's hard for him to be happy, and he starts worrying about stuff that wouldn't bother him if he were fully rested.

Just a minute or two later, Lucy returns with a plate of cookies, sitting them on the coffee table. She grabs two and hands one of them to James. As she watches him eat the cookie, she notices his exhaustion, then she looks at the clock on the wall. It's no wonder that he has been so quiet. It's after midnight and they still haven't went to bed.

"Do you wanna go to bed?" She asks, touching his cheek.

James is so glad to hear that question. His eyelids feel heavy and the rest of his body just feels weak. He definitely needs to get some sleep before he ends up passing out at work. He really wishes that he could stay up with Lucy, but he can't let himself get too tired. Even Logan was warning them not to stay up too late. Now that they have completely ignored him, James is really regretting it. Logan's constant lectures and occasional know it all behavior might get annoying, but sometimes he knows what he's talking about When Chris, his mom, or Ms. Knight isn't lecturing him, Logan does it for them. Anytime he sees that James is looking a little off, he says something about it.

"Yeah." James says, reaching for her hand. He leads her to his bedroom, quietly closing the door. He changes from his jeans and grey hoodie to black basketball shorts and a white T shirt, then he sits his glasses on the bedside table and lays down. He lets his head hit the pillow and he looks at Lucy, lifting the covers and silently asking her to join him.

Should Lucy do it? She doesn't want to rush things between them. Moving too fast was a big contributing factor in the failure of her past relationships. Her second boyfriend was the worst. After only a month of dating, he tried to give her a promise ring. Now, in most cases, that would be really sweet, but there were two problems. One, they were only fifteen at the time. Two, after a month? Lucy believes that people should wait a while before handing out promise rings to their significant other. She likes to take things slow. That's why she wants to be really careful with James.

"Come on." He says, reaching for her hand. She slowly lays down and snuggles up to him, resting her head on his chest.

"Good night." She says, closing her eyes. "Good night." James responds, kissing her head.

It only takes a few minutes for them to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p>James's eyes flutter open and he looks down to see Lucy fast asleep. He doesn't like to stay in bed if he's not tired, but he hates to wake his girlfriend up. Looking over at Kenzie's crib, he sees that his baby girl is still asleep. Then he glimpses at the alarm clock by his bed and he sees that it's already 9:30 in the morning. The exhaustion that he felt last night is no longer in him, much to his relief. Last night, he felt like he would pass out, so he's happy to be feeling better.<p>

If only Lucy were awake, then he wouldn't have to keep laying here. There's no point in staying in bed if he isn't going to sleep. He moves slowly and carefully, lifting Lucy so he can sit up. Then he lays her back down before standing up. He looks at Kenzie and smiles at his still sleeping daughter before walking to the living room. He can hear noise coming from the kitchen and he's guesses that either Chris or Ms. Knight is making breakfast. As he gets closer, he smells bacon and eggs on the oven. Sure enough, Chris is standing in front of the oven, cooking breakfast. James yawns softly and goes to retrieve some orange juice from the refrigerator. He pours some into a glass and takes small sips.

"How did you sleep?" Chris asks, kissing his cheek.

"Good." James says with a soft smile.

"Did you and Lucy have fun last night?" Chris asks playfully.

"Shut up." James laughs, sitting the glass down.

"I'm just excited that you finally found yourself a lady friend." Chris says, clapping her hands together.

James sighs. Chris is way too excited about him dating again and it seems strange, considering that Jenna was her sister. Shouldn't she still be grieving Jenna's death? If anything, James would have expected her to be angry about him dating again. Instead, she is over the moon. She never talks about Jenna's death, except when she's trying to comfort James. Other than that, she never brings it up. He doesn't understand at all. Doesn't she care about Jenna? Surely she does. When Jenna was still alive, she and Chris were not only sisters, but best friends as well.

"Chris, I want you to tell me something." He tells her. "How do you feel about Jenna's death?"

Chris's face falls and she turns to face the oven. How does he think she feels? She may not get as emotional about it as he does, but she misses Jenna like crazy. Jenna was her baby sister. Her sweet, crazy, fun loving baby sister who lost her life way too soon. Chris thinks about her every day, but she doesn't want to sit around and be miserable all the time. She sees no point in being a miserable wreck when she could just move on and live life to the best of her ability, even if it's really hard. She hates not being able to see Jenna or get a phone call from her. It hurts, it really does, but she can't let it take over her life.

"I hate it, but she wouldn't want me to be sad." She says quietly.

"Right." James whispers. "I'm gonna see if Kenzie is up yet."

The little girl is standing up in her crib, waiting for someone to get her out. When she sees James, her smile widens and she babbles cutely. Alarmed, James looks over at Lucy, gulping when she moves. But she doesn't wake up, and James sighs with relief.

"You gotta be quiet, honey." He says, carrying Kenzie out of the bedroom. He walks to the couch and sits down, holding Kenzie on his lap. From a distance, it sounds like Kendall or Logan might be waking up. He hears footsteps coming from their room, followed by someone stumbling and letting out a coupe of foul words. Yep, it's definitely Kendall.

"What did you do?" Chris asks the blonde boy.

"I ran into the wall." Kendall says tiredly. A faint beeping comes from the cell phone in his hand and when Gustavo's name appears on the screen, he groans quietly. Even though he already knows what the text is going to say, he finds himself begging that Gustavo doesn't want them back in the studio today. They work hard enough as it is and Kendall isn't exactly in a hard working mood right now. He's in a "Sleep all day and just be lazy" mood. If Gustavo wants them to be at Rocque Records today, he better not expect too much out of Kendall. He may be the band's super motivated leader, but he's not very useful when he's tired.

"Gustavo wants us to be at the studio in an hour." He grumbles.

"But I made breakfast." Chris says in disappointment.

"Hey, we can still eat." James tells her. He kisses Kenzie's cheek and follows Kendall to the dining room.

"Is Lucy still asleep?" Kendall asks, playfully nudging James. "Yes, Kendall, she is." James says calmly. He's starting to get tired of people acting all excited just because he has a new girlfriend. It's no different than Kendall, Logan, or Carlos dating someone, yet people are making a big deal out of it. Before they all went to bed last night, Lucy kissed James and Carlos actually whistled. James was so close to lunging at the boy, but Lucy stopped him just in time. He would appreciate if people just minded their own business, instead of being so concerned with whatever is going on in his life. If he gets sick, Ms. Knight wants to baby him. If he gets too tired, Chris tells him to lay down for a nap. When he finally decides to start dating again, everyone gets all smiley and giggly every time he and Lucy interact with each other.

* * *

><p>"Why did you sleep in so late?" James asks Lucy as they follow the other guys into Rocque Records.<p>

"I'm lazy." Lucy says, holding Kenzie in the arm whose hand is not holding James's.

Gustavo is waiting for the band in the recording studio, with his usual frown. Next to him is Kelly and on his other side is Wayne Wayne, who has a bored look on his face. Lucy can feel James tensing up and she squeezes his hand, hoping that Wayne Wayne will just keep his mouth shut. No one wants to deal with angry James today. Not for their own selfish reasons, but because James is scary when he's mad. Plus, when he gets upset, his health can be affected. Mr. Eminem Wanna Be (Lucy's new nickname for Wayne Wayne) is trying to look cooler than he really is, which highly amuses Lucy. It's almost laughable. He doesn't have an ounce of cool in him.

"Dogs, we're recording with Wayne Wayne today." Gustavo says, pushing them into the booth. He looks at Wayne Wayne, who immediately follows the boys into the booth. Unfortunately, he ends up standing next to James.

James snatches up a pair of headphones and puts them on. Just being near Wayne Wayne is making him mad, and the guy hasn't even said anything. Lucy was right when she talked about getting an unsettling vibe from this guy. Honestly, James doesn't feel too good about working with him. He isn't even sure what it is, but something about Wayne Wayne just seems a little...off. But maybe he's just being paranoid. Although, he wouldn't be surprised if Wayne Wayne were a little shifty. For now, he's going to put these feelings aside, but he doesn't know how long he'll be able to do that.

"Here are the music sheets." Kelly says, handing a sheet to each of the five boys. She closes the door behind her and leaves them to sing their hearts out.

"And I don't want this to be an embarrassment." Gustavo says, starting the music.

It takes an hour for them to record the song. Gustavo is amazed that they managed to get through it without James and Wayne Wayne trying to kill each other. Gustavo and Kelly are both aware of what happened at the Palm Woods and, although they pretty peeved at Wayne Wayne for saying such horrible things, they are too scared to stand up to him. He's very...close to Griffin and if they make him angry, he can tell on them. Since they don't feel like being bothered by Griffin, they just keep their thoughts to themselves.

"See you later, losers." Wayne Wayne says. "I've got a date with my lady."

Gustavo, Kelly, Lucy, and the guys all frown at the way Wayne Wayne put quotation marks around "date." The only one that doesn't notice is Kenzie. The rest of them are seriously starting to wonder about Wayne Wayne. They didn't even want him on the album in the first place, but they can't defy Griffin's orders, even if they want to.

Kelly has to admit that there is something very odd about Wayne Wayne. A few years ago, when he was going to actually join Big Time Rush, she was already intimidated by him, but now he is starting to really creep her out.

"He's weird." Carlos says slowly.

"We know, Carlitos." Kendall says. "We know."

"Let's work on your dancing some more." Gustavo says as they walk back down the hallway.

* * *

><p>"Hey, are you still auditioning for that Zack Snyder film?" Camille asks Jo as they relax in the hot tub. For days, Jo has been talking about this new action movie that her manager wants her to do. It's a bit edgier than what Jo's fans are use to, but her manager thinks it's a good thing because they want to surprise her fans. She seems a little apprehensive about doing something so different than her usual stuff, but Camille personally thinks that it would be cool to see Jo in an action movie. She went from playing innocent Rachel on New Town High to a teenage alcoholic in the drama film Addicted, so this new movie could be the next step in her career. But Camille isn't going to tell Jo what to do with her career. After all, it's <em>her<em> career.

"I don't know." Jo says. "My manager thinks that it would take my career to new heights, but I just don't know. I've read the script and it's pretty hard core. I don't know if it's really my thing."

"As an actress, you should try new things." Camille explains. "I mean, I started out doing Magic Middle School, then I went on to play a spy, and now I'm going to play a kidnapping victim. I was nervous when I auditioned for my latest project because I wasn't sure if I was ready to play such an intense role, but it's all about preparation. You have to learn your role, put yourself in the characters shoes. Jo, you have to be that character. You..."

"Camille, I get it." Jo says. From the corner of her eye, she sees Wayne Wayne walking into the lobby with some girl. They are talking with smirks on their faces, which worries Jo. Lucy has already expressed her feelings about the guy and Jo is starting to think that she might be onto something.

"Jo. what's wrong?"

"Hey, do you ever get the feeling that Wayne Wayne is more than just a fake rapper, bad boy type?" Jo asks, finally taking her eyes off Wayne Wayne and Mystery Girl.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't worry too much." Camille tells her. "I've known Walley Dooley for years and he's really harmless. That whole bad boy thing is just an act, remember?"

"I guess," Jo says carefully. "But something doesn't feel right."

She wants to believe what Camille just said, but she might not know Wayne Wayne as well as she thinks. This reminds Jo of her ex friend back in North Carolina. She had known this girl, Mandy, since fourth grade and thought she was the best friend ever, but it was a lie. When they entered high school, Mandy started hanging out with a more popular crowd and she began teasing Jo. That's when Jo decided that knowing someone for a long time doesn't always mean anything. Mandy befriended Jo, only to tear her down later on. For all they know, Wayne Wayne could have a hidden agenda. Jo doesn't know, but she doesn't trust him.

"Whatever." Camille says with a wave of her hand. "Hey, do you know if Stephanie is ever going to come back?"

Stephanie King is another girl that they use to know. Just before senior year, she and her family moved to New York City and from what Jo and Camille have heard, she's studying film at NYU. They don't talk to her that much anymore, but Jo did get to speak with her through Facebook chat. Stephanie is going to be graduating in May, then she wants to return to LA. Carlos will be very happy to hear about this. Back in high school, he had the biggest crush on Stephanie and they were so close to dating.

"Her graduation is in May, then she's probably gonna come back to LA." Jo says in response to Camille's question.

"Awesome!" Camille says happily.

"The guys should be back soon." Jo says. Soon after she speaks, the four boys, plus Lucy, walk into the lobby. Excited, Jo and Camille get out of the hot tub and dry off, then rush to catch their friends before they make it to the elevator.

"How was it?" Camille presses

"It was okay, but we're still not crazy about working with that guy." Kendall glances at James with uncertainty. That's who he's most worried about. After what happened the other day, he could understand why James would have problems with Wayne Wayne. Jenna is not suppose to be the punchline of his stupid jokes. What he said wasn't even a joke. It was said out of pure meanness and James did not deserve that kind of treatment. Anyone with a heart would know and care about James's feelings, but Wayne Wayne didn't. James was already mad, then Wayne Wayne went even farther and mentioned some rumor about Jenna killing herself. Kendall was infuriated and, quite frankly, he still is.

"Let me hold Kenzie!" Camille says eagerly, taking the baby girl from James.

"I don't know why Griffin thought that this could possibly go well." Lucy says, wrapping an arm around James's waist.

"Because Griffin is stupid." Kendall quips.

"As revenge, you should get Wayne Wayne to hold Kenzie, and she can spit up on him." Carlos suggests. "It's not the best revenge you could get, but he would get angry and grossed out."

The names Wayne Wayne and Kenzie do not belong in the same sentence together. When Carlos makes this suggestion, James's hand almost immediately goes to Kenzie, as if she needs to be protected from Carlos's very words. It was just his usual brand of stupidity, but James doesn't play around when it comes to his daughter. Walley Dooley is the last person that James is going to let near his baby girl. He feels best when Kenzie is either with him or a trusted family member or friend. Not someone that is known for being a bad boy.

"Dude, I was kidding." Carlos insists, noticing James's reaction. James nods and tries to relax.

"I know," He says as Camille hands Kenzie back to him. "Don't worry about it."

"Why don't we go up to my apartment?" Lucy says quietly.

"We'll go in a minute." James says, leaning in for a kiss. A few "Oooh's" are heard behind him and he sighs deeply. "Oh second thought, let's go now."

* * *

><p>"Kenzie, look at me." James smiles, trying to get her attention. She's actually trying to crawl away from him. James laughs quietly, picking her up and giving her a big kiss. One of her socks is nearly slipping off her foot and he pulls it back on. Her attempts at walking are becoming more frequent and somehow her socks manage to end up somewhere on the floor, instead of her feet.<p>

Lucy sits next to him on the floor and turns the TV on. She is excited when she sees the music video for "Sing", one of her favorite songs by My Chemical Romance. It's kind of ironic that she's a huge fan of these edgy rock bands, yet she's dating someone that sings in a pop boy band. She still doesn't think that Big Time Rush really rocks hard enough, but they do make cute music. The boys themselves are cute, too. Lucky for her, she's dating the cutest one. She knows about James's reputation as "The Face" and the pretty boy of the group. She finds the last part quite hilarious because although James is known for being the best looking of his bandmates, she wouldn't say that he's a pretty boy. A few years ago, she could've understood why he would have that reputation, but now he's all grown up. Who he was and who he is are two very different people.

"Oh, I love this song." James grins, singing along. "_For every time that they want to count you out._"

"That was pretty good." Lucy says, giving him a passionate kiss.

"What can I say? I've got talent." At the same time James speaks, Kenzie makes some baby sounds. James and Lucy both laugh at this. "And I think Kenzie agrees with me."

"Or maybe she's saying "Daddy, she said you were pretty good. She didn't say you were great." Lucy suggests.

"No, she's saying that I'm awesome." James argues playfully.

"I don't think so." Lucy whispers, playing with his hair.

"You're a jerk." James says, hiding his face in her shoulder.

Lucy pushes him away, smiling. She thought he sounded wonderful, but she just likes picking on him. It's fun to tease him about his voice and his looks, especially since he never takes it to heart. If she knew that it really bothered him, she wouldn't do it. James doesn't get offended too easily, so she has nothing to worry about. Any time she makes a joke directed at him, he just laughs and comes up with a witty comeback. She wouldn't go into Wayne Wayne territory and start joking about things that she knows James takes seriously.

"Where did you get her outfit?" She asks him. Kenzie is wearing a pink and white checkered dress and a white headband.

"My mom got it for her at Christmas."

"She looks so adorable!" Lucy says in a baby voice, tickling Kenzie's stomach. Kenzie giggles in response and chews on her fingers. Lucy smiles softly and thinks to herself. In a way, Kenzie is really lucky. She doesn't have to worry about drama or anything. She just laughs, plays, and looks cute. Lucy wouldn't want to be a helpless little baby, but she wishes she could be as carefree is Kenzie. While she just minds her own business, the grown ups have to worry about work and annoying coworkers (*Cough* Wayne Wayne).

"I know." James smiles, hugging his daughter. At that moment, he realizes how blessed he really is. He's got his daughter, a loving family, friends (Things are getting better between them) , and a wonderful girlfriend. He has so much to be grateful for, and he wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

><p><strong>First of all, I ALMOST HAVE 150 REViEWS! I have 148 right now:D *Squeals excitedly and claps*<strong>

_**Jam**__**es: Don't do that**_

**Me: H****mm****, why don't they trust Wayne Wayne? ;)**

_**James: Shhh! It's a secret!**_

**Me: I didn't say I was gonna tell them**

_**James: *Smiles in satisfaction* **_

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! As you can see, everyone is a little suspicious of Wayne Wayne. But you all will find out why. Not yet, but you will find out:)**

**By the way, I loved the Lucy and James moments:D**


	23. Oblivious

Wayne Wayne sits in a parked car across the street, watching as his girlfriend enters the store that holds the key to revenge against Big Time Rush. Every one around him has always said that revenge is never the answer, but Wayne Wayne doesn't care. Those idiots deserve what's coming to them. They ruined everything and he's going to make sure that they pay. Everything that he ever worked for, everything that he ever wanted in life, it was taken away from him. He had dreams and goals that he was so close to achieving, but that was ruined by a stupid boy band.

Kendall Knight challenged him to that bad boy contest and got him kicked out of Big Time Rush. These past few months, as he watched Rocque Records fail miserably, he thought that he was going to get a second chance, but those jerks returned to LA and once again crushed his dream.

Oh, they are going to be sorry. They are going to be very sorry.

Tori, the girl that he has been dating for the past week and a half, is going to help him carry out his plan. That's the only reason he asked her out in the first place. He knows that he can't do this by himself and when Tori came along, he knew that she was the one. He's not talking about marriage, though. He sees no future with the girl. He's going to use her for his revenge, then he's going to dump her as soon as it's over. Yes, it sounds mean, but that's who Wayne Wayne is. He knows that he's a sick person, but he doesn't care. Big Time Rush needs to pay for the trouble they caused him. Wayne Wayne has to do whatever it takes.

He watches the front doors, making sure his sunglasses and hoodie are still hiding his identity. Surprisingly, he became quite famous from being on the Ziggle Zaggles. He's frequently criticized for his bad behavior because the stupid media thinks he's suppose to be a role model for the brats that watch that stupid childrens show. But it does't make him change. He may get negative attention for the way he acts and the people he associates with, but that will never stop him from being himself. This is exactly why he wants to get revenge on BTR. Because of them, he got stuck working on a show aimed at four year olds, when he could have been taken seriously as a musician.

The whole duet with Big Time Rush, that's just a part of his plan. In order for his plan to be successful, he needs to get inside the world of Big Time Rush. Convincing Griffin to let him do a duet with them, it's perfect. If he gets close to them, he can strike when they least expect it.

Finally, after several excruciatingly long minutes, Tori comes creeping out of the store, holding a shopping bag. After looking both ways, she runs across the street.

"Got it!" She says, putting the bag in the back seat.

"Perfect." Wayne Wayne smiles slyly. "Big Time Rush, you are gonna get it. I'm gonna get you good."

* * *

><p>"Now you're all clean." James smiles, picking Kenzie up. Carlos found a lovely mud puddle at the Palm Woods park (not from rain, but from lake water washing up on the shore) and had some fun with Kenzie, so James had to bathe her for the second time today. Carlos had promised that he wouldn't do anything stupid, but James should have known better than to believes him. Carlos Garcia is always going to do stupid stuff. That's just who he is! It's just hard to believe that he's twenty two. He doesn't act his age at all. He acts like he's still seventeen.<p>

"We gotta be careful with Carlos." He says, kissing her cheek. She babbles and waves her arms, and James laughs. "Are you hyper again?"

For the rest of the day, they are going to Spongebob Squarepants. Lucy had to be at the studio today, the other guys and Katie went to the pool, Chris went to the mall, and Ms. Knight is reading a new romance novel in her room. That leaves James and Kenzie to entertain themselves. He's sure that watching Spongebob's crazy adventures will keep them entertained. He loves watching it with Kenzie because it's something that both children and adults can enjoy. Therefore, it's a great bonding experience. They're already as close as a father and his little girl can get, but spending time together is important.

"Look at the talking sponge." He whispers as he collapses on the couch. Kenzie keeps babbling and smiling. "What are you so happy about?"

"James, I'm gonna run to the story." Ms. Knight says, walking from her room.

"Kay." James smiles. Ms. Knight gives him a kiss on the cheek and shakes Kenzie's hand, then leaves. Just as she is leaving, Camille enters. The method actress greets Ms. Knight, then sits next to James. She's wearing distressed and torn up jeans and a hoodie that is a little too big for her, with her hair is messy curls. She must be dressed up for her upcoming role as a teenage kidnapping victim. Camille takes her acting very seriously and when she snags a new role, she puts her heart into it. She becomes that character and she's quite believable.

"Have you been rehearsing for the new movie?" He asks her.

"Yep." Camille says proudly. "And I must say that it's going great. Wanna help me practice?"

"Actually, I'm kind of occupied right now." James says, motioning to his daughter.

Camille smiles at Kenzie, shaking the baby's hand. She was hoping to rehearse with James, but she understands why he can't. Everyone else is too busy, so he's Kenzie's only available caretaker. Plus, he's her dad, so she is his responsibility. She's a little disappointed, but she won't hold it against him. He has responsibilities now and she understands, even though she really misses hanging out like they use to. When they were in high school, James and Camille were acting buddies. They auditioned for Witches Of Rodeo Drive together, he helped her rehearse, and they even went to see Rock of Ages in theaters. She is excited that he has a daughter, but becoming a parent is a very life changing thing.

"Wanna watch TV with us?" James asks her. "Sure." Camille finally gives in.

Thirty minutes later, Kenzie starts to whimper. James gently shushes her as he takes her to the kitchen. Quietly whispering to her, he fills a sippy cup with some milk, then hands it to her. He helps her hold it so they don't have to clean up any messes. He doesn't get mad at Kenzie when things get a little messy, but he doesn't really care for cleaning up spills and whatnot.

"She was thirsty." He says as he return to the living room.

"Aww." Camille coos. Her cell phone beeps and she gives it a quick look. "Oh, I've gotta meet with Public Relations. Our director probably wants to start getting publicity for the movie."

"Good luck." James smiles.

Before Camille leaves, she wraps her arms around him in a hug. Then she heads out to the Public Relations office.

Kenzie finally finishes drinking, so James takes her cup and puts it on the coffee table. He'll wash the dishes later. Right now, he just feels like being lazy and spending time with his baby girl. They work so hard at the studio and when they get a break, he takes advantage of it. Do they get to lay around at work? Nope! So their free days are spent doing whatever they want. In James's opinion, that's the best thing about free days. There's a lot more, too. For example, no Gustavo! All week, they have to listen to him yell at them and tell them how horrible they are, so it's nice to have a couple of days where they don't have to deal with him.

"Hey, let's surprise Lucy at work." He says. He writes a quick note to Ms. Knight and leaves it on the coffee table, then grabs his car keys and walks out the door.

The drive only takes about twenty minutes. James parks in front of the record company. He gets Kenzie out of her car seat and enters the building. They certainly put a lot of hard work into the interior decorating. The floors are made of white tile, the walls are black and red checkered print, and there's even a wall of guitars. There's everything from acoustic to electric to bass. It's the coolest thing that James has seen in a while.

He asks the front desk for Lucy Stone and they tell him that she's in studio A. As he walks down the hallway, he sees several posters on the wall. At the end of the hallway, he finds Lucy's poster. It looks like the picture was taken in a basement and Luvy's hair has been made to look like she just got out of bed. He couldn't stand to have his hair like that, but it's just a photo shoot. Anyway, he actually thinks that Lucy looks hot. Something about seeing her in true rocker form makes him really...happy? He just enjoys looking at her, especially when she looks like this.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" A voice says from behind him. When he turns around, Lucy is staring at him.

"I just felt like stopping by." James shrugs as Lucy takes Kenzie from him.

"Well, I'm about to leave." Lucy says with a smile.

"So I came here for nothing?"

"Yeah."

* * *

><p><strong>Drink morning coffee<strong>

**Feed Monty **

**Go to lunch**

**Afternoon nap **

**More hot tub time **

**Take a shower **

**Watch Days of Our Lives **

On the rare occasion that Gustavo gets a break from work, he has a schedule that he goes by. Every day off that he gets, he has a routine. He needs a routine to stay sane, especially when he works with four annoying monkey dogs that fight him on everything he says. They already put him under enough stress. He doesn't want to make it worse by letting his schedule getting messed up. His free days are the only time that he doesn't have to see or think about Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan. It's not that he doesn't "Like" them, but they are beyond annoying. They take irritating to a whole new level. Not only that, but they never seem to get through a recording session or dance rehearsal without Kenzie's daughter crying at least once. Of course, James is her dad, so Gustavo has to let him tend to her.

At this particular time, he is enjoying his second hot tub time. In a few minutes, he's going to take a shower and watch reruns of Days Of Our Lives. He would never tell anyone about this, but that is his guilty pleasure. He doesn't get to watch it very much because he's so busy, but he loves watching it when he gets the chance. If Kelly or the dogs found out, they would never let him live it down. That's why it has to stay top secret. No one can ever know that big bad Gustavo Rocque is actually a soap opera junkie It's no one's business what he does in his spare time.

Gustavo's hot tub time also includes listening to his favorite tunes.

His whole life, he has been surrounded by music, and he couldn't possibly go a day without hearing any, whether it be his own or another singer's. When he was a child, his mother would make him practice for hours and hours without stopping. He wishes that he could have had a somewhat normal childhood, but now he's living the good life, so he has no issues with his fairly lonely childhood. He's had a lot of failures recently, but he's headed back to the top. Big Time Rush's new album is going to rock and it's going to be all because of him.

He finally gets out of the hot tub, picking up a towel and drying off. Then he goes to retrieve everything he needs for his shower. Less than fifteen minutes later, he is getting settled in front of the large screen TV on his living room wall. IIt was given to him as a housewarming gift from Griffin. The man may be crazy, but he has good taste. The picture quality rocks, so Gustavo gets a high quality viewing experiences.

He turns the TV on and Days Of Our Lives comes on.

He sits in his black leather recliner chair, sits back, and relaxes. No work, no dogs, no problem. Ah, he loves it.

His happy time is interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He yells n frustration and picks it up, looking at the caller ID. He fills with dread when he sees Griffin's name. When Griffin calls Gustavo, it's usually means that relaxation time is over. Knowing Griffin, he probably wants Gustavo to start working on a new song or something. Gustavo sure hopes not, but that's usually how it is. He has been dealing with Griffin for many years and the man is insane. He gives Gustavo the strangest and most inconvenient commands. Does he have any consideration for Gustavo and what he wants to do? Right now, he wants to stay home and do nothing!

"What?" He snaps.

"Gustavo!" Griffin exclaims happily. "I arranged for Big Time Rush to perform at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival."

"Griffin, that's great, but it's only a little more than two months away." Gustavo tells him.

"Then you better start preparing." Griffin says, hanging up without even saying goodbye. Coachella is a huge deal for BTR, but he doesn't know if those dogs can be ready in such a short amount of time. It doesn't seem that far away and the dogs quit show business for ten months, so they aren't exactly back on their feet yet. They're improving, but they still aren't Coachella material.

But they will be.

* * *

><p>James loves Kenzie so much, but he was relieved when Chris offered to watch her for a while. Now he's at Lucy's apartment and she's making those delicious brownies that he loves so much. He really does like being with her and, although he still thinks about Jenna every day, he finds himself liking Lucy more and more each day. He hopes that Jenna is okay with that because he can't help himself. He's falling for Lucy Stone and he can't do anything about it, even if he tried. He still wants to take things slow, but he will admit that he has feelings for this girl.<p>

"It's nice that Chris offered to watch Kenzie." Lucy says as she puts a plate of brownies on the dining table. She hands one to him, then grabs one for herself. She hugs him from behind and kisses his cheek, squeezing him tightly.

"Now I can have you to myself."

"Uh huh." James nods, eating another brownie before turning to face Lucy. He pulls her onto his lap and wraps his arms around her waist. His phone beeps and he whines softly, reading the new next message. It says _"Dude, Griffin called Gustavo and said that we're going to perform at the Coachella Festival!"_

"Whoa, we're performing at Coachella!" James says excitedly.

"I did that one time." Lucy says thoughtfully. "It was fun until Camille got drunk and started yelling at some guy in the audience. After I finished performing, I went to try and calm her down, but she kept trying to lunge at the guy. Then they called security and we got kicked out. They said that until we got our act together, we're banned."

"You're banned from Coachella?" James asks her.

"Yeah." Lucy shrugs. "It's no big deal, though. I will gladly sneak in to see you guys."

James laughs and hugs her tightly. Only Lucy would get banned from a music festival, then suggest sneaking in to see her boyfriend perform. That's another thing that he likes about her. She's daring and she'll gladly defy the rules if it means supporting someone she cares about. He thinks rebel chicks are pretty hot, until they end up in prison. As long as they don't take it too far, he doesn't mind a daring and slightly rebellious girl. For example, Lucy is wild and adventurous, but she's not crazy. She wouldn't do anything that could land her in prison.

"How are you gonna do that?" He challenges.

"I have my ways." Lucy whispers mysteriously, kissing him softly. The minute she pulls away, she wants more. So she leans in for another. She's seriously addicted to his kisses. She has heard that he has a lot of experience in that department, but he's nothing like the media has made him out to be. She has read stories about him that say he's a player and a bit of a jerk when it comes to women, but that's just a bunch of lies. She found an article that was written while James and Jenna were dating, and she had to roll her eyes. He and Camille had gone to see a play together and the article said that he was cheating on Jenna with a "mystery brunette." Hello! He was hanging out with a friend! Just because he has girlfriend, it doesn't mean that he's not allowed to be friends with other girls. It really disgusts Lucy that people have these preconceived ideas about him. The media is already talking about seeing the boys back in LA, but they aren't aware that Big Time Rush is planning a comeback. She's kinda glad that they don't know yet because she doesn't want the media messing with her boyfriend. James has fans that love him, but he also has some haters.

"Oh, do you?" James grins. Lucy kisses him again and plays with his strands of brown hair. She smiles when he closes his eyes, relaxing at her touch.

"You're really good at spoiling me." He says softly.

"I'm a genius, right?" Lucy smirks, pushing his hair back.

"Okay, now you're messing it up." James says, quickly getting his hair back to normal. Lucy sighs heavily. One thing about James that hasn't changed is his attitude towards his hair. He's not really obsessed anymore, but if it gets messed up, he is quick to fix it. There is a downside to his former obsession. That involves his haters. On gossip sites, people like to say a bunch of inappropriate and untrue things about him. It really makes her angry that so many people are quick to judge him without even knowing him personally. They may get away with it, but if she ever comes across a James hater in person and they start talking garbage, she's going to hit them. Take Wayne Wayne as an example. He obviously isn't a fan of James or Big Time Rush at all. She already caused him pain once, but she will gladly do it again. If he makes one snarky comment against James or the other guys, he's going to be in a world of trouble.

"You have problems, James Diamond." She sighs. "You really do."

"Hey, I am very normal!" James argues.

"No, James." Lucy jokes. "You're not right in the head at all."

"If I was insane, I would have been put in the funny farm a long time ago!"

"Of course." Lucy whispers sarcastically, kissing him again.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm going out of town in a little bit, so I'll edit any typos later:)<strong>

**Anway, there was a short and dramatic scene at the beginning, then the rest was happy:D Haha**

***Mysterious music* The guys are just living there lives with no idea that Wayne Wayne is probably out to get them *Stop music* Alright, I hope you enjoyed the chapter**

**Review! :D**


	24. Secrets and Strength

James and Carlos walk into the lobby, while Carlos complains about the outfit that Kenzie is wearing. It's a hot pink dress with a glittery pink stripe across her chest. He thinks that she looks like Mercedes Griffin, but James begs to differ. Mercedes Griffin is a blonde headed monster, while Kenzie is just a sweet and innocent little baby. Carlos has taken to calling her "Baby Mercedes" until she changes into a new outfit, but that isn't going to happen yet. She looks adorable and James wants to enjoy it. He bought this outfit the other day at the mall and he loves it. He loves shopping (That causes the guys to tease him on a regular basis) and Kenzie gives him an excuse to shop more. Along with her new outfit he bought some new Cuda products. He still likes to look good, even if he has gotten over his obsession. Right now, he looks great and so does Kenzie.

"Dude, I'm telling you that she looks like Mercedes!" Carlos complains.

"She looks cute!" James argues, smiling at Kenzie. "She looks good like her daddy."

Kenzie makes a cute squeaking sound and chews on her fingers. They got back from Rocque Records an hour ago and plan to enjoy the rest of their day. James is going to take Kenzie to the pool area for a while, since he loves playing with his daughter. Lucy had a recording session, but she should be back soon. James really misses her. He hasn't kissed her since this morning and he's pretty bummed out. Another thing that he has learned since they started dating is that it's hard to be away from her, unable to give or recieve hugs or kisses. He was the same way with Jenna. Any time she was away, he was so eager for her to get back.

Just as they are about to walk out to the pool, a pretty raven haired girl stops them.

"Hey!" She says happily. James recognizes her as Wayne Wayne's Mystery Girl. Why would she be talking to them?

On the other hand, Carlos takes one look at her and becomes completely infatuated. The girl...She's smoking hot. It looks stupid for him to be so attracted to someone that he doesn't even know, but he is. However, she's dating Wayne Wayne, and Carlos doesn't want anyone that has been dating Wayne Wayne. She's incredibly hot, but he isn't going to ask her out. James looks rather suspicious and Carlos wonders if he should be, too. After all, this girl is talking to _them_ for whatever reason. And they don't even know why.

"I'm Tori!" She says, holding out her hand. While James makes no move to shake it, Carlos immediately goes for it. She has a flirtatious smile on her face as she shakes his head, frowning when James pulls Carlos away from her.

"Um, I just wanted to talk to you guys about Wayne Wayne. Listen, I know what happened the other day and I talked to Wayne Wayne about it. He was having a bad day and he feels really bad. He knows that you guys probably won't forgive him, but he wishes that the five of you could put the past behind you and just be friends. He knows it's not likely, but he would really like that."

James gives her a weird look. Wayne Wayne's girlfriend is telling them that Wayne Wayne feels bad? Wayne Wayne doesn't have a conscience! He just does and says what he wants and doesn't care how anyone feels. He wouldn't talk trash to James and feel bad about it. Something doesn't seem right here. Tori is almost as creepy as her boyfriend. Like Carlos, James thinks she's pretty attractive, but he's not buying what she's selling. James knows better than to fall for someone that obviously has a dirty little secret. He doesn't know what that secret is, but he would like to know.

"If you and Wayne Wayne ever break up, would you date me?" Carlos blurts out.

"Hey, you're cute." Tori giggles. "As for the dating thing, we'll see about that."

With that, she walks past them and disappears into the elevator.

"I think I love her." Carlos says dreamily.

"No! No, you don't." James says, dragging his friend to the pool.

* * *

><p>Wayne Wayne is waiting for Tori to get back. Her job is to flirt with Carlos a little, get him crushing on her. Wayne Wayne knows Carlos Garcia and he is aware that the kid will fall for anything a hot girl says. That's why he chose her. He knew that she was beautiful and it would be easy for her to manipulate them, starting with Carlos. There's no way that Carlos wouldn't want to date someone like Tori, so he'll do anything to impress her. He'll agree with anything she says, unaware that she's lying to him. It would be very pleasing to Wayne Wayne, but sane people wouldn't think it's good for someone to trust a person that they don't know. But Carlos shouldn't be too hard to fool. He's so innocent and vulnerable, so he'll be an easy target. Once they've got their hold on him, they'll go for the other three.<p>

Wayne Wayne sits in his recliner chair, smoking a cigarette. He had quit smoking, but he relapsed when Big Time Rush came back to LA. It relaxes him and he needs to be relaxed, considering the fact that he has been waiting for Tori for the past twenty minutes. He's eager to know her progress. He just wants to get on with the real event. It's huge and it is going to terrify those losers, maybe even scar them for life. It's going to shock them and everyone that they care about. Wayne Wayne is a pretty sick person for being excited about that, but he has no problem with it.

The door finally opens and Tori walks in.

"Carlos fell for it." She tells him. "He is totally crushing on me now. The whole Wayne Wayne Is Sorry thing is making James pretty suspicious, but I'm sure we can fix that. It's only a matter of time before he has to start believing us. He's not that smart and, from what I've heard, he has always been a little too trusting."

"Interesting." Wayne Wayne says with a twisted smile.

"Do you need anything else for your master plan?" Tori smirks.

"No." Wayne Wayne says. "Just four scared boy band freaks."

"When are you gonna do it?" Tori asks him. "And when you do, what if you get arrested?"

"I have to wait for the right moment." Wayne Wayne explains. "And I won't get arrested. I'll escape before the cops can even think about arresting me. This going to work, got that? Big Time Rush is going to pay and I'm going to get away with no repercussions. This plan is going to be a huge success. I can feel it."

* * *

><p>James chuckles as Kenzie waves her arms, babbling cutely. But he's still thinking about their encounter with Tori. He still can't think of a reason for her talking to them and making Wayne Wayne look so innocent. James doesn't believe a word that she said, but he wants to know why she would lie. What was she trying to accomplish? Anyone that has met Wayne Wayne knows that he doesn't feel sorry for anything. He probably told her to say all that stuff. James doesn't know the idiot would do that, but it's the only explanation that he can think of. He must have had a reason for trying to get on their good side. Normally, James has a tendency to be a little too trusting, but he's not going be manipulated this time. He doesn't know what Wayne Wayne and Tori are thinking, but he's not going to be fooled. Wayne Wayne always acts kind of weird when they're in the studio, so James knows something is going on. He doesn't know what that something is, but he should probably be careful.<p>

"Aaaah!" Kenzie exclaims, trying to stand up. Not wanting her to fall, James sits up and puts his hands under her arms, supporting her. Seeing that she wants to try walking, he sits her down on the concrete. He grabs her hands and helps her back up, letting her take a few steps. Her steps are a little shaky, but she's getting better. She's been experiences a lot of milestones and each one is incredibly exciting for James. When she said her first word, he was thrilled. When she started crawling, he was really excited. And now that she's trying to walk, he's beyond excited. It'll be fun to see her walking on her own.

"Wow, you're really good at this." He coos. After a few steps, he lifts her back to his lap. He kisses her cheek over and over again, listening to her precious giggles. Suddenly, two arms wrap around his neck, hugging him from behind. When the person's lips touch his cheek, he almost immediately knows who it is. Sure enough, it's Lucy that is holding on to him.

"Hey, you're back!" He exclaims, kissing her passionately. A few people whisper upon seeing their public display of affection, but he doesn't pay any attention to them. He smiles when Lucy sits next to him and picks Kenzie up, cuddling the baby girl. Kenzie smiles at Lucy and giggles when she gets some more kisses.

"We've been having fun out here." James grins, stroking Kenzie's cheek.

"But it's getting pretty hot." Lucy tells him. "Maybe we could go up to my apartment and watch a movie."

"Yeah, that sounds good." James agrees. "I was starting to get pretty sweaty."

"Which I enjoy, by the way." Lucy whispers, kissing him before they walk back into the building.

Once they are in Lucy's apartment, Lucy starts looking for some snacks, while James looks for a good movie. Kenzie sits behind him and looks at her surroundings. She isn't paying any attention to James or Lucy because she's too focused on everything else. When James turns around, it looks like she's eying the dolphin figurine on the bookshelf. He could see Kenzie becoming a marine biologist when she grows up because she loves water and sea animals. Any time she sees a dolphin or a fish, her face just lights up.

"Kenzie, are you looking at the dolphin?" Lucy asks her, taking the figurine off the bookshelf. She kneels in front of Kenzie and puts the dolphin between them. She watches carefully to see what Kenzie does next and what happens surprises her. Kenzie grabs the figurine and puts it in her mouth.

"Whoa, we don't want you to choke!" Lucy says, quickly grabbing the figurine."I'm gonna have to wash this later."

"Hey, let's watch New Town High: The Movie." James suggests, looking at the DVD. The producers of New Town High wanted to end the series with a movie, so they flew all of the stars and crew members out to New York City for seven weeks. During that time, Kendall was about to lose his mind because he was worried about his girlfriend. Even when his buds tried to distract him, all he could talk about was Jo and how he wants her to come back to LA. Eventually, they lessened his anxiety and he chilled out, but it took a lot of work from his bandmates to convince him that Jo would be fine. Of course, Jo returned to LA in one piece, so Kendall had been worrying for nothing.

"I love that movie!" Lucy says. "Put it in!"

James puts the DVD in and they get settled on the couch. Kenzie babbles away, but she isn't too much of a distraction. They just sit back, relax, and enjoy the movie.

**An hour and a half later**

"Hey, I think Kenzie is starting to get sleepy." James says, cradling Kenzie in his arms. In the middle of the movie, she quieted down and started dozing off. Spending hours at Rocque Records and going to the pool must have been tiring for her. It's only six thirty, but it's time for Kenzie to take her afternoon nap.

"Take her back to your place." Lucy insists. "I think I'm gonna take a nap, too."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Lucy smiles, giving him a kiss.

James smiles dreamily as he leaves the apartment, allowing Kenzie to sleep with her head on his shoulder. As James starts to enter the elevator, he sees Wayne Wayne and Tori walking back to the rapper's apartment. They probably have a weird relationship. For some reason, James just can't imagine them being a sweet and affectionate couple. They've got more of a Bonnie and Clyde thing going on. It's super creepy, but that's just how it is. They don't act like a loving couple at all. In fact, James has never seen them hug or kiss. Tori seems more like a sidekick than a girlfriend. James kinda feels worried because Tori has most likely been brainwashed by Wayne Wayne, but the feeling quickly goes away. She seems just as creepy as her boyfriend.

He shivers as he walks into the elevator. He gets the creeps just thinking about what goes on in their relationship.

"They scare me." He whispers, kissing Kenzie's head. The elevator doors open and he walks to 4B.

In the apartment, the guys and Katie are watching TV while Chris and Ms. Knight are in the kitchen. They must be making dinner. He hopes that they're making a pizza or dinosaur chicken nuggets.

"Hey, how was yourdate with Lucy?" Kendall asks with a grin.

"It was great." James says calmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put Kenzie down for a nap."

He lowers her into the playpen and pulls a blanket over her tired body. He doesn't want to put her in her crib yet. He wants her to stay in the living room with him until he decides to go to sleep.

"Jay, your mom called!" Chris says loudly. "She wants you to call her back."

"Okay!" James says, taking his cell phone from his pocket.

He walks to his room and sits on his bed, dialing his mom's phone number. He talks to her once or twice, maybe three times a week. She's busy with her cosmetics company, so she doesn't have time to call him every night. He wishes that they could talk more often, but he understands. She's busy and she needs to focus on work. Now, he isn't as caring when it comes to his dad. Samuel Diamond is a jerk and he had the nerve to remarry less than a year after getting divorced from Brooke. When he calls James, they usually end up arguing. He acts like he's so in love with his current wife, but James hates her. If it weren't for that witch, James's parents might have had a chance of getting back together. James doesn't care if he's being unreasonable. He has every right to be angry with them.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom." James says, yawning.

"Sweetie, you sound tired." Ms. Diamond says worriedly.

"I've been working a lot." James says softly.

"Does that man ever give you boys a break?"

"Sometimes." James says evasively. "But we're going to be performing at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in April, so we need to be prepared. Gustavo wants to make sure that we're ready, so we don't embarrass him."

"You boys will be fine." Ms. Diamond says in exasperation. "Anyway, James, I'm calling because I spoke to your dad."

At the mere mention of his father, James clenches his jaw. He doesn't know what his dad was calling for, but it can't have anything to do with James. He has never cared about his son. He let James do whatever he wanted and gave him what he wanted, but only so James wouldn't interfere with his party lifestyle. All these material possessions were just a way to get James to leave him alone. Honestly, James doesn't even think that his dad ever wanted a child. If he had wanted James, he would have wanted to spend time with him. When Griffin dropped the band and Hawk offered to take James back to LA, Samuel let him go without a second thought.

"What did he say?" He murmurs.

"James, he really wants to talk to you." Ms. Diamond says gently. "He wants to know how you and Kenzie are doing."

"Mom, just tell him that Kenzie and I are doing fine." James says bitterly. "Without him."

He hears his mother's sigh on the other line. She has said that James should at least try to forgive his dad, but there's no way that's going to happen. James doesn't even know why his mom would want that. He's her ex husband and he hardly showed any interest in their son.

"Honey, he feels bad about everything that has happened." Ms. Diamond says sadly. "I know that you're still angry with him, but it has been years since the divorce. I think that you should at least talk to him. You know, without getting an argument started. I hate when you get on the phone with him and you start screaming at him. I wish that I could see you talk to him without getting upset."

"Mom, he has never cared about us." James says. "Why should I have anything to do with him?"

"Because he wants to be better." Ms. Diamond explains. "He told me that he never meant to hurt you and that he thinks you're a much better dad than he ever was."

Well, he got that right. James is never going to be like his father. He's going to give Kenzie all the love in the world and he's always going to be there for her. Unlike Samuel Diamond, James actually loves his kid and wants her. He spends time with Kenzie and takes care of her like any good parent should. His dad never did those things, but he's going to be different.

"Mom, I don't think that he really cares about us." He says tiredly. "I mean, he remarried not even a year after you guys split up. Even worse, the woman was fifteen years younger than him."

"That's in the past, James." Ms. Diamond says, trying to reason with her son. "At least think about it, okay? Now, I've gotta get back to work, but I'll talk to you later. Take care and give Kenzie a kiss for me."

"Okay." James says softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Ms. Diamond says. "Bye."

James hangs up and buries his face in his hands. He can't deal with this right now. Just thinking about his dad is giving him a headache. He's only twenty two. He should not have to be dealing with this stress. He's going to be a mess if he doesn't stop stressing out. It's not like he can help it, though. He has always been an emotional and deep person. His heart is fragile, easy to be broken. He tries to act like he's so strong, but he's really not. He gets hurt easily and he hates it, but he can't change who he is. If he feels like crying, he cries. If he needs to punch something, he punches a wall. He's just a good actor. He can make everyone think he's okay, but it's just a facade to keep them from worrying about him.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Kendall asks from the doorway.

"Yeah." James lies, faking a smile.

"Lies." Kendall chuckles, sitting next to him. "You are such a liar."

"Dude, I'm not lying." James says, his smile slowly fading.

"Was she talking about your dad?" Kendall asks quietly.

"Yeah." James finally admits, sniffling and wiping his eyes.

"I know how that feels." Kendall says, wrapping his arm around James's shoulders. "My dad never remarried, but I'm just hurt that he doesn't visit enough. Therefore, I kind of have some issues with him. When he does call, I don't want to answer because I just feel like he doesn't care about me. If he did, he would actually spend more time with me."

"My parents could have gotten back together if it weren't for that woman that my dad is hooked up with." James mutters.

"James," Kendall sighs. "You don't know that. Even if he hadn't remarried, you don't know that your parents would have gotten back together."

Those words break James's heart because he knows that Kendall's right. His parents wouldn't have reconciled anyway. They weren't happy together, so there's no way that they would give their marriage another chance. He just tries to avoid admitting it because he wishes that it weren't true, but it is. Before he can stop them, tears flow from his eyes and down his cheeks.

Next thing he knows, Kendall is pulling him into a hug. He buries his face in the boy's shoulder and sobs in sadness and pure heartbreak. No breakup or friendship trouble could compare to the pain that has come from Jenna's death or his parents divorce.

* * *

><p><strong>The next chapter is probably going to be the BIG chapter, where you find out Wayne Wayne's plan. It's going to be angsty, but I'll think you will like it:)<strong>

_**Carlos: What is it?**_

**Me: Sorry, Carlitos, that's a secret**

_**Carlos: *Pouting* Oh**_

**Alright, please review! :D**


	25. Hold Up

Griffin was stupid for making Big Time Rush and Wayne Wayne work together, but he just took his stupidity to the next level. He has noticed the tension between the group and he wants them to spend some time together. So they are currently entering The Grove and the four boys are not happy. Sure, they brought their girls along, but so did Wayne Wayne. The part that scares them is how calm the couple is. Occasionally, they look at each and smirk, as if they're planning something. The guys are trying to ignore it, but they're getting a seriously bad vibe from those two. Carlos still thinks that Tori is hot, but she also scares him. She's too nice and flirty, unlike some girls that know how to not overdo it. He can't help staring at her, but he knows that she's not his type. There are a lot of really beautiful girls that Carlos is attracted to, but wouldn't want to date.

"Are you ready?" Tori whispers to her boyfriend.

"Uh huh." Wayne Wayne nods. He can't wait to this "party" started. Oh, how he can't wait to see the looks on their faces. What he's about to do is cruel and dangerous, but Big Time Rush deserves what's coming to them. People get what they deserve. If they are good to others, they'll be fine. Big Time Rush screwed up, so they're going to get the consequences.

"Hey, you guys should see this awesome new store." Tori tells the group.

"What is it?" Jo asks her.

"Oh, it has everything." Tori says sweetly. "Clothes, hair products, shoes...It is amazing. Come on! You'll love it."

Wayne Wayne gets a sick smile on his face, following Tori and their victims to the "store." He never realized how exciting revenge could be, but he loves it. He's going to remember this moment forever. The cops can lock him up, but he'll have the satisfaction of knowing that Big Time Rush got what they deserved. Weird? Yes. Does Wayne Wayne have a problem with that? Not really. He just keeps walking, putting his hand on the gleaming metal in his right pocket. The item is going to be important in intimidating them, so he made sure that he didn't forget it.

"Hey, this is just an empty room." Camille says, looking confused. She frowns when she hears the door slamming shut, followed by the door being locked. The friends look at Wayne Wayne and Tori, starting to become worried. Both have their signature smirks and they all know that whatever the two have planned isn't good. Slowly, Wayne Wayne pulls something out of his pocket. Similar expressions of shock and fear appear on everyone's faces when they see that it's a gun.

"GET BACK AGAINST THE WALL!" Wayne Wayne screams, pointing the weapon at them.

"What are you doing?" Kendall yells. He jumps as Wayne Wayne shoots at the ceiling. Suddenly, screams can be heard from outside. Yeah, there's no way that no one heard the booming gunshot. Slowly, the seven friends back against the wall and sit down. Jo is already crying and Kendall pulls her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. He whispers words of comfort to her, but she's inconsolable. Kendall looks at his friends, then at Wayne Wayne. He knew that this guy was crazy, but he never thought that Wayne Wayne would go this far.

"Walley, why are you doing this?" Camille asks the hostage taker.

"Well, princess, let me tell you why." Wayne Wayne says calmly. "Big Time Rush ruined everything for me. I was on my way to becoming a famous musician and working with some of the biggest names in music. Arthur Griffin offered to put me in BTR because they needed a bad boy. Well, Blondie over here decided to challenge me to a bad boy contest and Griffin kicked me out. You know what band he put me in? The Ziggle Zaggles! A children's show! That gig is what tarnished my career. Now, every time I drink, smoke, do drugs, or hang out with the "wrong people", I get criticized because people expect me to be a role model for little kids. I didn't come to Hollywood to be a role model! I wanted to break free of my Magic Middle School image and be a serious performer. But no, Big Time Rush just had to screw it up! Everything I ever wanted was taken away from me. And get this! Disney Channel wants me to guest star on some new show they're making! A Disney show! I don't want to be a Disney kid! It's all because of this stupid boy band that I'm stuck being known as a role model for whiny little brats!"

"Hey, Griffin is the one that put you in the Ziggle Zaggles, not us!" James argues.

"Shut up, pretty boy!" Wayne Wayne snaps. When he sees James roll his eyes, his eyes fill with anger. "You know what? Let me show you what's going to happen if you mess with me."

He walks over to James and grabs his hair, yanking him up. James cries out in pain, looking at his friends with fear. He's completely terrified. All this time, he never thought that Wayne Wayne was planning on taking them hostage. Now that he has, James is scared beyond belief. He cries again when Wayne Wayne punches him across his face before angrily throwing him back down. He clenches his teeth in pain, trying to stay calm.

Lucy wraps her arms around him and kisses his good cheek, whispering to him. She can't believe that Wayne Wayne is doing this. All because he can't be the next Lil Wayne or something? Miley Cyrus has her Hannah Montana image, but she has transitioned into an adult oriented star without doing something as crazy as this. Why does Wayne Wayne feel that he's any different than stars like Miley Cyrus? Why does he need get revenge on Big Time Rush? If he wants to be taken seriously as a performer, he can do it! He doesn't need to threaten people to get there.

Kendall bites his tongue, angry at Wayne Wayne for hurting his friend.

"Are you okay?" Lucy whispers to James.

"Yeah." James says, his voice strained from the pain.

"What do you want?" Logan asks, truly scared for his life.

"I want Gustavo to sigh me to Rocque Records." Wayne Wayne explains. "In fact, why don't I give him a call right now? I'm sure that he would _love_ to join us."

Tori hands him his cell phone and he dials that music producer's phone number.

* * *

><p>Gustavo doesn't know why Griffin wanted the dogs to spend time with Wayne Wayne. Frankly, he's afraid that they'll end up killing each other. He didn't even want anything to do with Wayne Wayne, but Griffin insisted on it. Gustavo didn't argue, but he really wanted to. This guy has worked with the<em> Ziggle Zaggles<em>. Gustavo is trying to help BTR go from a group aimed at teens to a more mature and adult oriented band (But still appropriate for younger fans.) He can't do that if he has the star of a children's show rapping on the new album. He's terribly worried because he doesn't know how BTR fans will react. If BTR is going to be taken seriously, they need to work with serious artists.

"Hey, I brought your coffee!" Kelly says with a smile. Gustavo happily accepts and takes a sip. Kelly makes very good coffee. He hopes to keep her around for a long time, because she's really a very good assistant. Just as he is about to take another sip, his cell phones rings. He sighs in exasperation, answering his phone.

"What?" He snaps.

"Gustavo!" Wayne Wayne exclaims. Gustavo frowns when he hears sobbing in the background. It almost sounds like Jo, but there's no way. Wayne Wayne doesn't even talk to Jo, so there's no way that it's her. Maybe it's that Tori girl that he's always hanging out with? But why would she be upset? Did she and Wayne Wayne have a fight? "Listen, I have your dogs here and I was wondering if you would like to join us."

"Why?" Gustavo says in a low and threatening tone.

"On second thought, that's not a question." Wayne Wayne laughs. "It's a demand! Get down to that closed up store near Dillards or you'll never see your boys ever again."

Gustavo stares at the phone with horror. Wayne Wayne has the dogs and he might hurt them. He has to get there before his boys get hurt. He always acts like he doesn't care about them, but he does. Even though it could be dangerous, he's going to do what Wayne Wayne told him to do. He's not going to let anything happen to his boys.

"Gustavo, what's wrong?" Kelly asks worriedly.

"Wayne Wayne is holding the dogs as hostages."

* * *

><p>"Stay outside." Gustavo tells Kelly. "And call the police."<p>

Kelly holds back tears as she whips out her cell phone, dialing 911. She can't believe that this is happening. She doesn't even really know what's going on. All Gustavo said was that Wayne Wayne is holding the boys as hostages, but she wants to know why. Why is he doing this? And what does he want with Gustavo? She has so many questions that probably won't be answered for a while. Even worse, what if Wayne Wayne has a weapon? What if he injures or kills someone? She prays that it never comes to that, but hostage situations are very unpredictable.

"Hello, I need the police!" She says, trying to keep her voice even.

Meanwhile, Gustavo has entered the empty store. Tori is standing next to the door, Wayne Wayne is standing the middle of the room with a gun, and the kids are all sitting against the wall. Gustavo carefully examines each one of them, making sure that no one is hurt. The most noticeable ones are Jo, who is sobbing quietly, and James, who has a light purple bruise on the side of his face. Most of all, they all look terrified. Why is this happening? Gustavo wants answers and he wants them _now_. If he doesn't find out, he'll going to have a fit.

"Why?" He asks Wayne Wayne. "Why are you doing this to these kids?"

"Because I'm trying to save my career." Wayne Wayne says coolly. "You see, people see me as a good two shoes role model for children, but that's not who I want to be. That's where you come in. Sign me to Rocque Records and fix my image, or I'm not letting your boys go."

"Listen, you're not thinking straight." Gustavo says calmly. "You just need to stay calm and put the gun down."

Wayne Wayne's eyes fill with rage. Loud gasps are heard as he lifts the gun, shooting at the nearest wall. The girls scream and the guys put their arms around them. What was suppose to be a fun trip has become a fight for survival. It wasn't suppose to turn out like this. Everyone thought that they would go to the mall and ignore Wayne Wayne, but it's hard to ignore the guy that is holding a gun in his hands. None of them have ever been through something so cruel and awful. They've all been through scary stuff, but nothing this terrible. Now there's holes in the ceiling and the wall, giving a sure sign of how much trouble they are all in.

"Just sit down." He says through gritted teeth.

Gustavo slowly moves to the wall, sitting on the other side of Jo.

"You people make me sick!" Wayne Wayne snarls. "You people act like you're so perfect, but you're all losers! I mean, do you people honestly believe that you have any talent? Jo Taylor, both New Town High and South Valley are boring. Big Time Rush's music sucks. Camille, you're a terrible actress. Lucy, I can't stand the garbage that you make. It's just a bunch of trash that no one wants to listen to. That's all you people are! You're all garbage that will never amount to anything. Why do you think Rocque Records was a completely failure for the last ten months? It's not just because James was practically suicidal over Jenna dying, but because Big Time Rush has no talent! This comeback is never going to work! All four of you will be has beens just like Lindsay Lohan! And when you do become that, I'm just going to laugh at you. You hear me? I _want_ you to fail."

James wants to cry when Jenna's name is mentioned, but he doesn't. He's too focused on the pain in his back and face. He doesn't know why he was the first person that Wayne Wayne decided to harm. None of them should get hurt, but James is just wondering why he was the first target. Ugh, he should have stayed home with Kenzie. He's glad that he didn't bring his baby girl with him because she's safe and sound. He wishes he could still be in the safety of his own home. But he's a hostage now, with a vengeful rapper threatening to ruin their lives and destroy their confidence.

"You know, Big Time Rush got nominated at the Grammy Awards." Logan comments.

"Yes, but did you idiots win? No!" Wayne Wayne yells, storming over to Logan. The shorter boy gasps as Wayne Wayne grabs his arm, twisting it behind his back. He screams as the bone breaks, excruciating pain shooting up and down his arm. When Wayne Wayne roughly lets him go, the movement jars his injury and he struggles to keep from crying harder.

"You sorry bastard!" Kendall shouts, but he shuts up when Wayne Wayne points the gun at him. Okay, maybe speaking isn't such a good idea.

"I don't think you want to talk right now." Wayne Wayne warns. He lightly kicks Logan's leg before returning to his chair in the middle of the room. He glares at his hostages, pleased with his progress. He's cruel and he shouldn't be so proud of it, but he is. His mother once considered putting him in a mental institution, but he managed to fake his sanity and talk her out of it.

Camille glares at him, holding on to her boyfriend. She looks at his left arm, which is quickly turning a sickening black and blue color. The poor guy is clutching the injured limb to his chest, desperate for the pain to go away. Camille would love to beat the daylights out of her old costar, but she doesn't want to risk the possibility of anyone getting hurt.

"Just relax, sweetie." She whispers, kissing his forehead.

"But it hurts." Logan whimpers.

"I know." Camille says gently, rubbing his back and shoulder.

Lucy is holding James's hand, trying to keep him calm. The pain must be pretty bad because he's having to try real hard to keep from crying. She has never seen him in this much pain before. She can't believe that Wayne Wayne would do something like this. If it weren't for the possibility of someone getting shot, she would beat him up. She already warned him that if he ever hurt James or his loved ones again, she would hurt him. But that was before she knew that he was planning to take them hostage. She's normally the tough rocker girl, but she's feeling like the exact opposite at the moment. Her heart is beating, her palms are sweaty, she's got a headache, and she feels sick to her stomach. She prays that someone will call the police and get them out of this situation _fast_. James and Logan are both hurt and they need to see a doctor.

"Are you okay?" She whispers. kissing James's forehead.

"Fine." James says tiredly.

"Wayne Wayne, you don't know what you're doing." Gustavo says as Wayne Wayne looks at each of his hostages.

"No, I know what I'm doing. You people ruined everything I ever worked for and you're paying for it." Wayne Wayne argues. "Gustavo, I don't think you understand why I'm doing this, but I guess I'll have to repeat my story. I came to LA to become a real musician and when I joined Big Time Rush, I thought my dream was coming true, then Kendork challenged me to that bad boy contest and I got kicked out. I got stuck working with the Ziggle Zaggles and now I'm expected to be a perfect role model for my "young fans." I mean, Gustavo, do you really think that I want to be known as the Ziggle Zaggle guy? Hell no! So if you want your band of dogs to be let free, you will sign me to Rocque Records and revive my career. If you don't, I will kill them."

Lucy hears James gasp and she gently squeezes his hand.

"Wayne Wayne, I'm already working with Big Time Rush." Gustavo says carefully. "I don't have enough time to work with both of you. You're very talented, but there's not enough room for you at Rocque Records. But I'm sure there are a lot of other record companies that would be delighted to work with you. Please let these kids go, okay? Then you can go back to living your life and not go to prison."

"Sorry, Gustavo." Wayne Wayne says coldly. "Not gonna happen."

* * *

><p>Chris stands next to Kelly outside of the closed down store, trying not to cry. The scene around them is terrifying. A huge crowd has formed, police are everywhere, there's a hostage negotiator, and a lot of people are crying in fear. A short while ago, Kelly called Chris and said that Wayne Wayne had taken the guys and the girls hostage. At first she didn't believe Kelly, but when she heard the fear in the assistant's voice, she knew that it was true. So she left Kenzie with Katie and came straight to The Grove. Kelly says that she heard a gunshot, which hopefully doesn't mean that anyone got shot.<p>

This isn't right. No one should do something so mean. It doesn't matter what Wayne Wayne's reasoning is. He needs to let those poor kids go and just get out of their lives. Chris will admit that she has been feeling a little suspicious of him and that Tori chick, but this was exactly what she wasn't expecting. She was expecting a prank or something, but nothing like taking anyone hostage. Those police better get her brother in law and his friends out of there right now or Chris is going to scream. She's feeling beyond impatient right now. She wants the kids to be okay. She wants them to come out safe and sound, without any injuries or deaths.

"This sucks." Brunette Jennifer says angrily.

"You're telling me." Chris mutters.

"Why is he doing this?" Curly Haired Jennifer asks worriedly.

Chris is awfully surprised that The Jennifers are here. Even more surprised that they seem genuinely concerned. She always thought that they were snobby little brats that only care about themselves. Yet they're here, actually worried for someone else. The blonde Jennifer even started crying at one point. She has calmed down, but she and her two friends still look upset.

"Look, I'm sure they'll be fine." She reassures them.

"GET MY BABY OUT OF THERE!" Ms. Knight yells.

"Ma'am, we're trying." One of the cops says. Ms. Knight puts her hands over her mouth and cries, desperately wanting safety for her boys and their girlfriends. Chris breathes shakily, praying silently. _Please let them be okay_

* * *

><p>"Carlos, are you okay?" Kendall whispers to his younger friend. Carlos hasn't really said anything since this all started and Kendall just wanted to check on him. His expression is blank, but Kendall can see fear in those brown eyes. So he puts his arm around Carlos, providing as much comfort as he can.<p>

"Yeah." Carlos says weakly. He looks at all of his friends, fearing for their lives and his own. If they get free, what will their lives be like? Will they stay the same? Or will some of them start dealing with psychological trauma? Carlos has heard that people that are put in these situations are a mess when they get free. He hopes that won't be like that for him or his friends. It may take time to recover, but as long as they are still emotional and mentally stable, everything will be okay. As for Wayne Wayne, he belongs in prison.

Carlos glances at Tori, who is leaning against the opposite wall, putting on a bored facade. To think that he actually thought she was hot! The woman is insane! Why would she ever get involved with Wayne Wayne, knowing that he was going to do something like this? Maybe she just enjoys causing trouble. Carlos doesn't know, but he suddenly finds himself less attracted to her than before. Part of him still thinks she's pretty, though. She's wearing dark denim jeans, a black tank top, and a black leather jacket, as well as black leather boots. The outfit is very dark, but she looks pretty good. But while she may be beautiful on the outside, she's just plain ugly on the inside.

"Tori, do you have my cigarettes?" Wayne Wayne asks his girlfriend. Tori puts a pack of cigarettes in his hand and he lights one up.

Lucy gulps heavily. Stress makes her crave a cigarette and it doesn't help that Wayne Wayne is smoking in front of her.

"Can I have one of those?" She asks awkwardly.

"Lucy, no!" James whispers.

Wayne Wayne notices James's protests and he smirks, walking over to Lucy.

"Of course." He says, handing a cigarette to her. He lights it for her and returns to his chair.

Lucy gives James an apologetic look when she sees his disappointment. She hasn't smoked in a week and this hostage thing is freaking her out. She still can't stop silently begging Wayne Wayne to let them go. He doesn't even realize that he'll go to prison for doing this. Either that or he just doesn't care. She's guessing that it's the second choice. He doesn't care about the consequences of his actions. If he were to shoot someone, he could even be charged with attempted murder, right? Why doesn't he care? Lucy doesn't understand why he has no problem with risking prison time to get revenge on Big Time Rush.

"Is this stressing you out, princess?" Wayne Wayne asks in fake sweetness.

"Actually, it is." Lucy says, glaring at him.

"You know, when you kicked Griffin, he kicked you out of BTR." Kendall explains. "But that's not so bad. If you continue this, you're gonna go to prison."

Wayne Wayne's mood quickly changes and he suddenly stands up, knocking the chair over.

"You just can't seem to shut up, can you?" He says angrily. He slowly raises the gun, his finger barely touching the trigger, and...

"NO!" James yells, jumping up. He shocks everyone by jumping in front of Kendall, trying to save his friend's life.

BANG! BANG!

The two gunshots are followed by cries and screams of terror.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't worry! No one is going to die! But didn't I say that it would be angsty? <strong>

**I hope that you enjoyed the chapter:D**

**Review! I've got 169 reviews! That's so exciting:)**


	26. It's Over

"James!" Kendall yells, crawling over to his friend. He helps his friend onto his back, looking for the gunshot wounds. Sure enough, there's a bullet lodged in his stomach and another in his left thigh. Blood is seeping out of the wounds and soaking part of his jeans and T shirt. His face is pale and twisted in pain. With tears streaming down his face, Kendall looks at Wayne Wayne With hatred. That monster hurt his best friend and as much as he would like to do some damage to the guy's face, he needs to think about James and getting him patched up until they can get him to a hospital.

"Hey, did I say you could move?" Wayne Wayne yells.

"He's hurt! If he dies, you'll go to jail!" Kendall responds angrily, squeezing James's hand. By now, Lucy has crawled over to them. She strokes James's face and comforts him quietly, wiping tears of pain from his face. Kendall looks at Wayne Wayne with desperation, just wanting to get his friend some help. Until they can get help, they just need to perform first aid on him. Kendall is not going to let his best friend die. James has so many years left and so many people that love him, like Kenzie. She already last her mom. She doesn't need to lose her daddy.

"Ugh, fine." Wayne Wayne snaps, taking a first aid kit out of his dark blue back pack. He hands it to Kendall, who motions for Logan to come over. Logan flinches and crawls over to them.

"What do we do?" Kendall asks him, flinching as James squeezes his hand. "Just hang in there, buddy."

"We need to seal it with some kind of plastic, so air doesn't get sucked into it." Logan says, pointing at some plastic inside the first aid kit. Kendall takes the plastic and looks at James with sympathy.

"Jay, we need to lift your leg, okay?" He says gently. James nods and holds back a scream as he lifts is injured left leg, allowing Kendall to wrap the plastic around it. On a scale of 1-10, this pain is at least a twenty. It feels like he just got hit with a sledgehammer. It's a searing pain in his leg and stomach, and he's feels like he's ready to die. Death would be better than this. But he doesn't really want to die. Kenzie is all he's thinking about. He needs to survive because she needs her daddy. He may be in severe pain, but that doesn't stop him from being concerned about his little girl.

"Okay, stop!" He yells.

"Jay, now we need you to sit up." Logan whispers, rubbing his shoulder. Tears start falling down James's cheeks as Lucy helps him into a sitting position. While Kendall wraps plastic around his stomach, James grits his teeth and buries his face in Lucy's shoulder. This is the worst pain that he has ever felt in his life. He broke his ankle during a hockey game freshman year, but nothing could ever compare to this. This is the kind of pain that would make anyone welcome death. He can feel his consciousness fading, but frantic voices start yelling for him to stay awake. The last thing he wants to do his stay awake. He wants to sleep until the pain is gone, but apparently no one is going to let him do that.

"Jay, keep your eyes open." Logan says softly. "Kendall, now you need to wrap gauze around the wounds."

Kendall obeys, wrapping white gauze around James's stomach, then they lay the injured boy back down and Kendall wraps the gauze around his leg injury.

"Alright, you patched him up, now get back against the wall." Wayne Wayne say in boredom.

Slowly, they help James back against the wall, but not without him screaming in pain.

* * *

><p>"Call him!" Chris yells to the hostage negotiator. She just heard two more gunshots and she's freaking out. The paramedics are already here and if anyone is hurt, they need to be taken to the hospital immediately. Did someone get shot? She heard someone scream and since it sounded like they were in pain, she has a bad feeling that the answer is yes. She's hoping that she's wrong, but she isn't so sure anymore. This has been going on for almost an hour now and they still haven't made any progress. They're no closer to getting the kids free than they were almost an hour ago.<p>

"Wayne Wayne? " Officer Sands asks calmly

"Who am I speaking to?"

"This Officer Sands, hostage negotiator for the FBI." Officer Sands says. "Listen, I want those kids out of there safe and sound. Now you tell me what you want."

"It's simple." Wayne Wayne says. "I want Gustavo Rocque to sign me to Rocque Records and fix my career, or they all die. Got that? So far, Gustavo isn't cooperating, so things aren't looking too good. If one of you wants to reason with him, go ahead. I'm sick of being seen as a good two shoes child star, so I want Gustavo to help me."

"He wants this Gustavo guy to sign him to Rocque Records." Officer Sands whispers to Chris, Ms. Knight, and Kelly.

Kelly shakes her head. They cannot sign him to Rocque Records. They've already learned their lesson about signing more than one band. When they tried the whole Kat's Crew thing, the boys went crazy and tried to get them fired, so Gustavo and Kelly decided that they would stop working with the girl group and keep BTR. Wayne Wayne would be even worse than that. In the end, BTR and Kat's Crew ended up getting along, but look at what Wayne Wayne is doing! He's threatening lives for his own selfish purposes. Why would want to work with someone like that?

"Look, just let the kids go and we'll talk about it." Officer Sands tells Wayne Wayne. "Now, please tell me if anyone is hurt, as well as their names."

"Ugh, okay!" Wayne Wayne snaps. "Logan Mitchell and James Diamond. Mitchell has a broken left arm and Diamond has bullet wounds to his stomach and left thigh. Now will you hang up and leave me alone? I'm not done with them yet. Until I have a contract with Rocque Records, they're not going anywhere."

He hangs up and Officer Sands sighs heavily.

"He isn't going to let them go until he gets a contract."

"Are you kidding me?" Chris yells.

"Not really, miss."

* * *

><p>Tori flinches as James screams. Okay, she didn't know that Wayne Wayne was actually going to shoot anyone. He said that it was strictly for intimidation purposes. Therefore, he lied to her. When this is all over, she's not going down with him. She isn't going to let Wayne Wayne get her arrested for murder. She cannot believe that he lied to her, saying "The gun is going to be used for intimidation only.." <em> Stupid, stupid, stupid. <em>She had no idea that anyone would get seriously hurt. Giving them a few bruises isn't too serious, but shooting them with a gun? Yeah, if the police catch them, they will be in worse trouble.

"Dude, you said that it was for intimidation!" She says angrily

"What's the problem?" Wayne Wayne asks nonchalantly.

"If he dies, we're going to be charged with murder. We could get life in prison!" Tori yells.

Wayne Wayne growls quietly. He isn't about to let this girl talk to him like that. Come to think of it, this would be the perfect time to dump her. That's what he was planning all along. Originally, he had planned on waiting until they escaped from the scene, but he's actually eager to become single again.

"Look, I was going to dump you anyway."

Tori stops talking and just stares at him. He was going to do what? She hopes that he didn't just say what she thinks he said. No one dumps Tori. She has never been dumped before and she's not about to start now. In a blind rage, she yanks the gun out of his hand and yanks him up by the hood of his jacket, pressing the gun to his temple.

"I'm not going to be branded a murderer." She whispers menacingly. She begins pushing him towards the exit and pushes open the door, shoving him outside. "Here he is! Take him already!"

"Tori!" Wayne Wayne yells.

"We are over!" Tori screams before closing the door. Outside, she can hear Wayne Wayne protesting as cops start going after him. She looks at the hostages, glaring at them before storming out the backdoor.

Lucy watches in surprise as Tori leaves.

"Where's the ambulance?" James murmurs. As soon as he speaks, paramedics come rushing into the room. Before Lucy can speak another word, James is being removed from her arms and lifted onto a stretcher. She feels herself relaxing and she looks at the others. Logan is being lifted onto another stretcher and the others are getting onto their feet. It's over. For an hour, they were hostages and now they're free. Lucy doesn't know what's going to happen, but what matters is that they are all alive. She isn't completely sure about James, but she has high hopes for him. As scared as she is, she has a feeling that James is going to be fine. It might take a while for him to recover, but he'll be okay.

"Miss, are you hurt?" A young male paramedic asks.

"Um, no, I'm fine." Lucy insists.

"That's great, but let's make sure." The man says, helping her up. Lucy takes a deep breath and follows him out of the place where their worst nightmare occurred.

* * *

><p>"Oh, thank God." Chris breathes as the doors open and the kids walk out. She hugs Ms. Knight, Kelly, Guitar Dude, and even Jett and the Jennifers. When she turns around, her relief turns to worry. The paramedics are pushing two stretchers out and she looks to see who got hurt. Soon, she recognizes the two victims as Logan and James. In a moment of frantic worry, she pushes past the police and rushes after the stretchers. Logan is holding his left arm to his chest, but James is the one that apparently got the worst injury. His stomach and left thigh are stained with crimson red blood. Worst of all, he looks like he's barely conscious.<p>

"Oh, baby." She whispers sadly, stroking his face. "Jay, are you awake?"

"Uh huh." James says softly. "Chris, where's Kenzie?"

"She's at the Palm Woods with Katie, honey. She's fine." Chris says softly, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. As they exit the mall, she sees Wayne Wayne, in handcuffs, being pushed into the back of a cop car. Serves him right for hurting her baby brother and Logan. Whatever consequences he gets, he will certainly deserve it. Tori also deserves to get in trouble, but no one knows where she went. Hopefully, she'll be caught because she took part in this, too. Just because the hostage thing wasn't her idea, she still went along with it. She could have tried to talk Wayne Wayne out of it, but she didn't.

"Bring her to the hospital." James says, grabbing Chris's hand. "I need to see her."

"Okay, baby." Chris agrees, kissing his forehead. She gives his hand another squeeze before he is lifted into the ambulance.

* * *

><p>Ms. Knight keeps her arms around Kendall and Jo as they sit in the empty waiting room. When Chris told her about Kelly's phone call, she was terrified. Anyone with a heart would be. Only a truly sick and demented person would perform such a violent act. However, the kids are okay and she's happy about only ones she's worried about are James and Logan. Logan wouldn't die from a broken arm, but James got shot. There's no telling what could happen to him. If he lost too much blood, there's a big possibility that he could die. James may not be her biological son, but he's very special to her.<p>

"Did anyone call James and Logan's parents?" Kendall asks her.

"Kelly did." Ms. Knight whispers, kissing her son's forehead.

"Hey, did the doctor talk you guys yet?" Kelly asks, sitting across from them.

"Unfortunately, no." Ms. Knight responds. "How's Gustavo doing?"

"He's calling Griffin right now and telling him to throw out the duet." Kelly tells her. "Which I agree with. I never want them to work with the guy that nearly killed them. I'm sure if Griffin had known how crazy Wayne Wayne really is, he would never have suggested it. He may be a little weird, but he's not heartless."

"Mom!" Katie's voice calls out. Everyone looks up to see Chris and Katie, holding little Kenzie, practically running into the waiting room. "Did you hear anything yet?"

"Not yet, honey." Ms. Knight says as she reaches for Kenzie. The baby girl babbles cutely and smiles, unaware of what has been going on. Anytime something is wrong, she doesn't seem to have any worries about it. She's just a baby, so it's understandable. She's not suppose to worry about anything yet. Ma. Knight wishes they all could be like Kenzie, all happy and carefree.

Even though everyone else is standing, Katie just stays standing. There's no way that she'll be able to sit still until she knows that her brothers are okay. She knows that James was hurt pretty badly, but no one will tell her the extent of his injuries. James, Carlo, and Logan are as important to her as Kendall is. Despite not being biologically related, she considers them to be her brothers. They have been in her life since she was a baby. She has grown up with them and they are incredibly protective of her. Now two of them are hurt and there's nothing Katie can do to help them.

"What happened to Wayne Wayne and Tori?"

"Wayne Wayne got arrested, but Tori escaped." Ms. Knight tells her. "But the police are looking for her."

After ten more minutes of waiting, Logan walks into the waiting room. A dark blue cast covers his left arm, but the saddest part is the fearful expression on his face. Everyone watches in antsy worry as he sits down, staring at the cast. As soon as the tears start falling, Kendall moves to sit next to him, pulling his younger friend into a hug. Although Logan doesn't actually start crying, Kendall can tell that it's a struggle for him. Today was a day of terror for all of them and Kendall is amazed that no one has broken down yet. Kendall would prefer that no one did, but if anyone does break down, he won't be surprised. In fact, he's quite surprised at himself. He's happy that Logan is okay, but he's desperate to know about James's condition.

"James Damond?"

A woman in a white doctor's jacket gives them a sympathetic smile and looks at the information on her clipboard.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Walton. I'm going to be taking care of James." She says sweetly, pushing a strand of blonde hair away from her face. She has to be at least thirty five and she's quiet attractive for her age. But that's the least of Kendall's worries.

"How is he?" Ms. Knight asks shakily.

"Well, he's hurt pretty badly. He has bullet wounds to his left thigh and his stomach. He's in surgery right now to get the bullets out and stitch up the wounds. But he should be fine. He's going to be in a lot of pain for a while and he may require physical therapy, but he's going to be okay." Dr. Walton assures them.

"How long will he be in surgery?" Kendall asks, still holding onto Logan.

"It could take more than an hour. It really just depends on whether James has any complications or not." Dr. Walton explains. "I'll just say an hour and a half at the least, but it could very possibly take longer."

Kendall looks at his mom, sister, Logan, and Kelly, relieved that James is okay. However, they aren't out of the woods yet. He has to make it through surgery before they feel truly relieved of any anxiety that they are feeling.

* * *

><p>Brooke Diamond holds back her tears as she parks in front of Cedars Sinai Medical Center. She could not believe it when she got the call from Kelly that James had been shot in a hostage situation. As soon as she got the news, she found the first plane out to LA. She packed her bags and rushed to the airport, needing to be there for her son. It's no secret that she's busy a lot, but work will never be more important than her son. She doesn't care what work she needs to get done. What she really needs to do is be there for James. Her baby boy is hurt and she's going to take care of him.<p>

"Breaking news: Rapper and former Ziggle Zaggles star Wayne Wayne has been arrested after holding Big Time Rush and three girls hostage at an old store at The Grove mall. After an hour, a mysterious woman pushed the star out of the room, allowing police to arrest him. However, this woman was also involved in the initial planning of the hold up, but escaped after Wayne Wayne was put in handcuffs."

Ms. Diamond angrily turns the radio off and gets out of the car. She roughly shoves the front doors open and storms to the waiting room in the ICU. How dare anyone hurt her baby! James may be a grown man, but in Ms. Diamond's eyes, he will always be her baby boy. She was a wreck at his wedding because there was a part of her that didn't want to see her son grow up. But she was happy that he had found someone like Jenna. They had a beautiful child together and Ms. Diamond couldn't be happier. At first she was worried because she personally thinks that she's too young to be a grandma, but she adores Kenzie.

"Brooke!" Ms. Knight says, hugging James' mother.

"Is James okay? Tell me that he's okay!" Ms. Diamond begs.

"The doctor said that he's fine." Ms. Knight tells her. "He's in surgery."

Okay, he's in surgery. That means that they are going to patch up his wounds. Once they do that, he should be okay. Ms. Diamond is scared, though. He got shot with an actual gun, so there's no way that he won't be in pain. Despite her fear, Ms. Diamond just wants to sit at James's bedside and hold his hand until he feels better. It would be preferable if she could treat his injuries like a cold, just give him some antibiotics that will magically make him better. But she knows that's not how it works. James's recovery is going to be a long one. It's going to be full of pain, tears, and emotional suffering.

"But he's going to be alright?" She asks.

"His doctor said that he should be okay." Ms. Knight reassures her.

Ms. Diamond breathes a sigh of relief. James is hurt, but he's going to live. That's all that matters to her, no matter how scary this day has been.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	27. Reality

For the past two hours, they have been waiting. They all thought that the surgery would take an hour and a half like Dr. Walton said. But maybe that's just what they wanted to hear. Maybe they didn't listen when she said that it could take longer if there were any complications. They wanted to believe that James's surgery would go by without any problems at all. But he suffered from a serious injury and it's certainly not a simple thing to deal with. They worry that he won't make it, even though they need him so much. He's a son, father, friend, and now a hero. Secretly, Kendal feels that it should have been him, not James. If it weren't for James jumping in front of him, he would be the one in the operating room. That's how it should be. After everything that has happened, James still saved him? Why would he do that? Kendall doesn't deserve it. He knows that he doesn't.

He stares at the white tiled floor, angry at himself. In fact, he isn't just angry with himself. It's more like a deep hatred. James could die because of him. He might leave behind his daughter because he felt the need to save Kendall's life. He should have just let those bullets hit Kendall, who deserves it more than James does. He has put James through so much pain, so he can't wrap his mind around the fact that James still cares about him.

Of course, he doesn't voice his thoughts openly. Kendall Knight doesn't talk about stuff like that. He has no right to talk after all the problems that he has caused. If James doesn't make it, he's never going to be able to live with himself. And when Kenzie gets older and she asks where her daddy is, she will have to find out that it's Kendall's fault that her daddy isn't with her. Then she'll hate him. He's only started spending more time with her recently, but he seriously adores that little girl. She's beautiful just like her mother and she has an amazing daddy. If Kendall ever has kids, he'll never be as good as James. It's weird to say, considering James's behavior as a teenager. He was wild, self absorbed, girl crazy,and none too bright, yet now he's twenty two and he's a better father than Kendall will ever be.

"James Diamond?"

Kendall, along with the others, look at Dr. Walton. She has a calm smile on her face, which hopefully means something good. Either that or it's a look of sympathy and she's about to tell them that James didn't make it. He prays to God that it's not the second one.

"The surgery was a success and James is all settled into his room." The doctor yells them.

"Can we see him?"Kendall asks weakly.

"Sure." Dr. Walton smiles. "Come with me."

They all follow Dr. Walton out of the waiting room, past the ICU main desk, and down the hall to the last room on the left. They mentally prepare themselves before Dr. Walton pushes the door open. James doesn't really look like himself. The normally muscular and tanned guy looks pale and weak. He's wearing a white hospital gown and he's hooked up to an IV. As soon as Chris and Ms. Knight see him, they rush to his side, stroking his hair and squeezing his hand. Even as they do this, he never moves. Logan said earlier that it could take an hour or two for him to wake up. Even though it's a short amount of time, it seems like a lot longer.

"Jay, we're all here." Chris whispers, kissing his cheek. While she talks to him, Ms. Diamond is squeezing his hand.

"Jay, honey, I called your dad." whispers. Since James is asleep, it's the best time for her to talk about this. She can just get it out of her system without James getting angry with her. Any time she mentions his dad, he gets stressed out, so it's better to do it when he's relaxed and mellow. He might be knocked out from anesthesia, but people can hear even when they're unconscious, right? Or maybe that only applies to people that are in a coma. She's more of a beauty person and knows nothing about medical stuff.

"And what did his dad say?" Chris asks slowly.

"He's coming to LA." Ms. Diamond says quickly. Simultaneous glares are sent her way. She had a feeling that she would get this reaction. She just called him to say that James had been shot and his words were along the lines of "That's it! I'm gonna see my son!" The thing that worries Ms. Diamond is whether he's coming just to visit James or if he thinks that James is going to die. But there's no way that her baby boy is going to die. Ms. Diamond couldn't live without her only son. When she heard about the hold up and the shooting, she came to a realization. She's always so busy with her cosmetics company and doesn't spend enough time with James. He almost lost his life and if he had actually died, she would have had to live knowing that she spent more time on work than her son. She doesn't know how she would handle that.

"His estranged father is coming to LA?" Ms. Knight asks darkly. She doesn't care what Brooke thinks. James is suppose to be recovering, not worrying about his jerk of a father. All this is going to do is stress him out. Stress is the last thing that he needs.

"It was his idea." Ms. Diamond says defensively.

"Hey, let's not argue!" Gustavo snaps. Arguing is his thing, but right now doesn't seem like a good time. One of his boys is suffering and they need to focus on him and his recovery. Gustavo already called Griffin, who agreed to pull the plug on the BTR/Wayne Wayne duet. Actually, he seemed regretful for ever making them work with the guy. He said that he had no idea that Wayne Wayne would do something like this and promised that Rocque Records will no longer associate with him. So it's goodbye and good riddance to Wayne Wayne.

"Dr. Walton, how long will it be before he wakes up?" Chris asks, stroking James's cheek.

"It'll be an hour or two at the last." Dr. Walton tells them. "But I can assure you that he's going to be fine. However, he's going to be groggy when he wakes up. It takes a while for the anesthesia to wear off."

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims, looking at her father.

"Shhh, daddy's sleeping." Logan says, kissing the baby's cheek.

"Is she yours?" Dr. Walton asks Logan and Camille.

"No, she's his." Logan says, nodding towards James.

"She reminds me of my daughter when she was a baby." Dr. Walton says with a small grin. "She was a little on the chubby side, but absolutely beautiful. Brown hair, green eyes, and everyone said that she was a spitting image of me."

"How old is she now?" Katie asks her.

"She's fourteen." Dr. Walton tells her. "She makes straight A's, she's a cheerleader, and she's already planning on attending medical school when she graduates. Yeah, she's very ambitious. Anyway, I'll be back in a little bit to check up on him. If you have any questions or there's any problems, just press the call button."

"Got it." Ms. Knight says before walking over to the hospital bed. Dr. Walton gives them a thumbs up and leaves.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, James still hasn't woken up. Most of the group either went to the cafeteria or home, but Kendall, Carlos, and Logan stayed with their injured friend. If there's anything that they know, it's that this whole experience has opened their eyes. They gave up on their friendship for almost a year and they still aren't back to normal, but if they lost James today, they would never have the chance to make things right. Today's events made them realize that they need to repair their friendship because they never know what might happen. If anything does happen, they want to be on good terms.<p>

"We are so stupid." Carlos says, staring at his unconscious friends. He has been unusually calm about what happened, but that doesn't mean that he's not scared. This was a life or death situation, but they barely managed to escape death. Carlos is grateful for that, but the fact that they came so close to it terrifies him.

"You got that right." Logan mutters, bouncing Kenzie on his lap. He has to hold her with his right arm because his left one is covered with a cast. It still hurts, but he was prescribed some pain medicine to make it bearable. He had never felt anything like the pain he experienced when Wayne Wayne twisted his arm. His arm is the least of his concerns, though. James is the only one that Logan is worried about. They all feel that way. Nothing is more important than James's well being right now. Logan may be a bit uncomfortable, but he's more worried about how James is doing.

"You know this wouldn't have happened if James had just let Wayne Wayne shoot me."

"Kendall, are you crazy?" Carlos asks in disbelief. "It would have been bad either way! If you had gotten hurt, think about how your mom and sister would feel! It doesn't matter whether it was you or James. Either way, someone would be suffering and their loved ones would be worried sick."

"Kendall, it's not your fault." Logan tells him. "You didn't know that Wayne Wayne going to do this and you didn't expect James to jump in front of you. Besides, let's think about the most important thing. James is okay. He may be hurt and when he wakes up, he's going to be in a lot of pain, but he's alive. Kenzie is still going to have her daddy and we're going to have our best friend."

"Are we?" Carlos asks softly.

"What?" Logan asks, confused.

"Are we best friends? Because we certainly haven't been acting like it."

"Carlos-"

"Seriously, Logan. When we first came back to LA, all you and I could do was fight and James hated all four of us." Carlos says bitterly. "Does that sound like best friends to you?"

When neither Logan or Kendall speaks, Carlos nods.

"That's what I thought."

"Carlos is right." Kendall agrees. "We haven't been acting like best friends. I mean, we've been friends ever since Kindergarten and when a big obstacle came along, we just forgot about each other. Yes, it was awful to see James in such a depression, but that was no excuse for us to just abandon him. Hell, he needed us more than ever, yet we gave up! We could have stood by him, comforted him, and helped him with Kenzie, but we left him and Chris to do everything. Let's just face it already! We were terrible and I don't know how James could ever consider taking a bullet for me."

Just as Logan and Carlos are about to respond, they hear a tired groan from James. They look at him and they jump out of their seats when they see his eyes open. The hazel eyes blink a few times and even close for a moment before finally opening again. Even then, they droop due to his drugged up state.

"Hey, buddy." Kendall whispers. "How are you feeling?"

"Kendall, he can't talk yet." Logan tells him. "They put a tube in his throat to help him breathe during surgery."

"When is it going to be taken out?" Kendal asks impatiently.

Logan rolls his eyes and presses the call button. A couple minutes later, Dr. Walton enters the room. At first, she looks curious and concerned, but she smiles when she sees that James is awake.

"Hey, you're finally awake!" She says happily. "Your surgery was very successful. You did great, sweetie."

James sinks into his pillow and touches his throat.

"You have a tube in your throat." Dr. Walton explains. "That's because when we put you under anesthesia, it blocks your respiration. Therefore, the tube is used to help you breathe during the surgery. But now you're awake, so we can take it out. Just don't talk right away. I'll give you a glass of water first, then you can talk."

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims. Then James does something that surprises Dr. Walton and the guys. He laughs and smiles at his daughter. If it weren't for the tube, he would probably be laughing.

"Your daughter is a cutie." Dr. Walton tells him. "Now let's get that tube out, so you can actually talk."

It doesn't take very long for the tube to be removed. As soon as it is, Dr. Walton hands James a glass of water, which he gratefully accepts. He drinks the whole glass before handing it back to Dr. Walton. He clears his throat, flinching at the soreness before turning his head toward the guys and his daughter.

"Again, how are you feeling?" Kendall asks him.

"Tired and sore." James says, his voice somewhat hoarse. His exhaustion causes him to close his eyes, but when he opens his eyes again, Logan isn't there.

"He went to let everyone know that you're awake." Carlos says, patting his shoulder.

James nods lightly and closes his eyes again.

* * *

><p>While everyone else runs to James's room, Lucy purposely walks a few feet behind them. It was upsetting enough to see him unconscious after surgery, but she doesn't know what he'll be like when he wakes up. She knows that he's going to be different and that thought scares her. She wishes that the hold up had never happened. She wants to go back in time and make sure that they don't go anywhere with Wayne Wayne. Someone that unstable can't be trusted and he needs to stay in prison for the rest of his life. He has no business going out with innocent people. She hates him for doing this time to them, especially James. And she's worried about Jo because the girl is a traumatized mess. This incident sent her into a state of shock. She went home earlier and she hasn't left her apartment ever since.<p>

She takes a deep breath and peeks into James's room. His smile isn't anything like it was before the hold up. It's not his usual charming and sweet grin. It's tired, weak, and it does nothing to hide his pain and anxiety. Lucy doesn't condone murder at all, but she wants to kill Wayne Wayne. If it weren't for the possibility of being put in jail for the rest of her life, she would do it. Someone that cruel doesn't deserve to live. As for Tori, she was stupid for ever getting involved with someone like him. It's too bad that she had to realize her stupidity at the last minute, after she had already been dragged into his stupid plan.

"Baby, do you need anything? Ms. Diamond asks. "Do you need your pillow fluffed? A glass of water? Should I get a babysitter for Kenzie so you can relax?"

"Mom, I'm fine." James whispers, squeezing her hand.

Lucy's steps are very slow and hesitant as she walks closer to his bedside. She doesn't even look him in the eyes until he reaches for her hand, giving it a light squeeze. Her hand slowly moves to his cheek, stroking the soft and pale skin. She gives him a gentle smile, but her troubled expression tells him that she's far from happy.

James doesn't like how everyone is treating him. It's sweet, but a little too sweet. He hates being treated like a baby, but that's exactly what everyone is doing. He's injured, but he's not an invalid. He's going to recover eventually and he's going to go back to normal. He just wants to put all this behind him, but he can't do that if everyone is treating him as if he's going to break. He wants them to act normal around him, despite his fragile state. Of course, he doesn't want them pushing him off the bed or throwing hockey pucks at him, but they can talk to him like they always do.

"Hey, you guys do realize that I'm not dead, right?" He asks with a half smile.

"We're just worried about you, honey." Chris says, kissing his forehead.

"That's fine, but you don't have to talk to me like I'm a baby." James say while tugging at Lucy's hand. When she looks at him with a baffled glance, he sighs heavily. "I want a hug."

"What if I hurt you?" Lucy asks quietly.

"I'm pretty drugged up at the moment, so you won't hurt me." James says, tugging at her hand again. This time, she willingly sits on the bed and leans forward, wrapping her arms around him. He kisses her head and gives her a tight squeeze. She's still afraid for him, but being in his arms does give her some assurance. The hand rubbing her back feels a bit shaky, but she thinks nothing of it. It has been a tough day and he's scared, so he's naturally going to be a little anxious.

"Has the news been talking about it?" James asks, keeping his arms around Lucy.

"Yeah." Kelly responds carefully, not wanting to upset James by talking about the awful experience. "Why?"

Everyone is surprised when James turns the TV on, changing it to the local news. Sure enough, the hold up is breaking news. On the screen, onlookers are watching with worry and fear as two stretchers are wheeled out of the old store. Then it switches to Wayne Wayne being arrested. But still, James continues to watch, hanging on to every word that the reporter says. Wayne Wayne's grudge against Gustavo Rocque and Big Time Rush, his dismay for being cast on a children's show, blah blah blah. It's just a whole bunch of garbage that James doesn't want to hear.

He switches the channel to MTV, where they're showing the music video for "Music Sounds Better With You." That reminds him of the band's future. How long will his recovery take? Is the Big Time Rush comeback over before it even begun? James knows that they won't be able to perform at the Coachella Festival. He isn't sure about what else Gustavo has planned for the band. James wasn't too fond of the comeback idea at first, but he has sort of come to love being in BTR again. He doesn't want the band to end and he doesn't want to go back to Minnesota.

He turns the TV off, deciding that it's going to do him no good, but instead fill him with worry and guilt.

"Jay, maybe you need to rest." Chris tells him. "You look tired."

"Not before I give my little girl a kiss." James says, reaching for Kenzie. Ms. Knight puts the baby girl in his arms and the distress in his eyes goes away. Kenzie babbles and James gives her a gentle kiss on her nose, getting some giggles from the baby. "I've missed you, Kenzie! And I'm sure that you've missed me."

"Jay, seriously, you look exhausted." Chris smiles, taking Kenzie from him. "Get some sleep."

"Fine, Mom." James says sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm the only mom you've got." Ms. Diamond jokes, kissing his head.

"I love you." James says, yawning.

"Alright, you all can see him later." Kelly says, ushering everyone out of the room. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan give a little bit of protest, but when Gustavo yells at them to hurry up, they say goodbye to James and rush out of the hospital room.

* * *

><p>It's only an hour away from midnight now and, although Chris knows that she should be in bed, she can't bring herself to leave James. She just can't imagine leaving James alone in such an unfamiliar setting, with no one to talk to if he wakes up and has trouble going back to sleep. As she looks watches him from the chair that she is sitting in, she can see how much everything has taken its toll on him. She doesn't know why everything bad keeps happening to him. Every time things seem to be getting better, there always seems to be some kind of setback.<p>

_"Intermission" is one of James and Chris's favorite songs from the upcoming BTR album. James sang it to Kenzie the other day when he was putting her to bed and she seemed to love it, too. Music is James's passion and it always soothes him, so she'll sing to him all night if she has to._

"You know, your voice is pretty good." James's tired and gravelly voice whispers.

"Pretty good?" Chris giggles softly, running her fingers through his hair.

"Not as good as me, but decent." James chuckles. His expression soon becomes one of pain and he takes a deep breath, wrapping his right arm around his stomach.

"Are you okay?" Chris asks, standing up. "Do I need to get the doctor?"

"I'm fine." James murmurs, closing his eyes. "I just need to relax."

Chris continues to stroke his hair, shocked by the reality of the situation. Seeing James suddenly express his pain made her see how serious and real this is. She wanted to pretend that it was just a bad dream, then she wakes up and sees that she's not dreaming after all. James was shot and he's laying in a hospital, unable to do much of anything. It doesn't seem fair that he has been through so much. A father that doesn't care, his parents splitting up, losing his wife, being a single parent, and getting shot by a crazy person. He has been through so many obstacles at such a young age.

If she could do something to fix it, she would, but it's impossible. Life is going to be full of obstacles, but they just have to get through each one with a positive attitude...If they can.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I didn't update yesterday because I had homework. Sometimes it's going to be like that:) Just letting you know ahead of time:)<strong>

**Anyway, have any of you heard "Intermission", the new Big Time Rush song? I have, and it's beautiful**

**Please review! :D **


	28. The Aftermath

People always say that when someone becomes famous, the media attention comes with the territory. But should a star really be blamed for getting annoyed? Everytime something happens, the paparazzi always feel the need to be even more annoying than they usually are. Earlier, Jo decided to ignore her fear and go out for some coffee at Starbucks. What happened? As soon as she and Camille stepped out of Jo's car, they were hounded by a huge frenzy of photographers that want them to speak out about the hold up.

Therefore, Jo realized that she should lay low for a few days. As of right now, she's surfing the internet, which isn't much good either. On almost every gossip site, the hold up is breaking news. She looks at the comments and while most of them are in favor of the victims, there are a few Wayne Wayne fans that are sticking up for him.

She's so relieved when someone starts knocking on her bedroom door, since it forces her to log off the computer. She opens the door and lets Kendall in. She has really missed him. He has been spending most of the day at the hospital with James, so Jo hasn't been able to spend any time with him. She would go and visit James, but seeing him in a hospital bed is too depressing, even if Kendall said that he's doing okay.

"I'm gonna go back to the hospital and I was wondering if you would like to come with me." Kendall asks, grabbing her hands.

"Maybe tomorrow." Jo says, falling back onto her bed. The bed shifts when Kendall sits next and soon Jo finds herself being pulled into his arms. She lays her head on his chest and tries to forget everything that has happened. However, it's hard to forget when one of their friends is laying in a hospital bed with gunshot wounds. Really, it's going to take a long time to forget everything that has happened. It also doesn't help when the hold up is all over the news. Everywhere they go, there is newspaper articles and paparazzi waiting for them.

"Come on! Camille had to force you to go out for coffee this morning and now you won't even visit James? Jo, Chris called earlier today and said that he's bored out of his mind and could use some visitors." Kendall says, giving her sad eyes. How can Jo possibly say no to that?

"Okay, I'll go." She says, kissing him. "But only because you made me."

* * *

><p>James hates being in this hospital. The walls are white, he's surrounded by machines that he doesn't understand, nurses waking him up every ten minutes to check his blood pressure or something, and a rather uncomfortable hospital bed. On top of that, everyone treats him like a helpless little child. They wouldn't even let him keep Kenzie with him overnight because he needed to sleep. He's not going to get much sleep anyway, since the nurses keep bothering him. He might as well have someone to keep him company.<p>

On the bright side, he finally got to change into his own clothes. He made sure that Chris got him something comfortable. He chose some grey sweatpants, black T shirt, his white South Pole hoodie, and his glasses.

He has Kenzie with him right now, but Chris will probably be taking her home soon. James desperately wants to beg her to let him keep his little girl for one night, but that's a fight that he won't win, so he doesn't bother. He's letting her sleep on his chest while he watches some old Glee reruns, but he makes sure that her feet don't touch his stomach. That and his leg are still in tremendous pain, so he avoids letting anything touch the injured areas. He also doesn't move too much because it causes him to double over in pain.

"Hey." Chris whispers. "Look what I got."

James smiles when he sees the teddy bear and "Get Well Soon" balloon. He has already gotten flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, and candy from everyone at the Palm Woods. That includes Mr. Bitters, who got him a balloon and card.

"Thanks." He says softly.

"Are you feeling okay?" Chris asks, sitting the gift on the table by the window.

James nods and looks at Kenzie, who is starting to wake up.

"Yeah." He says, kissing his daughter's forehead.

Chris frowns as she looks at her injured brother in law. She's been thinking a lot about James's dad, whom Ms. Diamond said was already on his way to LA. He'll probably be visiting tomorrow, so she should probably warn James. But he doesn't handle conversations about his dad very lightly, so she's struggling to find the right way to go about this.

"Jay, can I tell you something?" She asks, sitting down and reaching for his hand. "I didn't tell you about this last night because you were just waking up from the surgery, but I better tell you now. You're not going to like hearing this, but you need to know."

"What?" James asks worriedly.

"After the hold up, your mom called your dad." Chris says, giving his hand a squeeze. "He's coming to LA."

"Why does this not surprise me?" James asks bitterly. "I keep telling her that I want nothing to do with my dad, then she calls him and invites him to visit me while I'm in the hospital. Chris, call her and tell her that I want him to turn around and go back to Grand Marais. Because I sure don't want him anywhere near me."

"Jay, maybe this would be a good thing." Chris says, kissing his hand. "And your mom didn't invite him to come. He invited himself. As soon as he heard that you were hurt, he found a flight to LA. I think he really wants to make things right. You just need to let him. This is just like the thing with Jenna. Just because you got hurt, you tried to avoid getting hurt again. James, you're doing the same thing with your dad."

"Don't you ever compare that with Jenna." James says angrily. "Jenna cared about me, but my dad didn't. The circumstances are completely different."

"I know." Chris admits. "But you should think about it."

James is about to respond when Kendall and Jo show up. He takes a couple of calming breaths and gives them a smile, ignoring Chris's saddened expression. He knows that he shouldn't be so hard on her. After all, it's not her fault that he has to face his estranged father. He's definitely going to apologize later.

"Wow, you are so spoiled." Kendall says, looking at James's many gifts.

"I know." James says proudly, rubbing Kenzie's back. She babbles softly and he laughs softly, kissing her cheek. He still hates that she can't stay with him, but he'll just have to look forward to seeing her tomorrow.

"Carlos got you a hockey themed balloon and Logan found one with Big Time Rush on it, so all the good ideas are taken. What am I suppose to get you now?" Kendall complains.

James smiles. Kendall is such a drama king sometimes. Who cares if he can't get James a present? Just having people come to visit him is good enough for him. He doesn't care about the material things, even though the gifts are really sweet.

"Tell you what," He says, handing Kenzie to Chris. "You can get me a cheese pizza from the cafeteria."

"That's it?" Kendall asks in surprise. "I shouldn't go and buy some Cuda products?"

"Just go." James chuckles.

"Fine." Kendall mutters before leaving.

"Jay, I'm gonna take Kenzie back to the Palm Woods." Chris says, kissing his forehead. "And I won't be able to visit again until later tomorrow because I'm going to visit my parents. They moved to San Diego and they've been asking me to drive up."

"Have fun." James says softly.

"Don't flirt with the nurses." Chris teases, kissing his cheek. James smiles widely and pushes her away, laughing.

"I won't." He says, trying to stop the laughter. He has to avoid laughing too hard because it causes his stomach to hurt. "Anyway, let me say goodbye to my baby girl."

He reaches for Kenzie and places a loving kiss on her cheek, whispering that he loves her. Then he hands her back to Chris, who gives him another kiss on the cheek before leaving.

Once she's gone, Jo is alone with James. She remembers him having a crush on her when she first came to California, but the crush didn't last very long. They are friends, but they're not that close. Now that all this drama has happened, she would like to change that. James is a good guy and it wouldn't hurt for Jo to become closer to him as a friend.

"You don't flirt with the nurses, do you?" She asks. "Because Lucy wouldn't like that."

"Jo, my nurse is in her mid fifties, so Lucy has nothing to worry about." James chuckles. "She is training some girl that is a medical student at UCLA, but the girl isn't crazy hot. She's cute, but not my type."

"I get it." Jo says, sitting on the bed. "She's not a bad girl like Lucy."

"Hey, Lucy isn't a bad girl." James retorts. "She's just a little rough around the edges."

"Trust me." Jo smirks. "You don't know her like I do."

"What do you know?" James asks with a grin.

"Did she ever tell you about the Coachella incident? The one where Camille got drunk and started screaming at some guy in the audience?" When James nods, she continues speaking. "Well, after Lucy finished performing, she decided to step in and "help." I'm not sure if she mentioned this, but the guy called her a...Well, let's just say that it's another word for female dog. Lucy didn't like that, so she punched him in the nose. Now she and Camille are banned from Coachella."

"She told me about getting banned, but she didn't say anything about name calling." James says, yawning loudly.

"Do you want to sleep?" Jo asks him.

"Not until I get my pizza."

Those seem to be the magical words because Kendall comes running into the room, holding a plate with a rather tasty looking slice of cheese pizza, as well as a drink.

"Eat." He encourages, sitting the meal on the tray attached to the bed.

James smiles happily and grabs the slice, taking slow bites.

"You know, this isn't that bad." He says as he continues eating.

"I still don't think that a pizza is a very good present." Kendall says, sitting next to the bed. Everyone else got James some good gifts, but all Kendall could do was buy him a pizza? What kind of friend is he? After everything he has done, all he could get was a pizza? He feels that he owes James a lot for the mistakes that he has made, yet James asked for something so small.

"Kendall!" James whispers abruptly. "Forget about the present!"

* * *

><p><strong>190 reviews! Please review so I can get 200! :D<strong>


	29. Hard To Forgive

"Kenzie, look at this." James says, waving a teddy bear in front of Kenzie's face. She has been getting a kick out of all the stuffed animals and balloons that her daddy has gotten. She's too little to fully understand how serious James's situation is. She doesn't know that he's in the hospital because someone hurt him out of meanness and he's happy about that. She's going to be eleven months old in a few days, but she's still far too young to know that not everything in this world is cuddly and lovable.

He smiles as she grabs the stuffed bear, putting its hand in her mouth. Chuckling, he kisses her cheek. He was so excited when Ms. Knight brought his little girl to keep him busy. Despite being confined to a hospital bed, he is still able to take care of her. The baby bag is sitting next to him, so he still able to feed her and play with her favorite toys. The only thing he can't do is change her diaper. Ms. Knight said that she'll take care of that until he's fully recovered.

"You like chewing on everything, don't you?" He says, tickling her tummy. "But I suppose that as long as you keep me company, it's okay."

He hears footsteps entering the room and a nervous sigh. He slowly looks towards the doorway and sees his dad standing there.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay." Mr. Diamond says awkwardly.

"Well, I'm fine." James says, his face full of pain as he tries to get comfortable. He doesn't even know why his dad felt the need to fly out here. It's not like he has ever been a real father to his son. He just made sure that James was entertained while he went out and partied with his stupid drunk friends. If he truly cared, he would have played with James and took care of him.

"Do you need help?" Mr. Diamond asks, the worry never leaving his voice. James clenches his jaw and looks at the window opposite from the door. He hopes that his dad doesn't stay too long. In his condition, he doesn't need a lot of stress. He knows what'll happen if he has to listen to his dad for too long. He's begging the man to just say whatever he wants to say, then leave.

"No." He says softly.

"Mackenzie has gotten big." Mr. Diamond says, looking at the little girl in James's arms.

"We just call her Kenzie for short." James murmurs, gently kissing his daughter's forehead. "Why did you come to LA?"

"Well, your mom called and told me that you-" Mr. Diamond starts to say.

"I mean, why did you want to come? You've never seemed all that interested in me before, then I get shot and you suddenly decide that you want to visit me in the hospital. Why did I have to end up in the hospital for you to start caring?"

Mr. Diamond stares at the floor, knowing that James has every right to be upset. For years, he cared more about having a good time than caring for James. But when Brooke called him and said that James had been shot, he was afraid that James would die and he would never have a chance to have a good relationship with his son.

"James, if you had...died, I wouldn't have gotten a chance to repair our relationship." He tries to explain.

"It's pretty sad that it took a life or death situation for you to actually care about me." James says sadly, not even cracking a smile as he strokes Kenzie's cheek. Even as she babbles softly, he just sighs heavily.

"James-"

"I'm serious! If you really cared about me, you wouldn't have waited until I nearly lost my life!"

He must have spoken a little too loud because a nurse peeks her head into the room.

"Is everything okay in here?" She asks.

"Yeah." James lies, giving her a small smile.

Mr. Diamond feels his heart sink as James smiles. Why couldn't he have been a better father? Maybe if he hadn't been so interested in partying, he and Brooke would never have gotten a divorce and James wouldn't hate him. It's not that he doesn't love James. He always has! But that wasn't enough to make him give up his hard partying ways. He's glad that James isn't turning out like him. If Jenna hadn't died, there's no doubt that she and James would have stayed married. Also, James is a wonderful father. His Facebook page is full of pictures of him and Kenzie with captions showing how much he loves his daughter. Mr. Diamond wishes that he could have been as good of a dad as James is.

"Okay!" The nurse chirps before continuing down the hallway.

"James, buddy," Mr. Diamond says as he sits in the chair by James's bed. "I have always cared about you, but I was so into the partying lifestyle that I guess I didn't really think."

"You're gonna have to prove that you care before I can trust you." James says quietly, letting Kenzie wrap her hand around his right thumb.

"I know." Mr. Diamond says, taking James's hand in his.

Tears fill James's eyes as he pulls his hand away, not wanting any physical contact. No hugs or anything. There's no way that he'll ever be able to have a relationship with his dad. He's so use to being without a father and he's nowhere near being ready to let his dad back into his life. He doesn't even know why his dad had to show up. James was feeling fine until Mr. Diamond showed up.

"I'm really tired, so could you just come back later?" He whispers.

"Sure, buddy." Mr. Diamond says, squeezing James's shoulder before leaving.

James quickly rubs his eyes, making sure that they're free of any tears. He puts on a smile for Kenzie's sake, giving her another kiss. She squeals happily as he does, bursting into a fit of adorable giggles.

"I wish I could get out of this room for a while." He chuckles, playing with her hair. "You know me, Kenzie. I hate being stuck in one place for more than ten minutes, longer if I'm watching a movie. Hey! Maybe we should watch a movie!"

He picks up his remote and turns the TV on, trying to look for a good movie. On Disney Channel, they're playing an old Walt Disney movie that Kenzie loves, The Aristocats. Kenzie loves the talking cats. In fact, he's got two ideas for her first birthday party. It's either going to be kittens or sea animals, since she loves both. They need to pick _one _of the two choices, though.

"Kenzie, look at the kitties!" He coos, pointing at the TV. When Kenzie sees the cats, she smiles widely and starts watching the movie.

"Jay, has your dad stopped by yet?" Ms. Diamond asks as she walks over to his bedside.

James's smile quickly fades and he nods, hoping that he doesn't have to discuss this. She and Ms. Knight have been talking about James needing to stay calm and relaxed, so he's going to assume that she's going to respect his wishes. He doesn't want to dicuss his dad or the very short visit. He would rather watch a movie with Kenzie and have a stress free day.

"Yep." He says nonchalantly, praying that she'll drop it.

"Did you guys talk?" Ms. Diamond says as she sits down, grabbing his hand.

"I told him that I don't understand why he decided to start caring after I almost died." James says quietly.

"Jay, your dad wanted to see you." Ms. Diamond says gently. "I know it seems strange that he decided to visit at this particular time, but what matters is that he came to see you."

"No, mom, it doesn't matter." James says, his voice cracking. "If it weren't for me getting shot and nearly leaving Kenzie without a dad, my so called father would still be wanting nothing to do with me! It took me almost _dying _for him to show any kind of concern for me! When Jenna died, he never called or visited me! He called you instead! Let's face it, mom! As soon as I'm fully recovered from this, he's going to go right back to be the same selfish person that he has always been!"

Ms. Diamond watches in sadness as her son breaks down. Maybe she shouldn't have let her ex husband come out here. Everyone else has been saying that James doesn't need any stress, yet she lets his father show up, knowing that he's the one person that causes James more stress than anything else. She feels like a terrible mother.

"James," She whispers, sitting on the bed. "It's okay."

She gently wraps her arms around him, careful not to irritate his injuries.

"Mom." James sobs, burying his face in her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, baby." Ms. Diamond says softly, stroking his hair. "I'll call your dad and tell him to leave if you want me to."

"I don't know." James cries.

"Well, just think about it for a while." Ms. Diamond says, kissing his temple. "The decision is all yours."

Suddenly, James gasps in pain and pulls away from his mom's embrace, gripping the railing of the bed. The pain is back, so he knows that the morphine has worn off.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Ms. Diamond asks worriedly.

"Nothing." James says, his face scrunched up in pain. "Just get the doctor."

"Okay." Ms. Diamond says softly, pressing the call button. She grabs a hold of James's shaking hand, trying to keep him calm until the doctor shows up. Looking at her son, her heart breaks. It's horrible to see her baby boy in so much pain. She hopes that his shooter gets life in prison for what he did to James. Anyone that willingly harms another person deserves to spend the rest of their life behind bars.

"Mom, please tell them to hurry up." James groans, squeezing her hand.

"Baby, all that crying did this." Ms. Diamond says, using her free hand to stroke his cheek. "This is exactly why you need to stay calm."

James looks like he's about to start crying again, but Dr. Walton shows up before the tears can fall.

"My son needs some morphine." Ms. Diamond tells her.

"How bad is the pain on a scale from 1 to 10?" Dr. Walton asks gently.

"It's a freaking twenty!" James tries to yell, but it comes out like a pathetic whimper.

Ms. Diamond climbs off the bed and picks Kenzie up, since James is in no condition to be holding her.

"Okay, I'm gonna go and get some for you right now." Dr. Walton says, rubbing his shoulder before leaving the room.

James tries to ignore the pain in his stomach and thigh, but it's incredibly hard to do. The pain is burning and it takes all of his strength not to start screaming. He honestly has never felt such horrible pain before. Dr. Walton won't give him real high dosages of morphine because she says that it can be addictive, but James really doesn't care. He's in pain and he wants relief.

"She's going to be back soon." Ms. Diamond tells him, rubbing his hand.

"Got it!" Dr. Walton smiles when she returns a few minutes later. She begins the process of inserting the morphine into his IV. James watches the IV carefully, hoping that seeing the morphine will keep him from panicking. Soon, the medicine is in the IV and it starts to take effect. Slowly, James feels the pain leaving him and he relaxes, no longer feeling like screaming.

"Better?" Dr. Walton asks him.

"Yeah." James nods. She leaves and James sinks into his pillow, closing his eyes. The morphine makes the pain go away, but it also makes him sleepy. "Mom, I'm tired."

"I'll just let you sleep." Ms. Diamond says, sitting back down. She holds Kenzie on her lap and watches as James drifts off to sleep. She can't stand seeing her boy in that hospital bed. She would love to see him up and walking around, but he can't. It'll probably be months before he's back to normal.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	30. Friendship Is A Two Way Street

James has never liked sitting still. Even when he tried, he could never pull it off for more than five minutes. That's part of the reason that he started playing hockey, the other reason being so he could lose some weight. Being in this hospital is no good for his active body. He needs to get out of bed for a while, but the nurses won't let him until Dr. Walton says that it's okay. James has made the decision that he's tired of listening to them. If they won't get him out of this bed, he'll do it himself.

He squeezes his eyes shut as he pulls himself to a sitting up position, staying still until the pain goes away. Once the pain in his stomach has subsided, he turns so that he's sitting on the edge of the bed. This irritates the pain in his thigh, so he becomes still once again. Finally, he lets his feet touch the ground, pushing himself up. Bad idea. As soon as he's standing, he yelps in pain and stumbles. He catches himself before he can fall, holding onto the bed. He groans softly and squints his eyes as he, holding onto the IV pole, limps over to the table by the window. He lowers himself into the chair, admiring the view of Los Angeles. Then something catches his eye.

Outside the hospital entrance are a cluster of paparazzi, with their flashing cameras and many questions. James's heart rate quickens and he sucks in some air. He knows that the paparazzi want to see him, but they don't care what he wants. What he wants is for them to leave him and his friends alone. They know all they need to know and they don't need to know all the details. What is with those jerks?

His head snaps toward the door, hoping that no nurses or doctors will show up. He needs to get back in bed before they notice. Slowly, he stands back up, clenching his teeth. The pain is excruciating, but that doesn't stop him from walking to his bed as fast as he can. He puts the IV pole where it was, then begins the slow process of crawling back into bed.

He sinks back into the pillows and pulls his blanket up to his waist. He can hear the paparazzi yelling, even from the third floor. He's never going to keep his sanity if he doesn't do something about this. Grabbing his cell phone from the tray, he dials Kendall's phone number. Kendall, Carlos, Logan, and Lucy are all downstairs in the cafeteria and they can surely do _something_ about those annoying paparazzi.

"Hello?" Kendall answers.

"Hey, man." James says. "Listen, I think the paparazzi are outside."

"You have gotta be kidding me." Kendall murmurs before speaking to the others. "James says that he hears the paparazzi outside."

James hears their exclamations of pure irritation and anger, and he smiles, although he'll still in pain from trying to walk. He'll have to keep it a secret because Dr. Walton, the nurses, and everyone else warned him that he can't walk yet. Right now, all he cares about is getting those photographers to leave. He knows that they would love to talk to him, but he has no comment. He certainly has a story to tell, but he isn't ready to talk about it yet. He admires stars like Demi Lovato, who was very open about her struggles. But not everyone is like that. Some people don't feel comfortable talking about their issues. James is one of those people.

"James, Carlos and Logan are going to call for security." Kendall assures him. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks, man." James says softly before hanging up.

* * *

><p>While Carlos and Logan go to get hospital security, Lucy loudly sips Coca Cola from a straw. She would love to go outside and tell the paparazzi off, maybe even throw a few punches, but her manager told her to ignore them. She has ignored her manager's advice before, but now doesn't seem like a good time to defy the woman's instructions. Her manager told her not to add fuel to the fire. There's already enough talk surrounding the hold up and Lucy and her friends don't need to be making it worse.<p>

"I don't understand why the paparazzi need to know everything about us." She tells Kendall. "They know what happened, they know that we're safe and sound, but do they really need to know how everything got started? Someone already told US Weekly about the incident in the lobby and now the gossip is getting worse!"

"Trust me." Kendall says adamantly. "We're going to fix this. Gustavo already has an idea. Me and the guys are going to go on AM LA and talk about it just to shut the jerks up. Just a short and honest interview about the hold up and the relationship between Wayne Wayne and Big Time Rush, as well as James's condition."

"Okay, that's good." Lucy says, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, hospital security rushes in different directions, heading for every entrance. Poor Logan gets trampled by the large guards and Carlos helps him up before they return to the cafeteria.

"Got it!" Carlos says proudly.

* * *

><p>James is half asleep when his friends and girlfriend come barreling into his room. Yawning softly, he looks at them with tired eyes. It seems like he has been more sleepy than usual since he was admitted to the hospital. Worrying about the paparazzi and Kenzie doesn't help very much either. All that stuff keeps him awake longer than he likes. What he really needs is at least one day free of stress and worry. But really, has he ever gotten a break before?<p>

"Security is after them." Lucy says, rubbing his upper arm.

"Thanks." He says, wrapping one arm around her waist. She lays next to him and he hugs her closely, kissing her cheek. Then the lips to lips stuff comes in, making two of his fellow bandmates groan. For some reason, Kendall isn't making a sound. He's just standing there, looking a bit anxious. James slowly pulls away from Lucy's kiss and looks at his best friend.

"You alright, man?"

"James, can I speak to you alone?" Kendall asks, glaring at Lucy, Carlos, and Logan. The two boys leave first, but Lucy doesn't leave until after she has exchanged one more kiss with James.

"What's up? Are you upset about the paparazzi?" James asks.

"It's not them that I'm worried about." Kendall says, gently closing the door. "It's Jo."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing!" Kendall says quickly, shaking his head for emphasis. "Here's what I'm worried about. After the hold up, we all came to some realizations. All four of us realized that we need to become friends again, your mom wants to spend more time with you, and I realized something about my relationship with Jo." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I want to ask her to marry me."

"Then do it." James says.

"But what if she says no?" Kendall asks frantically. "What if I buy a ring, only to have her say no when I propose? That would be terrible! That's why I need your advice, man! Did you worry about this stuff when you were planning on proposing to Jenna?"

"I was freaking out, but I pushed my fear aside and asked her." James tells him. "And she said yes."

"This morning, I found a ring on the Kay Jewelers website." Kendalls says, grabbing James's lap top off the table. He quickly goes to the Kay Jewelers website and searches for the beautiful ring. It's white gold with a thin silver strap wrapped around the middle and a 2 carat princess cut diamond. It's perfect, but he's reluctant to buy it unless he's certain that Jo is going to say yes.

"Look at it!" He whines, letting James look.

"Hey, that's nice." James tells him. "She would love it!"

"My mom and Katie want me to do it." Kendall gulps. "My mom said that she would love to have a daughter in law. Katie's response was along the lines of "I've always wanted an older sister!" So, what do you think? Should I propose?"

"If it were me, I would." James says with a soft smile. "Jo loves you and you love her. You guys are great together."

Kendall imagines what married life with Jo would be like. A nice house, a couple of kids, a dog, and a nice car. Anyway, he loves the idea of spending his life with Jo. They've had some rough patches in their relationship, but things are different between them now. Now that James has given Kendall his opinion, Kendall finds his courage growing. He'll never know until he tries.

"You know what?" He says, confidence in his voice. "I'm gonna do it! Yeah, I'm gonna ask my girlfriend to marry me!"

"Good luck!" James grins, bumping fists with his friend.

"What do you mean by that?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"Dude, get to that jewelry store now!" James says. "And make sure to wear a hoodie and sunglasses, so the paparazzi won't recognize you."

"Fine." Kendall says nervously.

James smiles as his friend leaves. He feels just a little jealous because Kendall is probably going to get married and James no longer has his beautiful wife, but he's happy for Kendall. There's no way that Jo won't say yes. James doesn't know about the future of his own love life, but he's starting think that he might be in love with Lucy. Kendall can get married if he wants, but James isn't ready to take such a big step yet. He and Lucy are just enjoying their relationship.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	31. Hope

_Okay, just say "Jo Taylor, will you marry me?" That's all you have to do, Knight_

Kendall anxiously paces back and forth in front of Jo's apartment, carefully planning his words. A marriage proposal should be romantic, but it'll be hard to turn on the charm if he's freaking out. Really, he feels sick to his stomach right now. He shouldn't be, considering that he feels rather confident that Jo will say yes, but he really is. Maybe nerves are just a natural part of proposing. James was nervous when he proposed to Jenna, but she said yes. It'll surely be the same way for Kendall and Jo. Then they can become Mr. and Mrs. Knight and live happily ever after. Wow, that sounded cheesy.

Finally, he chooses to suck it up, quickly knocking on Jo's door. He leans against the doorframe, trying to look cooler than he normally does. Jo isn't use to seeing that, so she gives him a weird look.

"Kendall? It's almost six in the morning. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I needed to talk to you." Kendall says, taking her hand. They walk over to the couch and sit down. He keeps his hold on her hand and begins his romantic pre proposal speech, hoping that he doesn't end up sounding stupid. "Jo, I know that you and I have been through a lot in our relationship. Breaking up for three years so you could film a movie in New Zealand, breaking up last year, almost breaking up because you thought I was in love with Jordin Sparks...But that doesn't matter because we're together now. I know that you probably don't like talking about this, but being a hostage for an hour and a half made me realize something. If we had lost our lives that day, I would never have the chance to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me."

Jo watches in surprise as Kendall gets down on knee and takes a ring out of his pocket. Okay, would it be stupid for her to start crying? Because she really feels like crying happy tears.

"Jo Taylor, will you marry me?"

"Yes." Jo whispers, pulling him into a kiss. Kendall sighs with relief and slips the engagement ring onto her wedding finger. "So I guess I'm gonna be Mrs. Knight."

"You are." Kendall says, kissing her cheek. "Now, I'm gonna go to the hospital and tell James."

"Shouldn't you tell your family first?"

"Actually, my mom and sister already know." Kendall tells her. "And James is like a brother to me, so I think he should be the first to know."

"Okay, and I'm going to call my dad!" Jo says, kissing him again.

"I'll see you later, Mrs. Knight." Kendall jokes before walking out the door. He's so overjoyed right now! He was terrified about proposing, but now that Jo has said yes, they can start planning a wedding! He already knows who his best man is going to be, too. He might sound like he's rushing things, but he's way too excited to care. He's engaged to the love of his life!

* * *

><p>James wakes up with someone holding his hand. His first thought is about Kendall and Jo. He hopes that there's going to be a wedding for his best friend. Kendall and Jo are a great couple and James could definitely see them getting married. When James proposed to Jenna, he was as nervous as Kendall, but he did it and six months later, Jenna became his wife.<p>

When the sunlight hits his eyes, he closes them, then slowly opens them back up. He looks to see who is holding his hand, finding Lucy sitting at his bedside. He closes his eyes in pleasure as she strokes the back of his hand with her thumb. That girl knows to make him feel good. He really feels like he might love her, but he isn't about to say it yet. They haven't been together long enough.

To get her attention, he gives her hand a squeeze.

"Hey, you're awake!" She says, touching his cheek.

"Yep." James nods, his eyes drooping as he smiles. It takes him a few minutes to fully awaken after being asleep. If anyone wakes him up before he's ready, he isn't too friendly.

"Are you feeling okay?" Lucy asks, running her fingers through his hair.

"Maybe a little sore, but I'm fine." James says, kissing her hand. He tugs at her hand and she crawls onto the bed, snuggling against him. She kisses his cheek, then rests her head on his shoulder. Absentmindedly, she plays with the hem of his Superman T shirt, getting a small glimpse of the bandage wrapped around his waist, covering the bullet wound.

"I'm sorry this happened to you." She says softly, slowly lifting his shirt to get a better look. She feels incredibly saddened about this whole thing. James is going to have a hard time, even when he gets out of the hospital. He'll have to use crutches, get help with everything, he won't be able to dance or play hockey. Gustavo said that James might still be able to continue recording for the album, but they'll have to hold off on everything else until he's fully healed. James didn't seem to like that idea, but that's just how it'll have to be for a while. Gustavo and Kelly did bring some Get Well cards that fans sent to Rocque Records.

"It's not your fault." James tells her.

"I just wish that you weren't hurt." Lucy says, kissing his jaw line. She watches as he grabs his cell phone, tightening his arm around Lucy. He presses his cheek to hers and smiles, snapping a picture of them. He uploads the photo to his Scuttlebutter account, choosing "I'm fine, everyone! I'm sore, but still happy!" as the caption. The fans will be happy to actually see him, since he's been out of the public eye since he was taken to the hospital.

"What kind of bracelets are these?" Lucy asks, carefully examining the bracelets on his left wrist.

"My identity and medical bracelets." James tells her. "They just say my name and what my problem is."

"Oh." Lucy says, cupping his cheek with her hand. She surprises him by pulling him into an extra passionate kiss. He makes certain that it doesn't end before he wants it to, pulling her back into it every time she tries to pull away. He hasn't gotten too many kisses from her lately and he has been waiting for something like this. At one point, they're on the verge of making out. Well, until Kendall bursts into the room. They pull away before he can see them.

"She said yes!" Kendall exclaims.

"Congrats, man!" James says, giving his friend a manly hug.

"Did you propose to Jo?" Lucy asks hopefully.

"Yep!" Kendall says, sitting next to the bed. "We're going to be husband and wife."

"When do you guys plan on getting married?"

"We haven't talked about it yet." Kendall responds. "We're going to tell our friends and family, then start planning. But I do know who I want my best man to be. James!"

"Really?" James asks, touched by his friend's offer.

"Yeah, you can be best man, while Carlos, Logan, and Guitar Dude can be the groomsmen!" Kendall says excitedly. James chuckles at his friend's excitement. He was the same way with Jenna. Before he even proposed, he was already planning who he wanted as his best man and groomsmen. Kendall was his best man, while Carlos and Logan were the groomsmen. For Jenna, it was Chris as maid of honor, with Jo and Camille as bridesmaids. It turned out to be a fun and elegant wedding.

"Kendall, Guitar Dude will probably want you to put his guitar in the wedding." Lucy warns him. "Didn't you say that he took it as his prom date?"

"Um, yeah, he did." Kendall says thoughtfully. "But he's still a friend, so I think he should be a part of it. James, do you think Kenzie could be the flower girl?"

"Why don't you leave that up to Jo?" James smiles. "Anyway, Kenzie will still be pretty little when you get married."

"I guess you're right." Kendall nods.

"Jay, do you want breakfast?" Lucy asks as she climbs off the bed. "I was thinking about getting some tacos from that Mexican restaurant down the street. I could bring you something if you want me to."

"Carne and Guisada with cheese?" James says, eager to get some real food. All he has been eating lately is hospital food and he's really getting quite tired of it.

"You got it." Lucy smiles.

"Has the pain been bad?" Kendall asks after Lucy has left. "Your mom said that you had a pretty bad attack yesterday. It's a good thing that they got you some morphine, though."

"Oh yeah." James agrees. "But the pain hasn't been too bad. The morphine wears off and I start to get a little panicky, but the nurses told me how to manage it. Just breathe until they get the morphine. If I really concentrate, it works."

Like the others, Kendall hates that James is in such a situation. Being in situation where he has to take morphine and deal with the pain that comes when it wears off can't be very much fun. But all Kendall wants is for James to be at home. When he's out of the hospital, he'll have plenty of people to take care of him. Katie has been the one taking care of Kenzie while James is gone. The bad part is that Kenzie starts crying because James isn't the one putting her to bed.

"I miss Kenzie." James sighs. "But your mom, Katie, and Chris took her to the beach, right?"

"Yeah." Kendall nods, patting his shoulder. "They're going to have a lot of fun and when they get back, I'm sure they'll stop by. I think Kenzie really misses her daddy."

"What do you mean?" James asks worriedly.

"Um, she cries when it's time to go to bed." Kendall admits. "Because you aren't putting her to bed. She's just getting use to this new routine."

"Man, I am terrible." James groans, burying his face in his hands.

"No, you're not." Kendall says sternly. "You saved my life, James. I don't know why, since I don't deserve it, but you saved my life. As for Kenzie, she'll be fine. In a week or two, you'll be out of here and you can go back to putting her to sleep."

"Me and Kenzie had our little routine, but this hostage thing screwed it all up." James complains.

"Things will go back to normal eventually." Kendall tries to assure him.

James laughs humorlessly. Yeah, right. Nothing is going to be normal again. Even when the physical wounds are all gone, they will still have the memory of being stuck in that room with Wayne Wayne. That's not something that they can just forget. James is amazed that he hasn't had nightmares about it. According to Ms. Knight, Logan got a little upset the other night, but he quickly calmed down. James hates what this is doing to them.

"Nothing is ever going to be normal again, Kendall."

* * *

><p>Lucy returns to the hospital an hour later, carrying a paper bag. She ran in to a few paparazzi at the restaurant, but she ignored them like she usually does. Some of them were pretty rude, saying a few profanities when she didn't answer their stupid questions. She would like to tell them where they can put their questions, but she is still trying to follow her manager's advice.<p>

As she walks past a waiting room,she sees a young mother and her obviously cancer stricken little girl that is wearing a Big Time Rush shirt. The poor thing looks like she's only seven or eight years old. There are so many heartbreaking things in a hospital, such as this. No little kid should ever have to battle such a horrible illness. After a minute, Lucy can no longer stand to look at the sick little girl, so she heads toward the elevator. She presses the correct button, then leans against the wall. She can't stand to see her loved ones and even complete strangers suffering. She doesn't even know that little girl, but she prays that the poor thing will go into remission very soon.

She walks down the hallway to the ICU. She finally arrives at James's room, giving him and Kendall a smile as she enters.

"Here's your lunch." She says, handing a taco and drink to him. "And I got you one, Kendall."

"Thanks." Kendall says as he accepts the taco from her.

They quietly enjoy the breakfast, all hoping that things will get better for James and their family and friends.


	32. Like A Skyscraper

"Kenzie, you're eleven months old today." James whispers, kissing his daughter's nose. Just one more month until Kenzie's birthday and the anniversary of Jenna's death. James wonders what it would be like if Jenna were still here. He would love nothing more than for her to be by his bedside, talking to him and holding his hand when the pain becomes too much. It's great that his family and friends are always here for him, but he really wishes that he could see Jenna again. Then again, he does have Lucy. He feels happy when he's with her, but she understands that she could never take Jenna's place. That girl will always have a special place in his heart.

Kenzie babbles and touches his cheek, smiling. He gives her a gentle smile and kisses her cheek, making her giggle. He may miss Jenna like crazy, but he still has Kenzie. March 15 was a terrible yet wonderful day. He lost someone, but gained another. He just hates that he could have been happier, like most new parents. He remembers Kenzie being kept overnight, while James spent the night at the Palm Woods, cuddled in Ms. Knight's arms as he cried. It should have been the best day of his life, but it was much too hard to show any genuine happiness, even if he did have something to be happy about. He loved that he had his beautiful new daughter, but being a single parent scared him.

"We're gonna have to start planning your 1st birthday party soon." He smiles, looking toward the doorway. His mom, Ms. Knight, and the guys are down at the cafeteria. He misses them, though. It doesn't matter that they're downstairs. They aren't in his room and he needs someone to talk to him. He loves Kenzie's babbling, but the adults can speak coherent sentences.

"Good morning, James!" Dr. Walton says brightly.

"Um, good morning." James says slowly.

"Guess what? You're going to start walking today!" Dr. Walton says, grabbing James's crutches from the wall by the door.

James gulps heavily. He already tried walking on his own and it hurts like hell, so he would rather just stay in bed. Or, if they are just desperate to see him out of bed, pick him up and put him in a wheel chair. But he can't get up and walk. It's excruciating and he would prefer if the doctors and his family and friends didn't see him cry. If he's forced to start walking around, he can almost guarantee that there will be tears.

Dr. Walton notices James's anxiety and gives him a sympathetic look.

"Why don't you call someone to help you? Like your mom or one of your friends." She suggests, rubbing his shoulder.

James sighs and grabs his cell phone, dialing his mom's phone number. The guys and Katie are the last people that need to see him in pain. When he's in pain, it's not a pretty sight. He's not about to look like a crybaby in front of them.

"Hi, baby." Ms. Diamond says softly.

"Mom, Dr. Walton wants me to try walking today." James says with dread in his voice. "Could you come up here and be with me? Don't bring anyone else, okay?"

"Okay." Ms. Diamond says. "I'll see you in a minute."

She hangs up and James anxiously waits for her to arrive. Surprisingly, it only takes her about five or six minutes. When his mom walks into the room, he feels incredibly relieved. He needs someone familiar to be with him and comfort him when the pain gets too bad.

"We want to get him up on his feet today." Dr. Walton explains. "James, we just want to see you take a few steps on your crutches, but if the pain becomes too much, tell me."

"Okay." James says, handing Kenzie to his mom. Ms. Diamond puts Kenzie in her carrier, then returns to James's bedside. Carefully, she wraps her arm around his waist and helps him sit up. James whimpers quietly and wraps one arm around his stomach. He hates this. He hates this so much. Why can't they wait until he has started healing? Is it that important for him to start walking again? He would much rather stay in bed for his recovery. Anything but the pain of actually moving around.

"It hurts." He says weakly.

"I know, but you're doing so well, baby." Ms. Diamond says gently, helping him sit on the edge of the bed.

"You know how to use crutches, right?" Dr. Walton asks, handing the crutches to him. "Be careful."

Slowly, James lifts himself off the bed, putting his weight on the two crutches. He nearly stumbles, but Ms. Diamond grabs him before he can ever fall. He surpresses a cry of pain as he steps forward, keeping his left foot slightly off the ground. He feels like a freaking turtle because he's walking slower than he normally does. It's so embarrassing.

"Okay, I need to sit down." He mutters, lowering himself into a chair.

"That was good." Dr. Walton encourages.

James lifts Kenzie from her carrier, which was sitting on the table. She's the one that will be able to keep him calm, even as he's dealing with this horrible pain. He never thought that he would be saying this, but this is worse than the broken ankle that he got in freshman year. Back then, he thought_ that_ was the worst pain he has ever felt.

"Dada!" Kenzie smiles.

"Hey, you still remember who I am!" James jokes, kissing her cheek.

"Jay, do you wanna get back in bed?" Ms. Diamond asks him.

"Definitely." James says, putting Kenzie back in her carrier. Once again, he lifts himself up with great difficulty. The pain shoots through his leg and stomach, causing him to cry out in pain. He stands still for a moment, waiting for the pain to subside. It does after a minute and he slowly begins walking toward his bed, with his mom and Dr. Walton on each side of him. He closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip as he is helped back into bed. The walking exhausted him, so his eyes immediately close.

"You can go to sleep, baby." Ms. Diamond says, pulling the blanket up to her son's waist. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Uh huh." James says, too tired to use actual words.

* * *

><p>"Okay, I found two dresses that I really like." Jo tells Camille, letting her friend look at the bridal website. The store is located right here in LA and she's going to stop by after her Pop Tiger photo shoot tomorrow. Anyway, she's having a hard time picking between the two dresses. One is a strapless, princess style gown with some rhinestone embellishments, while the other one has an A line sillouette and halter style neckline. One is a little more elegant, but the other one is simple yet pretty.<p>

"If it were me, I would go with the second choice." Camille advises. "I think you would look best in something simple, but still cute! You want to wow your groom and your guests."

"You're right." Jo agrees. "I'm going to visit the bridal store tomorrow after my Pop Tiger shoot."

After Kendall proposed to her the other day, she has been obsessed with looking at wedding stuff. They've already decided that they will be getting married in June, since summer weddings are so romantic. So far, Jo has chosen her maid of honor (Camille) and her bridesmaids (Lucy, possibly Stephanie, and her favorite cousin back in North Carolina), possibly the location (The ceremony at the Palm Woods park and a reception at Rocque Records. Kendall is going to talk to Gustavo about that.), and the rest is still being planned out.

"If Logan ever proposes to me, I want a beach wedding." Camille says randomly.

"Don't rush it." Jo smiles.

"Hey, wanna take a break from the wedding plans? Let's go to the pool." Camille suggests.

"Sounds good to me." Jo says, logging off the computer.

* * *

><p>"You finally walked today!" Carlos says, high fiving James.<p>

James hates being reminded of what he went through, but he supposes that it's an accomplishment. He went from being confined to his bed to actually making an attempt at getting around. It was terribly painful, but he did it. Come to think of it, he's actually rather proud of himself. He walked without falling or bursting into tears. Even better, he just might be getting out of here next week. He just wants to go home and be with his loved ones. He doesn't like being in the hospital, no matter how nice the doctors and nurses are. Once he leaves the hospital, he will have to attend physical therapy sessions, but at least he won't be stuck in a room by himself.

"Did it hurt?" Katie asks him, cuddling Kenzie.

"Let's just say that it felt like I was being stabbed, then hit by a sledgehammer." James whispers awkwardly.

"That bad, huh?" Logan says sympathetically.

"Yeah." James nods, wincing as he struggles to get comfortable. The beds are one thing that he will not miss about the hospital. He misses his own comfy bed, with his superhero comforter and warm sheets. He misses seeing Kenzie's crib right across the room. He misses being the one to put Kenzie to sleep. Most of all, he just misses being with his family and friends. The people at the hospital are complete strangers to him.

"Maybe we should have a Welcome Home party when you come home!" Carlos says excitedly.

"Carlos, I think James will most likely be tired, so he'll want to rest when he comes home." Kendall explains gently. Carlos sighs in disappointment, then immediately cheers up.

"Kendall, have you and Jo been planning the wedding?" James asks softly.

"Yeah!" Kendall says proudly, eager to talk about his engagement. "Jo is going to some bridal shop tomorrow, while I am going to talk to Gustavo about having the reception at Rocque Records."

"Well, he did let us have our school dance and Prom there, so he surely won't mind a wedding reception." James says, stretching his arms. He's happy that Kendall wants him to be the best man, but there's just one tiny problem. James is crippled and he's worried that he won't be healed enough before the wedding. It would look stupid for him to hobble down the aisle on crutches, attempting to escort the maid of honor. That's why he wants to start physical therapy right away.

"Everyone at the Palm Woods has been asking about you." Logan tells him. "Even Bitters."

"Yeah, everytime we go to the lobby, there's always someone asking us how you're doing." Carlos says, sitting on the bed.

"And we told them that you're okay." Kendall tells him. "You are okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." James smiles.

He really is okay. The recovery process is going to be long, but he believes that he'll get through it with the support of the people he loves. Of course, he has days where he worries about what's going to happen, but he just keeps thinking positive thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>Just so you know, the story is not over yet! :D You still have to follow James through his recovery process, and Kendall and Jo as they plan their wedding! So there's still a lot to see! <strong>

**And thank you so much for helping me get 214 reviews! I wasn't expecting to get so many, but I'm excited that I have! :)**


	33. When I'm Missing You

"Jay, just get up." Lucy pleads. The nurses finally let him leave his room for a while and when he got tired, they sat down in the nearest waiting room. Now that he's sitting down, he refuses to get back up. Honestly, Lucy feels really bad for him, but she's starting to get annoyed with his defiance. Chris is sitting on the other side of him and has tried to convince him to get back up as well, but he won't listen to her either. They know that he's in pain and walking around hurts a lot, but he would feel a lot better if he was laying down.

"No, it hurts." James says, crossing his arms. He shifts slightly and he squints his eyes, clutching the left arm of the chair. This is exactly why he doesn't want to move. As they were walking down the hallway, he had to stop when it got too painful. Therefore, it took several minutes to make it to this waiting room. He hates that he can't walk without having to stop every minute or two.

"Come on, honey." Chris says, rubbing his back. "We'll help you."

"Fine." James mutters, putting his crutches in front of him. To make sure that he doesn't fall, Chris holds onto his waist, carefully assisting him in getting out of the chair. She looks at his face and can tell that the pain is worse than anyone thinks. He looks like he's about to cry. She would love to take the pain away, but she can't. It'll get better in time.

"I really need to sit back down." James says softly, his eyes still closed.

"Hey, if it starts to hurt, just stop for a few seconds." Lucy says, rubbing his back.

James nods and slowly starts moving forward, even though it causes the pain to worsen. It's a good thing that Chris has her arm around him because there's no way that he can stand up without someone else's help. And he knows that Dr. Walton warned him about morphine being addictive, but he really wishes that they would drug him up. This kind of feeling would make anyone throw caution to the wind and take all the morphine they could get.

"Okay, I need to stop."He winces, stopping in place.

Lucy wipes a tear from her boyfriend's cheek. She has never seen him in so much pain before. Normally, he has a huge smile on his face, but he's definitely not in a smiling mood.

"Just a little farther." Chris says softly. "And remember that you get out of here tomorrow. You can sleep in your own bed!"

For a brief moment, James smiles. But the smile goes as fast as it came. His face contorts in pain as he continues to limp forward, occasionally whimpering in pain. Finally, they reach the door to his new room. After a few days in ICU, he was moved to a regular room. He likes the new room a lot better, but it's nothing like being in his own home.

Taking a deep breath, he limps toward his bed. Lucy sits his crutches against the wall, while Chris helps him into bed. In a display of her usual mother like behavior, she pulls his blanket up to his waist and fluffs his pillow. Walking while struggling with intense pain exhausts him, so his eyes are half closed. He doesn't know if he really wants to go to sleep. He was thinking about watching some more videos of himself and Jenna.

"Hey, could I see my lap top?" He says softly.

"You don't want to sleep?" Chris asks, handing his computer to him.

"Not really." James says, searching for an old video that he and Jenna recorded. It wasn't recorded for their Youtube account, though. When they were filming the "Music Sounds Better With You" video, Gustavo wanted the boys to record videos from the set. For the video, the guys each needed a female partner. James practically begged Jenna to be his partner and after a little bit of arguing, she finally gave in. All it took was James hugging her, kissing her, and giving her the sad eyes that she could never seem to resist.

"What video is that?" Lucy asks, crawling onto the bed.

"Me and Jenna recorded this when BTR was filming a music video." James says as he starts the video.

_"Hey!" James grins, hugging Jenna from behind. "Big Time Rush is filming a new music video today! Our new single, Music Sounds Better With You, was released a couple weeks ago and we're finally making the music video. Now, if you're wondering why this pretty lady is with me, it's because she is playing my love interest in the video. Just like in real life!"_

_"He made me do it!" Jenna interrupts. James smiles widely and puts his hand over her mouth, playfully kissing her cheek. He laughs as she pulls his hand away frin her mouth, lightly slapping his cheek._

_"You are so abusive." James whispers playfully, wrapping his arms around her. He rests his forehead against her and she hugs his waist, giving him a kiss. Finally, their lips touch and they start making out right in front of the camera. In the background, Gustavo screams at them to remember that Big Time Rush does have young fans. Laughing, they pull away from their kiss. _

_"Gustavo is mean to us." Jenna tells the camera. "A few weeks ago, BTR was about to perform a concert and Gustavo caught Jay and I making out in his dressing room, so the man yells at me to stop distracting his money dogs."_

"She distracts Carlos, too." James whispers. "He has the biggest crush on her, but I told him that if I ever catch him trying to make a move on my girl, I will pound him to a pulp."

_"You're so violent." Jenna giggles, kissing his cheek._

_"Hey, you're mine! I'm not sharing you with anyone else." James says, giving her a squeeze. Jenna smiles as James kisses her forehead. They look behind them to make sure that Gustavo isn't looking, then start to lean in for another kiss. Of course, James's "wonderful" friends decide to show up at that moment._

_"Hey, James fans!" Kendall says, wrapping his arm around Jenna's shoulders. Jenna still holds onto James's hand, smiling as James kisses her hand._

_"I guess you guys have met Jenna." Logan says, hugging Jenna from behind. He, Kendall, and Carlos wrap their arms around the girl in a bear hug and Carlos even kisses her cheek._

_"She's in our video!" Carlos says happily, squeezing Jenna's waist._

_"Okay! I wanna hug my boyfriend now!" Jenna squeals as the guys practically attack her with a bear hug. Kendall picks her up and spins her around, then puts her back down. She snuggles up to James and smiles at the camera._

_"Haha, she loves me more." James grins, kissing the top of Jenna's head._

_"Kind of." Jenna mutters jokingly._

_"You know you love me!" James laughs, attacking her face with kisses._

_"Okay! I love you!" Jenna says._

_"I never thought that James Diamond would ever fall in love." Kendall says thoughtfully. "Jenna is the first girl that he's dated for more than two weeks. So, all you James fan girls, James is not good at commitment."_

_"Hey, Jenna and I have been together for eight months!" James argues._

_"DOGS! JENNA! GET OVER HERE NOW!" Gustavo screams. _

"You two were so adorable." Lucy says, rubbing James's back. He isn't crying at all, like Chris and Lucy expected, but he does look sad. As much as Lucy cares about James, sometimes she starts to worry that dating might not be a good idea after all, because it's obvious that she'll never be as special to him as Jenna was. Jenna was his best friend and, even though she's gone, she still means a lot to him. She was his wife and Kenzie's mommy, so she and James have a special connection. Lucy doesn't know if she'll ever have that kind of connection with him.

"We picked on each other a lot, but we were just kidding." James smiles softly.

"She use to borrow my clothes without my permission." Chris tells them. "One time, I came home from work and I wanted to change into some comfy clothes. I looked for my favorite South Pole T shirt, but it wasn't in my closet. Later that day, I found out that Jenna had worn it to school. She was the typical annoying little sister, but I still loved her."

"Jay, can we watch another video?" Lucy asks softly.

"Sure." James says, going to his and Jenna's old Youtube account. He chooses a pregnant Jenna video. She was about six months along. This was one of the rare videos where she wasn't in a bad mood. There were quite a few of them where she was experiencing pregnancy mood swings, so she wasn't happy and giggly like she normally acted. In this video, all four guys appeared in it, so that made it even more fun.

_"Look at how fat Jenny bear has gotten!" Kendall teases, poking Jenna's baby bump._

_"Kendall Knight, you're a jerk!" Jenna says, pushing his hand away. She smiles as James wraps his arms around her waist, keeping her from falling off his lap. "Youtube, as you can tell, my hubby's bandmates are here. They just showed up completely uninvited. They do that a lot. When me and Jay plan on having a day just for the two of us, these three decide to show up and make themselves comfortable. Today, it was going to be me, Jay, and Baby Diamond. Now it's me, Jay, Baby Diamond, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. On the bright side, Mr. Doctor Boy gave me some tips on how to alleviate back pain. So thank you, Logie."  
><em>

_"Aw, my girl used a big word." James smiles, hugging his wife._

_"I don't think Jay knows what alleviate means." Jenna whispers to the viewers._

_"To go up?" James asks slowly._

_"Jay, that's elevate!" Jenna laughs. "Alleviate means to relieve."_

_"Don't judge me." James mumbles._

_"He's not very smart, but he's cute." Jenna smiles, kissing his cheek. _

_"Jenna, you barely passed your science class senior year, so don't act like you're Miss Smarty pants." James says, rubbing her belly. She's got a tight fitting Abbey Dawn T shirt on, so her baby bump is very noticeable. "Anyway, show our viewers how big your stomach has gotten."_

_"I am almost six months!" Jenna says proudly, standing sideways to the camera. Sure enough, her protruding baby bump is completely visible, so there's no way for her to hide her pregnancy. Proudly, James reaches out to rub Jenna's belly again. "I'm pretty big now, but it's okay because our baby girl is in there. She loves kicking her mommy, though."_

_"Yep, I took Jenna to her doctor's appointment yesterday and we found out that we're going to have a girl." James smiles._

_"My mom thinks that I should take childbirth classes, but I said no." Jenna tells the camera. "I've been reading What To Expect When You're Expecting, so I know all I need to know. Jay is on my mom's side, though."_

_"Babe, this is your first time." James warns her._

_"I'll be fine!" Jenna argues, running her fingers through his hair._

"She was pretty big for almost six months." Lucy says, looking at the paused video. Although she doesn't plan on breaking up with James, she does worry about their relationship because of James and his feelings for Jenna. Lucy can't expect him to feel any differently. He loved Jenna and Lucy knows that she can never be as good as James's wife. Will James ever love her as much as he loved Jenna?

"This is actually the normal size." James tells her. He flinches and groans softly as his lap top accidentally touches his stomach wound. Watching videos distracted him from the pain, but now it's back.

"Jay, why don't you rest for a while? You can watch some more videos later." Chris says gently, taking James's lap top away.

"Kay." James says softly.

"Lucy and I are going to the cafeteria." Chris tells him, kissing his forehead.

Instead of saying anything, Lucy just gives him a kiss. Then she follows Chris.

James yawns, feeling the exhaustion finally getting to him. He looks at his lap top, which is now sitting on the table. This is just one of those days. One of those days where the emotional pain from Jenna's death really gets to him and leaves him wishing that she could have stayed with him and Kenzie.

* * *

><p><strong>Have any of you seen the promo for the Music Sounds Better With You special? Remember the part where James Maslow was holding that girl. I saw that and I immediately thought of James and Jenna. So if you're wondering what Jenna would look like, she looks like the girl from the Music Sounds Better With You video:) <strong>

**Review! :D**


	34. Back Home

Today is the day that James finally gets to leave this hospital. The doctors, nurses, and other staff members were nice, but he is ready to get out of here. It has been two weeks of pure boredom and nurses waking him up in the middle of the night. He really doesn't like being woken up at two in the morning just so the nurses can "check up on him." He had to bite his tongue most of the time because he really didn't want to yell at those nice ladies. Lucky for him, he can finally go home and take care of Kenzie like he has always done. Ms. Knight has insisted that she can do most of the Kenzie related stuff, but James is determined to be the one feeding and putting his baby girl to bed.

Speaking of Kenzie, he's sitting in his wheelchair right now ( agreed to let him have one, since she knows how painful walking can be for him), holding his daughter while Ms. Knight signs him out. He's grateful that he doesn't have to walk all the way out to the parking lot on crutches. He isn't sure if anything could hurt worse than that. He has considered begging Ms. Knight to let him enter the Palm Woods through back entrance, since he doesn't want his other friends to see him in pain, but he's pretty sure that Ms. Knight will say "Honey, you'll be fine." Yeah, that's what she thinks.

"Daddy can finally go home." He tells Kenzie, hugging her closely. "You and I can go back to our usual routine without anything interfering. I didn't like being in the hospital. It was boring. So I'm warning you to be safe because you do not want to stay in a hospital. They're not fun at all."

"Okay, let's get you home." Ms. Knight says, pushing him toward the front entrance. He breathes in the fresh air, looking around at the beautiful blue sky and palm trees. He hasn't seen a glimpse of the outside world in two weeks and now that he has, he couldn't be happier.

"I'll put Kenzie in her car seat." Ms. Knight says, taking Kenzie from him. She straps the baby into her car seat, then tickles her stomach. Ms. Knight proceeds to carefully lift James out of his wheelchair, whispering to him as she helps him into the front passengers seat. She notices his pained expression and squeezes his shoulder, then folds his wheelchair up and puts it in the back of the van with his crutches.

"Everyone is so happy that you're coming home." She says as she starts the car. "Jenna's parents even called to ask how you're doing. Chris gave them our home phone number. They are dying to see Kenzie."

"They can stop by any time they want." James shrugs. He has always liked Mr. and Mrs. Harper. Jenna's dad is a doctor and her mom is a Kindergarten teacher. They're very nice people and they've always seemed to like James. When he and Jenna announced their engagement, Mr. Harper was a little protective of his daughter, but Mrs. Harper reminded him to be open minded. He knew that James loved his daughter, but that didn't stop him from protecting her.

"They would like to come some time after you get out of the hospital, if that's okay with you." Ms. Knight says with warm smile. "They haven't seen their son in law and granddaughter in months, but they really want to."

"Sounds good to me." James says, yawning softly.

* * *

><p>"Jennifer, I need you to sign this." Lucy says, handing a Get Well Soon card to the blonde girl. As much as she hates having any kind of interaction with this girl or her stupid and snobby friends, she wants to do something special for James. So she bought this card and is getting everyone at the Palm Woods to sign it. Mr. Bitters even signed it and Lucy thought he was a miserable old man.<p>

"Fine." Blonde Jennifer sighs, signing her name on a white space in the card. She even dots the "I" in her name with a heart. As soon as Lucy turns around, she rolls her eyes. Personally, she hates when these prissy little divas do that. Most of all, she hates how the Jennifers seem to think that they are so much cooler than everyone else. They still enter a room in slow motion because, according to that Tyler kid, they could never stop even when they tried. Honestly, Lucy thinks that they should have tried harder. Should a twenty two year old woman still be walking in slow motion like some teen queen supermodel person? Really, Lucy thinks that it's stupid and immature.

She is heading to the elevator when she hears light steps coming from the entrance. She turns around and sees James limping on his crutches with Ms. Knight walking next to him. Quickly, Lucy checks the card, making sure that she got a signature from everyone at the Palm Woods. She has, so she eagerly walks over to her boyfriend.

"Hey, I got you something." She says, kissing him.

"What?" James asks slowly.

"You'll see it after we've gotten you up to the apartment." Lucy says as they walk to the elevator. She watches him carefully and can tell that walking still causes him discomfort, even though he's trying to hide it. She wishes that she could do something to help the poor guy.

James feels much relief when the elevator doors open, slowly limping down the hallway. He doesn't know how long this pain is going to last, but he doesn't want to deal with it for too long. He wants to be able to walk without feeling the desire to scream. Stupid Wayne Wayne and his stupid gun. James hopes that Wayne Wayne is never allowed to buy a gun ever again. But he would prefer if the guy got a really long prison sentence. He has been hearing that Wayne Wayne might get charged with aggravated assault, possibly getting one to five years in prison. If James could have a say in this, he would make it even longer.

"Okay, we're here!" Ms. Knight says, pushing the door open.

The guys, Jo, and Camille are all sitting in the living room, waiting for him. When they finally become aware that he's here, they rush to greet him. Carefully not to cause him any pain, Jo and Camille hug him.

"Be careful." Ms. Knight says as she leads James over to the couch. The tired boy slowly sits down, smiling at his friends.

"Where's the party?" He jokes.

"Dude, Mama Knight wouldn't let us have one because you need to rest." Carlos reminds him.

"Anyway, I got everyone at the Palm Woods to sign a card for you." Lucy says, sitting next to him.

"Let's see what everyone said." James says, looking at the card. He is touched by the amount of signatures. Everyone he knows signed it! Mr. Bitters, The Jennifers, Tyler, Guitar Dude, Jo, Camille, Kendall, Carlos, Logan, Jett, and some people that he doesn't even talk to very much. Most of the signatures are either the person's name alone or their name combined with Get Well Soon. Of course, Carlos wrote a whole paragraph that James finds very amusing.

"And look at this." Lucy says, pointing at the top right corner. James looks and as soon as he sees it, his eyes involuntarily tear up.

_Jay, I'm sorry that you got hurt, but remember that I'm always watching over you. _

_Love, Jenna_

"That's really nice." He says softly, touching the signature. It's written in lime green, Jenna's favorite color. He knows that it wasn't really Jenna herself that wrote it, but it still makes him want to cry. Just seeing a message from her directed at him is enough to make him want to burst into tears. But he won't. He's through with crying because he has cried enough tears as it is.

James may think that no one notices the tears in his eyes, but he's wrong. Lucy's heart sinks as she sees the pain and love in his eyes. It's not that she doesn't want him to miss Jenna. She's not angry with him for missing his wife. It's just that she knows that James is always going to love Jenna more than any other girl. Lucy might as well accept that James is never going to love her like he loved Jenna. Jenna may have been special to James and she may be dead now, but Lucy hates that she'll never be as good as James's wife. She's just a replacement.

"Lucy, are you okay?" James asks, sniffling.

"Yeah." Lucy lies, giving him a smile. She doesn't give much of a reaction as James kisses her, but she tries to act somewhat enthusiastic. Unfortunately, that enthusiasm is a lie. How can she be happy when she's just a replacement for James's dead wife?

* * *

><p>After James laid down for a nap, Lucy went back to her apartment. She's feeling pretty bummed out, so she changed into some pajamas and is sitting in front of the TV, not even laughing at the stupid jokes being made by the actors. Her mind is on James. Will she ever truly mean something to him? Jenna was his whole world, but will there ever be any room for Lucy? She wishes there was, but it doesn't seem too likely. James has always been a player, but he's not like that anymore. Lucy is the only girl he has dated since Jenna died. However, maybe Jenna is the only girl that he could ever be committed to.<p>

She sighs heavily as she lays down, still staring at the TV. She feels sort of selfish because James is still grieving in a way, yet Lucy is practically wanting him to forget about Jenna and fall in love with her. But she loves James and she would really like to have a real relationship with him. Maybe that's just a dream that is never going to happen. A few weeks ago, it didn't bother her when James got sad about Jenna, but lately it has started to make her feel bad. She has really started discovering her true feelings for him, but she can never tell him. They're supposedly dating, yet Lucy will most likely never be able to tell him that she loves him.

How depressing is that?

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	35. Hidden Thoughts

"Aaaah..." Kenzie babbles as she sits on James's chest, reaching for his hair. Since he can't seem to do anything without pain, James has resorted to laying around in front of the TV, while Kenzie entertains herself with her daddy's soft strands. Unfortunately, being in pain doesn't do much for James's mood, so he's having to try really hard to keep from scolding her. He may be in a terrible mood, but he would never want to make Kenzie cry. She's senstitive when it comes to people snapping or raising their voices, which she luckily hasn't had to hear very often. For the most part, she's a good baby, so no one ever has a reason to scold her.

"Kenzie, I thought we were going to cuddle," He mutters. "But you won't be still."

Kenzie continues reaching for James's hair, babbling softly. If it weren't for his current predicament, James would smile. But he just can't right now. He hates that he can't even play with his daughter like he use to. All he can do is let her mess with his hair and make sure she doesn't accidentally hit his injuries, but before the hold up he could sit on the floor and they would play with her toys.

"Seriously?" He mumbles, looking at Kenzie's hazel eyes. He hates feeling so cranky, but it's not his fault. He really needs his pain meds, but he'll never be able to make it all the way to the kitchen.

"Okay, sweetie, I think your daddy is getting cranky." Chris says, walking from her room. She takes Kenzie from James and puts the little girl in her play pen, then looks at James with concern. "Jay, I'm going to help Jo with wedding plans, but Kendall is going to be here, okay?"

"Okay." James says softly, staying completely still. He closes his eyes as Chris runs her fingers through his hair.

"I'll be back later." She says before leaving.

James groans and tries to get comfortable, stifling a cry of pain. Man, when is this going to end? He can't wait until he has made a full recovery. Until then, he's going to be a very miserable person. He's only been home for two days and he doesn't know how everyone is putting up with him. He almost snapped at Chris yesterday just because she was trying to fluff his pillow. He just didn't want anyone touching him. When Chris put her hand on his shoulder and asked him to lift his head, he had to bite his tongue.

Kendall's footsteps get closer, but all James is too focused on his discomfort to pay any attention.

"Alright, Kenzie, what's wrong with your daddy?" Kendall asks, picking Kenzie up. He walks over to the recliner chair and sits down, looking at his best friend. For the past two days, everything has been pretty good, but Kendall still worries about James. The only time he really moves is at night. He spends most of the day on the couch, watching TV, then nighttime comes along and he has to move from the couch to his bed.

"Have you taken your medicine?" He asks his friend.

"Earlier, but I think it's time for another dose." James says softly, squinting his eyes as he slowly sits up. As usual, the action brings tremendous pain and he has to stay still for a moment before making any more movements. He grabs his crutches and slowly lifts himself up, gulping heavily as he begins limping toward the kitchen. He feels so embarrassed when tears begin streaming down his face. He hopes that Kendall isn't watching him. He has impressed his friends by enduring the pain without a single tear, but when they aren't looking, the tears fall.

"Hey, maybe you should let me help you." Kendall suggests.

"I'm okay." James says, grabbing the bottle of pills. He swallows two and rinses them down with some water. Then he slowly returns to the living room, lowering himself onto the couch.

"Can I ask you something?" Kendall says softly. He has been thinking about his self blaming a lot lately and he really is to blame. James should have just let him get shot. After everything that Kendall has done, he deserves it. When James was hurting, Kendall wasn't there for him. So why should he do anything for Kendall? He shouldn't have risked his own life to save Kendall's.

"What?" James says softly, wincing.

"It's my fault, isn't it?"

James furrows his eyebrows in confusion, not understanding Kendall's statement at all. Why would it be his fault? James can't let his friend blame himself for what happened. It's not like anyone was expecting it.

"Why would you say that?"He asks.

"Because I've been such a horrible friend." Kendall explains. "I didn't stand by you like I promised. James, you and I both know that I deserved to be the one that got hurt. Yet you had to go and save my life! I want to know why you didn't? Because you shouldn't have. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have you do anything for me. If anything, I'm the one that needs to be doing stuff for you."

James can't believe what he's hearing.

"Kendall, do you really think that you deserve to get hurt?"

"Yeah, I do." Kendall says honestly.

"There's no doubt that you, Carlos, and Logan messed up, but I still couldn't stand the thought of any of you getting hurt." James tells him. "When Wayne Wayne pointed that gun at you, my first instinct was to protect my best friend. Yeah, it hurt when those bullets hit me, but it was worth it because you were safe. Anyway, I'm alive, so it really doesn't matter anymore. Wayne Wayne and Tori will get what they deserve, while we move on with our lives. Once I recover, we're going to continue our comeback. We're going to be famous again and none of this drama is gonna matter."

"But-"

"Kendall, It's not your fault that I'm hurt." James says adamantly.

"James, if you died, Kenzie wouldn't have a father." Kendall sighs. "She already lost her mom. You're all she has left, man. Besides, we would all be miserable without you."

James nods silently. Kenzie is one of the reasons that he's grateful to have survived this whole thing. She doesn't have Jenna, but she does have her daddy. He's determined to be here when she starts kindergarten, needs help with homework, and even when she gets her first boyfriend (If he has anything to say about it, that won't be happening for a _very _long time.) However, he doesn't want to see her wearing a wedding dress until she's at least twenty five. All James knows is that he always wants to be here for Kenzie.

"Let's just change the subject." He says with a small smile.

"Good idea." Kendall nods.

"Hey, do you know what's going on with Lucy? She always seems distracted when we're together. She's been acting different for the past few days. I'm kind of worried about her."

"It's probably that time of month."

"Dude!" James says with a disgusted expression.

"I'm just saying!" Kendall exclaims. "What are you going to do when Kenzie gets hers?"

"Kendall, don't say that!" James groans, burying his face in his hands.

"Hey, what would you do if she ever met a guy and decided to elope?" Kendall says thoughtfully. It's fun to pick on James. It sounds mean, but he's sure that his friend won't get _too_ mad.

"She would be grounded for a long time." James says, still horrified by the possibility. That's his baby girl and he's going to try and preserve her innocence for as long as possible. She's just a baby and even when she grows up, she will still be James's precious baby girl. She doesn't need to have a boyfriend until James says that she can have one. Even when he does, he's going to make sure that it's someone that he approves of. He's going to be a little on the strict side as Kenzie grows up, but he won't be unreasonable. He's not going to be one of those parents that never listens, but he does want what's best for his daughter.

"Jay, I don't think you have much room to talk." Kendall smirks. "Remember Selana? Gustavo thought that you two were going to elope. Therefore, when you tell Kenzie that she can't date someone, I'm gonna have to be the cool uncle and tell her to go ahead."

"Are you planning on defying my authority?" James laughs.

"Don't worry." Kendall says, sitting Kenzie on the floor. "I won't get too crazy."

"Jerk." James says, smiling when Kenzie tugs on the leg of his jeans. Although it's painful for him, he manages to pick Kenzie up and sit her on his lap. "Kenzie, I'm sorry for being cranky earlier. I was in pain, so I was in a bad mood."

"Dada!" Kenzie smiles.

"Give daddy a hug." James says, helping Kenzie stand up. She rests her head on his shoulder and puts her thumb in her mouth. "Okay, it's not really a hug, but we're cuddling like I had wanted."

"She loves you." Kendall says, watching them.

"Yes, she does." James says, kissing Kenzie's cheek. "Anyway, let's talk about my girlfriend some more. And this time, don't talk about that time of the month. I don't need nor do I want to know any details."

"Okay, then." Kendall chuckles. "Why don't you talk to her? Maybe she's just stressed out."

"Maybe." James sighs. Everything is great between him and Lucy, but he has noticed a change in his girlfriend's behavior. Her hugs and kisses feel kind of halfhearted, instead of passionate like they normally are. He thought about asking her yesterday, but he chickened out. He doesn't want her to get offended or upset, so he didn't say anything.

"Just see what she says." Kendall says, squeezing his shoulder before going to another room.

* * *

><p>Lucy should be paying attention to what Jo is saying, but she's too focused on her own problems. She's starting to feel even more concerned about her relationship with James. All she wants is for him to love her back, but he probably doesn't. Why would he love her when he already has a girl that he's in love with? It's just really frustrating because Jenna is dead and Lucy doesn't think that James should be alone for the rest of his life. He should move on and allow himself to love someone else.<p>

"Gustavo has already agreed to let us have the reception at Rocque Records." Jo says, writing something on her clipboard. "I'm still trying to decide what I want my colors to be. Obviously, my dress is going to be white. For the bridesmaid and maid of honor dresses, I was thinking red. It's pretty and romantic, which are the perfect words to discribe a wedding."

"That sounds great." Camille says, nudging Lucy. "Right, Lucy? Chris?"

"Totally." Chris nods.

"Yeah." Lucy says absentmindedly. She doesn't know why Jo picked Starbucks for this meeting. It's rather crowded this afternoon and Lucy is getting irritated with the lack of privacy. She even sees a few paparazzi a few feet away from the window, filming them. Lucy already has enough to think about without those invasive wackjobs getting on her nerves.

"Are you okay?" Jo asks worriedly.

"I'm fine." Lucy says, putting on a fake smile. Yeah, she's far from okay. She's completely head over heels in love with her boyfriend, but she doesn't know what to do next. James doesn't really love her. If he did, he would show it. He may _like _her, but like and love are two different things. Like means that you enjoying being with that person, but love is much more special. Love is when you would do anything for someone and couldn't live without them. It's easy to stop liking someone, but Lucy doesn't see how love can possibly end if it's real.

"Okay!" Jo says enthusiastically. "I've already decided that I want white and red roses. I've been visiting a few florists and now I need to pick one."

Once again, Lucy's mind goes to James. Jo's voice seems so far away and all Lucy can hear is her imagination, where James is genuinely saying "Lucy Stone, I love you."

Those are the words that Lucy wants to hear from him, but this is reality and in this reality, the chances of him truly loving her are very small.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for not updating yesterday! I had two tests today and I had to study:) Now that it's over, I can write again! :D<strong>

**Review! :)**


	36. Your Broken Promise

"Alright, Kenzie, time for bed." James says, laying Kenzie in her crib. She seems to immediately fall asleep. No surprise. The guys played with her a lot today, which kept her busy. Around eight, she started getting fussy, so James decided that it was bedtime for her. He got Chris to bathe her, since he can't kneel by the tub like he could before he got injured. But he did manage to get her dressed. He had to sit down, but he did it. Surprisingly, he isn't tired, so he was thinking about going down to the pool and relaxing for a while.

"Good night." He whispers as he grabs his crutches. Slowly, he begins limping from the room and over to the jacket hanger, grabbing his grey pull over jacket. Putting it on only causes a little pain, which is better than the pain that he deals with most of the time. Sometimes it's quite excruciating, getting to the point where James has to breathe and bite hos tongue to keep from screaming. He wouldn't want to freak everyone out.

He limps out the door. When he arrives at the lobby, he is happy to see that it's almost completely empty. He hates going out during the day because everyone feels sorry for him. He gets all these sympathetic glances and he wants to scream at the people to stop staring, but he doesn't want to be rude.

As he walks out to the pool, he sees girlish figure sitting by the fire pit with a guitar. He gets closer and recognizes the person as Lucy. Since it's so quiet and no one is really out, this would be a good time to talk to her about her distant behavior. Normally, James is the distant one, but now it's Lucy. She won't even tell him what's wrong. She hugs and kisses him like normal, even when she and James both know that something is bothering her.

"Hey." He says, sitting next to her.

"Hi." Lucy says nonchalantly.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Just hanging out." Lucy says, strumming her guitar.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something." James says carefully. "Lately, you've been acting really strange and I want to know why."

"What do you mean?" Lucy asks weirdly.

"Every time we're together, you seem distracted. When I ask what's wrong, you either change the subject, say you have somewhere to be, or kiss me. Not that I mind the kissing, but I know that you're just trying to take attention away from yourself. And even when I talk about...Jenna, you get really quiet and start acting really nervous. I just want you to be honest and tell me what's going on."

"James, you really wanna know why?" Lucy asks calmly. When James nods, she continues. "Okay! I love you! I am completely in love with you, but you don't seem to feel the same way. I want to have a serious relationship with you, but you're still in love with Jenna. I get that she's dead and you miss her, but I wish that you would move on."

Once her mini rant is over, she is able to look at James's expression. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. He's staring at the ground, his jaw is clenched, and he's shaking his head. Those aren't good signs. She probably should have been careful when talking about Jenna. She never intended for James to think that she doesn't want him to stop missing her. She doesn't want that. She just wants him to make room for her. But she never wants him to forget about Jenna. She hopes that he isn't mad at her. From the looks of it, he has a lot to say about her outburst.

"So you're in love with me and you just want me to forget about my wife?" James asks as he looks up, a hurt expression on his face.

"No! Jay, that's not-" Lucy says as James lifts himself with his crutches. She reaches out to him, mak,ing sure that he doesn't fall.

"Lucy, Jenna is very special to me and I'm never going to forget about her. She's dead, but she's still my wife and Kenzie's mother. We were together for more than four years! We got married and we had a child! Do you really think that I'm going to completely put her out of my memory? You may want that, but it's never going to happen. I like you, Lucy. I really do, but you've gotta understand that Jenna is always going to be my first love. If you love me so much, just give me some time to think about how I feel about you. Don't expect to fall in love with you right away."

Lucy hates crying, but her eyes are filled with tears. James is basically rejecting her. She should have known that it would turn out like this. He said to give him time, but who knows how long that will be? It make take years and Lucy doesn't know if she can wait that long. Suddenly, she realizes what she has to do. The thought makes her want to cry, but it has to happen.

"You know what? If you don't love me, that's okay." She says, grabbing her guitar. "But I can't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't share my feelings."

James's anger turns to confusion and worry.

"What?" He asks softly.

"I think we should break up." Lucy tells him. "I don't want be a problem for you. You obviously still love Jenna and that's okay. I understand that. I just wish that you weren't afraid to love someone else. I love you, but if you don't feel the same way, I don't think I can be with you."

"I-"

"I'm sorry." Lucy whispers, kissing his cheek before walking back into the building.

Great. This is just freaking great. James was finally letting someone in and he lost her. He didn't think he could ever hate himself, but he has no other words to describe how he's feeling at this moment. It's not that he definitely doesn't love Lucy, but he's not sure yet. He agree to let himself date Lucy, but he never thought about the possibility of her falling in love with him.

"James Diamond, you are such an idiot." He mutters, sitting back down.

* * *

><p>"She broke up with you?" Chris asks him, stroking his cheek. James came back to the apartment an hour after he went to the pool. Chris could immediately tell that something had happened. They are sitting on the couch and James is retelling the story of his fight with Lucy. Every word he says breaks Chris's heart. She isn't surprised that Lucy fell in love with James. He's very lovable. But she's a little mad about Lucy bringing Jenna into it. Yes, Chris would like to see James move on, but it's understandable that he still misses his wife. Lucy should have been a little more careful about pouring her heart out to him.<p>

"Yeah." James says softly. "She said that if I don't share her feelings, she can't be with me. Chris, she wants more than a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. She wants committment. I didn't even know that she was into committment! Now she's in love with me and wants to have a serious relationship! I can't be in a serious relationship yet. I don't know why she doesn't understand that. Why couldn't we just enjoy being together as a couple?"

"Just give her time." Chris says gently. "She'll come to her senses."

"I doubt it." James says, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Jay, let's just get you to bed." Chris says, helping him up. James whimpers and squints his eyes as they begin the trip to his room. Chris watches him carefully, keeping her arm wrapped around his waist. Why does stuff always happen to James? Is it just bad luck? She doesn't know why he always ends up getting hurt.

"Chris, she said that she would never hurt me." James whispers as he lays down.

"She did?" Chris says in disbelief. She promised to never hurt him, then broke up with him because he couldn't love her? Chris wasn't that mad at her before, but now Chris knows that she broke a promise to James. When someone makes a promise, they should keep that promise. Suddenly, Chris feels the desire to go up to Lucy's apartment and have a talk with that girl. No one is going to hurt her baby brother and get away with it.

"Just get some sleep." She whispers, kissing his forehead. She storms out of the apartment and towards the elevator. She's beyond mad. She is completely, totally, one hundred percent pissed off. She has always thought that Lucy was a really nice girl that cared about James, but that must not be true. If she really cared about him, she wouldn't have broken his heart. He didn't say that he would never love her! He said that he needed time to think about it!

She walks to Lucy's apartment and roughly knocks on the door. A couple of minutes later, the heartbreaker opens the door.

"Hey, Chris." Lucy sighs.

"Why?" Chris asks. "Why did you break up with James? Why did you hurt him when you said that you wouldn't?"

"Chris, I love him, but there's no point in being with someone that doesn't feel the same way. James is never going to love me, so I don't see why I should stay with him."

"Lucy, he never said that he doesn't love you. He just needs time to think about it. Eventually, he might want to have a serious relationship with you, but it hasn't even been a year since Jenna died. He loved her and he's always going to love her. She wasn't just his wife. She was also his best friend. They were an adorable couple. I remember when James would come over to our house and they would watch movies together. Jenna would sit on James's lap and he would wrap his arms around her. They were close and I don't think that James is going to fall in love a few months after she died."

Lucy looks at the floor, suddenly feeling guilty. Deep down, she knows that she was wrong to break up with him. But she did it because no one should stay with someone if that person doesn't love them. It killed Lucy to break up with him, but she did what she had to do. She did the right thing, didn't she?

"Just call when you decide to stop being so selfish." Chris tells her, walking back down the hallway.

* * *

><p>James wishes he could sleep, but he can't. Not after what happened between him and Lucy. That's why he's actually glad when Kenzie starts crying for her daddy. If he can't sleep, there's no point in staying in bed. So he slowly gets up and limps over to her crib, without the use of his crutches. He holds back tears of pain, picking Kenzie up. He sits in the rocking chair and tries to comfort the crying baby.<p>

"What's wrong, baby?" He whispers, kissing her forehead. Kenzie keeps crying and James starts to become worried. "Honey, I already changed your diaper. Are you hungry? Let's see if you'll eat something."

He grabs one crutch and carries Kenzie with his other arm, limping to the kitchen. He grabs a container of her favorite yogurt from the fridge, and a spoon, then goes to the living room and sits on the couch. He scoops some yogurt up and puts it in Kenzie's mouth, smiling when her whimpers stop. Yeah, when she starts crying a night, she's usually hungry. She doesn't usually cry very much, but when she does, James gets worried. She has only been sick once and that was when she was about seven months old. She cried way more than normal because she felt so terrible.

"That's good stuff, isn't it?" He says, kissing her cheek. Kenzie gets a small smile on her face, which makes James start smiling, even though he's hurt by his situation with Lucy. He loves how Kenzie is always able to make him smile.

"Jay, I totally told her off!" Chris says proudly, practically skipping into the apartment.

"Chris, you didn't!" James exclaims.

"She deserved it, hon." Chris tells him, hugging him from behind.

"Chris." James whines, running his free hand through his hair. He wasn't expecting Chris to actually go and talk to Lucy. He was hoping that she would just let it go, instead of getting involved. This is James and Lucy's business. James doesn't want anyone else trying to handle it.

"She hurt you." Chris says, kissing his cheek. "I just wanted her to know that I don't like that."

"It's not your job to deal with my problems." James warns her. "Lucy and I were fighting. It's not your problem, it's ours. So I'm begging you, just stay out of it, okay?"

"Fine." Chris mutters, giving him a squeeze.

James smiles softly as Chris gives him another kiss on the cheek. She may be crazy, but he loves her. He didn't think that she was going to go and talk to Lucy, but he does appreciate her help, even though it wasn't needed. James is a grown man that can fight his own battles. Not that he and Lucy are in the middle of a battle, but they aren't exactly on good terms at the moment. He just doesn't need Chris to take matters into her own hands. James is independent. He'll be perfectly fine.

* * *

><p><strong>James and Lucy are fighting:'( But is their relationship really over? You'll see;)<strong>

**Review!:D**


	37. Letting Go

It's late and Lucy should be in bed, but she can't sleep. So she gets out of bed, throws on some clothes (Black tank top, black leather jacket, jeans, and white sneakers), grabs her cigarettes and lighter off the bar, and leaves the apartment. Who needs boyfriends? Who needs _love_? It'll end in disaster anyway, so what's the point? Lucy doesn't believe that anyone should be in a relationship unless the other person loves them. Lucy truly loves James, but she can't stay with him unless he loves her back. That wouldn't be a very happy relationship.

Lucy has never cared about serious relationships before, but James is different than other guys. He's sweet, caring, and just plain adorable. Lucy didn't immediately fall for him, but she did after a few weeks of getting to know him. And she admires him for putting Kenzie as his first priority. It shows that he is a family oriented person, a quality that Lucy really appreciates.

But they aren't together anymore, so it doesn't matter. Lucy just walks out to the parking garage and searches for her car (A red Ferrari that she bought with the money from her first album), then gets into the drivers seat. She angrily pulls a cigarette out of the pack and lights it up, then puts the key in the ignition and drives away. It's only an hour away from midnight, but Lucy doesn't see the point of staying at home if she can't sleep. If she were at home, her parents wouldn't let her do this, but they're in New York. Lucy is a grown woman in Los Angeles and she does what she wants.

She's going to a blues bar in downtown Los Angeles. Isn't blues sad music? Because it certainly fits Lucy at the moment. She's not in her usual rocker mood. When she's depressed, she listens to really sad music. She doesn't necessarily plan on drinking, but she needs to do something to keep her mind off James. She isn't about to sit around and cry about the person that she loves.

Thirty minutes later, she is parked in front of the blues bar. She's still smoking the cigarette and she doesn't plan on putting it down any time soon. James said that she shouldn't smoke, but he doesn't love her, so why does it matter to him? She might as well just move on because they are never going to have a decent relationship. James is still in love with someone else, so Lucy doesn't feel that she needs to stick around.

"Men are stupid." She mumbles, sitting at a table.

"Well, not all men."

She looks up to see a rather attractive man, probably around thirty years old, looking down at her. She gives him a look as he sits in the booth across from her. The room is dark, so she can barely see his face, but she can tell that he's pretty cute. Since she's no longer with James, a little flirting wouldn't hurt. If she wasn't single, she wouldn't do it, but she is single. Therefore, there's no problem with flirting with a complete stranger.

"Your name?" The man asks.

"Lucy." Lucy says, exhaling cigarette smoke.

"Cute name." The man says. "I'm Jason."

"Jason." Lucy repeats with a small smile.

"What brings a pretty like you here?"_ Jason _asks.

"Depression." Lucy explains. "My boyfriend and I broke up. I always listen to blues when I'm depressed."

"Should I buy you a drink?" Jason offers.

Hmm, Lucy hates alcohol. She had a couple of beers at her twenty first birthday and she didn't like it at all. But a cute guy just offered to buy her a drink. Should she really turn him down? Normally, yes would be the answer, but her saddened state of mind is preventing her from thinking straight.

"Sure." She smiles. "Just get a glass of wine."

"Sure thing." Jason says before heading to the bar.

While Lucy is waiting, she logs onto her Twitter mobile account and responds to some tweets. These days, the fans seem to be the only people that don't get on her nerves. James is in love with his dead wife, her friends are completely enthralled in Jo's wedding (Even though Lucy is in the wedding, she feels like an outsider), she still has to record two more songs for her album (By the way, as much as she loves her new record company, the CEO is an idiot. He's almost like Griffin, except he isn't obsessed with warm pants), and the paparazzi won't leave her alone.

"Here it is." Jason says, putting a glass in front of her. She smiles and takes a sip, hoping that it doesn't affect her driving. The last thing she wants is to end up in the hospital on a Tuesday night. She's too young to die and she has family and friends that care about her. She may be upset, but she still cares about her loved ones.

"So tell me about this ex boyfriend of yours."Jason requests.

"Well, he's in a band." Lucy explains. "He's a single parent, his daughter is absolutely beautiful, and he loves hockey."

"What happened to his wife?"

Whoa, this guy is getting a little personal. Lucy doesn't know if she should be telling James's life story to a stranger. Then again, James broke her heart, so why should she care? She's hurt and deserves to vent her frustrations to someone.

"She died while giving birth to their daughter." She explains. "In fact, that's why we broke up. He's still incredibly in love with his wife. I love him, but he doesn't love me back because he still loves her. I understand, but I just wish that he wouldn't have these walls built around himself. He's like a solid brick while that is impossible to break down."

"I can't stand when people do that." Jason tells her. "Talking about feelings never killed anyone."

"She was really special to him." Lucy says softly. "It's not that I don't want him missing her, but I really love him and I wish that we could have something a lot more special that we've had. It was mostly a casual dating/friends thing, but I would like committment. Normally, committment isn't my thing, but Ja-I mean, _he_ changed my outlook on love."

"You sound upset." Jason says, reaching for her hand. "Come to the dance floor with me."

"Seriously?" Lucy laughs, putting out her cigarette.

"Come on!" Jason says, dragging her to the floor. They sway to the music and at one point, Jason actually wraps his arms around her waist and gives her a squeeze. Lucy playfully pushes him away. She just met the guy and doesn't feel comfortable with him hugging her. He's cute, but he honestly isn't her type. James is her type. Jason seems like someone that's fun to hang out with, but is a bit of a player. He's probably worse than James ever was. Tonight, Lucy is just having fun. She isn't here to pick up guys.

She sips some more wine and dances along to the music, having the time of her life. For now, she isn't worried about James or anything else for that matter. Her focus is on having a good time.

She dances for two hours, then looks at her watch and sees that it's already after one.

"Hey, I've gotta get home." She tells Jason before rushing out the door. Car horns are honking, engines are revving, the city lights are bright, but Lucy just wants to get a decent night's sleep. She gets into her car and pulls away from the curb. She plays with the dial on the radio, looking for a decent station. Her night of partying made her feel a lot better, so she's in a rocking mood again. She finds a station that plays a lot of good rock music. Right now, "Home" by Three Days Grace is on.

_She hums along to the music and watches the road ahead of her, relieved that the wine didn't affect her too much. She only had one glass, but she has heard that even one sip of alcohol could have an affect on driving. Fortunately for Lucy, she is still pretty sober._

When she gets back to her apartment, she is quick to change back into her nightclothes. All that partying tired her out, so she seriously needs some sleep.

She crawls under the covers and reaches for the bedside lamp, turning it off.

* * *

><p>When she wakes up, she is pleased to find that she doesn't have a head splitting hangover. She's a little groggy, but that's it. She is able to get out of bed without stumbling, or puking, and she walks over to the dresser. Her hair is a mess, so she runs a brush through it. She yawns and walks to the kitchen, grabbing a chocolate muffin and pouring herself a glass of milk.<p>

She sits at the dining table and eats breakfast, thoughts about last night coming to her mind. She had fun. After her breakup with James, Chris came and told her a few things, then she tried to get some sleep, but she couldn't. So she simply went out and partied a little harder than she usually does. Who cares if she dances and flirted with some guy that she doesn't know? It's definitely not like her, but she doesn't have to be herself all the time. She wanted to step out of her comfort zone for a while. Anything to get her mind off of James.

She knew that breakups hurt. She has been through them before, but she wasn't in love with the other guys. James, on the other hand, was very special to her. He was the first guy that she truly had feelings for, but he broke her heart.

She doesn't even want to leave her apartment today.

She eats the rest of the food and just leaves the empty glass on the table, then she moves to the couch. She lays down and turns the TV on, looking to see if they have anything good on. Most of the programs look boring or she has already seen them before, but she finally settles on ICarly. She doesn't necessarily love the show, but it's sort of amusing. Plus, it's comedy, which will keep Lucy happy. Well, somewhat happy.

Someone knocks on the door and Lucy is forced to get off the couch.

"I'm coming!" She calls out, looking through the peep hole. It's Jo and Camille. She groans as she unlocks the door, letting her friends in. "What are you doing here?"

"We heard you and James broke up." Jo tells her. "And we want to know why."

"Are you guys going to yell at me like Chris did?"

"Of course not." Camille says, shaking her head. "In fact, we're kind of irritated because she really needs to mind her own business."

"She's way too protective of James." Jo agrees. "If he got checked in hockey, Chris would probably go onto the floor and start beating the other player with a hockey stick."

"I don't think she would go that far." Camille tells her.

"I wouldn't be surprised!"

"Just tell us why you guys broke up." Camille tells Lucy.

"I love him, but he doesn't love me back. I broke up with him because I don't see why I should stay with someone that will never love me. What if I want to get married someday? You can't have marriage without love."

"Oooh, speaking of weddings-" Jo says excitedly.

"Jo, we're taking a break from wedding planning today, remember?" Camille says, interrupting our friend. "Anyway, Lucy, maybe James does love you, but he's afraid to admit it. That could be a possibility."

"I don't think so." Lucy says, shaking her head.

"Just think about it." Camille insists.

Lucy sighs softly. Could Camille be right? Could it be that James is afraid to admit that he loves her? Lucy would love to know that her friend is right. All she wants is for James to love her like she loves him. If he is just afraid to admit it, she hopes that he will admit it eventually. She just wants her boyfriend and his love, but she needs to know what his feelings are.

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	38. Frustrated

"Remind me why Gustavo wanted us at Rocque Records at eight in the morning." James mumbles, cuddling Kenzie against close to him. Yeah, it's eight in the morning and they're in a limo on their way to Rocque Records. With the pain of his injuries and the pain from his breakup with Lucy, he's in no mood for anything work related. He was going to spend the whole day in 4B with Kenzie. Anyway, he's pretty sure that she didn't feel like going anywhere either. When he woke her up, she started to get whiny, so he had to distract her with some yogurt and her favorite toys.

"He just walks to talk to you guys." Kelly says, looking at her clipboard. "We've gotta figure out what we're going to do about the album while James recovers. Chances are that Logan could still perform with a broken arm, but there's no way that James will be able to do anything. We already called the people at Coachella and cancelled your performance shortly after the incident."

"Oooh." Kenzie babbles, chewing on her fingers. James grabs her hand and wipes it with his shirt, kissing her cheek. He looks out the window and sees that they are approaching Rocque Records. Finally, the limo comes to a stop. James hands Kenzie to Kelly and Kendall begins helping him out of the limo. Carlos hands him his crutches and they begin walking towards the entrance. Being on crutches, stairs are a little difficult for James. Kendall and Carlos stand on each side of him and help him up the small flight of stairs, while Logan opens the door for him.

"Dada!" Kenzie babbles, reaching out to James.

"Daddy can't hold you right now." Logan says, taking the little girl from Kelly. Kenzie must realize this fact because she starts to whimper. James stops walking and slowly turns around, frowning as Kenzie starts to sob loudly. The poor thing must still be tired. He wouldn't be surprised, since they had to wake up so early. She probably wasn't rested yet.

"Kenzie," He says in a comforting voice, rubbing her back. "Come on. Don't cry, baby."

Kenzie keeps sobbing and James sends his friends a desperate look.

"James, you have to use your crutches." Carlos tells him.

"I'll use one." James says, handing one crutch to Kendall. Logan puts Kenzie in his free arm. The baby whimpers and snuggles against him. He kisses her cheek and whispers to her, ignoring the fact that the pain in his leg and stomach has worsened. Two crutches is hard enough, but one is even worse. Somehow, he manages to limp down the hallway with Kendall and Carlos's help.

"Just take a seat here." Kelly says as they enter the small sitting area outside the studio. James slowly lowers himself onto the couch and gives Kenzie a hug, wiping her tear stained cheeks with his thumb.

"Aaaah." Kenzie babbles, looking at her dad.

James smiles and talks to her in a baby voice, laughing at her amused giggles.

"Dogs!" Gustavo exclaims, stepping out of his office. "I called you hear to talk about the album. We are going to continue with recording, but all dance rehearsals and any live performances are being put on hold until James is recovering. Until he can walk without crying like a baby, we can't do a whole lot. I've already spoken to Griffin about it and everything is going to be fine."

"I don't cry like a baby." James responds.

"Quiet!" Gustavo snaps. Kenzie whimpers and Gustavo realizes that his snapping scared her. Embarrassed, he slaps a hand to his forehead. How could he forget about Kenzie? She hates when people yell. During one rehearsal shortly before the shooting drama, Carlos and James got into one of their stupid boy fights and it took ten minutes to get Kenzie to stop crying because they startled her so much.

"Shhh." James whispers to his daughter, kissing her forehead.

"The point is that you dogs will be becoming to the studio a lot less now." Gustavo tells them, trying to keep his voice at a normal volume. "Thank God."

"That's all we needed to say." Kelly says cheerfully. "Now let's get you guys back to the Palm Woods."

It's painfully challenging for James to stand back up. The first couple of times, he falls right back down. He finally gives up and lets Kendall and Carlos help him up. He hates being injured. He hates that he needs his friends just to get off a chair or couch. He's certainly that his disapproval can be seen on his face, but he tries to make it less obvious. It's not that he doesn't appreciate the help, but he wishes that he didn't need it.

"James, I think you need to use both crutches." Kendall says, taking Kenzie from her dad. He hands the other crutch to James, who slowly begins following them down the hallway. He's starting to get blisters on his hands from holding onto these things. They're so uncomfortable, but he doesn't want to get around in a wheelchair either. He does have that option, but he doesn't like it at all.

Just as they approach the exit, the pain becomes too much and he absolutely must stop. He stands still, waiting for the pain to go away and practically feeling the concerned glances that he's receiving. Ugh, this is exactly what he means. He likes attention, but this isn't the right kind of attention. When people start harassing him because he's hurt or they think he needs help with Kenzie, he gets really annoyed. He doesn't tell anyone that he's annoyed, but he's definitely feeling it.

"I'm fine." He says as Logan once again opens the door for him. He limps past his shorter friend, carefully moving down the steps. He's not the least bit surprised when Kendall and Kelly rest their hands on his back to "assist" him. He would love to tell them that he doesn't need any help, but he doesn't want to be rude. He should be happy that someone cares enough to help him.

Kendall gets in first and James gets in second, so Kendall can help James out of the vehicle. James really hates that they've finally left the apartment after several days of staying at the Palm Woods and he's being treated like an invalid. When he was putting Kenzie to bed last night, Chris noticed that it was a little painful for him and offered to do it instead. James adamantly refused, though. He's the only one that should be putting his baby girl to sleep. Kenzie wouldn't have it any other way.

"Sit Kenzie across from me." He says. Kelly puts the carseat across from James and Carlos straps Kenzie into it. The poor baby looks so tired and so is James, so he thinks that he and his girl will lay down for a nice nap. Kenzie loves taking naps with him.

"Are you sleepy?" He asks, touching Kenzie's hand. She makes a few quiet babbling sounds and looks at her daddy. James smiles softly and strokes her cheek, then lets his hand play with her strands of reddish brown hair. She yawns and closes her eyes. It makes James want to cuddle her close to him, so he removes her from the car seat and cuddles her against his chest.

"Shouldn't she be in the car seat?" Carlos asks.

"One time won't hurt." James says, kissing Kenzie's forehead. By now, she's fast asleep.

"Hey, are you ever gonna talk to Lucy?" Carlos asks him. Kendall, Logan, and Kelly look at him with wide eyes. You don't just mention someone's ex girlfriend just days after their breakup. James hasn't acted too upset, but he hides feelings. After being super emotional about Jenna's death for a few days, it's like he shut down. Now if he's ever feeling sad or angry, he'll act like he's fine. He has moments where he has to let it out, but it's very rare. He doesn't like to show emotions.

"No." James says nonchalantly.

"James-" Logan starts to say.

"What? It's no big deal." James shrugs. "She can't except that I'm already in love with someone, so we broke up. Whatever!"

Kendall rolls his eyes and looks out the window. James is so stubborn. He still loves Jenna, but everyone knows that he loves Lucy too. Kendall hates to be insensative, but Jenna is dead and James needs to let himself move on. He's completely stuck on Jenna and won't even consider being with someone else.

Soon, they are at the Palm Woods and Kendall decides to voice his thoughts to James.

James hands Kenzie to Carlos, then steps out of the limo with Kendall's help. Kelly hands him his crutches, then he starts walking towards the entrance. But Kendall grabs his arm and gently pulls him back, while Carlos and Logan rush to the elevator.

"Why aren't you letting me go?" James says slowly.

"We need to talk." Kendall says adamantly. "About your breakup with Lucy."

"Oh."

"James, I know that you don't want to admit that you love Lucy because of Jenna, but we all know that you do." Kendall tells him. "Jenna isn't coming back, James! You need to let yourself fall in love again. You could spend the rest of your life with a really special girl if you would let it happen."

James's eyes darken and he glares at his friend.

"I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with Jenna." He says, flinching as he tries to limp away. Again, Kendall grabs his arm, preventing him from going anywhere.

"Why are you like this, man?"

"Like what?" James asks bitterly.

"I know that you're hurting, but you're acting like everything is fine." Kendall says softly. "Lucy said that she wouldn't hurt you, but she did and you're acting like you don't even care. And what about the shooting? It's been more than two weeks since it happened and you haven't cried once. You got upset about your dad, but that's it. All of us were scared about the Wayne Wayne situation, but you keep pretending that you're okay."

Those must have been the magic words because when James looks back up, his eyes are shining with tears. Kendall's heart breaks when a tear rolls down his best friend's cheek.

"Come here." He whispers, pulling James into a hug. James drops his crutches and lets Kendall comfort him as he starts crying silently. Knowing that James has a hard time standing up without the crutches, Kendall keeps one arm around James's waist while the other hand rests behind James's head.

From a short distance, Lucy is stepping out of her car. She is about to begin walking toward the entrance when she sees Kendall and James. At first, she can't tell what's going on, then she realizes that James is crying. Her heart breaks in half as she watches her beloved ex boyfriend receive comfort from his best friend. Guilt fills her heart and she wishes that she could do something,_ anything_, to take back her mistakes.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay now?" Kendall asks, picking up the crutches.<p>

"Yeah." James sniffles, wiping his tear stained cheeks. He accepts the crutches and follows Kendall into the building. He tries to keep any pain from showing on his face, relieved when they enter the elevator. Exhausted from fighting through the pain, he leans against the wall and closes his eyes. Being on crutches gets really tiring.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm just tired." James says softly. The elevator doors open and he walks ahead of Kendall, even though he's walking very slowly. Every movement hurts, but he keeps walking. He's so happy when they arrive at 4B, pushing the door open.

"Hey, is everything okay? Carlos and Logan said that Kendall was talking to you about something." Chris says, hugging her brother in law.

"I'm fine." James mutters, the pain and everyone's overattentiveness sending him into a rather bad mood. He doesn't want to bed rude to anyone, though. It's not their fault that he's in pain and they're only trying to be helpful.

"Really, I'm okay." He says in a much nicer tone. "I'm gonna lay down. Could you bring Kenzie to me?"

"Sure." Chris says, heading to the living room to retrieve Kenzie.

James limps into his room and puts his crutches against the wall by his bed. He crawls under the covers and patiently waits for Chris to bring his little girl. Finally, she does. He smiles as she hands the baby girl to him, kissing Kenzie's forehead.

"Get some rest." Chris says, kissing his cheek.

"I will." James smiles softly. Chris gives his cheek one more kiss before heading back to the living room. Now that she's gone, James and Kenzie can finally get some rest. Kenzie is already falling asleep again and James is close to it.

"Sleep tight." He whispers tiredly, drifting into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p><strong><em>The song at the beginning of the chapter doesn't apply to the whole thing, but I think since we got to see a bit of what Lucy is feeling, the song fits:)<em>**

**_Review! :D_**


	39. There's Only So Much A Heart Can Take

_Another night of restlessness. Now that he's out of the hospital and actually walking around without doctors providing him with morphine, James has a hard time sleeping at night. He limps around the apartment, the whole Palm Woods, and Rocque Records, then it comes time for bed and he's in so much pain that he can't sleep. It sucks and it's driving him crazy. It's a good thing that he can control his temper because if he couldn't, he would scream his head off right now. He thought broken bones hurt, but he never thought that he would ever suffer from a gunshot wound. Now that's _real_ pain._

He's laying under his covers, staring at the ceiling and trying to hold back groans of pain. It's sickening that he has to deal with this. He's trying hard to control his frustration, especially since Kenzie is asleep. Unfortunately, James doesn't think that he's gonna be able to sleep like this. So he slowly pushes himself into a sitting position, waiting for the pain to subside before grabbing his crutches and standing up. He needs to get out of the apartment for a while. Maybe some fresh air will help.

He grabs a sheet of paper from the bar and writes a quick note to Chris and Ms. Knight, then grabs the car keys and limps out the door. He flinches as he enters the elevator, tired of the constant pain that plagues him. He just wants it to go away. Even when he takes his pain medicine, there's still _some _pain.

He can't believe how long it takes him to get to the parking garage. Almost eight minutes! He finally reaches the van and climbs in, putting his crutches in the seat next to him. He starts the car and drives out of the parking lot. He passes several buildings and palm trees in the next twenty minutes, then he parks in front of a saddening yet peaceful place. The cemetery where his beloved wife is buried.

He grabs his crutches and carefully gets out of the van, shutting the door and locking it. He puts the crutches under his arms and begins limping toward Jenna's grave. When he gets there, he puts his crutches down and sits with his legs stretched out in front of him. He gets a pained look as he reaches out to lift the cover on the picture frame, his eyes welling up with tears when he sees Jenna's pretty face. This thing with Lucy...He doesn't know if it'll ever work. He's completely attached to Jenna and the last thing he wants to do is fall in love with another girl, as if Jenna never existed.

"Hi, baby." He says softly, touching the tombstone. "I couldn't sleep, so I came to see you."

He is already aware that Jenna can't actually respond, but it still hurts when he talks to her and he doesn't hear her voice.

"Kenzie's gonna be one next month." He whispers with a soft smile. "She's growing up, baby girl. She looks like you. Heck, I think she's even developing your personality. Sweet, but a little crazy sometimes." He sniffles and wipes his eyes before continuing. "I don't know what I'm gonna do on her birthday. I have to celebrate it, but it's gonna be so hard because it's also the anniversary of the day that we lost you."

Still no response. Just a cold, hard rock sits in front of him. He wishes that he could overcome the pain, but he can't. He and Jenna made vows that they would spend the rest of their lives together, but they only got to enjoy marriage for nine months.

"Remember when we first met?" He asks his dead wife. "You and one of your friends, I think her name was Lacey or something, went to our concert and you got backstage passes because it was her birthday. She got my autograph and while she talked to the other guys, you and I talked. I'll never forget our conversation. You told me that Lacey was a huge fan and you wanted to take her to a BTR concert for her birthday, then you told me that you had only heard _one _BTR song. Carlos accused us of flirting, but I denied it. But I was blushing, so it was pretty obvious. Then we ran into each other at McDonald's and we both went to get some ketchup, you and I ended up sitting at a table together, while Lacey bothered my bandmates. That was the day that my life changed, honey. You made me a better person. I met you and when I got to know you and realized how special you are, I gave up on my player ways. I hadn't thought that I would ever fall in love and have a serious relationship with someone, but you ended up being different than other girls. Jenna, the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that you were someone that I wanted to keep around. I didn't want to lose you. I got to have you in my life for almost five years, then I lost you anyway."

His voice cracks more and more with every word that he speaks and he finally has to stop to regain his composure. He takes a few deep breaths and wipes his eyes.

"Kendall and Jo are getting married in June." He tells Jenna. "If you were still here, I'm sure that you would have been one of Jo's bridesmaids. She said so. Remember how close you two became? You and Jo were almost like sisters. You, her, and Camille were always having sleepovers. Remember how annoying I would be when they were around? You three would be talking and I would make a sarcastic remark, then you would smack me behind the head and call me a jerk, while Jo and Camille laughed at me."

He runs his hands through his hair and stares at the crutches next to him.

"I'm on crutches at the moment." He says with a sigh. "Griffin was going to have BTR do a duet with Wayne Wayne, but the jerk went crazy and held us hostage, then he tried to shoot Kendall, but I took the bullet. Kendall said that I was stupid to risk my life for him, but he's been my best friend since Pre K. I'm so glad that Kenzie wasn't there. She was at the Palm Woods with Katie. Anyway, I took a bullet to my left thigh and another to my stomach. Now it hurts every time I move. Why do you think I couldn't sleep? I was in pain."

He wonders if he should tell her about Lucy. He's certain that she already knows, but he needs to vent about everything that has went on. If he can't talk to anyone else, he talks to Jenna. He knows that she'll listen. Before she died, she always listened to him.

"You probably know my girlfriend, Lucy." He says softly. "Well, she's my ex girlfriend now. She loves me, Jenna, but I can't say that I love her back because I still love you. I couldn't stand to fall in love with someone else, like you never mattered. Baby, you meant the world to me. You still do! I just-I don't know what to do anymore. I'm doing the best I can for Kenzie's sake. It's just so hard, though. My parents divorced, my dad remarried soon after, I lost you, I lost my friends for a while, I just lost my girlfriend, I got shot, and I'm a single parent. I'm tired, Jenna. I'm always stressed, upset, or angry about something! I try to hide it for Kenzie, but it's really hard. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can do this anymore. Kendall confronted me earlier and I ended bursting into tears. I need you, Jenna, but you're never coming back."

That's when he lets it all out. He starts sobbing loudly, wrapping his arms around Jenna's tombstone. It feels so cold, only succeeding in reminding him of Jenna's absence. He wants his precious Jenna back. He wants her so bad. He tries every day to move on, but he can't do it. He knows that everyone wants him to, but they don't understand. They don't know what it's like to raise a baby by himself, knowing that his daughter will never get to know her mom. They don't know what it's like to wake up each morning and not see Jenna's face. They don't realize how hard it is and he's pretty sure that they never will.

If there's anyone on the other side of the cemetery, he's sure that they can hear his cries. He doesn't care, though. The whole world could hear him and he wouldn't care. He has held everything in for too long and he can't take it anymore.

His sobs continue as he hugs the tombstone tighter, wishing that it was actually Jenna that he was holding. He hopes that he doesn't cry himself into a panic attack or heart attack. His breathing is pretty messed up as he cries. When he tries to get his breathing back to normal, it only proceeds to make him cry harder. He's starting to feel quite pathetic. He should be at home with Kenzie, but instead he's at the cemetery, crying his heart out.

Even when he hears the sound of a car door opening and closing, he keeps crying with his face resting against the tombstone. Footsteps get closer until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't look up. He doesn't care who it is. He's too upset to care.

"Jay." Carlos's voice whispers. Soon, two other hands are rubbing James's back. He tries to push them away as someone begins gently pulling him away from the tombstone. He is pulled into a hug and his three best friends wrap their arms around him. He's in hysterics and he knows that it probably worried Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. He wants to calm down, but every attempt makes the tears come faster.

"We heard you leaving." Logan whispers softly. "After you left, we read the note and decided to follow you."

"We didn't feel comfortable with you being by yourself this late at night." Kendall tells him, hugging him tighter. "Jay, please stop crying. You're gonna make yourself sick."

"What should we do?" Carlos says worriedly, noticing James's current emotional state. His face is buried in Kendall's chest, but as they were pulling him away from the tombstone, they could see how terrible he looked. His face was red, his eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks were drenched with tears. They've never seen him so upset before. They all wish that they could do something for him.

"We've gotta let him cry it out." Logan sighs, rubbing James's back with his good hand. His left arm isn't very useful, since it's still covered in a cast.

"Logan, he's gonna get sick if he doesn't stop." Kendall says, hugging James even tighter. The boy is shaking with sobs and it's scaring all of them.

"You're right." Logan finally admits. He gets closer to James and hugs his friend. "Jay, you've gotta calm down. Okay? If you get too upset, you could get sick. We don't want that to happen, buddy."

"I-I c-can't!" James sobs.

"Come on, buddy." Carlos says gently.

"You've just gotta take a few deep breaths." Logan tells the upset boy. James does as he is told, talking several slow and deep breaths to try and calm himself. It stops the sobbing, but tears continue to fall down his cheeks and every breath seems to be rather shaky.

"That's it!" Kendall encourages.

"Hey, I don't think you need to drive home." Logan tells James. "So Kendall will drive you home, okay?"

"Okay." James says weakly.

"Now let's get you home, so you can get some rest." Kendall says, helping him up. James cries out in pain as the sudden movement jars his injuries. "Sorry, bud. Carlos, get his crutches."

"Here." Carlos says, handing the crutches to James.

James sniffles and puts them under his arms, slowly following Kendall to the van. He sees that the guys took Chris's rental car. While Carlos and Logan get into the smaller vehicle, James finds himself being helped into the front passengers seat of the van. Kendall tosses the crutches into the backseat, then gets into the drivers seat.

"Did we close the picture frame?" He asks.

"Logan did it." Kendall tells him, squeezing his shoulder.

"Is Kenzie okay?" He says softly.

"She was asleep when we left." Kendall tells him. "Jay, why did you leave?"

"My leg and stomach were hurting and I couldn't sleep, so I came here. And with everything that has been going on, I think I needed to do this. I couldn't keep it all in anymore. I needed to break down and as much as I hated that you guys had to witness it, I actually feel relieved."

"You know we wouldn't judge you, right?" Kendall tells him. "It's okay to cry. You've been through so much and you still manage to stay strong for Kenzie. But you can't be strong all the time. Sometimes you have break down, even if you feel embarrassed by it."

"I guess." James sighs.

"Anyway, I wanna tell you something about Lucy." Kendall says, staring at the road. "I thought that she and Chris already told you about this, but Jenna would want you to be happy. She would want you to fall in love again. I'm sure that she feels happy when she sees you and Lucy together. She wouldn't want you to be lonely for the rest of your life."

"But-"  
>"James, I know you love Jenna, but she would want you to move on." Kendall explains. "Just because you fall in love with another girl, it doesn't mean that you're replacing Jenna or forgetting about her. She's always going to be special to you because she was your first real love and Kenzie's mom, but you need to move on. You'll probably kill me for saying this, but I think you really do have feelings for Lucy."<p>

"Maybe I do, but I don't know what to do." James says in frustration. "I just can't stop thinking about Jenna and memories of her."

"You'll always have those memories." Kendall tells him. "But I think that if you love Lucy, you should make some room for her in your life."

Kendall is right. James knows that Kendall is right. James loves Lucy, but he loves Jenna too. Maybe everyone is right about his issues with Jenna's death. Jenna probably would want him to move on. She would want him to overcome his pain and let himself get close to someone else. Even if he does, no one will ever take her place.

* * *

><p><strong>AlliJay21 wanted to see James get extra emotional and since I love angsty James moments, I wrote this! :D<strong>

Also, who can tell me where the name of this chapter came from? ;D

**Review! :D**


	40. Unbroken

James puts his crutches against the wall and lifts Kenzie from her crib, giving her a kiss.

"Hey, princess." He says in a baby voice. Kenzie babbles and waves her arms, a big smile on that adorable face. James laughs softly because the girl seriously cracks him up sometimes. He had a rough night, but leave it to Kenzie to make him feel better. His sweet baby girl always makes him happy. And while he may not have Jenna with him, he has their beautiful daughter.

"Standing is kind of uncomfortable." He says, lowering himself into the rocking chair. Kenzie chews on her fingers, getting them covered in baby drool. James playfully rolls his eyes and uses his shirt to clean her hand. He turns her so that she is facing him, helping her stand up. He kisses each cheek, laughing when he hears her giggle. His smile widens as she touches his face.

"You look just like your mom." He says sweetly. "She was so beautiful, Kenzie. I visited her last night. You can't see her, but she's here. And she loves you as much as I do. I would love if she could actually be here with us, but I think you and I are gonna be okay. I've got you, Kenzie. And I love that."

"Jay, your mom is here." Chris tells him, leaning against the doorframe. She takes Kenzie and puts the little girl in her crib before helping James stand back up. She holds onto him as he grabs his crutches, then finally lets him go.

When James limps into the living room, his mom is standing in the living room. She hasn't been able to visit him since he left the hospital because she caught something from the place, so she has been cooped up in her hotel room. She calls him every day to see how he's doing, though. It makes him laugh whenever he sounds like he's in pain and his mom starts freaking out, asking him questions like "Baby, are you okay?" and "Do you need to go back to the hospital?" She overreacts when he shows even the slightest amount of discomfort.

"Hey!" He says, giving his mom a hug. "Are you feeling better?"

"Finally!" Ms. Diamond says, cupping James's face in her hands. "What about you? Are you okay? The boys said that you were upset last night. And you couldn't sleep because you were in too much pain."

"Mom, I'm fine." James insists.

"Look who I've got!" Chris says sweetly, carrying Kenzie. Ms. Diamond's eyes fill with excitement as she reaches for her grand daughter. She hasn't seen Kenzie since January and misses her and James like crazy. She's happy that her son is pursuing his dream once again, but she kind of liked having him back home where she could actually see him and Kenzie.

"My other baby!" Ms. Diamond says proudly, shaking Kenzie's hand.

"Brooke, I thought you had to tell James something." Ms. Knight says.

"Right! Honey, I'm going back to Minnesota tomorrow." Ms. Diamond tells her son.

"Oh...Well, it was nice of you to stay as long as you did." James says while rubbing Kenzie's back. He was happy that his mom came to visit. If he could have seen just her and not his dad, it would have been even better. Shortly after their discussion in the hospital, his dad decided that it would be best if he went back home. His ex wife had explained to him that James didn't need any stress, and him being here would cause more stress than James needs. He agreed and said that he didn't want to interfere with his son's recovery.

"Mom, Lucy's at the door." Katie says, peeking through the door's peep hole.

Hearing that name makes everyone look at James, waiting for a reaction. It has been several days since their breakup and they haven't spoken to each other at all. They sort of understand why Lucy broke up with James, but they feel kind of bad because she did tell him that she would never hurt him. Although he doesn't really like to admit it, they know that the breakup was incredibly hurtful to him.

"Just let her in." James says when Ms. Knight looks at him.

"Let her in, sweetie." Ms. Knight telsl her daughter.

Katie opens the door and Lucy steps into the apartment. There is an awkward silence before Lucy finally clears her throat and speaks.

"James, could we talk?" She asks, trying not to look nervous. After thinking about it, she realized that she needs James. Maybe, in time, he'll love her as much as she loves him. Right now, all that matters is that she gets her boyfriend back. Spending days without his hugs, kisses, laughter, and jokes is torture for Lucy and she can't take it anymore.

"Sure." James says slowly, following her. Lucy closes the door for him and reaches out to him, touching his cheek.

"I'm sorry." She says, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. "I was wrong to break up with you over something like that. Of course you're gonna love Jenna more than me. She was your wife and you were with her for a long time. Plus, you two had a child together, so you had a really special relationship. I was wrong to think that you should love me as much as Jenna."

"Lucy, I-I've been thinking about it." James says, closing his eyes. "It's not that I don't love you back, but I've been scared because I don't want to fall in love again like Jenna was never a part of my life."

"I can't believe you thought that." Lucy says in disbelief. She's overjoyed to hear that he might actually share her feelings, even though she's also sad that he's so afraid to let someone new into his life. Lucy and everyone else knows that Jenna loves him and would want him to be happy. She hopes that he'll start to realize that, because it's true.

"It's true." James nods. "I love you more than I thought, but I'm terrified to admit it."

"Hey, look at me." Lucy says, holding his face so he's looking straight at her. "Jenna would want you to be happy. If she could actually talk to you, she would tell you how proud she is of you for raising Kenzie and that she wants you to be happy. She wouldn't want you to be so afraid of falling in love. She would love to see you let people in."

"But-"

"Shhh." Lucy says, kissing him softly.

"You said that you would never hurt me." James says quietly.

"And I'm sorry for breaking that promise." Lucy tells him. "But it's never gonna happen again."

"Okay." James says, letting Lucy kiss him again. It feels nice to kiss her again and he's surprised when he realizes that he doesn't really feel scared anymore. Jenna would want him to be happy. Maybe it won't hurt to get closer to Lucy. He just has to keep telling himself that Jenna would want this for him. She wasn't the kind of person that wanted her loved ones to be miserable or lonely.

"I love you." He says with a small smile, pulling her back into a kiss.

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>"So you're not mad at me anymore?" Lucy asks for the millionth time. An hour after getting back together, they are on the rooftop, laying side by side. The ground is probably kind of dirty, but neither of them felt like standing up for too long. So they just took the risk of getting a little bit of dirt on their clothes. Anyway, they've missed cuddling like they are currently doing. They haven't done this in days.<p>

"No." James says, smiling when Lucy kisses his cheek.

"I don't know why I broke up with you. I mean, I actually do know why, but it was such a stupid reason. I should have been more understanding of what you've been through. You've already put up with a lot and I just made your life worse by breaking up with you after I promised that I would never hurt you. Even as I was breaking up with you, I didn't really want to. We haven't been together very long, but you're too lovable, James Diamond."

"I think I can make some room for you in my heart, but I'm always gonna love Jenna."

"I know." Lucy says, kissing her boyfriend.

"Wanna hear a funny story about me and Jenna?" James laughs.

"How funny is it?" Lucy asks him.

"It's actually bordering on awkward and embarrassing, but we always laughed about it. We were eighteen and BTR was about to perform a concert. Thirty minutes before the show, Jenna and I were seriously making out in my dressing room, while Gustavo was already looking for me. We accidentally bumped into the wall and it made a loud noise, so he found us. Me and Jenna's laughing didn't really help too much. Anyway, Gustavo chewed us out for behaving inappropriately. He was overreacting, though."

"You've gotta be more careful." Lucy teases, playing with his hair.

"Whatever." James smiles, staring up at the bright Los Angeles sky.

"I wanna hear more." Lucy says, sitting up. James starts to do the same, but she gently pushes him back down. "Hey, you've been moving around enough. Just stay where you are."

"Whatever." James sighs.

"Now tell me more stories about you and Jenna." Lucy tells him. "They're cute and funny."

"Like the time that Jenna's dad caught me and Jenna making out in their living room?" James suggests. "He and Jenna's mom were going on a weekend vacation and Jenna had invited me over. As soon as the door was closed, we started making out. Well, it turns out that Jenna's mom had forgotten their purse and they didn't warn us that they were coming back to get it, so they walked into the house and Jenna was straddling me on the couch and we were all over each other. Her dad started freaking and he chased me out of the house. I yelled an apology to Jenna, then ran home. Jenna's dad is scary. Even after we were married and we announced that Jenna was pregnant, he got all peeved off about it."

"Yikes." Lucy says. "Have you talked to them since...You know."

"Not much." James says softly. "Maybe once or twice. They've called to see how me and Kenzie are doing."

"How does Jenna's dad feel about Kenzie?"

"He loves her." James smiles. "After I took Kenzie home, he and Ms. Harper stopped by the Palm Woods and they couldn't let go of her."

"Have you and the guys been working on the album since you got out of the hospital? I'm looking forward to hearing a release date because I'm gonna buy it the first chance I get. Hopefully, I can get it the day it comes out, whenever that might be."

"Hey, we've only been working on it for a month." James chuckles. "But Gustavo was hoping for a summer release. However, he hasn't said any more about it since the incident. He might postpone it for a few months."

"Darn it." Lucy mutters.

"It's still gonna happen, though." James assures her.

"It better." Lucy says, kissing him once again. She has been deprived of his kisses for days, so she's trying to catch up.

* * *

><p>James is feeling a lot better now that he has Lucy back. All night and part of this morning, he was feeling rather worn out. Now that he and his girlfriend are back together, he feels much happier. He's going to try and have a different outlook about love. He's going to try being more open to Lucy and let her love him, and let himself love her. It's scary, though. He knows that Jenna would want this for him, but it's gonna take a while for him to get use to being in love with someone new. But he knows that he'll be okay.<p>

He limps into apartment 4B in a much calmer mood. He remembers coming home from the cemetery last night, feeling almost completely drained of any energy. Now that he has let his feelings out and gotten Lucy back, he can slowly become normal again.

"Did you and Lucy talk?" Ms. Diamond asks, helping him over to the couch.

"Yeah, we're back together." James asks, watching Kenzie play with her toys on the floor. "We talked it out and I'm going to try being more open. I really do love her mom, but we broke up because the thought of falling in love again terrified me. I've said the same thin to Lucy and Chris. Both of them said that Jenna would want me to move on."

"She would, baby." Ms. Diamond says, stroking his cheek. "She and your family and friends want the best for you. Your happiness and well being are important. You may be scared, but sometimes it's good to take risks."

_Take risks_

That's a good thing, right? James use to strongly believe in taking risks (Safe risks), but everything got so messed up and his feelings got all out of whack. But the good thing is his desire to change. He wants to get better. He wants to recover from the pain that he has endured.

"Thanks for the advice." He says, resting his head on his mom's shoulder. He feels a certain little girl tugging on the leg of his sweatpants and he waves at her. Altough it's painful, he manages to pick her up and lift her onto his lap.

"You and mommy want me to have a girlfriend, don't you?" He asks, kissing her cheek. She babbles in response and James has to smile at the baby. "Yeah, so do I."

* * *

><p><strong>Lucy and James are back together! You all have been waiting for that and it has finally happened:) Anyway, I realized that Jenna's parents haven't appeared in the story yet, so that's going to be in the next chapter! :)<strong>

**The last chapter got 10 reviews! Keep it up:) I love reading all of your reviews:D**


	41. Sticks And Stones

Logan watches awkwardly as James and Lucy alternate between kissing, flirting, and arguing playfully. He does the same thing with Camille, but if he's not with his girlfriend and he has to watch James and Lucy act all couple-like, he feels awkward. Instead of spending time with his own girlfriend (Camille has an audition today), he's stuck in the apartment 4B, ignoring the slight pain in his injured arm. He takes pain meds, so he doesn't feel too bad. He can't imagine what James is going through, since James got shot instead of suffering from a broken bone.

Anyway, he just sits there and stares at the newly reconciled couple. Lucy is holding Kenzie on her lap and both she and James stop between kisses to acknowledge the baby girl. Logan wonders what his and Camille's kid would look like. Kenzie is adorable, but look at her parents! Jenna was gorgeous and James is very good looking, so they obviously got a very cute child. Logan is okay, but he isn't like James. He has always thought of himself as being pretty average, even though Camille is constantly talking about how cute he is.

"You know, there are other people in the room." He finally says, tapping his foot against the floor.

"Hey, we just got back together." Lucy says, throwing one of her flip flops at him. He manages to put his good hand in front of his face, but it still doesn't feel good. He gives her a sarcastic smile and hands it back to her. Lucy puts it back on her foot, while James takes Kenzie from her. He gives his daughter a kiss on her nose and smiles at her.

"Are you a happy baby?" He asks her. Kenzie giggles softly and smiles, grabbing a strand of James's hair. She laughs more as he bounces her on his lap, happy that her daddy is taking the time to entertain her. James is happy to do that. When he took Kenzie home from the hospital, he was so heartbroken about Jenna that he didn't really take care of her as much as he should have, but he has realized the mistakes of his first few weeks of parenting. Now he wants to give Kenzie all the love in the world, even when he's feeling bad.

Someone knocks on the door and Ms. Knight goes to open it. Katie is boredly leaning against the kitchen island, eating a box of oreos. James doesn't know how she manages to stay so thin when she eats so much. She goes to the gym a lot, maybe a little more than she should, but it must be keeping her from gaining too much weight.

"Will! Mandy! What are you doing here?" Ms. Knight says cheerfully. Will and Mandy? Those are the names of Jenna's parents. They must have finally decided to stop by. James wonders if they know that he's dating someone new. He doesn't want them to think that he's forgotten about their daughter. If they are thinking that, he will tell them that he will never forget Jenna. She was his everything and she will always mean so much to him, but he's just trying to move on. Even though losing a loved one hurts, everyone has to move on eventually.

"We wanted to see Chris, James, and little Kenzie!" Mrs. Harper says happily as she and her husband follow Ms. Knight into the apartment. Mrs. Harper is a short, thin, brown haired, and green eyed woman. Jenna looked a lot like her mom, while Chris looks more like their dad. Mr. Harper is about two inches taller than his wife, with toned muscles, darker brown hair, and green eyes. They're both attractive people.

James removes his arm from around Lucy's shoulders and wraps both arms around Kenzie. Lucy looks at him with confusion, frowning at his sudden discomfort. He was okay until he knew that Jenna's parents were here.

"Hi, mom! Hi, dad!" Chris says, hugging her parents.

"Hi, princess." Mr. Harper says, giving his oldest daughter a squeeze.

"Jay, come here!" Chris says, waving to her brother in law. James puts on a smile as he grabs one crutch and limps over to the Harper family. Chris steadies him, keeping him from falling.

"How are you feeling?" Ms. Harper asks her son in law.

"Sore, but better." James says politely, laughing as Kenzie touches his cheek. He has missed Jenna's parents, but now that he's back with Lucy, he's worried about what they'll think. He doesn't feel like hearing them reprimand him for dating a new girl. The other night was exhausting enough and he really doesn't need to deal with anymore stress.

"And here's our grandbaby!" Ms. Harper coos, shaking Kenzie's hand. Whimpering, Kenzie hides her face in James's shoulder. She still gets shy around strangers and since she hasn't seen her maternal grandparents since they all moved back to Minnesota, she's going to be scared of them for a little while. James has to slowly introduce her to them, then she'll hopefully start being less shy and afraid around them.

"She has to get use to you." He explains.

"Why don't we go to the living room and talk? We need to catch up." Mr. Harper suggests, leading them all to the living room. Lucy gives them an awkward yet polite smile, glancing at James from the corner of her eyes. She hopes that they don't freak out when they hear that she and James are dating. She's starting to see why James got so nervous all of a sudden. Jenna was their daughter and they probably won't like knowing that their son in law has already moved on. She wonders if they should even say anything.

"And who is this?" Mrs. Harper asks, looking at Lucy.

"Um, this is Lucy." James says, sitting next to the girl. He and Lucy look at each other, silently begging the other to speak. "My...girlfriend."

Mrs. Harper keeps a smile on her face and nods, while Mr. Harper actually looks somewhat angered. This worries James. Mr. Harper may be a doctor, but he's not so nice when it comes to his daughter. He wants people to show respect for her, whether she's alive or not.

"James, could I speak to you outside?" Mr. Harper says, motioning to James.

James frowns as he hands Kenzie to Lucy, giving Mrs. Harper a curious look. She gives him an apologetic look and shrugs, sending a worried glance to her husband. She's the compassionate one, so James doesn't know why she isn't saying anything. Mr. Harper is about to chew him out and Mrs. Harper isn't doing a thing about it. She looks scared for her son in law, but that's it. She's taking no action whatsoever.

He limps out the door on both crutches and turns to face Mr. Harper.

"It's been eleven months and you're already dating someone else? James, do you care about Jenna at all?" The man asks angrily.

"Of course I do." James argues. "I was crushed when Jenna died. Hell, I broke down at her grave the other night, but I'm tired of being afraid to fall in love again. When the guys and I moved back to LA, I met Lucy and I was scared to date her at first, then I realized that I really like her, so I decided to give her a chance. She's a very nice girl, but I'm not trying to replace Jenna."

"James, I always knew that you were a little on the selfish side, but I thought you had changed."

"I ha-"

"No, you haven't." Mr. Harper interrupts. "It hasn't even been a year since my wife and I lost our daughter and Chris lost her sister, yet you're hooking up with someone else. You probably don't even care about Kenzie because you're too busy with that slut."

James's eyes darken. He thought that he and Mr. Harper were getting long, but that's changing right before his eyes.

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard!" He says, raising his voice. "Kenzie is my life! I do everything for her and you have the nerve to basically call me a terrible father? You don't know what goes on because you and your wife haven't been around! I love Kenzie and I would do anything for her, so don't you dare say that I don't care about her. And Lucy? She's not a slut. She's been there for me. When I start thinking about Jenna and I'm near tears, she's there for me. She holds me and comforts me whenever I need it. I am so sick of you acting like I'm out to ruin your perfect little family or something! I am so tired of you criiticising me and everything I do!"

He must have been yelling pretty loud. He knows because as his voice gets higher, the door opens and Chris appears, but he just keeps yelling. He is beyond pissed and he's not going to let Mr. Harper get away with this.

"I loved your daughter! Jenna was everything to me and I'm _never _going to forget about her. I can't believe that you think I'm forgetting about her just because I'm dating a new girl. You hear me? I can't take any more of this. So get this through your thick skull: I love Jenna, I love Kenzie, and I love Lucy. If you've got a problem with my girlfriend, get over it!"

By now, his breathing is shallow, his face is red, and his legs are shaking. If he has to stand for any longer, he's going to end up collapsing. On the other hand. Mr. Harper looks shocked that James went off on him like that. Good! He deserved to be shocked.

"Jay, honey, calm down." Chris says, grabbing a hold of him.

"Will, what did you do?" Ms. Harper reprimands her husband.

"Well, I was telling about replacing our daughter, then he started freaking out! I don't even know why." Mr. Harper says, almost looking sympathetic for his son in law.

"He's already dealt with enough trama in these past few weeks, so his emotions are sensitive!" Mandy tells him. "Chris, take James inside while your father and I have a talk."

"Okay." Chris sighs, helping James back into the apartment. She loves her parents, but she can't believe that her dad would be so insensitive. She overheard most of the conversation and she is shocked. How could anyone say that James doesn't care about Kenzie? He loves that little girl more than anything. And Lucy is not a slut. Honestly, Chris wants to go and tell her dad off. She doesn't care who you are. No one talks to James that it's her parents or friends, she's going to be mad if someone mistreats James without reason.

"Let's go to your room." She whispers, helping James to the room. She helps him sit down, then sits next to him and grabs his shaky hand. She watches as he runs his fingers through his hair before wincing and draping one arm across his stomach. He's not suppose to get stressed out like this. That's exactly why his dad went home. He started crying after his dad visited and that triggered a really intense pain attack. That's the last thing he needs. If Chris had known that her dad was going to act like this, she would have made sure that he stayed away from James. He's not a mean person, but he has always been kind of temperamental when it comes to his daughters and their guys.

"I had no idea that he would react like that." She says, squeezing his hand.

"He-" James has to stop so he can gasp for air. Chris is almost certain that he's bordering on a panic attack. She has to calm him down before he actually does have a panic attack. He's in no condition to be dealing with extreme emotions like anger. They need to keep him as calm as possible.

"How could he say that I don't care about Kenzie?" James says, struggling to catch his breath. "He doesn't know anything about me or my relationship with my daughter. And he had the nerve to talk trash about my girlfriend? I am so freaking pissed off right now!"

"You need to lay down." Chris says, helping him lay down. She checks the bandages on his leg and stomach. Everything looks okay. After all, they did change the bandages just a couple of hours ago. As for his mental and emotional state, he still doesn't look too good. His face is still red, he still looks like he wants to punch someone, and he's still shaking.

"Do you want some water?" She asks him. James nods, since he doesn't feel like saying actual words. When Chris exits the bedroom, everyone looks concerned.

"Is he okay?" Ms. Knight asks worriedly.

"Yeah." Chris sighs. "My dad was talking trash and said some mean stuff, though. James got upset and started yelling at him. The whole thing was a little too stressful for the poor guy."

Katie looks toward the door leading to James's room. It was hard not to hear his angry outburst. He was practically screaming and, althought Katie would normally deny this, she was scared. She hasn't really seen James angry before. Well, except for that one time that the guys were all mad at Griffin and they came home cussing him out. Yeah, they were saying some pretty...shocking stuff. They were about nineteen at the time. James was so mad that Jenna actually had to take him down to the pool and calm him down. From what Katie remembers, the guys were suppose to play a small show in Grand Marais and they were excited because they were going to spend some time with their families, but Griffin cancelled the show because he felt that BTR needed to be playing in bigger cities, not small towns like Grand Marais. Therefore, they did not get to go home during any part of their tour.

But that's nothing compared to today. When James returned to the apartment, he looked like he was ready to kill somebody. Not literally, but he looked _really mad._

She's a bit hesitant, but she makes her way to James's room to check on her brother's best friend. He's laying on his bed with his arms covering his faced, angrily muttering under his breath. She questions whether or not she should turn around and leave, but she finally sits on the edge of the bed.

"I thought Jenna's parents liked you." She says.

"Jenna's mom likes me, her dad tolerates me." James mumbles.

"You should have just walked away." Katie tells him. "Before you got too upset."

"Katie, you should have heard the trash that he told me." James says, revealing his slighly flushed face. "He called Lucy a slut and said that I probably don't care about Kenzie."

"But you know it's not true, so who cares what he thinks?" Katie asks him. "Anyway, I think his wife is giving him a good scolding."

"Yep." James sighs. "Is Lucy still out there?"

"She left after she heard you guys arguing." Katie tells him. "She probably went to her apartment."

"Ugh." James groans. "Katie, can you help me up? I need to talk to her."

"Be careful." Katie says as she helps him, paying careful attention to his facial expressions. When he squeezes his eyes shut, she knows that even the smallest movements don't feel too good for him. She feels like making him lay back down, but he probably should check on Lucy. She seemed pretty upset when she left. She wasn't crying, but the girl's emotions are pretty easy to figure out.

She hands his crutches to him, slowly letting go as he puts them under his arms. As they leave the room, Katie still stands close him because he's still a bit shaky.

"Jay, here's your water." Chris says, handing the water bottle to him. He takes a couple of sips and thanks her before limping out of the apartment. He gets closer to the elevator, but stops when he hears Mr. and Mrs. Harper "talking" around the corner.

"Mandy, if Jenna had never met that boy, she would have never gotten knocked up and she would still be here." Mr. Harper says, never changing his angry tone of voice.

James gasps quietly, shaking his head.

"Will, haven't you thought about how James feels? Jenna was his wife. Anyone with eyes could see that he loved her. How could you ever blame him for her death?"

"Mandy, it's true." Mr. Harper says adamantly. "If it weren't for her going to that concert and meeting _him_, she would still be alive. She may have loved him, but he has caused her nothing but trouble."

So they're blaming him? He had never really blamed himself for Jenna's death, but...No! It's not James's fault. He's already decided that he's through with being a miserable wreck, constantly hurting. If Mr. Harper wants to blame him, so be it! But he's not going to blame himself. Of course, it does hurt to know that someone is actually blaming him.

He limps toward the elevator, glancing at Jenna's parents. Mrs. Harper's eyes widen because she's obviously aware that James heard their conversation. Mr. Harper isn't even looking at him, not that he cares. He just shakes his head and presses the elevator button, stepping into the elevator when the doors open. He presses the button to the third floor, heavily leaning on his crutches.

Just a few minutes later, he's standing at Lucy's door. He turns the doorknob and opens the door. He limps toward the couch, where Lucy is sitting, taking his place next to her. He winces at first, but he slowly relaxes. He reaches out and wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. He's glad that she doesn't push him away. He was afraid that this little incident would put another dent in their relationship. They barely got back together yesterday and James doesn't want to have anymore problems.

"You said that things were okay between you and Jenna's dad." Lucy tells him.

"Yeah, but I guess he was upset that I'm dating you."

"Jay, if our relationship is going to screw things up between you and your wife's parents, then-"

"Lucy, I don't care what he says." James says calmly, kissing her temple. "I'm not going to let one person ruin our relationship. Yeah, I'm dating you, but that doesn't change how I feel about Jenna. As I've stated a million times, I will alwats love her, but I want to move on. Jenna's dad needs to do the same thing. It seems like her mom is doing okay, though."

"I don't know why he called me a slut." Lucy says angrily.

"You heard that?" James asks sadly.

"Yep." Lucy nods. "He said it loud enough."

"I'm sorry." James says softly, giving Lucy a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Lucy says, a smile slowly appearing onto her face.

"Let's not let anyone change that." James smiles, kissing her forehead.

"I agree." Lucy says, kissing his cheek. "Because I would be very sad if I didn't have you."

* * *

><p><strong>Who has listened to Elevate on AOL? I did and I love it:) I can't wait to buy a copy:D I love all of the songs, but Love Me Love Me is my jam right now *Dance party* It's so dancey! <strong>

**It's pretty hard to pick a favorite, though**

**Anyway, I was so proud of James toward the end of this chapter:) When he heard Jenna's parents talking about him, he didn't start blaming himself even when Jenna's dad was:D **

**Review! **


	42. Love And Work

James is actually happy when he and the guys go back to the studio, a little more than a week after he got out of the hospital. To his amazement, Gustavo asked him if he was up to it. Normally he would make them come whether they felt like it or not. That's why this sudden act of consideration is so surprising. James won't question it, though. Gustavo Rocque finally showed some consideration for his feelings and that's all that he cares about. The man isn't normally the most considerate person out there.

They are on a twenty minute break right now and James chose to stay in the studio with Kenzie. He's sitting in the recording booth with Kenzie on his lap, listening as she babbles into the microphone. It's almost like she's singing. It's very adorable and funny. Along with her babbling, she waves her arms. She's basically trying to sing and dance. She's just having a good time.=

He sings to her, chuckling softly as he kisses her cheek. She makes the funniest squealing noise that rings through the booth. James turns her around and looks her in the eyes. He talks to her in a baby voice, giving her a few more kisses as well. They've only got about five minutes in this break and he's enjoying some alone time with his little girl.

He helps her back to her previous position and she grabs the microphone, trying to chew on it. He carefully pulls her back, laughing softly.

"That's not food." He says, stroking her cheek. He hugs her gently, kissing the top of her head. It's been a few days since the incident with Jenna's dad and, although he's over it, he can't believe that the man would accuse him of not caring about Kenzie. Anyone that knows him knows that Kenzie is his whole world. She's the most important thing in his life.

"I already fed you, Kenzie." He says, tickling her tummy. Kenzie laughs and claps her hands in response. He looks up as Gustavo, Kelly, and the other guys return to the studio.

"We've gotta get back to work." Kelly says as she enters the booth, taking Kenzie from James. She exits and sits next to Gustavo in front of the sound board. The boys put their headphones on and look at Gustavo. He wrote a new song called "Just In Love" and they're really excited to record it. It has the mature pop/R&B sound that they're going for.

"Please don't be terrible." Gustavo says before starting the music.

**("Just In Love" by Joe Jonas)**

They run through the whole song without stopping and by the end of it, Gustavo looks fairly impressed. The dogs have improved a lot since they were younger, even though they were out of show business for a while. Their voices pretty much sound the same as before, yet they sound more mature. That's exactly what Gustavo wants. He wants to show the world a more mature and stronger side of BTR. He doesn't want to abandon their younger audience, but he wants them to grow up a little.

"That wasn't bad." He says, turning the music off. "Um, nice job, dogs."

"Why don't you guys go home for the day? But we'll want you back here tomorrow." Kelly tells them. She and Gustavo watch as Carlos grabs James's crutches and begins helping him up. It makes them feel angry at Griffin for ever making those boys work with Wayne Wayne. It's a good thing that he's in jail now. Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before the boys and the other victims are asked to go to court and testify. Neither Gustavo or Kelly wants to bring it up because the boys have already been through enough.

"Come here, Kenzie." Logan says as Kelly hands the baby to him. Carlos grabs the diaper bag and they start walking out of the studio. They keep a slow pace, since crutches keep James from walking very fast. His steps are slow and careful, as if he's afraid of falling. He has Kendall and Carlos standing on each side of him, though. Therefore, someone will be able to catch him if he does trip.

"You guys have gotta see the wedding cake that Jo and I are getting." Kendall says, looking through the pictures on his phone. He holds the camera in front of James and Carlos, and Logan looks over Carlos's shoulder. It's a completely white, three tiered cake with pink flowers made from icing on top of it. It'll look very nice at the wedding, but also very delicious.

"Nice." James says as they continue walking toward the exit. Carlos opens the door for him and he limps outside. Kendall and Carlos hold onto him as they walk down the steps and as much as he appreciates their help, it's kind of annoying. He can't wait until he can walk without crutches, so his friends won't have to treat him like a baby. Right now, he feels like a child that can't walk on his own.

"Careful." Carlos says as James crawls into the limo next to Kendall. Logan gets in and fastens Kenzie into her car seat. Kenzie removes her hands from her mouth and looks at James, who smiles and waves at her. She babbles softly and giggles when Carlos makes a silly face at her. She has gotten over her fear of him. In fact, he actually amuses her now. His crazy behavior makes her laugh. She adores Kendall and Logan. Most of all, she loves her daddy. James is her favorite person in the world. She seems to have taken a liking to Lucy as well, since the girl is her dad's girlfriend. She's quite fond of Jo and Camille, too. Really, she loves everybody once she gets to know them.

"I hope that our next single is awesome!" Carlos says.

"We could probably make a good music video for Just In Love." Kendall says, envisioning the video in his head. He pictures the Just In Love music video as being mature, but not trashy. A few pretty girls, some beautiful scenery, and cool dance moves. Yeah, he would definitely like to make a video for that song. Maybe they should ask Gustavo about it.

"I bet you would love to see Jo in the video." Logan teases.

"Yeah, maybe you and your wife could share a kiss." James jokes.

"First of all, Jo and I aren't married yet." Kendall retorts. "Second of all, mind your business!"

James, Carlos, and Logan laugh, noticing Kendall's blushing. James feels like things have really improved between them. He doesn't even have a grudge against them, despite what happened last year. Since they've been back in LA, the guys have been trying to show that they still care about him and their friendship. Carlos and Logan don't fight anymore and all four of them are back to joking around and occasionally acting a little too crazy. He likes it better this way. He has missed having his friends around.

"Aaaah!" Kenzie squeals.

"Okay, you're being really talkative today." James says as he lifts Kenzie from her car seat. He sits her on his lap and cuddles her, looking out the window. It's a beautiful, sunny day in Los Angeles today, as it usually is. There's rarely a rainy day in this town.

"Are you hyper?" He asks playfully, kissing her cheek. He leans back against the seat, closing his eyes. In his condition, he gets tired easily. He can only walk around so much before he starts getting exhausted. He doesn't like it, but he's hoping that it'll get better in a few weeks. He's just glad that he hasn't had any nightmares about the shooting. Chris and Ms. Knight always tell him that he's handling it so well. He's proud of himself for that. He thought that his mental state would be screwed after something so horrible, but he's okay. His mental stablility is still in tact.

"Jay, are you gonna spend any time with Lucy today?" Kendall asks him.

"Yeah, me and Kenzie are going to spend the night at her apartment." James responds. "We're probably going to watch a movie."

"Dada." Kenzie babbles, looking at James.

"We'll watch something good." James says, placing a loving kiss on her cheek.

* * *

><p>Lucy hums softly, setting a plate of brownies on the coffee table. Tonight is going to be just her, James, and Kenzie. It's going to be their first serious date since James finally said that he loves her and she couldn't be happier. It's great to know that he actually shares her feelings. She absolutely adores that boy. When she met James for the first time when they were teenagers, she thought that he was a little too desperate. Now he's older and he's so much different than he use to be. She likes him better now, not that he wasn't okay before. He just wasn't dating material.<p>

Tonight, he and Kenzie are going to spend the night at her place. She already set up a bassinet in her room, so Kenzie could have a comfy place to sleep. Until they get tired, they're going to eat brownies and watch a good family friendly movie (Furry Vengeance?). It's going to be a really fun night for all three of them. Chris already packed James's suitcase and brought it over, so James wouldn't have to pack anything himself.

She smiles when she hears knocking, walking to the front door. She opens the door and James limps into the apartment, with Chris following close behind. She's holding Kenzie and the diaper bag.

"You kids have fun." Chris says as she hands Kenzie and the bag to Lucy.

"We will." James says, waving at his sister in law before she leaves. Once the door closes, he leans in for a kiss. Lucy happily accepts, of course. How could she ever resist a kiss from that boy?

"What are we gonna do first?" He asks, trying to kiss her again.

"I thought we could watch Furry Vengeance." Lucy says as they walk into the living room. "It's really funny, but still family friendly. We want to make sure the movie is appropriate for Kenzie."

"Carlos tried to watch Sucker Punch with her the other day." James says, shaking his head. "I couldn't believe it. I may enjoy that movie, but Kenzie has no business seeing stuff like that. Something like that is meant for people no younger than fourteen, maybe thirteen years old. Babies, toddlers, and elementary school age kids don't need to see it."

"What did you do about it?" Lucy asks as they sit on the couch.

"I took Kenzie to the pool." James says, bouncing Kenzie on his lap.

"Uh huh." Lucy says slowly, approaching the movie basket. She puts Furry Vengeance in the DVD player and presses the play button, returning to the couch. She snuggles up to James and sighs cheerfully as he wraps his arm around her. She's not usually a super affectionate person, but she makes an exception for James. If someone like Jett did this, she probably punch them. James isn't forceful about it.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" James sighs.

"Sure."

"Do you think it's my fault that Jenna died?"

Lucy looks at him with confusion, baffled by his question.

"Where did you get that idea?"

"Because I overheard her dad talking about it. He said that if Jenna had never met me, she would have never gotten pregnant and she would still be alive. I'm not blaming myself, but I just wonder about it."

"Jay, it's not your fault. You didn't know that she was going to lose her life. Anyway, you got Kenzie." Lucy says, grabbing his hand. "If Jenna hadn't gotten pregnant, Kenzie wouldn't be here. And I know how much you love her. Don't let Jenna's dad make you think that you caused her to die. Because you didn't. I'm serious, Jay. It's not your fault."

"I know." James agrees. "It just bothered me that he said that."

"Don't let it bother you anymore." Lucy says, kissing his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder.

James smiles and squeezes her shoulders, looking at the TV.

* * *

><p>Four hours later, they are getting ready for bed. They watched Furry Vengeance, then they watched Spongebob Squarepants, then they realized that they're tired, so they decided to call it a night.<p>

James lays under the covers and watches Lucy, who is taking her earrings off. He loves how she looks in the zebra print pajama pants and black tank top. The attractive outfit combined with the red highlights in her dark brown hair...James loves it. He loves that girl and now he isn't so scared to admit it. He's on his way to being more open to love. He tells Lucy that he loves her like it's no big deal, which it really isn't. He still thinks about Jenna every day, but he's making room for Lucy in his life.

"Is Kenzie asleep?" The girls asks as she lays next to him.

"Yeah." James whispers, wrapping his arm around her. He smiles softly as she kisses his cheek, closing his eyes. He never thought that he would be this close to someone ever again, but here he is. He's still a little intimidated, but he's getting better. His love for Jenna will never go away, but he's starting fall more in love with Lucy. He has gotten to know her even more since he came back to LA and he likes the girl a lot. She's sarcastic yet sweet. She's a lot different than Jenna, but he loves both girls.

"Do you still love me?" Lucy asks him.

"Of course." James whispers, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you, too." Lucy says, draping her arm over his chest.

"You were in love with me before, though. When we were teenagers, you thought I was desperate and obnoxious." James says quietly, a small smile on his face. "What made you change your mind about me?"

"I like sweet and mature guys." Lucy explains. "You're different now. When you returned to LA, I noticed something different about you. You were more reserved and sweet, rather than an annoying guy that has to flirt with every hot girl he sees. I guess I was kind of drawn to you. And the fact that you have a kid didn't bother me. I've come to really love Kenzie."

"Well, we love you as much as you love us." James smiles, kissing her forehead.

"You better."

**Songs:**

**Just In Love-Joe Jonas**

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	43. Stronger

James has always liked sleeping in late, but since Kenzie was born, he doesn't get to do it very often. He wakes up around seven this morning and finds Kenzie sitting up in her bassinet. He has to be careful not to wake Lucy up as he gets out of bed, reaching for one of his crutches. He quietly limps over to the bassinet and lifts Kenzie up, holding her with his free arm. He gives his sleeping girlfriend one last look before limping to the living room. He sits on the couch and reaches into the diaper bag, grabbing a spoon and Kenzie's favorite yogurt.

"I guess it's time for your breakfast." James says, feeding the little girl. He hums the tune to "Just In Love" as he scoops up some more yogurt. He puts it in Kenzie's mouth, laughing as some rolls down her chin. He uses a cloth to wipe it off, smiling as Kenzie babbles. Being a parent may be hard work and a big responsibility, but he loves it. He refuses to feel regret for Jenna getting pregnant, even though she lost her life, because he got his beautiful daughter. Kenzie gives him a purpose. While his career may be a musician, being a father is his most important job.

"How hungry were you?" He asks as he feeds her more yogurt. He kisses her cheek and cuddles her closely, feeding her the last scoop of yogurt. He sits the empty container and on the coffee table, cleans the spoon, sits it on the coffee table, then tends to Kenzie. He wipes some excess yogurt from her mouth and gives her a hug. He's so proud to call her his daughter. When Jenna was pregnant, he was a little nervous about becoming a father, but he truly loves it. It's the best job in the world. He wouldn't trade his baby girl for anything.

"I love you, Kenzie." He says, kissing her cheek again. Kenzie makes some baby noises and tries to climb off of James's lap. He doesn't want her to fall and hurt herself, so he grabs her and helps her down. He smiles as she uses the coffee table to stand up, taking a few steps. She should be walking on her own soon. So far, she can walk while holding onto things, occasionally taking a few independent steps. She can't completely walk on her own yet, though. She's still practicing.

"Jay, where-" Lucy stops when she sees James. "Oh, I woke up and I noticed you weren't in bed, so I just-"

"Kenzie woke up early." James says, motioning to his young daughter. Lucy gets closer and Kenzie lets go of the coffee table, toddling toward her dad's girlfriend. She plops down in front of Lucy, looking up at her.

"Good morning." Lucy says, picking her up. She looks at James and notices the discomfort behind his smile. His injuries still bother him a lot, so this happens a lot. One minute he's fine, then the pain kicks in and his mood changes. She should get his pain medicine, since that usually eases the pain.

She puts Kenzie down and walks to the kitchen, filling a glass with water and grabbing James's pain medication. She sits next to James and looks at him with worry. He's trying to keep a normal expression on his face, but he's failing. The poor guy is obviously in pain. Lucy feels so bad for him. She's eager to alleviate his pain, so she hands him the water and medicine. He takes two pills and rinses the medicine down with water. Lucy sits the glass on the coffee table, then rubs James's shoulder. It'll take a few minutes for the medicine to kick in, so she rubs his back, shoulder, and bicep to distract him.

"Can I lay down?" James asks weakly.

"Sure." Lucy says, helping him. Soon, he's laying with his head on her lap. She plays with his hair and strokes his face, watching as he closes his eyes. He must enjoy the gesture, so she continues. But a whimper causes her to stop. She looks at Kenzie, who is sitting on the floor by herself. She must think that they're ignoring her.

"Oh, we didn't forget about you!" Lucy says, getting out from under James. She picks Kenzie up and returns to the couch, giving the little girl a hug. "Jay, is the medicine working?"

"I think so." James says tiredly.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" Lucy asks worriedly.

"Really, I'm fine." James smiles, but it's a very weak smile.

Lucy takes his word for it, not that she really believes him. He's acting like the exact opposite of fine. She doesn't want to accuse him of lying, though. She's going to assume that he really is fine until she starts to see otherwise.

* * *

><p>Jo is sitting on her bed with a notebook and pen, trying to decide what kind of food to have at the reception. She's thinking about having a buffet with a variety of foods, so everyone has a choice. She doesn't want to have just one type of food, only for some guests to not be craving it. They could end up serving steak or something, only to find that a guest would prefer italian or chinese. A buffet seems like the best option for this wedding. She wants everyone to have a good time. There will be good food and <em>dancing.<em>

She thinks that the guys should start shopping for their tuxedos soon. They only have four months to plan this wedding, so they need to be on schedule. The guys, including Kendall, need to go for their fitting soon. She knows how boys are when it comes to shopping, but she wants her husband-to-be and his friends to look good. She just hopes that James will be okay in time. She knows that his recovery will take a while, but she's hoping that he'll at least be able to walk without crutches by June. This concern is a secret because she doesn't want to sound selfish. It's not James's fault that he's hurt and his health is most important. Jo is happy that he's going to be in the wedding and that's why she's so hopeful that he'll be off crutches.

She got up earlier than she usually does, just so she could work on wedding plans. But she could use a break, so she puts the notebook and pen aside, and leaves her bedroom. She walks to the restroom and grabs her brush, running it through her blonde hair. As she does this, she looks at her reflection in the mirror. She hasn't changed too much since high school. She may look a little older, but she looks a lot like she did as a teenager.

She's gonna see what Lucy's doing. Maybe she made some of those brownies that Jo likes. Baking is one of those talents that only Lucy's family and closest friends know about. She doesn't tell the public about it, but she has this image as a bad girl and she doesn't want to ruin it, even though baking is a normal hobby for a girl. Now, if she walked in on Kendall wearing a pink apron and baking cookies, she might be a little concerned. The pink apron would be the concerning part, but Jo likes a man that can cook.

She gets to her friend's apartment in no time. She wriggles the doorknob and pushes the door open, skipping into the living room. Lucy is sitting on the floor with Kenzie, while James is asleep on the couch.

"Hey, what's with your boyfriend?" She asks.

"His leg and stomach were bothering him again." Lucy says, handing a block to Kenzie.

"Oh." Jo says, reaching for Kenzie. "Hey, what happened the other day with James and Jenna's dad? Kendall said that he was talking trash, but he didn't really specify too well. He mentioned that James got really mad, but that's it."

"Jenna's dad was mad because James and I are dating. He thinks that it's too soon for James to be dating again. So when we told him and his wife that we were together, he and James went out to the hallway to talk. At first, they're talking at a normal volume, then they start raising their voices. Jenna's dad accused James of not caring about caring about Kenzie because he's too busy with "that slut", meaning me."

"That man is Jenna's dad?" Jo asks in surprise. "She was so sweet, so how could she possibly be related to someone like that?"

"I don't know." Lucy shrugs. "I left after I heard him say that, then James came to check on me and he overheard Jenna's dad saying that Jenna would still be alive if she had never met him."

"Jerk." Jo mutters, cuddling Kenzie.

"Dada!" Kenzie babbles. She looks at James, who is still sleeping.

"Daddy is asleep." Lucy says, shaking the little girl's hand. She looks at her boyfriend, smiling at how peaceful he looks. He got changed into some jeans, T shirt, black hoodie, and his glasses, then went right back to sleep. She's amazed that he managed to dress himself. She stayed close to the restroom in case he needed help, but everytime she asked him, he said that he could do it himself. He sounded like he was in pain, though, so Lucy was very tempted to help him whether he wanted it or not.

"Dada!" Kenzie repeats.

"Hmm?" James murmurs, his eyes still closed.

"Jay, you can keep sleeping." Lucy says, rubbing his shoulder. James doesn't listen. With some difficulty, he sits up and looks at Kenzie, who is looking straight at him. He winces as he sits up straight, holding his hand out to Kenzie. Jo hands the baby to Lucy, who hands her to James. He shakes fixes the sleeves of her shirt, making sure that they're straightened out.

"Aaaaaah!" Kenzie babbles, smiling at James.

"Hi, pretty girl." James chuckles, cuddling his baby.

* * *

><p>Gustavo is trying to work on a new song for the BTR album when Kendall comes running into the studio, yelling Gustavo's name. What does the monkey dog want now? Gustavo is already letting him and Jo use Rocque Records for their reception, so what else could they possibly need? Do they want him to pay for the wedding or something? Maybe he's jumping to conclusions, but anytime Kendall comes to Rocque Records, it's usually to talk to Gustavo about the wedding.<p>

"I'm already letting you-"

"I want to write a song for Jo!" Kendall says quickly. "And I need you to help me!"

"What am I suppose to do?"Gustavo complains.

"I want it to be a really good song and you're a professional, so you can help me if I get stuck." Kendall says hopefully. "Please, man! I need to do this. I need to do something really special for Jo and I want it to be perfect. The band performed at James and Jenna's wedding and Jenna loved it, so I think we should do the same thing for Jo! Please?"

Gustavo sighs heavily. He's always happy to help the boys. They spent a whole week on a song for James and Jenna's wedding and it did turn out great. Maybe this could be a tradition for all of their weddings. They did it for James and Jenna, they could do it for Kendall and Jo, then for Logan and Camille, then for Carlos and whoever he decides to spend the rest of his life with.

"Okay!" He says. "I'll do it."

"Thanks!" Kendall says happily. "Oh, and we won't be able to come to work tomorrow. James is starting physical therapy."

"Whatever." Gustavo says, starting to get annoyed. He really wants to get back to work on his newest creation. Once he gets that done, they can get to work on Kendall and Jo's wedding song. In order to concentrate, he really needs Kendall to leave.

"You want me to leave now, don't you?"

"Yes, I really do." Gustavo says, pushing Kendall out the door. "Bye!"

He closes the door and returns to the piano, getting back to work on his song. The song is called "Invisible" and he's incredibly proud of it. He's sure that the boys will love it, too. He knows what the boys have been through in the past year and, although he will never tell them, this song is written just for them. He has never written a song for those dogs before, but after all the hardships they've dealt with, he was inspired to write "Invisible."

_("He sings the chorus of "Invisible")_

He stops singing, writing more lyrics on the music sheet. He thinks that this might be one of his best creations yet. He feels proud of every one of his songs, but this might be one of his favorites. He can't wait for the boys to record it. He could see it being a big hit. Who knows? He might even release it as a single, with a really awesome music video.

* * *

><p>"Bye!" Lucy says to Jo before closing the door. Her friend stayed for two hours before leaving to continue her day of wedding planning. Now Lucy can have some more alone time with her boyfriend. And Kenzie, of course. They can't forget about sweet little Kenzie. That little girl hates when people don't pay attention to her. If anyone ignores them, she will keep bothering them until they give her some attention.<p>

"Now we're alone again." She says, sitting next to James. She kisses his cheek and rests her head on his shoulder. "Now, aren't you suppose to start physical therapy tomorrow?"

"Yep." James sighs. "I'm nervous."

"Do you need me to go with you?" Lucy asks him.

"One more person won't hurt." James shrugs, wrapping his arm around her. "The guys are going, too. They pretty much refused to let me go by myself. They're driving me to and from physical therapy every day. I'm not allowed to fight them on that either. They're going whether I like it or not."

"Why wouldn't you want anyone to go? You need someone to support you."

"I'm going to be in pain and you all have seen me in enough pain." James sighs. "They're going to start getting me to walk without crutches, which I know will hurt since I've tried it before. I hate that you and the guys are going to see me in pain."

"We'll be okay." Lucy says, giving him a hug. "We'll be there to get you through it. We can handle it."

"Okay." James says softly, smiling when Lucy kisses him.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, I used a Britney Spears song for this chapter:D I think that Stronger is a great word to describe the characters and everything they've been through:)<strong>

**Invisible is by BTR:)**

**Review! :D**


	44. We Can't Stop Now

While Ms. Knight is handing James's paperwork to the front desk, James is thinking about how much he_ doesn't _want to do this. Physical therapy is going to be much too painful. They'll be touching him, making him walk around, and he isn't going to like it at all. He can't believe that his friends and girlfriend are going to be there while he's experiencing so much pain. He's going to try acting like it doesn't bother him, but it won't be easy. But he's a good actor, so it shouldn't be too hard to fake calmness. He has done it before and he can do it again.

"I don't wanna do this." He whispers to Lucy, who is holding his hand.

"You have to." Lucy says, squeezing his hand.

"But-"

"James!"

James whines and looks at his three bandmates, who shrug in response. Ugh, they are no help at all. He could make a run for it, but that would be kind of hard considering his current condition. The whole purpose of physical therapy is to get him back on his feet faster and as much as he wants that, he's scared of what the therapy is going to be like. He doesn't feel like dealing with pain. But there's no way out. He's stuck and he has to go through with this. Oh, he wishes he could be at the Palm Woods with Kenzie. Jo, Camille, and Katie are in charge of babysitting today.

"Hi, James." An middle aged man in a white doctor's coat says."I'm Dr. Walsh. I'm going to be your physical therapist."

James smiles awkwardly and shakes the man's hand. Yes, Dr. Walsh seems nice enough, but that doesn't change how James feels about this physical therapy thing. He's in enough pain as it is. Who knows what physical therapy will do to him? He knows that it'll be a good thing, but the process can't be very comfortable. If he could back down, he would.

"Let's step into my office for your initial evaluation." Dr. Walsh says. James carefully stands up on his crutches, following Dr. Walsh across the lobby to his office. He sits in one chair, while Ms. Knight sits in the other. Lucy and the guys stay outside and wait for them.

"First, let's discuss your medical history." Dr. Walsh says, looking at some papers. "It says here that you suffered a broken ankle when you were fourteen. Anything else I should know about?"

"Um, not that I know of." James says, shaking his head.

"Did the ankle heal properly? Were there any complications?" Dr. Walsh asks him. James shakes his head once again. "Alright. You're suffering from gunshot wounds to your left thigh and stomach?"

"Yeah." James nods.

"Have there been any compications or problems?"

"No, just some pain. It doesn't really affect me too much, though. I guess I get around okay. It isn't easy walking around with crutches, but I haven't had any problems with it."

"Good to know." Dr. Walsh says, looking at the paperwork. James anxiously taps his fingers on the arm of his chair, thinking about Kenzie. She's probably wondering where her daddy is. She started crying when he left this morning. She hates when he's gone for too long. And he hates being away from his little girl for too long. He would prefer staying at home with his daughter, rather than putting himself through tremendous pain.

"Let's talk about the pain you mentioned. How bad is it on a scale from one to ten?" Dr. Walsh asks him.

"I guess a seven or eight." James shrugs. "It's pretty bad, but I take pain medicine. That makes it better."

Ten minutes later, they are through with the initial evaluation. Then he is taken to another room for the objective evaluation. The first step is called palapation. This involves the doctor touching the injured areas. James is only slightly nervous about this part, but it's not as bad as moving around. All he has to do is sit down and let Dr. Walsh touch his leg and stomach.

Lucy hugs him from behind as Dr. Walsh touches his thigh. He hisses through clenched teeth and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep his sanity. Even touching it hurts. It's a good thing that Lucy is comforting him. Otherwise, he would be freaking out.

"Did that hurt?" Dr. Walsh asks him, genuine concern in the man's voice.

"Yeah." James says tightly. Dr. Walsh sighs and carefully lifts his shirt, touching his stomach wound. James gulps heavily and leans back into Lucy's embrace. She whispers to him, while Kendall and Carlos rub his shoulders. Lucy kisses his cheek and continues talking to him, trying to distract him from the pain. It helps a little bit, but it doesn't make the pain go away completely. He can still feel the horrible discomfort.

He painfully watches as Dr. Walsh writes stuff in his notepad. He didn't know that simply touching the wounds would hurt this much. He has pretty much avoided letting anything touch the injuries, so it's no wonder that he's surprised. He hasn't experienced it too much. He wishes that he didn't have to experience this pain. It's quite scary when things are normal, then he suddenly finds himself wishing that someone would knock him unconscious.

"Are you okay?" Lucy whispers, squeezing his again. James can't bring himself to talk, so he just nods.

"Now we're going to do a motion test." Dr. Walsh says, gently lifting James's left leg off the ground. James whimpers and tries to hold back tears, looking at his friends for comfort. Kendall and Carlos squeeze his shoulders and join Lucy in trying to distract him. The pain is starting to become too much and they can tell. He wishes that he was better at hiding his pain. He hates that they have to see him like this.

"Um, is it okay if I go to the restroom?" He asks weakly. "Then we can continue."

"Sure." Dr. Walsh says, helping James out of the chair. James limps out the door and past the restroom, since that isn't where he was really planning to go. Instead, he limps to the end of an empty hallway, relieved when he sees a chair. He lowers himself into it and angrily throws his crutches down. He doesn't know how he's going to make it through physical therapy. He could barely handle the doctor touching his injuries, so how will he ever make it in physical therapy? He hates to say it, but he doesn't know if he can do this. It's too hard for him. He feels like such a wimp, but it's not like he can help it.

Anyway, someone will eventually come looking for him and make him go back to the therapy, but he hopes that they won't come yet. He needs a few minutes to recover from the pain.

"Jay?"

He groans when he hears Lucy's voice. He loves that girl, but he wishes that she would stay away from him right now. He isn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. He just wants a few minutes of peace and quiet.

"What?" He asks quietly.

"I knew you weren't really going to the restroom." Lucy says sternly. James breathes and runs his hands through his hair. He's ashamed of his behavior, but he can't react any other way. If he's in pain, he's not going to be in a great mood. This is a disaster. He should suck it up and do the therapy, but now he's got this weird mental block that is preventing him from going back.

"Look, I know what you're thinking, but-"

"Jay, I know it's painful, but you've gotta do it." Lucy says, kneeling in front of him. She holds his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks. It was saddening to see him in pain, but the therapy will help him get better. She needs to make him understand that.

"Look, don't you wanna be able to walk _without _crutches? Kendall and Jo's wedding is in four months, so I'm sure that you want to be able to escort the maid of honor down the aisle without any problems." She says gently, wiping a tear from his cheek. "I know it's hard and I know that it's painful, but you've gotta do it, okay? If the pain becomes too much, I'm sure Dr. Walsh will let you take a break. But you can't give up, Jay."

"But the pain is-"

"I know it must be pretty bad, but you can get through this. You're strong, Jay." Lucy says, pulling him into a hug. "You'll be fine. Kendall, Carlos, Logan, Ms. Knight, and I will be here for you."

"I'm scared." James whispers. Lucy gives him a soft kiss on the lips, looking into his eyes as she pulls away. She rests her forehead against his and listens to his shaky breathing. She is seriously considering a visit to the prison so she can give Wayne Wayne a piece of her mind. He did this to James. If it weren't for him, James wouldn't be needing physical therapy.

"You can do this." She says, kissing his cheek. "Come on."

She hands him his crutches and he stands up with her help.

* * *

><p>Katie gasps as she runs on the treadmill. She goes to the gym for three hours each day (Unless something comes up) and she still has ten minutes left. She left Jo and Camille to watch Kenzie. They asked her why she couldn't skip out on the gym today, so she told them that it's a part of her daily routine. She cannot mess up her daily routine unless she absolutely has to. Camille and Jo are older and more mature anyway. They can care for a baby better than Katie can. She <em>has<em> to exercise for...special reasons.

She keeps running on the treadmill, despite how tired she is. After ten minutes, she stops and turns the exercise machine off. She grabs her gym bag and walks over to the mirror, looking at her reflection. She finally steps away from the mirror and walks out the door, flagging down a cab. She gets into the back seat and texts Jo to find out how Kenzie's doing. She feels bad for not staying with the little girl, but this was really important. When the guys stopped being friends, she also lost three of her four brothers and she didn't know how to handle it. She couldn't control what happened between Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan, but she can control herself and her body.

No one thought about how the breakup affected her. They were more concerned about the four of them and Katie was just forgotten. She figured that maybe it was that no one cared about her. She looked at herself and wondered "Why don't they care about how _I _feel?" She started to see herself in a different light and she didn't like it. Therefore, she decided to make some changes.

The cab stops in front of the Palm Woods and Katie pays the driver before entering the hotel. She makes a beeline for the elevator, rushing inside. She presses the fourth floor button. She stands with her back against the wall and stares at her reflection in the mirror like walls. She sighs heavily and looks away just as the doors open. She walks out of the elevator and down the hall to the apartment. She walks inside and finds Jo, Camille, and Chris sitting on the living room floor with Kenzie.

"I'm back!" She says, putting a smile on her face.

"How was the gym?" Camille says flatly.

"Um, fun!" Katie says awkwardly.

"Uh huh." Camille says, her tone never changing.

Katie rolls her eyes and sits down with them, pulling Kenzie onto her lap.

"Did you behave?" She asks the baby girl.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims, pointing at a picture on the end table. Katie looks at it and smiles softly. It's a picture of James at the hockey rink last year. He is sitting in the bleachers with Kenzie on his lap. She looks like she was about three or four months old. It's amazing how much she has grown since then. Now she's got a full head of hair, she's gotten bigger, and she's starting to move around on her own.

"Yeah, that's your daddy." Katie nods.

At that moment, the door bursts open. James, Kendall, Carlos, Logan, Lucy, and walk into the apartment. James looks exhausted and Katie worries about him. She isn't normally a super nice or affectionate person, but she is capable of caring. Next to Kendall, she's probably closest to James. That's one of the reasons that she was so upset when the band broke up and the guys ended their friendship. She stopped seeing James and the worst part is that he didn't bother to keep in touch with her.

"How was physical therapy?" Chris asks, helping James to the couch. The boy murmurs "Fine" and lays down, snuggling into the couch.

"He's really tired." Ms. Knight says with she sees Chris's worried expression.

"Dada!" Kenzie says, toddling over to the couch. She tries to pull herself onto the couch, but ends up falling down. She whimpers as she looks at her sleeping father, upset that he can't hold her.

"Let daddy sleep." Logan says, picking her up. She whimpers again, not even smiling when Logan kisses her cheek.

"It went pretty well, though." Lucy says, running her fingers through James's hair. "He got a little scared at first, but he didn't quit."

* * *

><p><strong>DOUBLE UPDATE! <strong>  
><strong>Anyway, this story needs some more drama and I realized that I haven't included Katie very much, so I'm going to give her a storyline. Although, the story is still mainly focused on James, I like to have some subplots:) Besides, there might be some Jatie friendship in the coming chapters:D<strong>

**Ahh, 296 reviews! Almost three hundred:)**

**Review! :D **


	45. Broken and Beautiful

_James listens to the distant sound of someone digging through the refrigerator, at two thirty in the morning. This has been going on for the past ten minutes and he's amazed that someone could be that hungry. Once James has eaten a normal meal and he's full, he doesn't eat anymore. That's why this person is starting to worry him. He can't actually hear them, but it sounds like their eating is out of control. When the refrigerator closes, he hears a cabinet open. This lasts for five more minutes before another door is quietly shut. James decides to go and check on the mysterious person. He slowly sits up and grabs his crutches, standing up. He limps out of his room and into the kitchen._

On the kitchen island, there is an empty carton of ice cream, two half eaten slices of pizza, an almost empty plate of brownies, some Hershey's chocolate bar wrappers, and a box of cereal. James turns towards the direction of the restroom and hears water running. He limps towards the restroom until he is at the door. He wiggles the doorknob, but it's locked.

"Who's in here?" He asks. No one answers, so he presses his ear to the door. He hears coughing and his eyes fill with worry. What is going on? It sounds like someone has a problem, but he doesn't know how to confront them. He's going to, though. So he waits until the door finally opens. He is surprised when he sees Katie, in purple pajama pants and a pink long sleeve pajama top.

"What were you doing in there?" He asks weirdly.

Katie runs a hand through her hair, then looks at him with boredom.

"What do people usually do in the restroom?" She retorts, trying to walk past him. But James grabs her arm and pulls her back, preventing her from going anywhere. She rolls her eyes and glares at him, not understanding why he's suddenly in her business. He probably wants to know what's going on, but her answer will always be the same. Nothing! Nothing is going on. If Katie had some kind of problem, she would know.

"Don't lie to me." James says, anger seeping through his voice.

"What did you think I was doing?" Katie snaps.

"Well, there's a bunch of half eaten food in the kitchen, then you went to the restroom." James says in an "It's so obvious" tone. "So I'm just wondering if you have a problem that you need to talk about."

"I didn't have time to eat very much, so I was hungry!" Katie says, pulling her arm out of his grip. "Do me a favor and mind your own business."

She angrily storms to her room and closes the door behind her.

James sighs and shakes his head, limping back to his own room. He approaches Kenzie's crib, looking at the sleeping little girl. He knows that something is going on with Katie and he knows that it's something that he would never want to see Kenzie doing. If Katie didn't have a problem, she wouldn't have gotten so defensive when James asked her. Something isn't right and James is going to find out what it is. He's going to go all "overprotective brother" on her and while she may get annoyed, he's doing it for her own good.

He limps over to his bed and sits his crutches against the wall, then crawls under the covers.

Meanwhile, Katie is laying awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling. She can't believe that James thinks she has a problem. If he gets suspicious, it'll ruin everything. Katie doesn't have a problem. She would know if she had a problem. That's why she needs to show James that nothing is wrong with her. She may have to eat a little more when he's around. After that, she'll just have to add an extra hour to her daily gym time.

The first time Katie tried to spend time with a boy, James went crazy. He spied on them and did everything to keep them from getting too close, even though they were just enjoyinga friendly and innocent date. She isn't about to let him ruin this for her. She's doing what she needs to do to. She has watched her brothers go through hell and she lost three of them for a while. She can't do anything to change that, but she can change herself. Yes, she occasionally feels guilt for her recent choices, but it feels necessary. Her exercising is almost a compulsion. The same goes for her occasional binging. Once she starts, it's like she can't stop.

But she won't let James stop her.

* * *

><p>Breakfast is silent, except for Kenzie's babbling. James bounces the baby on his lap and feeds her some Cheerios, while Katie is just swirling her spoon around in her own bowl of cereal. Occasionally, she'll take a few small bites and look at James, who doesn't look at her. Katie rolls her eyes and keeps alternating between moving her spoon around and taking bites. Then she takes a swig of her glass of water.<p>

"Why are you two being so quiet?" Logan asks, looking at James and Katie.

"Ask Katie." James says, shrugging. Logan looks at Katie, who shrugs nonchalantly.

"I think James is just cranky." She says, eating some more cereal. She pulls her black wrap around cardigan tighter around herself and grabs her glass of water, taking another sip. She wants to laugh at James's expression, but she doesn't. She has to be careful about making him angrier because if she does, he could end up revealing her secret. It's not like there's _anything _wrong with her, but they would all blow it out of proportion. She's okay. She is completely normal and they have nothing to worry about.

"Unbelievable."James mutters.

"Katie, did you break his lucky comb?" Kendall jokes.

"No, I did not break his comb." Katie says, eating the last of her cereal. She drinks the rest of her cereal, then takes her bowl and glass to the sink. She washes them, then walks to the restroom. She closes the door and stares at her reflection. She pinches her stomach and cringes, running her hands through her hair. She clenches her jaw and grabs her gym bag from the floor, exiting the restroom.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the gym for a while." She says, not even giving them a chance to protest before she leaves.

"What's with her?" Carlos asks carefully.

"James, do you know something that we don't know?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"Um," James says, keeping his eyes on Kenzie. "No."

* * *

><p>James steps out of the cab and pays the driver, then limps toward the gym entrance. He pushes the door open and enters the building, seeing athletes all over the place. He looks around for Katie, frowning when he doesn't see her. But he keeps searching for his best friend's little sister. Finally, he finds her running on a treadmill. He limps toward her and glares at the teenager.<p>

"James?" Katie says angrily.

"I want to know what the hell is going on." James says sternly."And I want to know _now_."

"You are so paranoid." Katie mutters, continuing her exercise routine. "Remember when I liked that boy, Kyle? We were simply having an innocent date and you assumed that we were going to make out or something like that. The same concept applies to this situation. You're jumping to conclusions again. You're assuming that something is wrong with me without getting the facts."

"Don't try to make me the bad guy." James argues. "Why would you eat a bunch of food in less than fifteen minutes, then go to the restroom? Just accept it, Katie. Something isn't right in that head of yours. If you accept it now, you can get help before it gets any worse! You could end up dying if this continues. Don't you understand that?"

"I still think you're being ridiculous." Katie tells him, keeping a steady pace on the treadmill. James clenches his jaw and turns off the treadmill, grabbing Katie's arm. He throws one of his crutches down and pulls her away from the treadmill, while trying to keep his balance. He winces before turning around to face the obviously troubled teenage girl.

"Don't tell me that I'm being ridiculous! I want to help you!" James yells, getting the attention of some bystanders.

"You know what? What I do is none of your business! Just focus on your own problems, rather than mine! I'm sixteen, James! I'm not a child anymore and you have no business telling me what to do, okay? So I'm begging you, just leave me alone." Katie says, handing him his other crutch. Then she grabs her gym bag and storms out of the gym, leaving James to stare after her with both anger and worry.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, James and Kenzie are at Lucy's apartment. He needs to talk about Katie with someone he trusts. He's very worried about her, but he doesn't want anyone telling the whole Palm Woods about her and her suspected issues. Lucy would never tell a secret if James asked her not to. Plus, he feels comfortable talking to her about these things.<p>

"Just what kind of problem do you think she has?" Lucy asks while cuddling Kenzie.

"I don't know." James asks in frustration. "I think it's some kind of body image/eating thing. But every time I ask her about it, she gets defensive and denies it."

"Jay, what made you think that she has a problem anyway?" Lucy asks him.

"I woke up around two or two thirty this morning and I heard someone eating in the kitchen. I go to see who it is and I find a bunch of food on the kitchen island, while someone is in the restroom with the faucet running. Katie comes out and I ask her what she was doing. She acted so weird about her. She was snappy, defensive, and she was making excuses. It's not right, Lucy. Something is going on with her. I just wish that she would tell me."

"Maybe you're jumping to conclusions, Jay." Lucy says, running her fingers through his hair.

"There's no way." James says as he reaches for Kenzie. "She makes it so obvious. We were eating breakfast and you know what she ate? A small bowl of cereal and a glass of water. And the way she ate made it seem like she wasn't really wanting to. She would nibble, then drink some water. As soon as she was done, she headed to the gym. I went to check on her and she was running on a treadmill. I made her stop and she got mad at me."

"Well, when you put it that way..." Lucy starts to say.

"I don't know what to do." James says tiredly. "She may not be my blood relative, but she like a sister to me. I want to help her, but she won't let me. Before this morning, I didn't think about the possibility of there being any kind of problem, then this morning's little incident happened. I'm scared for her. What she's doing is dangerous, Lucy. Unfortunately, I can't help her if she doesn't want help."

"You've gotta keep being there for her." Lucy says, kissing him. "You might even have to force her to eat more. If she tries to go to the restroom, keep a close eye on her. If she goes to the gym, go with her and set a limit on how long she can stay that way. She may get angry with you, but you're just doing what's best for her."

James nods as he hugs Kenzie. Lucy's right. He needs to keep a closer eye on Katie. Whether she likes it or not, he's going to help her.

* * *

><p><strong>Obviously, Katie's storyline is very serious, but I feel that it will add drama to this story. It will also make for some drama for James and Kendall. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter:)<strong>

**Thanks for reviewing! :D**


	46. Dear Friend

"Aaah." Kenzie says softly, looking up at James. She manages to crawl all the way from the living room to the kitchen, just to see her daddy. As James looks down at her, she smiles at him and grabs the leg of his jeans, trying to pull herself up. James can't pick her up, though, because of his injuries. He can't bend over for anything because it hurts too much. Right now, he just smiles at her and talks to her. If he can make it to the living room, he'll hold her, which he really wants to do. And she obviously would like that, too.

"Follow me to the living room." He says, limping towards the living room. Kenzie crawls after him and when he collapses onto the couch, she continues pulling at the leg of his jeans. Although it's painful for his stomach, he manages to pick her up and sit her on his lap. He plays with her hair and laughs when she chews on the drawstrings of his hoodie. He removes them from her mouth, since they have a little plastic on the ends. He wouldn't want her to swallow the plastic.

"Daddy doesn't have to be at physical therapy, so he can spend the day with you." He smiles, kissing her forehead. He helps her stand up, so he can get a good look at her face. He loves looking at her. This may sound a little shallow, but he's proud to have such a cute daughter. He knows that he would love her even if she wasn't super adorable (Although most babies are), but he's glad that she is.

He chuckles as she grabs his hair, keeping his arms around her. His smile slowly turns to a frown when he hears exhausted gasping and the sound of something repeatedly hitting the floor.

"Let's see what's going on." James says, using one crutch to stand up and holding Kenzie with his free arm. He limps toward Katie and Ms. Knight's bedroom, quietly cracking the door open. He peeks through the crack and sees Katie on the floor, doing sit ups. Great...She looks thin enough as it is. Is she seriously trying to become thinner? If she loses anymore weight, she'll get sick. He doesn't know what to do about her. It probably isn't his job to get involved in her business, but it's not like anyone else notices that she has a problem.

Katie gets off the floor and sits on her bed, taking something out of her drawer. From a distance, it looks like a diary. James watches in confusion as Katie starts furiously writing something down. Would it be wrong to take a peek when she's not looking? It might give him some clues about what's going on, then it'll be easier to figure out a way to help her. Yes, it's wrong to read someone's diary, but when there's suspicion of an eating disorder involved, James thinks that he has every reason to do it.

"What's going on with Auntie Katie?" He asks Kenzie. "Something isn't right."

He looks back at Katie just as she closes and locks the diary. Then she walks over to the a fully body mirror and lifts her shirt over her head. She looks at herself from different angles, pinching the skin on her stomach, arms, and face. James is horrified by what he sees. He can see that she's getting too thin. He can almost see her ribs. How can she possibly want to lose anymore weight?

Katie starts to turn around, so James quickly limps towards the couch. He sits down and tries to erase the memory of Katie's frail figure from his mind. He doesn't know what he can do, but he needs to do something. He can't allow her to keep doing this. If she continues, she could end up dying. He has to save her from this illness before it ends in disaster. He hates to say it, but now he knows the truth. Katie Knight has an eating disorder. From what he's guessing, she has a anorexic and bulimic tendencies. From the way her body looks, he's guessing that she doesn't eat very much. Yet the other night, it looked like she went completely overboard and ate nearly everything in the kitchen (A bit of an exagerration, but she ate a lot) Then she went to the restroom, so she was probably getting rid of the food she had eaten. It sickens James to think about someone doing that.

Katie leaves her bedroom, dressed in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt.

"What have you been doing?" James asks her.

"Um, nothing much." Katie says, grabbing her purse off the bar.

"Where are you going?"

"To the library." Katie snaps, storming out of the apartment.

James sighs heavily, just as Logan enters the living room. The Big Time Brain is holding one of his many college books. Gustavo and Kelly kept their promise to pay for him to attend UCLA. It sounds like he's doing pretty well, too. He has all A's, even in math. James is kind of jealous of Logan sometimes. While Logan was really smart, James was pretty much the opposite.

"What's that?" He asks his friend.

"I have to finish a paper for my Biology class." Logan says, opening the book.

"Great, but can I ask you something?"

"Um, sure."

"Let's just say I know someone that has a problem. They're really thin, yet they're constantly going to the gym and I even found a bunch food they had eaten, while they were in the restroom throwing it up."

"That sounds like an eating disorder." Logan tells him.

"What can I do to help this person?" James asks, still thinking about Katie's condition.

"You have to confront them." Logan says, starting to sound worried. "James, who is this person? Do I know them?"

"Um, yes, but I don't know if I should-" James starts to say.

"I won't tell anyone else." Logan says, closing his Biology book and sitting it on the coffee table. "If you're wanting to intervene, you might need some backup."

"It's Katie." James admits. He looks at Logan's surprised/worried look.

Logan tries to contemplate what James just said. Katie Knight has an eating disorder? He supposes that it makes sense. She's always making excuses not to eat with them and when she does, she never finishes the meal. Sometimes she even goes to the restroom afterwards and, for some reason, likes to have the faucet running. And what's with those daily trips to the gym? If someone suggests that she skip a day, she gets nervous and goes anyway. Logan doesn't want to believe it, but he needs to accept it if they're ever going to help the girl.

"Aaaaaah!" Kenzie exclaims, touching James's face.

"You need some love, don't you?" James smiles, kissing her cheek.

"Where is she?" Logan asks him.

"She said she was going to the library." James says tiredly.

"Let's go." Logan tells him.

James hands Kenzie to Logan, then grabs both of his crutches and stands up. Logan knows more about this situation than he does. Logan is the future doctor, so he surely knows about eating disorders. He owns a medical dictionary and he's constantly reading it, so how could he not know about eating disorders? Plus, he probably knows how to confront Katie and convince her to get help.

"Logan, she probably lied and went to the gym!" He says as they step into the elevator.

"We'll check the library first and if she isn't there, we'll go to the gym." Logan tells him. When the doors open, he lets James exit first, then he follows his friend. They go to the parking garage and approach Chris's rental car. James texts Chris and let's her know that they're borrowing it, then he carefully gets in the front passengers seat. After Kenzie has been fastened into her car seat, Logan gets in the drivers seat and starts the car.

* * *

><p>Katie sits in front of a computer at the library, researching various weight loss ideas. Once she has read one webpage, she goes to another. She hums softly, secretly worried. She's worried that her friends and family will find out and make her "get help." She doesn't want unneeded help. Why should anyone get help unless something is wrong with them? It's not like a simple diet is going to kill her. James is already suspicious and it's really irritating that he won't mind his own business. He does have a daughter to take care of. He should be focusing on Kenzie, not Katie.<p>

She hears footsteps getting closer, but she assumes that it's just the usual library visitor. Well, that's what she thinks. Suddenly, James and Logan are sitting on each side of her. She growls under her breath and clicks out of the internet, glaring at them.

"What are you idiots doing here?" She snaps.

"James and I are worried about you." Logan says gently. "And we want to know if everything is okay?"

"Dude, just be upfront about it!" James whispers loudly.

"Let me guess." Katie says coolly. "James told you that I have a so called problem."

"Well, yes." Logan says awkwardly. Katie smacks James behind the head, angry with him for telling. She can't believe that he would betray her like that. This is her business and only her business. No one else's! She doesn't need everyone at the Palm Woods to know about what she's doing. She should be allowed to make her own decisions. It's her body, after all.

"Katie, we're concerned." Logan explains. "James has noticed your eating habits and when he told me, I started to think about on your recent behavior. You're always making excuses to not eat with the rest of us and when you do, you only take two or three bites. Then you go to the restroom afterwards and turn the faucet on."

"Have you ever thought that maybe I'm just feeling under the weather?" Katie asks, crossing her arms. "I can't believe that you're accusing me of being anorexic!"

"Hey, we never said anything about being anorexic!" James says, pointing at her. Kenzie babbles softly and looks at Katie, reaching out to her. Katie slowly calms down and reaches for Kenzie, picking her up. Kenzie is probably the only person that could never annoy Katie. James and Logan, on the other hand, are really starting to get on her nerves.

"Katie, you should see how thin you look." Logan says calmly.

"People lose weight when they're sick." Katie says anxiously.

James and Logan look at each other, shaking their heads. This girl just keeps making excuses, one of the many signs of an eating problem. The sad thing is that she'll never get better until she accepts help, which isn't happening yet. They wish that they could do something to make her see the damage that she's doing to her body.

"Katie, we just think that you should get help." James says, trying to stay calm.

"Oh my...You are unbelievable." Katie says as she hands Kenzie to James. She grabs her purse and starts to walk away, but Logan quickly grabs her wrist. He lets go when he feels her bony arm, horrified by it. Oh yeah, she definitely has a problem. But it will be hard to fix unless she realizes that she needs help. How long will it be until she does realize it?

"I'm going home." She says firmly, storming out of the library.

* * *

><p>Later that day, James is still thinking about Katie. Even as Chris rubs his tense shoulders, he still can't get Kendall's little sister off his mind. She has a problem that could eventually kill her. He doesn't want her to lose her life to something as horrible as an eating disorder. If he could fix her himself, he would do it in a heartbeat. But that's a job for professionals. James doesn't know anything about helping someone with an eating disorder.<p>

"Why are you so tense?" Chris asks him.

"I'm guess I'm tired." James sighs, closing his eyes. He feels Chris's thumb stroking his cheek, while her other hand stays on his shoulder. He would really like to tell Chris about what's going on, but she would probably tell Ms. Knight and James doesn't think that they need to be telling everyone yet. This is something that James and Logan can approach on their own. If it gets too seriously, they'll tell another adult.

"Why don't you lay down for a nap?" Chris suggests, kissing his cheek.

"Hey, I'm not _that_ tired." James says, smiling softly.

"Why do you seem upset?" Chris asks, playing with his hair.

"I don't know." James lies.

"Are you sure?" Chris asks him. She has noticed that he seems a little on for the past couple of days. She hopes that nothing is going on. If something is bothering James, she would like to know, but she won't force him to tell her anything.

"Yeah." James nods. "I'm sure."

_Not!_

* * *

><p><strong>Review! :D<strong>


	47. Sick Of Being Addicted

_In two weeks, Kenzie will be turning one. That means that James has two weeks to plan an awesome first birthday _party. _He's got several themes in mind, but he's leaning towards the kitty theme. Back in Minnesota, they had a neighbor that owned a cat and Kenzie loved it. She's pretty much obsessed with cats. If she sees a cat or she sees one on TV or in a picture, she starts smiling. For her present from her daddy, James was thinking about getting her a "special friend" (*Cough* Kitten) She would love that. It's just a matter of getting the right one. The kitten needs to be good with small children._

He also has to buy her an outfit to wear. That's why he's going to take her shopping today. His baby girl is going to look super cute on her big day. Normally, the mom would be obsessing over the baby's outfits, but Kenzie only has her daddy, so he'll do the shopping. He might even get Chris to help him out. She's a woman and she knows what will look good. Besides, he needs someone to carry Kenzie, since he has to use crutches.

Until Chris gets back from the pool, James is watching some of his and Jenna's old videos. Before their Youtube account, they would post videos on the official Big Time Rush website. There was a special section for personal videos (You know, videos of the guys doing stuff not related to the band)

"Let's watch this one." James whispers to Kenzie, clicking on another video. This video was really random. James and Jenna just sat in front of the camera, talking about stuff, but they were barely able to talk because they kept laughing. They were about seventeen at the time.

_James and Jenna sit on James's bed, smiling at the camera. James whispers something to Jenna, who responds and causes James to start laughing. Rolling her eyes at her boyfriend, Jenna starts talking to the camera._

_"Excuse his weirdness." She says as James makes bunny ears behind her head. He looks at the camera and laughs silently, laughing harder when he sees Jenna's face. He buries his face in her shoulder and shakes with laughter, which is now audible. Jenna slowly pushes him away, giving him a weird look. This is nothing unusual. He's always finding ways to confuse her._

_"I don't know what's wrong with him." She says awkwardly, staring at her laughing boyfriend. "I think he had too many of Mama Knight's snickerdoodles."_

_"So did you!" James says, trying to catch his breath. "Why aren't you laughing?"_

_"Because you're being annoying."Jenna whines, giggling when James kisses her cheek. While he's still kissing her cheek, she rests her hand on his cheek, patting it gently. _

_"Come on." He whispers, smiling. "Laugh."_

_"No."_

_"Jenna..." He sings softly._

_"No!" _

_"Please?" James asks, resting his chin on her shoulder._

_"James!"_

_James resorts to tickling her stomach, smiling when Jenna finally laughs. Soon, they're both laughing as James tickles her again. He doesn't stop even when she tells him to. She would yell at him, but she's laughing too hard. _

_"Ahh! Get away from me!" Jenna squeals._

_"Make me." James chuckles. Jenna pulls him into a kiss and she falls onto her back. James smiles and sticks his tongue out at the camera before reaching over to turn it off._

"Your mommy and I could be dorks sometimes." James smiles, kissing Kenzie's cheek. She loves watching videos of her mommy. James likes showing them to her because, while she can never actually touch Jenna, she can see her. James doesn't want her to grow up not even knowing what her mom looks like. Therefore, he's always showing her pictures and videos.

"Jay, I'm back!" Chris calls out, closing the front door behind her.

"I'm in my room!" James responds. Suddenly, Chris appears in the doorway. "Hey, I want to go shopping for Kenzie's birthday outfit. Could you come with me? I need someone to carry her, since I can't do it myself."

"Sure."Chris smiles as she picks Kenzie up. "Fred Segal has an adorable babies department."

"We can't afford Fred Segal." James sighs, reaching for his crutches.

"Oh really?" Chris smirks. "LUCY!"

"What?" Lucy calls out.

"COME HERE!"

"Chris, what is my girlfriend doing here?" James asks, pushing himself up.

"She wanted to see you." Chris tells him as Lucy appears in the doorway. "Lucy, can we borrow a hundred dollars?"

"Why?" Lucy asks as she digs through her wallet, handing Chris a one hundred dollar bill. Then she walks over to James and gives him a kiss, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"We want to buy a birthday outfit for Kenzie." Chris says, tickling Kenzie's stomach.

"Let me come with you." Lucy says, stroking Kenzie's cheek. Kenzie smiles when she sees Lucy, who happily takes the baby into her own arms. She's been hard at work on doing the finishing touches on her album, which will be released this summer. She hasn't been able to spend a lot of time with James and Kenzie, so she has really been missing them. She finally has a day off and she wants to spend it with her boyfriend and his beautiful daughter.

"Come on." Chris says as they begin walking out of the room. They see Katie sitting on the couch, scribbling in her diary. She's been writing in it a lot lately, but it's a good thing. Chris has a ton of journals that no one knows about. Well, James knows about them, but she told him that if she ever catches him reading them, he'll be in big trouble. They contain all of her secrets and feelings, one of those secrets being from her freshman year of high school, when she "accidentally" kissed her best friend's ex boyfriend. She wasn't a man stealer, but she secretly had a crush on the guy and when he finally became available, she couldn't resist.

"Katie, we're going to the mall to buy an outfit for Kenzie. Wanna come with us?" Lucy asks.

"Um, thanks, but I'm just gonna stay here." Katie says.

"Oh, okay." Lucy says, following James and Chris out of the apartment. Lucy remembers what James told her about Katie and, quite frankly, she's starting to wonder if James might be right. Katie does seem too thin and she isolates herself a lot, so she could have a problem. But it's not Lucy's job to confront a sixteen year old about her odd behavior, so she's going to leave it to James and Katie's family.

"We're gonna make sure that you look pretty for your party!" Lucy coos, kissing Kenzie's cheek.

Kenzie smiles and chews on her fingers, giggling when James makes a silly face at her.

* * *

><p>"Wow, I haven't seen a store like this in forever." James says, looking around the upscale retail store. The children's section is adorable and he can already see a million things that would look adorable on Kenzie. Sadly, he can only pick one. The funny thing is that he use to be able to afford fancy clothes like this. Then Jenna died, he moved back to Minnesota, and he refused financial help from his mom, so he could no longer afford to buy designer suits or anything. He worked at a supermarket for a living! If he had let his mom help him out, he would have been living the good life, but he didn't want to borrow his mom's money to cover his parenting expenses.<p>

"You're acting like you just saw the world's largest smoothie." Lucy says, patting his back. "Now let's find an outfit for your daughter."

"To make it easier, each of us should pick one outfit, then get Kenzie to try it on." Chris says, looking at a rack of clothing. They separate and begin looking at separate clothing racks.

It takes James five minutes to find a really cute outfit. It's a purple velvet dress with a darker purple bow around the waist, paired with white pants and headband. He would love to Kenzie in this. It's a little more than fifty dollars, but he loves it.

After fifteen minutes, they've all picked out an outfit. James isn't too sure about Lucy's choice. It's green and red plaid shorts with chains on the pocket and a red T shirt with a skull on the chest. He'll let Kenzie try it on, but she's not wearing that at her party. It's too hard core for James's little girl. He doesn't even know who would design an outfit like that for a baby.

Chris picked a blue and white checkered sundress. Kenzie would look cute in it, but James still likes his outfit the most. Maybe that's just the old James Diamond kicking in, but so what? He has always had a good sense of style and he always does the shopping for Kenzie, so he sees nothing wrong with him choosing her birthday outfit.

"Okay, Kenzie, let's see which one you're gonna wear." Chris says, giving her niece a kiss.

* * *

><p>Katie has locked herself in the bathroom with a bunch of foods that she really doesn't want to eat. Ice cream, cookies, brownies, pizza, her mom's snickerdoodles, that last slice of pumpkin pie...and she's just stuffing her face. She feels disgusting for doing this, especially since she's suppose to be dieting. She's going to get so fat and no one will want anything to do with her. She's glad to have James, Carlos, and Logan back in her life, so she should be happy. She really is, but after last year's drama, she got into a habit of dieting and bingingpurging. Now she's addicted to it.

She scoops up some ice cream and eats it. Now the whole carton is empty, so she grabs a handful of Oreos and shoves them into her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes. She would love to break this habit, but you know how addiction is. Once you start something, you just can't stop. It has gotten to the point where she partly wants to quit, yet doesn't want to.

She eats and eats until she feels a pain in her stomach. She drops the Oreo and sits up straight, gulping when bile rises up her throat. She claps her hands over her mouth and runs to the toilet, bending over it just as she throws up the contents of her stomach. She coughs and throws up until her stomach is completely empty. She flushes the toilet and picks up the containers of food, opening the door and carrying them to the kitchen. She closes them and puts them in their proper places, then throws the empty containers in the trash. She washes her hands and dries them. She feels a sickening kind of relief now that her stomach is empty again. She _hates _it.

She trudges to her room and reaches for something that holds no judgement against her. For the past few months, she has been keeping a diary. She writes what she eats everyday and her feelings about...well...everything. The part is that no one has ever read it, except for Katie. Therefore, it keeps her secrets safe. She likes her secrets to stay safe. That's why she hates that James and Logan are getting so paranoid. Do they honestly think that she has a problem? She doesn't. She'll say it a million times if she has to.

She grabs her pen and unlocks the lime green diary.

_Tuesday, March 1, 2016_

_Dear Diary,_

_I screwed up. I stuffed my face with a bunch of calories and fat (Gross). It came right back up, but I still don't feel happy. Why? I just don't understand this. I use to be such a happy person, then one day, it stopped. Now I'm a completely different person. I don't even know who I am anymore. Earlier, I was looking a pictures from when I was ten/eleven years old and I was truly happy. I was living in Los Angeles, I was constantly pestering Mr. Bitters, I was coming up with these awesome business schemes. Now I'm sixteen (almost seventeen) and my life consists of dieting, binging, purging, and exercising. What kind of person am I? I'm certainly not a good person. At least, I don't feel like it. _

_James and Logan know that something is wrong. At dinner, they're watching me. They scrutinize my every bite and they won't even let me go to the restroom afterwards. Logan just hands me a wipe to wash my hands with. I can't even go to gym when they're off work. I have to go while they're at Rocque Records and make sure that I get back to the Palm Woods before them. When they ask me what I did while they were gone, I have to lie. I hate lying, but it's all I know how to do. I want to stop this, but I can't. I hate myself for it, but I don't know what to do._

_Love, Katie_

Katie locks the diary and puts it in the drawer of her bedside table. She walks over to the mirror and looks at her reflection. She doesn't know why James and Logan think she's too thin. Every time she looks in the mirror, all she sees is a bunch of fat. She doesn't know where they got the idea that she's losing too much weight. In her opinion, she hasn't lost enough.

She shakes her head and walks back to the bathroom, stepping onto the scale. She weighs 89 pounds. At least, that's what the scale says. Stupid, lying scale. It must be broken.

"Katie, are you in there?"

She gulps when she hears Logan's voice, quickly flushing the toilet in an attempt to make him think that she was using it. She opens the door and frowns at him.

"What?" She asks nonchalantly.

"What were you doing?" Logan sighs, leaning against the doorframe.

"I was using it!" Katie says, walking past him.

The front door opens and James, Chris, and Lucy come in.

"Look at the outfit we got for Kenzie!" James says proudly, reaching into the bag that Chris is holding. It's the purple velvet dress and white pants that he liked. All three of the outfits looked good on Kenzie, but James's outfit won.

"That's cute." Katie says, taking Kenzie from Lucy.

"Is she okay?" James mouths to Logan, who shrugs in response. They both sigh as they stare at Kendall's pale and thin little sister. What would he think if he knew? He would be crushed to know that his baby sister is choosing such a dangerous path. That's why they can't tell him yet. They're going to try handling this themselves and if that doesn't work, they'll get someone else to help them.

They just hope that it won't come to that.

* * *

><p><strong>Double updates are fun:) Anyway, this chapter had it's happy moments, then got kind of sad towards the end. I wanted to keep it interesting and I know that you all enjoy some angst:)<strong>

**Review! :D**


	48. The Breaking Point

"Think I should go ahead and give Kenzie her present?" James asks Chris, cuddling an adorable white kitten. Today is Kenzie's first birthday and he can't wait to see her reaction when she sees Muffin, which is the kitten's name. James picked her up from the pet store this morning, along with the required kitten care products, and she's a sweetheart. If Kenzie loves cats so much, she will adore Muffin. James has fallen in love with this kitten already and he has only had her for three hours. She's so friendly and has already taken a liking to everyone else in apartment 4B.

"You should." Chris says, petting Muffin. James smiles and limps, using one crutch, to Chris and Carlos's room. Carlos has been keeping Kenzie busy all morning, playing with her favorite toys. James is so eager to give Kenzie her gift. That's why he limps so fast, even when Chris tells him to be careful. He doesn't trip, so he doesn't know what she's so worried about. It's been over a month since the shooting/hold up and everyone has been recovering quite nicely. Logan's suppose to get his cast off next week. Emotionally, everyone is doing okay too. Jo stopped having nightmares after two weeks.

"Kenzie, look what i've got." He says, showing the kitten to Kenzie.

"Awww, Muffin!" Carlos says excitedly. James smiles and sits his crutch against the wall, slowly sitting on the floor. He has to keep his legs stretched out in front of him, though. He sits Muffin in front of Kenzie, who smiles and touches the kitten. Muffin seems to immediately love Kenzie, too. She licks Kenzie's hand and meows. Kenzie laughs cutely and keeps petting her new kitten.

"That's your birthday present from me." James says, stroking Kenzie's cheek.

"She's so cute!" Carlos coos, petting Muffin. "And she seems to love the birthday girl."

"I can't believe Kenzie's a year old already." James says, staring at his beautiful daughter. "It seems like yesterday that Jenna was still pregnant and sending me on late night food runs. Then she was in the delivery room and having our daughter, then she..."

Carlos rubs his shoulder and pulls him into a hug. James sighs and rests his head on his friend's shoulder, watching Kenzie and Muffin. He feels a lot of sadness today because it's the first anniversary of Jenna's death, but he'll keep a happy face for Kenzie's sake. It's her birthday and everyone should be happy, including James. He's glad that Kenzie isn't old enough to feel grief. Today is suppose to be a fun day for her.

"Let's start getting things ready for the party." Carlos says, helping James up. He grabs the crutch and hands it to James, who gratefully accepts it. Then Carlos hands Kenzie to James, while he picks Muffin up. The kitten meows and purrs when Carlos scratches her chin.

"You're a cute kitty." He says in a baby voice. "Yes, you are!"

* * *

><p>Two hours later, guests have started showing up. All their friends from the Palm Woods, Jenna's parents, and Ms. Diamond should be showing up soon. She got a flight out to LA so she could attend the party. Yesterday, James was talking to her on the phone and she said that there's no way she's missing her grandbaby's first birthday. She also mentioned how much she misses her son. She really wants to see him and Kenzie again.<p>

This is why James loves birthday parties. Friends and family come together to celebrate a special day. This party is going to be tons of fun for everyone. He's sure that Kenzie will keep everyone entertained.

"Kenzie, say hi." James says, looking down at Kenzie. Now that Kenzie's a year old, she's finally walking on her own. Really, she can walk without assistance now. It's a lot harder to keep up with her, but she's also a lot of fun. No one will be bored if they're chasing Kenzie around, which happens a lot. Since she's fully mobile, she loves running from people and making them chase her.

"Hi, Kenzie." Jo says, waving at the little girl. While Kenzie doesn't actually speak, she does wave. Jo smiles and picks her up, tickling her tummy. Kenzie squeals and giggles.

"Jay, your mom is here." Chris says. James kisses Kenzie's nose before limping towards the front door, where Chris and Ms. Diamond are standing.

When Ms. Diamond sees her son, she drags him into a hug and kisses his cheek. For weeks, she has been back in Minnesota, but she has been dying to visit her son and granddaughter again. Since they moved back to LA, she hardly gets to see them at all. Her cosmetics company has a building here in LA (Thanks to Logan's mom) and she gets to come _at least_ once a month, but that doesn't mean that she comes every month. She kind of liked having James back in Minnesota because she got to see him more.

"How are you feeling, baby? Are your leg and stomach still hurting? I think you need to sit down for a while. You need to be careful about walking around too much." She rambles, not hearing James's laughter.

"Mom, I'm fine." James say, hugging his mom.

"But I still think you should sit down." Ms. Diamond says, helping James over to the couch. She makes him sit down and puts his crutches on the floor.

James loves his mom, but she can be super protective. It's like when he and the guys were fifteen and they wanted to take snowboarding lessons, but his mom thought it was too dangerous, so she made them take ballet lessons. It was the most humiliating experience of James's life. The bright side is that the guys can't make fun of him because they were involved, too.

"Hey, look at Kenzie's new kitty." He says, pointing to the kitten on the floor. "Her name is Muffin."

"Aww, she's precious." Ms. Diamond says, holding her hand in front of Muffin's face. Muffin doesn't seem too afraid of Ms. Diamond, as she playfully bats her paw at the lady's hand.

"Just like her owner." James says as Jo carries Kenzie into the living room.

"Hi, Ms. Diamond." Jo says, handing Kenzie to her dad.

"Jo, have you seen Katie?" James asks, suddenly remembering the obviously sick girl.

"Um, no." Jo says, looking around the crowded room.

"Is everything okay?" Ms. Diamond asks James.

James sighs as he nods. His worry for Katie has been growing over the past couple of weeks. She still avoids mealtime and James hears her late night food binges at at least twice a week, followed by a trip to the restroom. He doesn't know what he's gonna do. He can't let Katie lose her life to an eating disorder, but he can't help her unless she's willing to help herself. She hasn't accepted help yet and James doesn't know when she will. If she keeps this up, things are going to end badly. James hates that there's a possibility of something going wrong.

"Okay, I got my present for the birthday girl." Katie says enthusiastically, carrying a wrapped box.

Ms. Diamond and Jo gasp as they stare at Katie. Even in her purple hoodie, she looks horribly thin. She definitely doesn't look healthy, but no one knows why. Jo has already noticed a change in the girl's figure, but Ms. Diamond hasn't been around to see. She hasn't seen Katie during meals, cutting up her food and taking small bites, not even finishing the whole meal. Jo and Camille took her to McDonald's the other day (They had noticed her strange eating habits) and she ordered a grilled chicken wrap without mayo. She didn't even finish the whole thing.

"James, what's wrong with her?" Ms. Diamond whispers.

"It's complicated." James says softly, watching as Katie takes Kenzie's present to the dining room.

* * *

><p>Katie puts Kenzie's present on the dining room table. It's a baby doll. Katie saw it at Target the other day and thought that Kenzie would love it. To make sure that it stayed a secret until the party, she kept it in her mom's rental van. She's excited to see Kenzie open it. Today has provided her with some distraction from her every day problems. She's grateful for it. She gets tired of constantly worrying about her weight and how she looks. Today, her focus is on celebrating Kenzie's first year of life.<p>

"Um, sweetie, why don't you have a brownie and some milk?" Ms. Knight suggests. "You haven't eaten at all today."

"Mom, I'm saving my appetite for the cake." Katie lies. She'll eat the cake, but it's going to come right back up. If she eats anything fattening, it always comes back up. Sometimes she doesn't even have to force it. Her stomach has shrunk so much, so she gets sick if she eats more than her stomach can handle. When she binges, she doesn't haveto _make _herself throw up, because it just comes naturally. Her body has gotten use to throwing up after eating. She hates that it has to be like that.

"Honey, I want you to eat something." Ms. Knight says sternly, taking Katie to the kitchen. She puts a brownie on a plate and pours milk into a glass. She takes Katie back to the dining room and puts the food on the table, making her daughter sit down. For several seconds, Katie just stares at the food, as if she's afraid of . Knight doesn't know what's wrong with her daughter. Ever since last year, she has slowly become a different person. Ms. Knight doesn't like that. She misses her crazy, scheming little girl.

"Eat." She urges. Katie tears a small piece of the brownies off and nibbles at it. As soon as she sips the milk, she gets a sick look on her face. She sits the glass down and jumps out of her seat, running to the restroom and slamming the door behind her. Ms. Knight's eyes fill with tears as she listens to Katie's gagging. What is happening to her daughter?

"Mom, what's wrong with Katie?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"I don't know." Ms. Knight says tearfully. "I made her eat and she got sick."

Kendall listens closely, frowning when he hears total silence coming from the restroom. By now, James, Carlos, and Logan are standing behind him, watching with intense worry.

"Katie?" He calls out, knocking on the door. No one responds, so he frantically wriggles the doorknob. "No one's answering! Katie, are you okay?"

"I was in Kung Fu Babysitter, remember?" Camille asks, pushing him aside. With as much force as possible, she kicks the door down. Kendall and Logan run into the restroom, eyes widening in shock when they see Katie, laying unconscious on the floor.

"Someone call 911!" Logan yells.

"Hello? We're at the Palm Woods Hotel, apartment 4B." Lucy says to the 911 operator. "We need an ambulance. My friend's little sister is unconscious. She ran to the restroom and she threw up. We don't know why she passed out, though. Please hurry!"

"Katie? Baby sister, wake up." Kendall begs. "Come on! Don't do this."

* * *

><p>Kendall watches as his baby sister is wheeled away on a stretcher. That's his sweet, beautiful baby sister that they're taking away. He doesn't even know why she passed out. Why would she get sick after eating? Sure, Kendall has noticed a change in her eating habits lately, but he didn't think anything of it. He just assumed that she was feeling sick and didn't have an appetite. But really, who stays sick for more than a week? Kendall has to accept that there is something wrong with Katie. He just hopes that the ambulance got here in time, before Katie loses her life.<p>

James chokes back a sob, trying to keep his composure. This is his fault. If he had just told someone about Katie, she could already be getting help. But he had to be his usual stupid self and think that he and Logan could help her on their own. He and Logan know nothing about helping someone with an eating disorder. James has so many emotions right now. Self hatred, guilt, heartbreak, fear, anger at Katie for doing this to herself. Doesn't she know the consequences of anorexia and bulimia? Doesn't she know that people die from eating disorders every day? How could she be in denial about something so serious?

"What's wrong with my baby?" Ms. Knight cries.

"What's going on?" The Jennifers say in frantic unison.

"Something's wrong with Katie." Jo says worriedly, approaching her fiance and wrapping her arms around his waist. She's so scared for her future sister in law. When she and Camilel took the girl to McDonald's, they knew something wasn't right, but they pushed their worry aside. Deep down, they both suspected something worse than the flu, but they didn't want to believe it.

"This is all my fault." James says, limping to the living room. He collapses onto the couch and tries to stay as calm as possible. When Ms. Diamond and Lucy sit on either side of him, he lets both wrap their arms around him.

"Oh dear, what could be wrong with her?" Mrs. Harper asks her husband.

"I don't know." Mr. Harper says, hugging his wife.

James wipes his tearful eyes and prays silently.

_God, please let Katie be okay. She's only sixteen._

"James, you, me, and Lucy are taking Chris's car." Logan tells him as Chris hands him her car keys.

* * *

><p>"This my fault." James whimpers, letting Lucy hug him.<p>

For the past ten minutes, Lucy has been trying to convince James that it's _not _his fault, but to no avail. James is completely convinced that he's to blame for Katie's trip to the hospital. But it's not like he knew that she was going to faint. Anyway, when she survives, this may be considered a wake up call for her. Maybe this will be the point where she realizes how serious her condition is and she can get help.

"No, it's not." Logan says, stopping at the red light. "We didn't know this would happen. If we had known, we would have told someone."

"Last year, I lost Jenna, now I'm losing Katie." James says softly. "And Kendall is going to hate us."

"Why would he hate us?" Logan asks worriedly.

"Because we knew Katie was sick and didn't tell him." James responds. He can imagine how Kendall will feel when he finds out. James knows that he, Logan, and Lucy will be in big trouble. Kendall cares deeply for his baby sister and when he finds out that his friends knew she had an eating disorder and didn't tell him about it, he's going to be pissed off. He has every right to be.

"You know, I've been researching rehab facilities in California and I think I found one that would be good for Katie." Logan tells them. "It's called Casa Palmera. It's located in San Diego. Once the doctors have saved her life, I think we should talk to her about it."

"Rehab?" Lucy whispers.

"Yeah." Logan nods."That way, she can receive professional treatment for her eating disorder. She'll have to stay there for a few months, though."

"She'll be okay." Lucy says softly, kissing James's cheek.

"We don't know that, Lucy." James says, shaking his head. "We don't know."

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, this chapter started out happy and ended badly:( Lots of angst toward the end<strong>

**So Kenzie's first birthday didn't happen like everyone expected, but she'll get to have her fun eventually. However, we've got a couple more angsty chapters coming up, so be prepared;) **

**Review! :D**


	49. Catch Me Before I Fall

"Baby, I'm sorry that your birthday was ruined." James whispers to Kenzie, cuddling his daughter. He can't believe they're in a hospital for the second time in two months. It's depressing! They're stuck in a waiting room, waiting for the doctor to tell them about Katie's condition. James already knows what's wrong with her, but he wants to know that she's still alive. He has heard stories about girls dying from anorexia and bulimia. He just hopes that Katie doesn't end up being one of those millions of girls. He hopes that the doctors can save her life, so she can go to a treatment center and get some _real _help. On top of that, James is worrying about his friendship with Kendall. When Kendall finds out that James knew about Katie's eating disorder, he'll be so angry.

"Camille fed Muffin." Chris says, squeezing his hand. James nods in response and rests his head on her shoulder. Kenzie joins the embrace, snuggling against her daddy. James rubs her back and looks at the waiting room entrance, silently begging the doctor to show up. He wants the doctor to confirm that Katie is still alive, then he wants to go home and hopefully avoid Kendall's wrath.

"Are you Katie Knight's family?" A middle aged man in a doctor's coat asks.

"Yes." Ms. Knight says tiredly.

"I'm Dr. Mason, Katie's doctor." The man tells them. "I am happy to say that Katie is fine, but I do have some concerns. She weighs seventy nine pounds and we noticed some minor damage to her esophagus, which can be fixed with surgery. She's in surgery right now, so her throat should be okay. Anyway, I have diagnosed her with Anorexia Nervosa with bulimic tendencies."

"Eating disorders?" Kendall asks weakly.

"All of Katie's symptoms point to eating disorders." Dr. Mason nods. "Luckily, the illness can be cured with treatment. When she is released, I would recommend a treatment facility. There are several rehab centers in or near Los Angeles that I think would be perfect. My daughter was bulimic and she went to Casa Palmera, which is located in San Diego."

"How is she now?" Kendall asks him.

"It's a daily battle, but she's getting better every day." Dr. Mason assures him. "I think that Katie can beat this if she is willing to accept help. It's a good thing that she got to the hospital when she did. If she kept things up, this could have easily killed her. I've seen it happen before, but I believe that Katie will be one of the survivors. She just has to accept that she has a problem and be willing to work hard to overcome it."

James feels so relieved to hear that. Katie is a strong girl. If she tries hard enough, she could become her true self again. She doesn't always have to be the anorexic/bulimic girl. She could go back to being Katie Knight, the scheming yet sweet girl that they all know and love. She could go back to being the girl obssessed with making money. That isn't necessarily a good obsession, but it's a lot better than suffering from an eating disorder. James would rather have mischievous Katie than anorexic Katie.

"When will she be out of surgery?" Ms. Knight asks him.

"Should be a few more minutes." Dr. Mason tells her. "Ms. Knight, could I speak to you in private? I thought we could discuss Katie and how to go about helping her in more detail."

"Sure." Ms. Knight says, waving at her son, his fiancee, and his friends before following Dr. Mason.

"Casa Palmera?" Jo questions. "I've heard of it, but what-"

"I did some research on it earlier." Logan tells her. "It's a rehab facility for people with eating disorders, as well as drug and alcohol addiction. It seems like a good place for Katie. If she's willing to get help, I think this would be a good place for her. Two or three months should do her a lot of good. I just hope that she'll accept help. Some people with addictions aren't so accepting. At least not right away."

"Wait! Did you already know that she had an eating disorder?" Kendall asks angrily, standing up.

"Yeah, I did." Logan says nervously.

"Don't get mad at Logan." James says quietly. "I knew first."

"How long have you known?" Kendal asks, turning to look at him.

"A few weeks now." James sighs.

Kendall can't believe what he's hearing. James knew that Katie had a problem and he didn't tell Kendall, her brother? He thought that James was his friend, not a liar that keeps big secrets from him. He can handle small secrets, but when it's a life or death situation, he doesn't play around. James knew that Katie's condition was serious and he didn't think to tell someone other than Logan. Kendall feels so betrayed. He doesn't want to say something he'll regret later, but he's so angry that he doesn't even care what he says.

"You knew for "a few weeks" that my baby sister was practically killing herself and you didn't think to tell me about it?" He asks, storming over to James.

"Kendall-" James starts to say before Kendall interrupts him.

"Jenna's dad is right. You are selfish." The blonde boy says. "You know what? Just go home and stay there. I can't look at you right now."

"Fine." James mutters, handing Kenzie to Chris. He pushes himself up on his crutches. He doesn't have to take this kind of treatment. "Chris, let's go."

"Jay, what are you doing?" Chris asks worriedly.

"Going back to the Palm Woods and packing." James says simply. "We're going back home to Minnesota."

Everything becomes silent after that. No one wants to believe that James just said that. Carlos and Logan are mad at Kendall for being so hard on James. They know that he's upset, but he didn't have to tell James to leave. And mentioning Jenna's name on the anniversary of her death? James does not need to hear anything about Jenna or her family on a day like this. They should be thinking about Katie, not Kendall's anger at James. Also, they should still try to celebrate Kenzie's birthday. It was suppose to be her special day.

"Jay, you can't be serious." Chris says, following her brother in law.

"No, I am." James says as he limps down the hallway. "I knew that we shouldn't have came back here. I knew that it would be a bad idea, but I let Gustavo, Kelly, and you convince me that it would be a good thing. Look at how it turned out, Chris! I got shot and I'm pretty much handicapped, and Katie's in the hospital for an eating disorder. Not to mention that Kendall obviously wants me to leave. Don't "friends" do stuff for each other? If he wants me to leave, I will. I have no problem with doing that. We're probably better off in Minnesota anyway. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan can become a trio, but I'm done. I'll got back to working at the supermarket and I'm sure our old apartment is probably still available."

Chris shakes her head as they keep walking. James doesn't know what he's doing. Chris is worried that he'll move back to Minnesota and end up regretting it. Being back in LA has had it's ups and downs, but she can tell that James has enjoyed being in Big Time Rush again. She doesn't want him to leave this town and be full of regret for the rest of his life.

"James!" Lucy calls out, following her boyfriend out to the parking lot.

James turns around and sighs heavily. He doesn't _really _want to leave, especially since he has been dating Lucy. He loves her and he doesn't know if he can imagine life without her. But Kendall told him to go home, so that's what he's gonna do. He wouldn't want to cause anymore problems for Kendall or anyone. Maybe they would all be better off without him.

"You can't leave." Lucy says, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Lucy, I'm sorry." James whispers. "But I can't stay here. It's not like Kendall wants me around. He's going to hate me forever and if I stay here, our problems would affect the quality of the band, so what's the point of staying?"

"Jay, who cares what Kendall thinks? He's just pissed off right now. He'll get over it!" Lucy says tearfully, kissing James softly.

"I don't think he will." James says softly, kissing her forehead before limping to the rental car. Chris gives Lucy a sympathetic look before following James. Kenzie looks over Chris's shoulder, watching Lucy with sad eyes. She whimpers and reaches out with her hands, but she soon finds herself being strapped into her car seat. Chris kisses her cheek, then gets in the drivers seat.

Lucy has always avoided crying, but she is unable to stop the tears that are now falling down her face. Is James breaking up with her or what? If he moves back to Minnesota, how will they ever have a relationship? She feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest and she's slowly dying. This is the second time that she has lost James since they started dating and she can't stand it.

Los Angeles doesn't rain very often, but as Lucy turns around and heads back to the hospital, waters starts to fall from the sky.

* * *

><p>"Jay, I think you're making a big mistake." Chris says gently as they enter 4B. Muffin runs up to them and meows, pawing at Chris's leg. Kenzie babbles excitedly and smiles as Chris puts her down. While Chris and James deal with their problems, she entertains herself by petting her new kitty.<p>

"No, I made a mistake when I returned to this town." James says, quickly limping to his bedroom. He throws his crutches to the ground and painfully walks to the closet, bending over and grabbing his suitcase. He throws it onto the bed and begins filling it with clothes. He clenches his jaw as he keeps removing clothes from the closet and putting them in the suitcase. His leg and stomach start hurting really bad, so he holds back a cry of pain and sits on the bed. He has to take a few breaths before the pain finally settles down.

"Let me finish for you." Chris says sadly, continuing where James left off. She still thinks that he shouldn't leave. He's amazing in Big Time Rush and he has never been the type to give up, so she doesn't understand what has happened inside that brain of his. What happened to the overly confident guy that she use to know? She hasn't seen that guy in a year, but she misses him.

"I'm gonna check on Kenzie." James says quietly, grabbing his crutches. He holds back a whimper of sadness as he limps back to the living room. Kenzie seems to be enjoying her new kitten a lot. Muffin is the perfect addition to their family. When James was talking to the people at the pet store, they said that Muffin was great with kids, including babies.

"Hey, you like her, don't you?" He smiles softly, lowering himself to the floor. "She's a really nice kitty, Kenzie."

"Kitty." Kenzie says softly.

"That's right." James chuckles. "She's a kitty."

He should probably explain to her that they're going back to Minnesota. He doesn't want to drag her back home without even explaining what's going on. She may only be a year old, but she's not clueless. She can sense when something is going on. He's going to calmly tell her that they are going home. That's all he has to do. Truthfully, he doesn't want to go back, but if that's what Kendall wants, that's what Kendall is gonna get.

"Baby, I've got something to tell you." He says, pulling Kenzie onto his lap. "You, me, Auntie Chrissie, and Muffin are going back to Minnesota. Uncle Kendall doesn't want me here, so I can't stay. You understand that, right?"

Kenzie does something that breaks James's heart. She whimpers. She has loved Los Angeles. He knows that she has loved it. He hates to take her away from it, but he's doing what is best for all of them.

"I know you've mad a lot of friends here, but you've still got me." He says, hugging her closely. "You'll always have your daddy."

* * *

><p>Katie groans as she wakes up. After her vision has cleared up, she finds that she's surrounded by four white walls. To her left, there is an IV and an EKG machine. To her right, Kendall is sitting in a chair at her bedside. She suddenly remembers why she's here. She puked after her mom forced her to eat that brownie. Oh great, now Kendall is going to know what she's been doing. He's going to kill her for doing this. She hopes that they'll just let her out of here and everyone will leave her alone. She already has enough problems and the last thing she needs is people telling her what to do.<p>

"Baby sister? Are you awake?" Kendall says, noticing some movement from her.

"Yeah." Katie says tiredly. "Look, I know what you're thinking, but please don't say-"

"You're anorexic, Katie." Kendall says, grabbing her hand. "You way seventy nine pounds. That's not healthy for someone your age."

"Well, the scale must be broken or something, because I know I weigh a lot more than that."

"No, you don't!" Kendall says in disbelief. He can't believe that she doesn't see how thin she is. She looks like a walking skeleton and, quite frankly, it's sickening to look at. She doesn't look like his baby sister anymore. The girl in the hospital bed is not his baby sister. She's a stranger. He _needs _her to go to that treatment center, so she can get help and become normal again. He doesn't want this disease to kill her. He has never known anyone with an eating disorder, so he doesn't really know how to handle this situation, but he does know that Katie needs help.

"Don't lie to me!" Katie says, raising her voice.

"I'm not lying!" Kendall argues. "Do you know what anorexia is? It's an illness that causes girls to see themselves as fat when they're really not. That girl you see in the mirror, that's not you. That's anorexia, Katie. The mirror is lying to you, but the scale isn't. You weigh seventy nine pounds and it shows big time. You're sick, baby sister. But you can get better. If you let us help you, everything can go back to normal."

"You don't understand!" Katie cries. "I have to do this!"

"No, you don't." Kendall whispers, sitting on the bed and pulling her into a hug. "And I want to know why you did this. There has to be a reason. When did this start anyway?"

"After Jenna died and we moved back to Minnesota." Katie says weakly. "The guys stopped coming around and I felt like I had been forgotten. I thought that people would start paying more attention to me if I lost weight. It became an addiction. I was constantly counting calories and deciding which foods were good and which ones were bad. I started restricting my calorie intake, but sometimes I would get so hungry and in the middle of the night, or when no one was home, I would take a bunch of food into my room and eat all of it. Then I would freak out and make myself throw up."

"Baby, we _love _you." Kendall whispers, kissing her forehead. "How could you ever think we forgot about you?"

"I don't know." Katie says tiredly. "Hey, where are the other guys?"

"Um, Carlos and Logan are in the lobby." Kendall says awkwardly.

"And James?"

"Well, I may have told him that he should just go home, so he did."Kendall says, laughing nervously.

"To the Palm Woods?"

"No." Kendall gulps. "Minnesota."

"KENDALL?" Katie yells. "How could you do that? Why would you tell him to go back home? What the hell did he ever do to you? I cannot believe that you would do that. I swear, Kendall, if he isn't back here soon, you are going to be in so much trouble! And it's the anniversary of his wife's death! How could you be so mean to him on a day like this?"

Kendall rubs his temples as he listens to Katie's rant. She's right. She is so right. Today is hard enough for James as it is and Kendall just made it worse. What kind of friend is he? Last year, he screwed up and this year, he screwed up again. James may never forgive him this time. James probably didn't know how to handle Katie's problem and that's why he didn't tell Kendall. Maybe he and Logan thought that they could fix Katie themselves and they didn't need to tell anyone else. Actually, the reason doesn't matter. What matters is that Kendall was a jerk.

"One more thing before you finish," He tells her. "Um, the doctor thinks that you should go to rehab."

"What? I'm not crazy, Kendall!"

"No, you're not crazy!" Kendall says quickly. "Going to rehab does not mean that you're crazy. You'll just stay there for two or three months and you can fully focus on beating this eating disorder. There are professiona counselors that will work with you and help you overcome this."

"Rehab? That sounds like something for drug addicts and alcoholics, like Lindsay Lohan." Katie says bitterly.

"Well, the rehab center treats those too, but I think it would be a good way for you to beat anorexia." Kendall explains.

"What if it doesn't work? What if I get out and I go right back to my old habits?" Katie asks him.

"It will work if you try hard enough. Baby sister, the only way to beat an addiction is the desire to beat it. In order for treatment to work, you have to really want to get better. I believe in you. If you really care about getting better, you can do it."

"Okay, but I want you to get your butt down to that airport and get James back!" Katie says, pointing a bony but threatening finger at him.

"Got it." Kendall says, kissing her forehead before running out of the room.

****I don't own Casa Palmera. It's a real rehab center in San Diego****

**Review! :D**


	50. Life Is Hard, But It's Not All Bad

Chris doesn't want to leave Los Angeles. Her friends, family, and her sister's grave are here. However, she is not resentful toward James. He's one of those people that will do anything to make his friends happy, even leaving town. She is so mad at Kendall for being such a jerk. Did he not remember that a year ago, James lost his wife? Either he forgot or he doesn't care as much as they thought. She doesn't think it's the second option. Kendall has always seemed like someone that cares about his friends. In fact, he probably cares about James the most. He must have forgotten. It's just so weird, though. How could anyone forget the anniversary of Jenna's death?

Chris looks at her brother in law, who is staring at the floor, holding Kenzie on his lap. If it weren't for the situation, she would giggle at the fact that he's wearing a Marvel Superheroes T shirt. But they are not in a laughable situation, so she has no business giggling at his love for Spiderman and The Hulk. No matter how much she wants to.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims, touching James's cheek.

"Yeah?" James responds, sighing when Kenzie grabs a hold of his hair. He smiles softly and places a soft kiss on her cheek. Chris loves how, even when he's feeling sad, he still gives his little girl some love. Kenzie is so lucky to have such an awesome daddy. James loves her more than anything and everything he does, he thinks about how it will affect Kenzie. He always tries to make choices that will affect her in a good way.

"Jay, are you sure you wanna do this?" Chris asks, rubbing his back.

"Yeah." James says quietly.

"Okay." Chris says, kissing his temple. James sniffles and wipes his eyes, closing his eyes as Chris rubs his shoulder. He can't believe that his lifelong dream has completely spiraled out of control. Something he has wanted since he was four years old hasn't been as great as he thought. It's fun when there's no problems, but there has been so many that James hasn't been able to truly enjoy it. He doesn't really want to go back to working at a supermarket and living in that old apartment, but he isn't going to stick around if he isn't wanted.

"JAMES!"

He looks up when he hears his name. He looks around the waiting area, then around the surrounding areas. He doesn't see anyone familiar, but that voice sounded a lot like...Kendall.

* * *

><p>Kendall looks around the crowded airport in search of his best friend. He needs James to stay here in LA with them. It doesn't matter what Kendall said. He made a mistake and he knows that he was wrong, but he didn't mean it. He was just angry. It wasn't easy finding out that his baby sister is anorexic. But Katie knocked some sense into him when she started telling him off. Today is a rough day for James and Kendall should have thought about that before he lost his temper. Anyway, Katie is going to get help, so he can relax a little. Now he needs to convince James to stay in California.<p>

"JAMES!" He yells, even though he has attracted the attention of complete strangers. He frantically looks around the airport, desperately wanting to find James, Chris, and little Kenzie. When he finds them, he's gonna make it up to James. They didn't get to finish Kenzie's birthday celebration, so maybe he can fix that. Would James forgive him if he helped Kenzie finish her birthday celebration.

Finally, he sees them sitting in the waiting area. He pushes past a crowd of people, eager to reach his friend. As James is about to stand up, Kendall grabs his shoulder and stops him from moving.

"You can't leave." He says breathlessly, tired from all the running he just did.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" James asks as he starts limping away.

"No, that isn't what I wanted." Kendall says, forcing James to turn around. "I was upset about Katie's eating disorder and I took it out on you. I didn't mean to do that, but it's just hard finding out that my sister has been harming herself. But I shouldn't have been so mean to you. Today is difficult enough for you already and I probably made it worse."

"But you told me to leave." James tells him.

Kendall rolls his eyes. James is so difficult sometimes. He's so stubborn and it can be annoying, especially at a time like this. Kendall is trying to apologize for his obnoxious and hateful behavior.

"James, I told you that I was upset. Do you realize how stressful it is to find out that someone you love has an eating disorder? It's scary and it hurts. I didn't know how to handle the news, so I dealt with it the wrong way. You don't deserve to be treated like that, man. Please listen to me, okay? You need to stay here. You're an important part of the band and we wouldn't be able to do this without you. What would Big Time Rush be if we didn't have The Face?"

James has to smile at his old nickname (Which he came up with), but the smile goes as fast as it came.

"I don't know." He says, looking at Chris and Kenzie. "What if we keep having the same problems? It seems like something always goes wrong."

"Come on, don't focus on what could happen." Kendall tells him. "When did you turn into such a pessimist?"

"A year ago." James mutters, turning around to walk away.

"Well, I'm not letting you leave." Kendall says, grabbing his arm. "Chris, go and get the luggage."

"So you're kidnapping me?" James argues, wincing at the tight grip Kendall has on his arm. He tries to protest as Kendall pulls him toward the exit. Well, according to Kendall, he's staying in LA whether he wants to or not. So he has no choice in the matter. He doesn't know why people won't just let him give up. Staying in LA is no good for him or Kenzie. What if Kenzie grows up and she has the same problems that he had. He needs to protect his baby girl. That's what good parents do. They protect their children.

"Yes, I am." Kendall says proudly, pulling him out to the parking lot. "I'm not letting you leave your dream behind again. And what about Lucy? You love her and she loves you. Don't end that relationship again. Yes, you've had some problems, but a lot of good things have happened to. You, me, Carlos, and Logan are friends again, you've got a girlfriend, and I got engaged. Besides, I still want you to be in the wedding. We can't have a wedding without the best man."

He helps James into the front passengers seat of the van, then gets in the driver's seat. James glares at Kendall and fastens his seatbelt. He cannot believe that he's being forced to stay in this town. And Chris is going along with it!

"Ugh, I hate seatbelts." He says as the seatbelt presses against his still healing stomach wound. "Okay, I can't take this anymore!"

He unbuckles the seatbelt and takes it off. It was making his stomach hurt more than it already does. He's tired, hungry, he has a headache, and he really doesn't need anymore discomfort. He has plenty already. Also, he's still feeling guilty about Kenzie's birthday party being ruined. He worked hard to plan it and it didn't even turn out the way he wanted. He needs to find a way to make it up to her. What can he do? Maybe get all of the guests to come back another day and have another party? That could possibly work.

"Does it still hurt?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"A little." James sighs. "I mean, it's getting better, but it's still pretty painful. That's why I have such a hard time at physical therapy. They have me walking and it hurts so bad. I mean, it hasn't made me cry or anything, but it hurts a lot."

"When do they think you'll be able to walk again? You know, without crutches."

"It depends on how my physical therapy progresses." James shrugs. "If they see that I'm making progress, they'll probably encourage me to start using the crutches less. I can't wait because I'm getting tired of crutches. When people see me, they look all sympathetic and I hate it. I know they mean well, but do they really have to look at me like I'm dying or something?"

"Okay, I got the luggage." Chris says as she fastens Kenzie into her car seat. Some airport employee is loading the suitcases into the back of the van and after he's done, Chris thanks him and hands him a five dollar bill before climbing into the vehicle. She's silently thanking Kendall for forcing James to stay in California. James was meant to be here and they can't let him give up.

"Kenzie, we're staying in California!" She coos. Kenzie smiles and claps her hands excitedly. If someone talks to her, she can usually understand them, so she can properly respond.

"Katie woke up from her surgery." Kendall says as he backs out of the parking space.

"How is she doing?" Chris asks softly.

"She's pretty thin, but the surgery was a success and she has even agreed to try the rehab. She's probably going to be released tomorrow. Our mom is going to call Casa Palmera first thing tomorrow and make arrangements."

"Did she ever say why she started doing this?" James asks him, looking out the window.

"All the drama last year got to her." Kendall says simply. He already felt bad about what happened, but he feels even worse now. He had no idea that it had affected Katie so much. She always seemed like she was okay. He should have noticed when she started avoided meals and making excuses. When their mom offered to make an after school snack, she said that she had ate before she got home (Obviously, that was a lie)

"I'm glad she's gonna get help." James says softly.

"We all are." Kendall agrees.

* * *

><p>Katie hates this hospital. She hates it and she wants to get out. She wants to get out of here so she can start treatment and kick this eating disorder in the butt. Throughout this whole thing, she never thought that she could be anorexic. All she cared about was becoming thin. Her diet was her life. While her friends were thinking about boys, make up, and clothes, she was thinking about how many calories she would eat each day. She usually limited it to less than five hundred. Of course, she would occasionally get hungry and binge. To her pleasure, she was always able to get rid of it. She doesn't know why she found pleasure in <em>that<em>. It landed her in the hospital.

Kendall said that the mirror was lying to her. The person she saw wasnt her, but anorexia. Could he be right? Could everything she saw in the mirror this past year have been a lie? She decides that she wants to see for herself, so she slowly climbs out of bed. Holding on to her IV pole, she walks to the restroom. She stands in front of the mirror and gives herself a good look. At first, it's the same thing. A fat, ugly blob of fat. Then something changes. The image in the mirror changes into a frail and sickly young girl. With disgust and horror, Katie realizes that the girl is _her. _ She can't believe that she let this happen.

"Oh..my...God." She murmurs, wrapping her right hand around her left wrist. She gasps at how bony it feels. "You have gotta be kidding me."

"Katie? Are you in here?" Jo's voice calls out. "Where are you? Wait...Are you in the restroom?"

"Yeah, but you can come in." Katie responds.

The door opens and Jo appears, looking at Katie with worry.

"Look at what I've done to myself." Katie says, pointing to the mirror. "I'm anorexic. I let myself become anorexic."

"You finally saw your real self, huh?" Jo says, standing next to her future sister in law in front of the mirror.

"Yeah, and I'm disgusted." Katie cringes. Why couldn't she have seen it before? Every time she looked in the mirror, she always saw a fat girl. But she was never fat, was she? This disease fooled her into believing that she was fat. Everything she has believed for the past year was a lie. She can't believe that she fell for it. She should have stopped before it got this bad. She wants to have a healthy relationship with food. She wants to enjoy pizza and birthday cake without feeling guilty about it.

"Your mom is gonna call Casa Palmera tomorrow." Jo tells her.

"I obviously need it." Katie says, still watching her sickening reflection. She remembers herself as a child, as a happy teenager, and as an anorexic. As a child, she was cute but sneaky. As a teenager, she had changed physically, but she still looked like Katie Knight. She was just a little taller and in the face, she looked a bit older. Most importantly, she was healthy. Now she's battling an eating disorder and she looks anything but healthy. But she's gonna fix this. She's gonna make it right and if rehab is what it takes, that's what she'll do.

"Okay, I think you've had enough." Jo says, helping her out of the restroom. "You need to get back in bed."

Once Katie is settled back into her uncomfortable hospital bed, she looks at Jo. She wishes that she could be like Jo. Skinny but healthy and pretty. She has never said this before, but she's kind of jealous. Jo radiates confidence, something that Katie hasn't had in a while. She has always been confident, but that confidence was lost this last year. It doesn't really matter, though, because Katie's gonna get it back.

"Have wedding plans been going well?" She asks.

"Yep." Jo nods. "I've ordered my wedding dress, the location for the ceremony and reception has been set up, and we've already decided that Ms. Knight, Mrs. Harper, and hopefully Chris are going to make the dinner. We're going to have a buffet so the guests aren't limited to one type of food."

"Yeah, food." Katie laughs nervously.

"I probably shouldn't talk about food, should I?" Jo says awkwardly.

"No, it's fine." Katie tells her. "If I'm gonna get better, I need to practice talking about food without feeling nervous."

"Oh, okay." Jo says. "Anyway, if guests want steak, there will be steak. If they want italian, there will be italian. There will also be Chinese and Mexican food. We might even hire a couple more people to help out, so Ms. Knight, Mrs. Harper, and Chris don't have to cook it by themselves. That's a lot of work for just three people, so they'll probably need some help."

"Sounds nice." Katie nods. "And Camille is going to be your made of honor?"

"Actually, Camille talked to me and said that she would like you to have that honor. After all, you and I are going to be sisters. She's going to be a bridesmaid. Then I was talking to Stephanie on Facebook and she said that she could take care of the wedding DVD. She was going to be a bridesmaid, but there are three groomsmen and there needs to be three bridesmaids. Lucy, Stephanie, and my cousin are going to do that, so there isn't any room for Stephanie. Anyway, she's going to have a film degree when the wedding comes around, so she'll make a great video."

"You want me to be your maid of honor?" Katie asks her, touched by the offer.

"Yes." Jo smiles.

"Okay." Katie says happily.

* * *

><p>"Look who I convinced to come back!" Kendall says proudly as they enter the waiting room.<p>

"He didn't convince me." James adds. "I was forced."

"We're so happy that you're staying." Ms. Knight says, kissing his cheek.

James smiles nervously as he lowers himself into a chair. He is amazed that more than a month after the hold up, his injuries still hurt. He has another physical therapy session in two days and he's already dreading it. He hates physical therapy because it causes him more pain than he's already in. However, he goes because it's supposedly gonna help him regain full use of his left leg. He really misses being able to walk on both legs without pain.

"Thanks for getting him back, jerk." Carlos mumbles, crossing his arms.

"You guys are still mad at me, right?" Kendall nods.

"You have no idea." Logan says, glaring at him.

Kendall sighs heavily. He got James to stay, so that's one problem solved. Now he has to figure out a way to get back on Carlos and Logan's good side. They aren't very happy with him at the moment, but there has to be away to fix it. He's Kendall Knight. He's always able to fix problems and make things right. Surely he'll be able to make things okay between him and his friends.

"I love you guys?" He smiles hopefully.

"Don't try to suck up because it's not going to work." Carlos retorts, not even looking at him.

James and Chris laugh as Kendall groans in frustration. Oh well, he'll find a way to fix things. He always does.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm thinking that there will be 55 chapters for this story:) Also I want to thank everyone that reviewed the last chapter! :D I have 331 reviews now! So again, thank you all!<strong>


	51. Road To Recovery

Yesterday was such a wreck that everyone that normally gets up early is sleeping in later. Those in 4B that wake up around eight or nine, including James, are sleeping in until noon. James isn't really asleep, though. He's thinking about how much he wants to have a make up party for Kenzie. They could have celebrated her birthday yesterday, but they didn't. James doesn't want to be angry with Katie, but they couldn't celebrate his daughter's birthday because of her and her stupid habit. It's a good thing that Ms. Knight is taking her to that treatment center in a couple of hours.

He remembers how Jenna could be sometimes. She would have days where she didn't feel pretty, but James would always sit her down and tell her how beautiful she is. He doesn't know how a girl like that could have insecurities. She had that reddish brown hair, those green eyes, that adorable smile...It's no wonder that Kenzie is so adorable.

As James lays under the covers, he thinks about his favorite Jenna memories. One of them takes place during BTR's first worldwide tour. James and Jenna drove Gustavo crazy every day for the next three months. It didn't help that they always shared a hotel room. The night after a concert, while everyone else was asleep, James and Jenna would occasionally stay up and watch TV. They would talk, laugh, eat, and drive Gustavo crazy. His room always ended up being next to James and Jenna's.

_James and Jenna are sitting on James's bed, which they have secretly been sharing. Big Time Rush just finished playing the first of two shows in London, but James and Jenna haven't went to sleep yet. Instead, they're eating popcorn and watching old British sitcoms._

_"This show is boring." James says through a mouthful of popcorn._

_"No, it's not!" Jenna argues. "And stop eating all the popcorn. It's almost empty!"_

_James grins as he grabs another handful of popcorn, eating it before Jenna can protest. She's cute when she's annoyed with him. Sometimes he'll irritate her on purpose for that very reason. Plus, she's very funny when she gets annoyed._

_He grabs the bowl and sits it on the table by the window, then returns to the bed and kisses Jenna's cheek. Jenna squeals softly and giggles when he wraps his strong and muscular arms around her. It's times like this that she's really grateful for all those workouts he does._

_"Come here, Jenny bear!" James says, squeezing her tighter. They fall over and accidentally hit their heads on the headboard. They rub their heads and laugh, continuing the kiss. Jenna laughs harder as James pulls her against his chest._

_"SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP, DOG AND MRS. DOG!" _

_"WE'RE NOT MARRIED, GUSTAVO!' Jenna shouts._

_"Unless you wanna elope." James whispers, winking at her._

_"BUT JAMES JUST ASKED ME TO ELOPE!"_

"WHAT?"

_"You're terrible." James chuckles._

_"Shhh!" Jenna whispers before speaking to Gustavo. "WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED LATER TONIGHT! YOU CAN COME TO THE WEDDING IF YOU WANT!"_

_"AHHHHHH!"_

_James laughs loudly and buries his face in her shoulder. Jenna smiles and plays with his hair, listening to Gustavo's complaints. James is laughing so hard that he has tears rolling down his cheeks. Jenna wipes his cheeks with her thumb and ruffles his hair._

A year ago today, he was laying in his bed, crying his eyes out. When Kenzie was crying, James was too distraught to give her any attention. He refused to eat, he refused to get out of bed, and he was too weak to take care of the newborn baby. _His _newborn baby. The baby that Jenna gave birth to. Since he was so upset, the guys, Katie, and Ms. Knight took care of her, but James wishes that he would have been doing it. It's just that he was so heartbroken, too heartbroken to think about taking care of a baby.

He sits up and grabs his crutches, limping over to Kenzie's crib. The one year old baby is standing up and she smiles when she sees her dad. She raises her arms, asking him to let her out. Sitting his crutches against the wall, he lifts her from the crib and puts her on the floor. He holds back a cry as pain flares up in his stomach, slowly standing up straight. He grabs his crutches and puts them under his arms.

"Come on, Kenzie." He says, limping out of the room. Kenzie toddles behind him. When Muffin sees her new family, she meows and walks over to them, affectionately rubbing her head against James's right leg.

"Good morning, Muffin." He says, squinting as he bends over to pick her up. He leaves one crutch leaning against the bar and uses the other one to walk to the living room. He knows that he shouldn't be bending over, but one or two times won't hurt.

"James, I'm gonna get Katie from the hospital." Ms. Knight tells him. "Kendall is already waiting in the van. Would you like to come with us?"

"I guess." James sighs. "But I need to change my clothes."

"Don't worry about it." Ms. Knight says, helping him up. Then she lifts Kenzie into her arms. "You don't need to overexert yourself. Anyway, after we drop Katie off, we were going to get lunch and talk about the wedding. We've only got three more months to go before my baby boy is married."

"Sounds fun." James smiles, following her out the door.

Katie anxiously sits on her hospital bed, waiting for her mom to show up. She can't believe that she's going to rehab. Of all people, she's the one that ends up in a rehab center. If anything, she thought it would be Lucy. No offense to Lucy, of course. It's just that she's so edgy and seems like the type that might be a bit of a party girl.

Katie didn't bother changing into regular clothes. She's just wearing black sweatpants, a plain red T shirt, and a grey hoodie, which she wore to bed last night. She doesn't want anyone seeing the rest of her thin body. She doesn't know why she couldn't notice what she really looked like. She hates anorexia. She hates her occasional bulimic tendencies. She hates all of it and she wants it to go away.

"Sweetie, you're all checked out." Ms. Knight says, pushing a wheelchair into the room.

"Mom, why do you have a wheelchair?"

"When patients leave the hospital, they are always taken to the car in a wheelchair." Ms. Knight smiles. "Get in."

Katie sighs and lowers herself into the chair, crossing her arms. Great, she's being pushed out of a hospital in a wheelchair. She is truly ashamed of herself. All those nights spent wondering why she could never be good enough. So much time spent on counting calories, exercising, carefully planning her daily meals, and weighing herself every hour. And the way she made herself throw up if she ate a "unsafe" food. How could she ever do that to herself? Look where it has gotten her.

"Mom, how long do I have to be in rehab?" She asks as she is pushed out the front door.

"Probably three months." Ms. Knight tells her. "It depends on how well you progress."

"Hey, baby sister." Kendall says as he helps her into the middle passengers seat, next to James.

"Ready to go?" Ms. Knight asks them, staring the car.

"Yeah." They all say in unison.

"Jay? Are you mad at me?" Katie asks nervously.

"No, why would I be?" James mutters. Of course he's mad! She has been harming herself for a year and she let it go this far. It disgusts him to think about it. It was the anniversary of his wife's death, his daughter's first birthday, and the day that Katie _finally _hit rock bottom. He wishes that she would have realized her problem before it got so bad.

Casa Palmera is a beautiful Spanish style building with palm trees in the front yard. Katie can't believe that she has to stay here for the next three months. It's a nice place, but it's not as good as the Palm Woods, her home. She's going to be away from her family and friends for the next three months with a bunch of strangers. Katie has never been one to admit when she's afraid, but right now, she's terrified of this strange place.

"Let's go." Ms. Knight says, leading them into the building. The lady on the phone told her that they will be meeting with the admissions coordinator. She said something about filling out paperwork, meeting the staff, and taking a tour of the place. Ms. Knight can't believe that her daughter is having to do this, but they have no choice. No child of hers will be allowed to continue harming themselves. She knows that Kendall is smarter than that, but she doesn't understand what happened to Katie. Her daughter is far from being stupid, but she has not been making good choices this past year.

"Hi, I'm Alyssa Hampton, the admissions coordinator at Casa Palmera." A woman, somewhere in her mid thirties, says. "Welcome! Who is the patient?"

"Me." Katie says, raising her hand slowly.

"This is Katie." Ms. Knight says politely.

"Right." Alyssa says, looking at some papers on a clipboard. "It says here that you're struggling with anorexia and bulimic tendencies. Am I correct?"

"Yes." Ms. Knight answers for Katie, unaware of her daughter's reddening cheeks.

"The first thing we're gonna do is fill out some more paperwork, which shouldn't take too long." Alyssa says. "Come with me to my office. After we do the paperwork, I will let you meet the staff, as well as take you on a tour of the facility."

"So you've met our staff and you've seen most of Casa Palmera, but there are still a couple more places I need to show you. The nurses station and, of course, Katie's room!" Alyssa says cheerfully.

"This chick is the admissions coordinator?" James whispers to Kendall, limping down the hallway.

"She says she is." Kendall mutters, standing close to James. He needs to make sure that he's close by, in case James has trouble getting around. On another note, he's pretty impressed with this place. It's nice and if Katie has to go to rehab for three months, she might as well be somewhere nice.

"It's pretty obvious what the nursing station is." Alyssa tells them. "This is where all of the medical stuff takes place. Katie will meet with her nutritionist here. Also, if she ever has any problems, like if she gets sick or something, this is where it will be taken care of."

James looks around the nursing station. It looks about like a hospital. There's a main desk and three hallways with several rooms. They approach the main desk and while Ms. Knight and Alyssa talk to the secretary, James looks around. He frowns when he sees a young girl, about fifteen years old, walking out of one of the rooms. She's pretty, but a little too thin for her age. She must be anorexic, too.

"Alright, Katie, let's take you to your room!" Alyssa says enthusiastically.

"Excuse me, but who is that girl?" James asks her, motioning to the young and thin girl.

"That's Maddie." Alyssa tells him. "She's been here for a couple of weeks now. She's been battling anorexia for the past two years. She's sixteen, like Katie. In fact, I checked and I think she's suppose to be Katie's roommate. Why don't I introduce you guys to her? She's really a very sweet girl. Maddie!"

The girl looks up as Alyssa waves to her. She walks over to them.

"Maddie, you're getting a roommate!" Alyssa tells her.

"Cool!" Maddie smiles.

"This is Katie." Alyssa tells her.

"Hi, I'm Maddie." Maddie says, holding her hand out to Katie.

"Hi." Katie says, shaking her hand.

Kendall and James look at each other. Maddie is awfully friendly for someone that is battling an eating disorder. She's cute, too. She has wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, and a cute smile. Why do pretty girls go down the anorexic route? Most girls that have anorexia aren't even fat.

"Maddie, I'm about to show Katie to the room." Alyssa says. "You should join us."

"Sure!" Maddie says, following them.

* * *

><p>"Here it is!" Alyssa says, pushing the door open. There are two beds next to each other, each one has a bedside table, and there are two closets near both beds. When someone enters the room, the first thing they'll pass is the restroom.<p>

"Oh, this is nice." Ms. Knight says, looking around.

"I like it." Katie says, repeating her mother's action. She examines the room and notices that Maddie has already claimed the bed closest to the window. So much for getting a nice view of California. Whatever, Katie's here to get help, not sightsee.

"The beds are really comfortable." Maddie tells them. "I've only been here for two weeks, but I'm glad they try to make it feel somewhat like home."

"You've only been here for two weeks?" Kendal questions. Maddie nods in response. "Why aren't you all scared and angry?"

"I completely hit rock bottom, so I'm glad to be here." Maddie tells them. "Wanna hear the story? I'll try to make it short. You see, I guess I had already lost too much weight. A couple weeks ago, I was purging and I managed to make it back to my room before I passed out. I was there for thirty minutes before my mom got home from work and found me. She called the ambulance and I was taken to the hospital. The doctors said that if she hadn't found me when she did, I probably wouldn't be alive. I realized that I had come so close to death because of my addiction, so I made the decision to get help. And here I am!"

"She's been doing pretty well, though." Alyssa tells them. "I think she and Katie will get along really well."

* * *

><p>"Jay, why are you mad at me?" Katie asks as they stand in the middle of the lobby. Her family is about to leave and she wants to know why James is being so cold toward her. He hasn't said a word to her since she went to the hospital. He must have a reason for acting like this. You don't give someone the silent treatment without a reason.<p>

"Katie, you almost killed yourself." James says tearfully. "You had to hit an all time low just to realize that you had a problem. Katie, if you had gotten help sooner, you wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. I'm hurt that you ever did this to yourself in the first place!"

"Well, I'm sorry!" Katie says desperately. "I'm gonna try to get better, okay?"

James looks at the girl with sadness. He can't stay mad at her. After all, she's finally on her way to recovery. She needs her friends and family to support her, not be angry with her for being sick. She needs all the support she can get.

"It's okay." He whispers, kissing the top of her head.

"James, let's go!" Kendall says. James hugs Katie, then follows Kendall towards the exit. Before leaving, Kendall hugs Katie and gives her a goodbye kiss on the forehead. Then they walk out to the van and get in, leaving the treatment center.

* * *

><p><strong>What did you think of the James and Jenna flashback? I thought it was cute and funny:)<strong>

**Katie has finally started rehab! Now she can get help! :D**

**Review! :)**


	52. Better

Words can't describe how happy Lucy is that James is staying in California. The thought of him leaving nearly killed her and when she found out that Kendall had dragged him out of the airport, she was thrilled. James can't give up his dream every time something goes wrong, no matter how bad it is. Lucy hasn't known him as long as his bandmates have, but she knows that he has wanted this since he was little. The guys told him about how excited James was when he heard that Gustavo Rocque was in town. He has worked so hard to get where he is today and he can't just give up. Plus, Lucy loves him and they can't be together if they're in two different states.

His stomach and leg injuries haven't stopped him from continuing his music career. He's doing great in physical therapy. While the physical therapist has him walking, Lucy stands by the doorway and holds Kenzie. She's proud of James for trying so hard, even though it's painful. She just hates the pained expressions that he gets. She wants to hold his hand and make the pain go away, but that will have to happen by itself. No one can make it happen.

Kenzie makes some incoherent sounds, whimpering. Lucy puts her down and grabs her hand, making the assumption that she's hungry, considering she hasn't eaten in two hours. Lucy will get her something from the snack machine.

"Do you want to walk?" Lucy asks the little girl. Kenzie nods and begins pulling Lucy along. Lucy leads her over to the snack machine in the lobby and takes some change out of her jeans pocket. Kenzie likes Fruit Smackers, which is one of the choices. She takes the packet of fruit snacks from the compartment and hands one to Kenzie, who puts it in her mouth.

"Think I should get some water for Daddy?" She asks. "He's always exhausted after therapy, so he might be thirsty."

She buys some water from the other machine, then grabs Kenzie's hand and begins walking back to the room. Kenzie squeaks and removes her hand from Lucy's grip, toddling ahead. It's been a couple weeks since her first birthday and she's fully mobile. That's good yet bad. The problem is that they have a hard time keeping up with her. The other day, Carlos and Logan were watching a movie with her and they went to get some applesauce for her. When they came back, she had managed to walk all the way to Kendall and Logan's room. They spent about five minutes freaking out before they realized where she was.

"Wow, you move fast!" Lucy says, chasing after her. Kenzie giggles loudly and keeps walking. Finally, Lucy catches up to her and picks the baby up, kissing her cheek. She doesn't think that she should say this to James, but she loves Kenzie like a daughter. She and Kenzie have that kind of relationship. Lucy and James both love Kenzie to death.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims as they return to the therapy room. Dr. Walsh still has James walking around and James doesn't seem to be enjoying it. Although his back is facing Lucy, she can tell he's uncomfortable by watching his somewhat shaking body. If it weren't for the walker they have him using, he would probably collapse.

"James, maybe you should take a break." Dr. Walsh tells him.

"Just let me try a few more steps." James says weakly, stepping forward. He barely takes one step before he steps and grips the walker in pain. Dr. Walsh notices this and starts helping his patient over to a chair. James squeezes his eyes shut and tries to regain his composure. He insisted that Ms. Knight and the guys stay at home because he didn't want them to see him like this.

"Jay, I got you some water." Lucy says, handing him the water bottle.

"Thanks." James says grateful, uncapping the bottle and taking a heavy sip.

"Dada!" Kenzie repeats, reaching out to him. Although James is still in pain, he happily takes her into his arms, holding her against his chest.

"James, why don't we just call it a day?" Dr. Walsh asks. "We don't wanna overdo it. It looks like you've had enough for today."

James nods in agreement. At the end of every physical therapy session, he's always exhausted and in desperate need of a nap. Oh, and also in need of a shower. He gets kind of sweaty when he works himself too hard.

"Let's go." Lucy says, taking Kenzie from him. Dr. Walsh hands him his crutches. He quietly thanks the man before pushing himself up and slowly following Lucy out of the flinches, occasionally having to stop when the pain becomes too much. How long does it take to fully recover from a gunshot wound? James knew that it wouldn't happen right away, but it seems like it's taking forever. It's been almost two months and his injuries still hurt.

"You did great today." Lucy says as she puts Kenzie in the car seat. Once James has gotten into the front passengers seat, Lucy gets behind the wheel and starts the car. She glances at James, who looks like he's already half asleep, his head resting against the window.

"Uh huh." James murmurs.

Lucy gives his hand a gently squeeze and leaves the parking lot.

* * *

><p>It has been two weeks since Katie checked into rehab. It has been scary, but she's glad to be here. When she first came here, she weighed seventy nine pounds. Now she weights eighty six pounds. She hasn't gained too much, but she's slowly getting better. She wants to cry every time she gets weighed, but she keeps reminding herself that weight gain means that she's getting better. Of course, she had a meltdown the other day when she was forced to eat a slice of chocolate cake. She started crying and panicking, so she had to be force fed. She hated that, so she has started forcing herself to eat whether she wants to or not.<p>

Maddie is really nice. Sometimes one of them will become overwhelmed and they'll comfort each other. There are times where they'll stay awake after curfew and just talk. So far, Katie has learned that Maddie became anorexic after her best friend died in a car accident. She was so upset that she could barely eat and when she saw how much weight she had lost, she liked it and continued dieting. Before Maddie knew it, she was obsessed with dieting. Then Katie told her story and Maddie was very understanding.

When Maddie entered rehab, she weighed seventy five pounds. Now she weights eighty eight pounds. Both she and Katie are trying really hard to beat their eating disorders, even though it's really hard.

Katie walks around the beautiful Koi pond, which has become her favorite place to hang out. She feels relaxed when she comes here. It's a good place to go when recovery becomes too overwhelming. Casa Palmera has a lot of nice places to relax and unwind. And Katie needs a place to unwind after being stuck in a group therapy session for an hour. When she went to her first therapy session, she had to introduce herself by saying "My name is Katie Knight and I've had Anorexia for the past year." After that, she and the other patients talk about their progress and other stuff going on in their lives. Katie mentioned that she really wants to be out of here before her brother's wedding in June.

"Katie!" Maddie shouts from the entrance. "It's snack time!"

"Yay." Katie mutters, following her roommate to the dining area. She finds a table and sits down, staring at the placemat. Who knows what fattening "snack" these people will make her eat? She knows that she _wants _to get better, but she can't say that she has learned how to enjoy food again. There was another day where she was eating and she threw up all over the floor. She couldn't control it, though. Her body is so use to purging that she can throw up without even trying.

"Brownies!" Maddie says, handing Katie a plate with a chocolate brownie. For a moment, Katie just stares at it. That voice in her head is still saying "Don't eat that. You're too fat." But there's another part of her that remembers why she's here. She's here because of that horrible illness that ruined her life. She's here to learn how to eat healthy again. A healthy eater doesn't get freaked out when they see a brownie.

"It's not gonna hurt you." Maddie says gently. Katie touches the brownie, eating the chocolate off her finger. With shaky hands, she picks the brownie up and takes a small bite. She takes another bite and another. Each bite is awkward and slow, partly due to her intimidation and partly due to the fact that the brownie tastes so good.

"My turn." Maddie sighs, taking a bite of the brownie.

It takes ten minutes for Katie to finish the brownie, but only five minutes for Maddie. Katie is so jealous of that girl. Maddie may be struggling to recover, but she's trying a lot harder than Katie is. Not that Katie isn't trying. It just takes a lot more time for her to finish a meal.

"Maddie, after you went from bulimic to anorexic, did you still purge at all?" Katie asks.

"Not much, but I would if I ate a "unsafe" food." Maddie responds.

"How do you resist purging now that you're here?" Katie asks nervously.

"Trust me, I don't have to worry about resisting, because the staff won't let you." Maddie tells her. "Didn't you know that?"

"Yeah, but you've never tried doing it in secret?"

"Katie, you don't wanna do that." Maddie tells her. "Look at how bad things got. You need to get better. If you keep the starving, binging, and purging, you could end up dying. You've got so many years left. You don't want to keep doing what you've been doing."

"I-"Katie stammers. "I know."

* * *

><p>After thinking about it for a while, Kendall and Jo made the decision that they want to get their own place after the wedding. A little more than a week ago, they found a nice house not too far from Rocque Records. It's a brick home with a big back yard and the rooms are pretty big, too. Lucky for them, there are three bedrooms. One for them, a guest room, and a room for their future children. Yeah, they want a best friend for Kenzie.<p>

"This place will be perfect!" Jo says, looking around the master bathroom. She touches the white marble countertop on the double sinks and looks in the mirror, which is surrounded by a reddish brown border. She touches her engagement ring, excited that she's getting married in less than three months. On June 11th, she going to wear her beautiful wedding dress, walk down the aisle, and say "I do."

"I know, right?" Kendall says, hugging her waist from behind. "Mrs. Knight."

"Mrs. Jo Knight." Jo says dreamily.

"In June, you're finally going to be a part of our family." Kendall says, kissing her cheek. "By the way, my dad called and said that he can't wait to meet you."

"I thought you don't talk to your dad."

"Well, I answered the phone this time and we talked for a while. We talked about our relationship, then we talked about the wedding and I decided to invite him."

"Is James going to let his dad come?"

"Probably not." Kendall says softly. "He and his dad have an even more awkward relationship than my dad and I have. You know what happened when he was in the hospital, right? His dad visited and he didn't even give the man a chance to explain. After his dad left, he started crying. His dad really hurt him and I don't think there's going to be any forgiveness any time soon."

He wishes that James would forgive his dad. It seems like Mr. Diamond really does care about making things right with his son, but James won't even give him a chance. Kendall doesn't know if James is still convinced that his parents would have gotten back together, but he knows the truth. They wouldn't have gotten back together even if Mr. Diamond hadn't remarried. They had too many problems in their relationship and it would be impossible to fix.

"That's sad." Jo says, turning around. Kendall wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you." Kendall whispers, giving her another squeeze.

* * *

><p>"So you're having a picnic with your lady?" Carlos says , taking a seat next to Logan in front of the large tree. Logan growls under his breath. He's at the Palm Woods park, he prepared a nice lunch for himself and Camille, and Carlos won't leave him alone. It doesn't matter that they've gotten past their issues with each other. That doesn't make it okay for Carlos to pester him when he's waiting for Camille.<p>

"Uh huh." He says, clearing his throat. "Carlos, what are you doing here?"

"I was bored."

"Carlitos, why don't you go home and help Lucy with Kenzie? James is passed out on the couch and Lucy can't take care of the baby by herself." Logan says with fake politeness.

"You're just saying that to get rid of me." Carlos mutters before walking away. Logan rolls his eyes, just as Camille appears. He quickly puts a smile on his face, his previous annoyance with a certain helmet wearing psychopath fading away. It's impossible to be annoyed when he's with Camille. They're total opposites, but she makes him happy.

"Was that Carlos?" Camille laughs.

"Yeah, I think he wanted to join us, but I made him leave." Logan tells her.

"Are you excited for Kendall and Jo's wedding?" Camille asks with a smile.

"Totally!" Logan says, eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that he made. "It's going to be great to see my best buddy get married to the love of his life."

"Do you think James will ever marry again?" Camille asks, grabbing her own ham and cheese sandwich.

"Maybe eventually, but I don't think it'll happen any time soon." Logan shrugs. "It's okay, though. At least he's dating again. Also, he's no longer afraid to admit that he loves Lucy. I think his love life has made progress."

Camille hasn't had very many boyfriends before. In high school, most guys thought she was weird. Logan, on the other hand, accepted her for who she really is. He didn't turn her down just because she's a little on the wild side. She loves that about him. He has even said that he loves her personality, minus the slapping. She doesn't slap people anymore, unless she's filming a scene for a movie or TV show. If she's rehearsing, she practices the slapping when she's alone. She just slaps an "invisible" person, rather than going up to some guy by the pool.

Anyway, she hopes that the guys never leave LA again. She just got Logan back and she doesn't want to lose him again. Lucky for Jo, her relationship with Kendall is about to become permanent. Camille wishes that it could be like that for her and Logan, but he likes to take things slow.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm thinking about having fifty six chapters:) Chapter fifty five is suppose to be Kendall and Jo's wedding and I was thinking that fifty six could be the reception:D Sound good?<strong>

**Review! :D**


	53. Courage

James is twenty three today. You know what his early birthday present was? Yesterday, he went to physical therapy and Dr. Walsh was so impressed with his progress, so the man recommended trading his crutches for a cane. So he's walking on a cane now. He repeatedly tells his friends that it makes him look like an old man, but they're just grateful to see him making progress in his recovery. He's happy that he's getting better too, but he doesn't like looking like an old man when he's out in public. Really, it's his 23rd birthday and he feels like he's turning 80, all because of that cane. Of course, he should probably be grateful. After all, it means that he's improving.

"Kenzie, say happy birthday to daddy!" Ms. Knight says, holding Kenzie's hand and leading her into the bedroom. James sits up and grabs his cane, pushing himself up. He looks at Kenzie and smiles when she wraps her arms around his leg. She's so affectionate and James loves it. The hug must be her way of wishing him a happy birthday. She's a very sweet little girl. He hopes that they don't have to deal with the terrible two's. And, should they actually have to go there, he hopes that these terrible two's aren't too...terrible. For now, he's just gonna enjoy her sweetness.

"Aaaah!" Kenzie says, reaching her arms up. James tries to bend over to pick her up, but Ms. Knight stops him. She picks Kenzie up and hands the little girl to her dad, who places a soft and loving kiss on her cheek.

"We were thinking about driving to San Diego, so Katie could celebrate with us." Ms. Knight tells him. "I talked to her last night and she would really like to celebrate your birthday with you."

"How is she doing?" James asks as Ms. Knight helps him out of the room.

"She's getting better." Ms. Knight says with a soft smile. Katie said that she weights 90 pounds, but the nutritionist wants to get her up to 125. So she's still got a long way to go before she's at a healthy weight, but she does seem to be making improvements. She mentioned that mealtimes are still hard, but she's trying. Ms. Knight is very proud of her daughter. Katie is doing the right thing by getting help. She can't let anorexia take over her life. She's strong and Ms. Knight knows that she can beat the horrible illness.

"Anyway, would you like to do that?" She asks James.

"Sounds fun." James smiles. "Just let me get changed."

He kisses Kenzie's cheek and tickles her tummy, then hands her to Ms. Knight and returns to his room. He looks through the clothes in his closest, carefully looking at each one. He just wants some casual yet attractive. The birthday boy needs to look good. Eventually, after much debating with himself, he picks a black long sleeve T shirt, a blue plaid button up shirt (To be left open), and a pair of jeans. Getting dressed isn't too hard, but it still causes him some discomfort. He still has to stop when he feels pain, but it's not excruciating anymore.

"All better." He says, looking at himself in the full body mirror. He limps out of the bedroom with his cane, jumping when he hears four voices shout "Happy birthday,"followed by four sets of arms wrapping around him. It's the guys and Chris that are hugging him tightly.

"You look like an old man with that cane." Carlos chuckles.

"Wow, that brightens my day." James says flatly, limping to the living room. He lowers himself the couch and smiles at Kenzie, laughing when she tries to climb onto the couch. Every attempt ends in failure. She keeps sliding off the couch, landing on her butt. The funniest part is that she doesn't give up. Every time she falls, she gets right back up and keeps trying.

"Are you trying to get on the couch?" He asks her.

"No!"

"Really? Because it looks like you are." James grins, picking her up. She hasn't learned how to say yes yet, so she answers every question with no. It's just a normal thing for babies. At one year old, their speech is still developing. Kenzie says "kitty" whenever she sees Muffin. In a couple years, she should be speaking full coherent sentences. As of right now, she's still babbling most of the time, except for the few words that she does know.

"Hey, if we wanna go to San Diego, we should leave now." Ms. Knight tells them. They all murmur in agreement and follow Ms. Knight out of the apartment.

* * *

><p>Katie looks in the restroom mirror, examining her slowly improving appearance. She weights 90 pounds now and although she knows it's a good thing, it makes her nervous. Sometimes she still sees that fat girl in the mirror and she wants to cry. When she gets weighed and the scale shows that she has gained weight, she wants to cry because that voice in her head keeps telling her that she's fat. She never knew that recovery was gonna be so hard. The group counselor always says that even when the patients get out of treatment, it's gonna be a daily battle. That eating disorder or any addiction is something that they will deal with for the rest of their lives. Anorexia is a life long disease.<p>

But she has to forget about those thoughts for now. Today is James's twenty third birthday and he, as well as the rest of the group, is coming to San Diego so Katie can celebrate with them. She already got permission to leave the facility today so they can go out for lunch. She's pretty nervous, though. It's going to be her first time eating with her family and friends since they discovered her eating disorder. What if she can't do it? What if food is put in front of her and she starts panicking? She has done it before and who can say that it won't happen again?

She's still pretty thin, so she sticks to wearing jeans and a white long sleeve shirt. Pulling her hair into a low bun makes it's thinness look less obvious. It wasn't just her body that got thin. Her hair thinned out as well, but if she can get better, her hair will become healthy again. She hates looking so ill. When she goes out to dinner today, people are going to see her and wonder what's wrong.

"You're finally having your first meal outside of the treatment center?" Maddie asks her.

"Yeah." Katie sighs, examining herself from all angles.

"Hey, you look fine." Maddie says, pulling her away from the mirror.

"What if I mess it up? I already ruined his daughter's' birthday!" Katie exclaims. "I can't ruin his! James was so hurt when he found out what I had been doing. What if we get to the restaurant and I see the food and I freak out?"

"Just try to eat. All you have to do is take small bites and even take breaks in between." Maddie advises. "You'll be okay."

Katie gulps heavily.

"Yeah." She says with an awkward smile. "Yeah, I will."

* * *

><p>"We've really missed you, baby sister." Kendall says as he leads Katie to the van.<p>

"Hi, everyone." Katie says, climbing in next to Chris. It feels so good to be with her friends and family again. She hasn't seen them very much in the month that she has been in treatment, so it's nice that she gets to spend the whole day with them. She wasn't about to miss James's birthday, so she begged her mom to let her talk to the staff about her leaving the treatment center for the day. Once the birthday outing is over, she has to return to Casa Palmera. At least she gets to spend a few hours with them. A few hours is better than none at all.

"Hey, maybe we should go to Pizza Hut!" Carlos says excitedly.

Katie smiles nervously. She doesn't know if she's ready for Pizza Hut. Something like Jason's Deli might be a little safer for her. She's recovering from an eating disorder, so she needs to take things slow with her food choices. But she'll let James make the decision. It's his birthday, so he should decide where they eat. If it's somewhere that makes Katie a little anxious, she'll just bear with it.

James notices that Katie has tensed up. It may be his birthday, but Katie's health is more important. He'll be sure to pick something that won't be uncomfortable for Katie. She's only been in treatment for a month and she may not be ready to eat certain foods. He understands that. He cares way more about her well being than his birthday.

"How about Jason's Deli?" He suggests.

Wow, Katie wasn't expecting that, but she appreciates it.

"If that's what you want..." Ms. Knight says apprehensively.

Twenty minutes later, they have arrived at the small sandwich restaurant. When they enter the building, Katie tenses up again when she sees all these people eating. She wants to be like that. These people are eating a sandwich, drinking soda, and enjoying some time with their family and friends. Will Katie be able to do that again? Will she ever be able to eat without obsessing over it? She wants to be normal again. Well, that's why she's in rehab. Hopefully, it'll work. When she leaves the place, she wants to be in a normal state of mind.

"Mom, they have grilled cheese sandwiches, right?" Katie asks, looking at the menu.

"Yeah, on the kids menu." Ms. Knight answers.

"Do you think they would let me have that?"

"I'm sure they would." Ms. Knight smiles. "Why don't you and James find a table?"

James and Katie walk away from the order line and search for a table. James is interested in making sure Katie is okay, but he can't help but notice that people are staring at him. He knew that the cane would do this. He doesn't like being stared at unless he's onstage, performing for fans. If he's injured, he really just wants complete strangers to ignore him.

"This will work." Katie says, approaching two tables pulled together in the middle of the room. She takes a seat and James sits across from her.

"Ready to do this?" James asks her.

"I'm a little worried." Katie admits. "Before I ended up in the hospital, I was very careful choosing from a menu. I usually picked from the low calorie options and if they didn't have low calorie options, I wouldn't eat. I was a very picky eater. You know, when I actually ate. But I think I'll be okay."

"Don't eat too fast." James warns her.

"Trust me, I won't." Katie says, wrapping her hand around her still bony wrist. Then she touches her stomach, cringing at how empty it feels. She hopes that things start getting better, so she can go back to be being a normal teenager.

"What about Kendall and Jo's wedding?" James asks her. "You're gonna be the maid of honor, right?"

"Yep." Katie says proudly. "I'm just worried because I was really thin when I got fitted for my dress and, when the wedding comes around, I'll probably have gained weight. I hope the dress won't be too tight."

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, they've got their meals. As they are eating, Lucy calls to wish James a happy birthday and they talk for about five minutes. Lucy has to do her album photo shoot today, so she can't celebrate James's birthday with them. To make up for it, she sent him an E Card on his IPhone. It shows that she cares about him, which is important in a relationship.<p>

"Kenzie, look at the tomato!" He says, feeding the tomato to Kenzie. Some of the juice dribbles down her chin, so he wipes it off with a napkin. Babies are messy eaters, but it doesn't really bother James. He actually finds it quite funny.

"Katie, are you gonna eat?" Logan asks. Katie is just staring at her sandwich, reluctantly to take even the smallest bite. She wants to eat it, yet she doesn't. How many calories are in a grilled cheese sandwich? How many grams of fat are in this thing? What if she eats it and she gets sick? It would be so embarrassing if she threw up all over this floor, which the poor janitor is working very hard to clean. She doesn't want to ruin his hard work and she doesn't want to puke in front of her family. How humiliating would that be?

"Just try." Ms. Knight encourages. Katie grabs the sandwich and stares for a moment, then takes a small bite. She chews slowly, savoring the taste. Surprisingly, she doesn't feel sick. When she realizes how good it tastes, she takes even bigger bites. Wow, this is good! She has missed being able to enjoy food like she's doing right now. Why should she let anorexia ruin mealtime for her?

"Jay, what happened to your crutches?" She asks through a mouthful of sandwich.

"My physical therapist recommended that I start using a cane." James tells her. "Apparently, I've gotten a lot better, so he decided that I'm ready to get off crutches. I can't fully walk on my own yet, though."

"We should go bowling." Carlos says randomly.

"Carlos, we already agreed that we're never taking you to a bowling ally ever again." Chris says calmly.

"Why?" Carlos whines.

"Because of what happened last time." Chris says, shivering at the memory. They were eighteen and they went bowling. When Carlos's turn came, instead of the ball hitting the pins, it flew backwards into a wall and knocked some trophy off the shelf. Then he ended up doing the same thing later in the day, so they went home. That's the day that they realized Carlos has no business going to a bowling ally.

"Oh yeah."

"You're doing really well, sweetie." Ms. Knight tells Katie, who is almost done with her sandwich. "Now let's sing happy birthday to the birthday boy."

"Not here." James groans, burying his face in his arms.

"We'll do it quietly." Kendall insists.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear James? Happy birthday to you!" They all sing quietly. Kendall wraps his arms around James's shoulders and forces him to sit up straight. James rubs the back of his neck and tries to hide the redness in his cheeks. Singing Happy Birthday to him is only okay if they do it in the safety of the apartment. He hates when they do it in front of complete strangers.

"Aww, Jamie is shy." Kendall teases, pinching his cheek.

"Shut up!" James says, holding back laughter. "Don't call me that."

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims, waving her arms.

* * *

><p>"Enjoy your birthday outing?" Katie asks as she and James walk into her room. After lunch, they went to the zoo for a couple hours. Now Katie has to be back at Casa Palmera. She feels bad that her family gets to go home, while she has to stay here. When she is released, she's gonna be better. She only has to be here until June, then she can leave and things can go back to normal. She's not going to let an eating disorder stop her from living a good life. She's going to be at home with her family and she's going to take care of herself.<p>

"It was very fun." James smiles, sitting on Katie's bed. "And I'm really happy that you were able to join us."

"Me too." Katie says, resting her head on his shoulder. "I just hate that you guys have to go home."

"It'll be okay." James says, kissing the top of her head. "You'll be better before you know it."

_Better before you know it_

Katie's determined to get better. Everything is going to be okay one of these days. Life may have ups and downs, but it can be pretty good. People make mistakes, but most mistakes can be fixed. Katie's mistake is an example. She's in rehab because she wants to make things right.

"Yeah, you're right." She agrees.

"I better get going." James says, standing back up. "You said goodbye to the others, right?"

"How could I forget?" Katie smiles.

James kisses her forehead and gives her a hug, then limps out of the room and closes the door behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter was important because Katie took a big step in her recovery, eating her first meal outside of rehab. She's slowly learning to eat healthy and enjoy food again:) And James is twenty three now! :D <strong>

**Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! :)**

**Review! :D**


	54. Happiness

"Aww, you boys look so handsome." Jo says, looking at the best man and groomsmen. She took them all to get fitted for their tuxedos today. Kendall got fitted for his a few weeks ago, so he's just here to help Jo. Lucy came along so she could help James, since he's still recovering from his injuries. Jo's job is to say whether or not she likes a certain tux. The guys are trying on different ones and Jo gets to decide which one she wants them to wear. She has never been a controlling type, but she loves getting to make the final decisions. The bridesmaids and maid of honor are going to wear lilac dresses, so the best man and groomsmen need to match.

"Logan, your tie is crooked." Camille says, fixing her boyfriend's tie. "All better! Jo, what do you think about these?"

"I like them." Jo says, stepping backwards to get a better look. The black jacket and slacks with the lilac bowtie will be perfect for the wedding. So she nods in approval. "Yep, these are good."

"Okay!" Camille says happily. "Guys, you can get changed back into your own clothes. Bring your tuxes to the checkout counter."

"I look ridiculous." Logan mutters to James and Carlos before returning to the dressing room.

James limps back to another dressing room with Lucy's help. To help him keep his balance, Lucy wraps her arm around his waist. He loves how close she is right now and, quite franky, he would love to see her get even closer. James could really use a hug. He's not feeling sad at all, but he likes getting hugs. especially if he's getting them from his totally awesome girlfriend.

"I can't believe Jo is making me wear purple." Lucy says, helping James out of his jacket. "I'll wear red, I'll wear black, I'll wear green, but I do not want to wear purple. Sadly, it's Jo's wedding and I have to wear what she wants me to wear. I just hope that the tabloids don't see bad girl Lucy Stone wearing purple at Jo Taylor's wedding. I do have a reputation, you know."

"Of course you do." James chuckles, taking the bowtie off. "And it isn't purple. It's lilac."

"What's the difference?" Lucy says, unbuttoning his shirt. She helps him get it off, then stares at his perfectly toned stomach. Those abs of his are unbelievable. How can a guy possibly look that good?

"I'm sorry, but I need to hug you." She says, throwing her arms around his waist. His skin is so soft and he smells like Cuda Mangerine Spray. She nearly melts when he wraps his arms around her because she loves those muscular biceps. She probably sounds like some crazy fangirl, but who says that his girlfriend isn't allowed to be a little obsessed with his good looks?

The only bad part is the still healing stomach wound. He is no longer wearing a bandage around his injuries, so she is able to see a scar forming on the lower right side of his stomach.

"I know I'm hot." James says proudly, yelping when Lucy slaps his arm.

"Can you get your jeans off?" Lucy asks worriedly. One of his injuries is in his leg, so she doesn't know how he can get out of those pants. He might need a little help, but she won't do it unless he wants her to.

"I think I can do it." James says, slowly taking the slacks off.

"Um, Jay, are those Spongebob boxers?"

"What? No!" James says, quickly grabbing his jeans. With some difficulty, he manages to get them on. Then he grabs his black V neck and slips it over his head. After that, he puts his favorite white jacket on, as well as his glasses. He isn't necessarily a big fan of wearing lilac, considering that he's a guy, but he'll gladly do it for Jo and Kendall. He hopes that Lucy will cooperate and surpress her bad girl urges to throw a rocker style tantrum. James has never seen Lucy throw a tantrum before, but Camille told him that it involves throwing stuff, punching things, and yelling some not so nice words. Yeah, he doesn't really want to see that. It's her best friend's wedding and he's sure that she wouldn't lose her temper on such a special day.

"Guitar Dude, why did you bring your guitar?" They hear Camille asks.

"Uh, I dunno."

"Oh my gosh."

James and Lucy laugh, then kiss. After that, James grabs his cane and pushes the door open, limping out of the small dressing room. Lucy stays close beside him, protecting him against any potential falls. He needs someone to make sure that he doesn't get hurt any worse. He's finally starting to heal and no one wants him to suffer from any setbacks. That's why it seems like his friends and family are being more protective than ever. The other day, he went to Target to get some more diapers for Kenzie and Kendall insisted on going with him, even though he is perfectly capable of driving.

"You got the tux, right?" He asks Lucy.

"Yeah." Lucy says, showing him the tuxedo.

"And the bowtie?"

"I've got it, Jay." Lucy smiles as they walk to the checkout counter.

"I am such a big fan of your show." The salesman tells Jo. "I love Sandra's pregnancy storyline. She's so young to be having a baby, though. But she's my favorite character on the show. I love how she's sweet yet really sarcastic sometimes, combined with an occasionally temper problem. I can't believe that her parents are forcing her and Miles to get married, though. From what it looks like, they've been on the verge of a breakup ever since Sandra caught him making out with her best friend. She doesn't need a man like that."

"This guy watches soap operas, huh?" Jo whispers to Camille through a smile.

"I mean, that episode where Jett Stetson guest starred? I loved his character and I think he and Sandra should be together. They seemed to be pretty attracted to each other."

"Excuse me, but as much as I would love to discuss South Valley with you, I really need to get these tuxes checked out." Jo says politely. "Me and my friends are hoping to get lunch in the food court before it gets too crowded."

"Oh yeah!" The salesman exclaims, as if he's just remembering the tuxes. "But can I ask you one more question? I heard that you're going to be recording a song for one of the episodes. Is that true? Because that's what TMZ said."

"I want that to be a surprise." Jo says calmly. "Could you _please _get to the tuxedos?"

"Yeah, she would like to have them before the wedding, genius!" Lucy calls out. The salesman gulps heavily and starts scanning each of the tuxedos, occasionally glancing at Lucy.

"Hey, you're making a new album, aren't you?" He asks nervously.

"Yeah, I am." Lucy sighs heavily, staring at her fingernails. This guy is apparently a little too celebrity obsessed. When they first entered the store, he started freaking out as soon as he saw Jo. If they don't get out of here soon, he'll never leave the poor girl alone. From what Lucy can see, he's even wearing a circular South Valley button with Jo's character, Sandra, on it. South Valley has gotten so popular that the show actually has its own merchadise. T shirts, buttons, jewelry, posters, and more. Most critics have had good things to say about it too, except for a few that say it's too melodramatic. Lucy has to disagree. She personally enjoys the show.

"Who's the lucky guy?" The salesman asks Jo.

"You're completely obsessed with her, yet you don't know who she's marrying? Have you not read any tabloids lately?" Lucy retorts.

"Lucy!" James says, slapping his hand over her mouth.

"I'm the lucky guy." Kendall says, raising his hand.

"Uh huh." The salesman says slowly, eyeing Kendall. "Let me put these in some garment bags."

They are all relieved when he disappears. They've met a lot of annoying store employees, but this guy is just creepy.

"He scares me." Jo whispers.

"I could give him a wedgie!" Lucy says hopefully.

"You're giving no one a wedgie." James says, leading Lucy out of the store. She might end up attacking the guy if they stay in there any longer. She doesn't like dealing with overly crazed fans. She can be friendly for fans that approach her in public, but that only applies to those who simply ask for a picture or autograph. It's fans like this tuxedo salesman that really annoy her. He's one of those that is completely obsessed with a star and keeps pestering them, even after they tell him to stop.

"When are we getting food?"She asks, reaching for his hand.

"As soon as they get the tuxedos." James says, wrapping his arm around her.

**About five minutes later**

"We got the tuxes!" Jo says as she and the rest of the group leave the store. "Let's get lunch!"

They walk to the food court and head to different restaurants. After everyone has ordered, they take their seats at a large and round table. As James eats the ham sandwich that he ordered from Subway, thinking about his precious daughter back at the Palm Woods. She and Ms. Knight went to San Diego to visit Katie in rehab. James can't wait until he and Kenzie are reunited later today, but he knows that she's in good hands. As for Katie, that girl is getting better every day. She weighs a little over 100 pounds now (Last time James heard, it was 105)

"Hey, guess where we're going for our honeymoon?" Kendall says excitedly.

"Jamaica!" Jo smiles.

"Awesome!" Carlos says, high fiving Kendall.

James smiles as he remembers his and Jenna's honeymoon in Turks and Caicos. They had so much fun together in the week they spent on the island. They stayed in a beautiful hotel, ate delicious food, and spent time together on a gorgeous beach. James has a photo album of pictures they took during the wedding and honeymoon. His current background on his phone is of him and Kenzie, but at one point, it was a picture of him and Jenna during their honeymoon. They were at the beach, James was wearing a pair of blue swim shorts, Jenna was wearing a white sundress, and they were hugging. It may not be her background, but he has always kept it on his phone.

"At the reception, someone should shove cake in Gustavo's face." Carlos says thoughtfully.

"I don't think he needs anymore cake." Kendall says, shaking his head.

"Hey, that was rude!" Jo says, slapping his shoulder. "And he would wring your neck if he heard you say that."

"If he could catch me." Kendall whispers.

* * *

><p>"You're looking a lot better." Ms. Knight says, combing Katie's hair.<p>

Really? Katie knows that she's looking healthier than she did when she first entered treatment. She's still a little on the thin side, but she's doesn't look so bad anymore. Sometimes, she still sees herself as fat, then she remembers where she is and why she's here. She's still considered underweight, but she weighed 79 pounds when she came to Casa Palmera. Now she weights 107 pounds, which is a lot better than double digits. Her ribs are less noticeable now, although they can still be seen.

"Good." She says, bouncing Kenzie on her lap. Since James went with Jo and the other guys to get tuxedos for the wedding, Ms. Knight is in charge of babysitting. Chris offered to do it, but Ms. Knight insisted on doing it this time. She doesn't get to spend as much time with Kenzie as she would like, so she was happy when she got this opportunity.

"Have you been eating _all _of your meals?"

"Yes, mom." She sighs.

"You know, you should invite Maddie to the wedding. She seems like a very sweet girl." Ms. Knight tells her. "I think she would be a good friend for you, since you both have so much in common. You girls could be very supportive of each other outside of treatment."

Maddie only has one more month before she is released. She weights 115 pounds now and she looks very healthy. She's gotten curvier, but not fat. Her hair no longer looks dull and thin. Katie is so jealous. Maddie looks like she did before her eating disorder, while the effects of Katie's anorexia are still fairly noticeable. She can't wait until she looks that good.

"I'll ask Jo if it's okay." She says, yawning.

"Dada!" Kenzie whimpers.

"Hey, why don't we call daddy and let you talk to him?" Katie says, grabbing her cell phone off the bedside table. She dials James's number and waits for him to pick up. Kenzie doesn't like being away from her daddy for very long. When she has to be away from him, they have to call him at least twice so she can hear his voice. It makes her feel better when she can talk to him.

"Hello?"

"Jay, Kenzie misses you." Katie tells him. "Could you talk to her?"

"Aww, sure." James says with a small laugh. Katie smiles and holds the phone to Kenzie's ear. At first, she doesn't really respond, but it's not long before she starts smiling and babbling. Katie and Ms. Knight can barely hear James's cheerful voice on the other line. Finally, Katie kisses Kenzie's cheek and puts the phone to her own ear.

"She sounds happy." He says.

"Hearing from you always makes her feel better." Katie smiles.

"Hey, I've gotta go." James says happily.

"Just give the phone to Kendall." Katie tells him. "I miss my brother."

* * *

><p>"Kendall, Katie wants to talk to you." James says, handing his phone to his best friend. He pushes himself out of his seat and carries his trash over to the garbage can, throwing it away. He stops for a moment, tired from walking around the mall. He's going to be a lot better off when he can just walk by himself. He finds himself getting tired more easily when he's using crutches or a cane. It's no fun and he wants to be walking by himself when the wedding gets here. He refuses to walk down the aisle on a cane. No one will want to see a crippled guy escorting the maid of honor down the aisle. It'll take away from the beauty of the occasion.<p>

"Jay, are you okay?" Lucy asks, helping him back to the table.

"Yeah, I just got a little tired." James says, sitting back down.

"Hey, you two need to give us a tour of your new house." Camille tells Kendall and Jo. For weeks, they've been talking about the home they just bought, but no one has seen it in person. Kendall and Jo have been too busy looking at furniture to let their friends see it.

"Maybe you guys can see it this weekend." Jo says, looking through her purse. "Hey, does anyone want some gum?"

"Sure." The others say in unison. Jo passes around sticks of gum until the small pack is completely empty.

"You know it has a swimming pool?" Kendall questions. "I don't think we ever showed any pictures of that."

"Kendall, we forgot to take some!" Jo complains. "But they can see it when we go this weekend."

While they're talking about the new house, James starts thinking about how much things have changed. Everything is better now. He and his bandmates are friends again, Big Time Rush is making a comeback, Kendall and Jo are engaged, Logan and Camille are back together, James has a girlfriend, and Katie is finally getting help for her eating disorder. A few months ago, life was so hard for James, but he feels happier now.

* * *

><p><strong>Who loved the part with the Jo obsessed tuxedo salesman? I thought he was funny:P<strong>

**Review! :D**


	55. Love Me Forever

The wedding is finally here! It's busy at Rocque Records, which Gustavo is allowing Kendall and the other guys to use as their dressing area. By now, Kendall, the best man, and the groomsmen are all dressed in their tuxes and will be heading to the Palm Woods park in a matter of minutes. Nerves are pretty high, but it's mostly Kendall that's freaking out. The rest of the guys are just ready to see him and Jo get married. They don't even know why he's so nervous. He's about to marry the love of his life.

"Kendall, what's the problem?" James sighs, straightening his own bowtie. Kendall is frantically pacing in the middle of the studio, looking like he's deep in thought. He better not be thinking about the possibility of marriage failing because James won't accept that kind of thinking. James was nervous when he and Jenna got married, but their marriage was great until she died.

"I'm freaking out!" Kendall says frantically. "What if Jo gets to the altar, then she realizes that she doesn't actually want to marry me? And I'm left looking all heartbroken and stupid? That would be so embarrassing."

"But you don't have to worry about that because it's not gonna happen." James says, patting Kendall's shoulder. Then he walks to the restroom, where the other guys are waiting. Instead of immediately acknowledging him, he takes his "lucky comb" out of his pants pocket, running it through his hair. He doesn't carry his lucky comb around anymore, but he always has it during important occasions like this. Otherwise, it stays with his other hair care products. Along with his personality, little habits like carrying a lucky comb and personalized headshots around stopped after Kenzie was born. Speaking of Kenzie, she's with the girls at the Palm Woods.

He no longer uses a cane. He still has a slight limp, but he can walk without support now. His leg and stomach don't hurt as much as they use to, although there is still some pain. He can ignore it, though. He still goes to physical therapy, but now he's only going once a week. Before, he was going three times a week. He likes being able to walk without everyone being so overprotective. He can finally walk up and down stairs again! He can use both arms with carrying Kenzie, too. There's a lot of stuff he can do now that he couldn't do when he was on crutches or using a cane.

"I still can't believe we have to wear purple." Carlos says, looking at his reflection.

"I like it." Guitar Dude says.

"Carlos, it's lilac." James sighs. "Not purple."

"DOGS! WE'VE GOTTA GET TO THE PARK!" Gustavo shouts.

They all meet in the Rocque Records lobby. Gustavo is wearing a tuxedo and Kelly is wearing a white dress with black floral print. Gustavo has his usual frown, but Kelly looks extra excited. She loves weddings. One time, she went to her cousin's wedding in Ohio and when she got back, she spent the next week talking about how beautiful it was. They hope she doesn't ramble too much about this one.

"The limo's waiting outside!" Gustavo says, pushing them toward the exit. "We've gotta go _now_!"

* * *

><p>For Lucy, the colors pink and purple are annoying. Black and red are cool. Yet here she is, wearing lilac at her best friend's wedding. To most people, she looks pretty, but she thinks that she looks ridiculous. These pictures are going to be in all the magazines and people are going to see Lucy wearing purple. She's Hollywood's bad girl! Is the bad girl of Hollywood suppose to wear purple? She's gonna suck it up because she doesn't want to ruin Jo's big day, but she can't wait until she can change back into her usual attire. She has to get through the ceremony and the reception first, though.<p>

"Do I look okay?" Jo says, straightening her veil out.

"You look gorgeous." Camille says, helping her fix the veil. "Ready to get married?"

"I've been ready for four months." Jo says, checking herself out in the full body mirror. She feels like a princess in this dress. And she's thrilled that in fifteen minutes, she's finally going to be walking down the aisle. She's been waiting for this moment and it's finally here. There's no paparazzi around, either. It's just Jo and Kendall's closest family and friends. They got security guards to stand by the park entrance to keep paparazzi from getting anywhere near the ceremony. A wedding should be a fun, romantic, and peaceful occasion. The paparazzi are anything but peaceful. Some of them can be jerks and just about all of them are invasive and annoying.

Katie watches from the doorway. She weighs 115 pounds, which isn't quite her goal weight yet, but it's better. The treatment center wants her to continue staying there for two more weeks, but they let her come to Los Angeles for the wedding. She no longer looks anorexic. She looks healthy. She's gained weight and she looks curvier, but not too curby. Her eating disorder is not her focus today. She's putting her attention on her brother and soon to be sister in law's big day. Truthfully, she's a little nervous about eating the cake. Physically, she has recovered from anorexia, but mentally, she's still fragile. The thought of eating fattening foods still makes her anxious. But she did eat breakfast with her family, though. The best part is that she actually enjoyed it. It felt like old times, before her eating disorder came into the picture.

"And Katie's looking good!" Jo says, hugging her soon to be sister in law. "You look so much better now."

"Thanks." Katie says, walking over to the full length mirror. A few months ago, she wouldn't have thought of wearing a dress like this. She always wore baggy clothes to hide her figure, but this dress is tight, hugging her newfound curves. As she looks at her reflection, she finds that she no longer sees a fat girl. She sees her real self.

"Katie, you look fine." Lucy says, pulling her away from the mirror. She's holding Kenzie in her other arm. The other day, James bought her a really cute lilac colored dress to wear. She looks absolutely precious.

"My cuz is getting married!" Jo's cousin, Bella, says happily. Bella Taylor is one of the three bridesmaids. So far, everyone likes her. She's friendly, she doesn't act like a jerk, and she's fun. She's really happy for Jo, too. Since she lives in North Carolina, she gave her measurements for her dress over the phone and Jo took them to the bridal shop. When she flew out to LA last week, she tried the dress on and to everyone's relief, it fit perfectly.

"Princess, it's time to go." Jo's father says, peeking into the room.

"Let's go, girls." Jo says, waving to her maid of honor and bridesmaids. They leave Jo's bedroom and walk out the front door, ready for the fun to begin.

* * *

><p>Kendall anxiously stands at the altar, watching as guests enter the ceremony area. They have a decorated arch at the beginning of the arch, where all guests, flower girl (Another one of Jo's cousins), ring bearer (another cousin), bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honor, best man, and the bride will enter. Kendall can't wait to see Jo walk down that aisle but most importantly, he can't wait to hear her say "I do." They've been planning this day for months and it's finally here. Kendall is starting to calm down a little, but he's still a bit jittery.<p>

He's about to enter the world of marriage. He doesn't know too much about marriage, but he and James talked about it the other day. If there's anyone that knows about marriage, it's James. He and Jenna had a wonderful marriage, which is why Kendall really admires them as a couple. It breaks his heart every time he thinks about Jenna, though. She was such a sweet girl and she was much too young to lose her life. When Kendall and Jo have kids, Kendall hopes that he doesn't lose Jo like James lost Jenna. He has seen how much pain it caused James and he doesn't want to end up in the same position. James is a great dad, but raising Kenzie as a single parent hasn't been easy for him.

Kendall looks at his mother and father, who smile proudly. Even though they're divorced, they're putting their differences aside for Kendall and Jo. Kendall really appreciates that.

Soft music starts playing and Kendall watches as the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle. Logan and Camille, Lucy and Carlos, Guitar Dude and Bella. Finally, the groomsmen are standing by Kendall's side, while the bridesmaids are standing in a line next to the spot where Jo will stand.

Next is the maid of honor and groomsmen. Kendall smiles when he sees his baby sister. Katie finally looks normal and healthy again. The effects of anorexia seem to be slowly fading away. She's his happy, healthy, and beautiful baby sister again. Hes so proud of her for making the decision to get help. He knows that entering rehab wasn't easy for her, but it did her a lot of good. She's on her way to being normal again. She's finally beating the dangerous cycle of starving, binging, and purging.

James stands next to him and Katie stands right next to Jo's spot.

"Jo's cousins are adorable." James whispers, looking at the two children walking down the aisle. Annie is seven and Tyler is eight. They have blonde hair and hazel eyes. They're definitely related to Jo.

Before anyone knows it, the minister is saying "All rise for the bride."

The guests stand up and look at the arch, watching as Jo and her dad walk down the hallway. Kendall smiles at his beautiful bride. This girl is going to be his wife. He's going to have her all to himself for the rest of his life. They're going to have children together and grow old together. Today is definitely the best day of Kendall's life. Now that he is actually looking at Jo, all of his nerves are fading away. Jo doesn't look like she's having any doubts.

Jo finally arrives at the altar and Kendall gets a look at the happy tears in her eyes.

Before Jo is actually given away, there are two things that are done. First one is the Call To Worship, then the Opening Prayer. After both have been done, the minister asks the much anticipated question.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"I do." Mr. Taylor says before sitting next to Ms. Knight.

"I love you." Kendall whispers to Jo.

"I love you, too." Jo whispers tearfully, smiling at him.

"Kendall and Joanna, the covenant which you are about to make with each other is meant to be a beautiful and sacred expression of your love for each other. As you pledge your vows to each other, and as you commit your lives to each other, we ask that you do so in all seriousness, and yet with a deep sense of joy; with the deep conviction that you are committing yourselves to a dynamic growing relationship of trust, mutual support, and caring love."

A few minutes later, it's time for the vows. Kendall and Jo wrote theirs and have them completely memorized. They had to do a lot of practicing this past week, but the vows have been memorized. It would be embarrassing if they weren't.

"Jo, when I first saw you, it was love at first sight. I knew that I had to have you for myself. Of course, we didn't get the smoothest start. You weren't ready for a boyfriend because you wanted to focus on your career, but I finally convinced you to give me a chance. Our first date was a romantic picnic by the pool and I couldn't keep my eyes off you. The way you smiled, the way you laughed, all those stories you told me about your life before you came to LA. You were my entire focus. Before I met you, I was a hockey player turned rockstar. After I met you, I was still a hockey player turned rockstar, but the difference was that I was now in love. With you, Jo. You're my everything and I'm so happy that you're finally going to be my wife."

Oh my God, Jo is seriously about to cry. She and Kendall agreed that they wouldn't read their vows to each other until the wedding and now Jo knows why they made that decision. Hearing each other's vows for the first time is special.

"Joanna, it's your turn." The minister says.

"First of all, Kendall, remember when we first met and I told you that I had a boyfriend when I really didn't. I'm sorry about that. I thought you were incredibly cute, but I just wanted to focus on my career. However, after spending some time with you, I realized that you were a really great guy. I decided that I wanted to give you a chance and I ended up falling for you. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always gotten through it. Those three years that we broke up so I could film that movie in New Zealand? As fun as filming the movie was, life wasn't the same without you. After a while, being away from you got easier, but I always missed you. When you left LA last year, I was heartbroken. When you came back a few months ago, I was overjoyed. When you asked me back out, I was beyond happy. Then you proposed and I was happier than I've ever been. You're finally going to be my husband and I wouldn't change that for anything."

"Awww." Carlos says, earning strange looks from the guests and members of the wedding party.

"May I have the rings?" The minister asks. James and Katie hand the rings to the minister.

"The wedding ring is a symbol of eternity. It is an outward sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites two hearts in endless love. And now as a token of your love and of your deep desire to be forever united in heart and soul, you Kendall, may place a ring on the finger of your bride." He says.

"Jo, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you." Kendall says, placing a diamond ring on Jo's wedding finger.

"By the same token, Joanna, you may place a ring on the finger of your groom."

"Kendall, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you." Jo says, placing a silver wedding band on Kendall's finger.

"Now that you have exchanged vows, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The minister tells them. "Kendall, you may kiss the bride."

Kendall pulls Jo into a kiss and the guests and wedding party members burst into applause. After several seconds of kissing his new wife, Kendall pulls away. He kisses Jo's forehead and they begin walking back down the hallway, greeting friends and family along the way. When they make it to the park entrance, they see a long white limo waiting for them. They wave to their guests, then they get into the limo and head to Rocque Records for the reception.

"Stephanie!" Camille calls out to a girl standing behind a video camera. She grabs Stephanie's hand and drags her up to the altar. Carlos's back is facing them, so he'll be surprised when he sees Stephanie. Camille taps his shoulder and smiles excitedly.

"What?" Carlos says, turning around. He gets a look of surprise on his face when he sees Stephanie. They sort of dated back in high school, but it didn't last very long. Carlos remembers that he really liked her, though. She moved to New York City and ended up attending NYU. He's happy to see her back in LA. He's actually been thinking about her lately.

"Stephanie King?" He says in surprise.

"Hi, Carlos." Stephanie laughs, hugging him.

"Okay, you can continue your sappy lovefest at the reception." Lucy says, grabbing James's hand. She leads him down the aisle, wrapping her arm around his waist. The reception will be tons of fun. Cake, wine, and other food makes a good party in her book. Not that she's much of a drinker or anything, but she doesn't mind having a glass or two at parties. A couple of glasses won't kill her.

"I think you look beautiful in lilac." James says, squeezing her shoulders.

"I guess." Lucy sighs.

"And why do you seem so cranky?" James says, kissing her temple.

"It's that time of month." Lucy whispers, smirking when James cringes.

"Too much information." He says as they climb into another limo. Soon, all groomsmen, bridesmaids, and the maid of honor are in, so the limo driver can finally take them to the reception.

"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" Camille says dreamily.

"No one ever told me that Stephanie was coming." Carlos says, still excited after seeing his ex girlfriend.

"We wanted to surprise you." Logan tells him. "Now let's go and enjoy the reception."

"I'm hungry." Bella sighs.

"So are we." The rest of the group says in unison.

This wedding is bringing back memories of James and Jenna's wedding. The nerves, the excitement, the love. It was such a special time and it's sad that it only lasted for nine months. James hopes that Kendall doesn't have to suffer the same heartbreak. But he can't focus on what could happen. Everyone should live in the moment, rather than worrying about something that most likely won't happen. So James joins the rest of the group in conversation, forgetting about his past troubles.

* * *

><p><strong>I don't own the charge or the exchanging of the rings parts. I got those from<em> christianity . about . com<em>:) But I did write Kendall and Jo's vows!**

**The next chapter (*sob* The final chapter) is going to be the reception:) I had this idea to write a story about James and Jenna before Jenna died and you all would get to see how they met and what they're relationship was really like:) Like that idea? **

**Review! :D**


	56. Can't Get Better Than This

Chris is standing by the snack table, eating small cubes of cheese. She has to admit that she's kind of jealous of Jo right away. Jo is twenty two years old and she's already married. Chris is thirty and she hasn't had a serious boyfriend in more than a year. She wishes that she could have a boyfriend and, eventually, that boyfriend could become her husband. Most women want to be married before they're thirty, but Chris is all alone. She's happy for Kendall and Jo, though. Watching them dance to The Trouble With Girls (Scotty McCreery song) and talking shows that they're truly in love.

Chris can look back at James and Jenna's wedding and remember how adorable those two were. They would be dancing and James would kiss Jenna's cheek, followed by her giggling. They spent a majority of the reception hugging, kissing, and laughing. It seems like Chris is the only one not in a relationship. Even Katie has been talking to Tyler for the past thirty minutes, yet Chris is stuffing her face instead of flirting with a hot guy. Although, she thinks that one of Jo's cousin's might be checking her out. Hey, he's kinda cute and he looks like he could be her age. She hopes that he's not married.

"Hey!" James says, grabbing a chocolate chip cookie off the table.

"Hey, you having fun?" She asks, taking Kenzie from him.

"Yeah." James nods, rubbing Kenzie's back. The little girl babbles and extends her arms toward the plate of cookies, wanting a bite of the delicious snack. James smiles and tears a piece of his cookie, feeding it to her. He strokes her cheek and plays with her hair, laughing when she continues talking incoherently. He is so looking forward to the day that she starts speaking real sentences, but the babbling is really cute.

"Kenzie, what are you saying?" Chris asks her.

"We don't know, do we?" James asks the baby, kissing her cheek. "Chris, where the cake? I'm gonna take some to Katie. She hasn't eaten since this morning and we need to make sure that she doesn't...you know...starve. According to Mama Knight, the staff at Casa Palmera said to make sure that she gets plenty to eat. We have to fully support her recovery."

"It's right here, Jay." Chris laughs, pointing to the cake in the middle of the table. James rolls his eyes and grabs a plate, cutting a slice of cake for his best friend's little sister. He walks into the sitting area, where Katie is busy talking to Tyler.

"Hey, I got you some cake." He says, handing the plate and a fork to her.

"Thanks." Katie says, taking small bites of the cake. Her bites are slow and timid, but at least she's eating. Tyler is watching her carefully, since he is one of the many people that know about her condition. Everyone at the Palm Woods knows, since they all saw her being wheeled out of the building on a stretcher. The ones that were at Kenzie's birthday saw her passed out in the restroom. Her eating disorder isn't much of a secret now, since a certain blonde girl named Jennifer blabbed to the rest of the Palm Woods guests. She doesn't really care if anyone knows, though. When she is finished with rehab (Has to go back tomorrow for two more weeks), she wants to raise awareness for eating disorders. She knows how hard it is and she wants to make a difference.

"Jo, take some pictures with me for my Facebook!" Stephanie says, walking up to the bride. She holds a camera in front of herself and Jo, snapping several pictures. In the middle of the mini photoshoot, Carlos joins in, standing between them and wrapping his arms around each girl's shoulders.

"Katie!" Maddie calls out, motioning to her new friend.

"I'll be right back." Katie tells Tyler before following Maddie.

"Restroom now!" Maddie says, dragging her into the restroom.

"What's wrong?" Katie asks her, noticing that she looks a little anxious.

"I'm really nervous about being here, surrounded by all that food. I really want to have some cheese ravioli, but I'm scared. Could you eat some with me? You know, if you're hungry."

"Yeah!" Katie smiles, linking arms with Maddie. She has truly found a friend in Maddie. Since they first met, they have been inseparable. Even after Maddie left rehab, they would talk on the phone, Maddie would visit, and they would text each other every chance they got. Katie has always had a problem making friends her own age, but she and Maddie are really close. They both struggled with eating disorders, so they definitely have something that keeps them close. That's why Katie wants to support Maddie as she eats a normal meal.

"Hey, you and I love cheese ravioli." Katie says as they approach the snack table. "Remember when you were still in treatment and we ate lunch together. They served cheese ravioli and we both finished the whole plate! If we did it once, we can do it again."

"Yeah." Maddie says as she puts some ravioli on a bowl.

Meanwhile, Kendall and Jo have taken a break from dancing. They're hanging out in the studio, greeting guests, but mostly focusing on each other.

"What do you want to do now, Mrs. Knight?" Kendall asks, kissing her cheek.

"I'm hungry, but I don't want to get anything on my dress." Jo says, smoothing her hands over her wedding gown.

"I love this song!" She adds when "Love Me Love Me," an song from Big Time Rush's second album begins blasting from the speakers. They've been playing a lot of BTR songs, since Kendall is in Big Time Rush. Everyone freaked out when the band's first single "Big Time Rush" came on. They're pretty sure Camille was a little on the drunk side because she started cheering when she heard the song. Yeah, it wasn't normal cheering either. She was being way louder than the other guests.

"Katie and Maddie are actually eating." Kendall says, watching his baby sister and her new friend. He likes Maddie. She seems like a very sweet girl. And their mom has always talked about Katie getting herself a friend. Well, she finally has one. They've been BFF's ever since Katie entered treatment. Katie has said that every time rehab became overwhelming, Maddie was there to help her through it. Even when Maddie left treatment, Katie would call her when things got too hard.

"I'm proud of them." Jo says as she puts some lemon chicken on a plate.

"And Lucy is on her second glass of wine." Kendall says, watching the girl leaning against the wall.

"No, she's on her third."

"Oh."

"HEY, GUYS!" Lucy yells, waving at them. Kendall and Jo give her an awkward wave before quickly looking away. "I'M GONNA FIND MY BOYFRIEND, OKAY?"

"Excuse her." James whispers as he walks past them, rushing over to his girlfriend. He drags her out of the room and to a less crowded area of Rocque Records. He nearly melts as she pulls him into a drunken kiss. He knew that she planned on drinking a little, but he didn't think she was gonna get wasted. Are you even suppose to do that at weddings? It doesn't seem like the polite thing to do. Actually, James doesn't condone drunkeness anywhere. He has always believed that if people drink even one glass of alcohol, they're one glass closer to becoming an alcoholic. He knows that Lucy isn't an alcoholic, but he wants her to be careful.

"Wow, this party is awesome!" Lucy laughs, throwing her arms around his neck.

"It's a wedding reception." James says, smiling when guests give them weird looks. "Lucy, let's see if we can get you sobered up."

"Aww, you're no fun." Lucy says as she is taken back to the dance studio. They walk over to the table and James grabs a bottle of water, upcapping it and helping Lucy drink it. He rolls his eyes when Lucy hiccups and gives him a smile. He can't let his drunk girlfriend ruin his friend's reception.

"Okay, I think I'm feeling better now." Lucy says, stumbling. "Wow, I'm feeling better mentally, but I still can't walk too well."

"Just hold on to me." James sighs, putting his arm around her shoulders. Lucy wraps her arm around his waist and they walk to one of the many tables set up in the studio. They walk past the sitting area, where Carlos and Stephanie are catching up.

"How was New York?" Carlos asks his ex girlfriend.

"Fun." Stephanie says, sipping from her glass of wine. "It could get crazy sometimes, but it was really cool. I loved NYU. Now I'm back in LA and I'm going to become a famous director. Maybe I could direct a BTR music video. You know, if Gustavo will let me."

"That would be great!"

"I've missed California." Stephanie tells him. "New York was great, but California is where I belong. Now that college is out of the way, I just want to focus on pursuing my dream."

"Did you meet any guys in NYC?"

"Um, I went on dates, but i never had a serious boyfriend." Stephanie answers. "I prefer California boys."

"Well, I'm from Minnesota, but I've been living in California since I was sixteen." Carlos says, getting closer to her. "I guess you could call me a California boy."

"Wow, that was cheesy." Stephanie giggles. "But it was sweet."

"Kenzie, where are you going?" Chris asks, running past them. She put Kenzie down and the girl is running from her. It may be fun for her, but Chris is wearing sandals and her feet are starting to hurt. She could take them off, but she isn't going to leave them to get stolen. She doesn't think anyone would steal them, but you never know. They could get stolen or she could forget where she put them.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims when she sees her daddy.

"Princess, you're driving Chris crazy." James says, picking her up.

Logan and Camille are in the hallway, where all the posters are located. Recently, Gustavo replaced the old Big Time Rush poster with a picture from their new album photo shoot. He wanted to show it to Camille, since he and the guys are super proud of it. Gustavo parked some car in the middle of a California desert and his "dogs" sit on the hood. It's mature yet still has some of the classic BTR style.

"The new album is gonna be awesome." Logan tells her.

"I'm sure it will be." Camille says, rubbing her head. She had a little bit to drink, so she's kind dizzy, but she's nowhere near as drunk as Lucy.

"Okay, I think you need to sit down." Logan laughs, helping her back to the sitting area. As they are walking, Gustavo grabs Logan, leaving Camille with no support. As soon as Logan lets go of her, she falls over, staring up at the ceiling.

"There's no respect."

* * *

><p>"Kendall, James, and Carlos, get your butts to the dance studio NOW!" Gustavo shouts as he drags Logan along. He pushes them all toward the dance studio, where a stage has been set up. They're going to sing the song that Kendall begged Gustavo to help him write for Jo. They finally came up with "All Over Again." But before they perform, Katie had a speech that she wanted to make. They have all asked her what she could possibly need to say, but she told them that she's not going to tell them until the wedding.<p>

"I believe the groom's sister would like to speak." Dak Zevon, who offered to be the MC for the evening, says before handing the microphone to Katie.

"Wow, first of all, I want to say that I cannot believe that Kendall and Jo are finally married. It seems like just yesterday that they were meeting for the first time. But the real reason I'm up here is because I want to thank the bride and groom. I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but back in March, I was taken to the hospital after having complications from anorexia. I had been battling the eating disorder for the past year and I never told anyone about it. Unfortunately, I had to reach a major breaking point before I realized how bad it had gotten. I hate that my brother had to find out about my condition in such a horrible way, but he stood by me. In fact, he's the one that convinced me to seek help. The doctors and our mom had already been talking about it, but Kendall was the one that convinced me to go. If it weren't for him, I would have just kept denying that I had a problem and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. If it weren't for him, I don't know if I would even be alive right now. As for Jo, she was the one that helped me through my insecure moments. I have spent almost three months in treatment and, tomorrow, I have to go back for two more weeks. But thanks to Kendall and Jo, I'm on my way to becoming normal again. Recovery won't be easy, but I have some amazing family and friends to help me. Anyway, congratulations to the bride and groom!"

Katie's speech is followed by a loud outburst of applause. She smiles shyly and walks off the stage, hugging all four of the guys. When she gets the Kendall, he doesn't let go so easily. He gives her a tight squeeze and kisses the top of her head.

"That was beautiful." He whispers.

"Thanks." Katie says. "Now go and perform that song for your wife."

"I will." Kendall says before taking a microphone from Kelly.

"Okay, that was a awesome speech by the maid of honor!" Dak says to the audience. "Now the groom and his band want to perform a new song for the beautiful bride. Ladies and gentlemen, Big Time Rush!"

**(They perform "All Over Again")**

"That song was dedicated to my wife, Mrs. Jo Knight." Kendall says before he and his bandmates walk off the stage. By the end of the song, Jo had tears of joy running down her cheeks. While Kendall goes to his wife and Logan goes to Camille, James walks over to Lucy, who is now holding Kenzie. Two of his favorite girls are here with him and that's how he likes girlfriend and his beautiful daughter.

"You guys were amazing." Lucy says, kissing him.

"I see you finally got sobered up." James smiles, returning the kiss.

"Not completely, but I'm much better." Lucy says, stroking Kenzie's cheek.

"Dada!" Kenzie exclaims, reaching out to James.

James takes her into his arms and kisses her cheek, giving her a loving hug.

"We're having fun tonight, aren't we?" He whispers, kissing her nose. He holds her in one arm and wraps his other arm around Lucy's shoulders, kissing his girlfriend's temple.

"I love you." He whispers.

"I love you, too." Lucy responds, resting her head on his shoulder.

James is finally at a good place on his life. His first few months as a single parent were hard. He felt scared and alone, but he has come to realize that it doesn't always have to be that way. Jenna would want him to find happiness and he has. He has his friends, his family, his girlfriend, his career, and, most importantly, Kenzie. He couldn't ask for better than that.

**Songs**

**All Over Again-Big Time Rush**

* * *

><p><strong>*Sob* This was the last chapter<strong>

**Okay, now it's time for the "end of story speech"**

**_Wow, I have really amazing reviewers! When I first started writing this story, I had no idea that it would become this huge. Fifty six chapters and more than three hundred reviews. Every single review I've gotten has been amazing and they always put a smile on my face. Thanks to you all, this is the most successful story I've ever written. I've never had I story get more than three hundred reviews before. How To Love has been so much fun to write and I'm so happy to see that so many of you have been reading it. I know I've enjoyed writing it and to see people reading it and enjoying it so much makes me want to keep writing:) So I want to thank all of you for being so awesome! Thank you so much! :D_**

**_Okay, end of speech! Anyway, I have two story ideas so far, a one shot and a multichapter. Both are related to How To Love. The one shot is going to be called Baby's First Christmas and it's going to be about James and Kenzie during Christmas! That's my Christmas present to you all! As for the multichapter story, you probably know what it is. It's going to be about James and Jenna before Jenna's death. You're going to see when they first met, how they got together, and what their relationship was like. You've seen Jenna in some flashbacks, but I think this story will let you get to know her a little better:)_**

**The multichapter won't be up until after the 14th, though. As soon as I get home from school that day, I'll start working on it! The one shot may be posted next weekend. I'm guessing the multichapter will be posted on the 15th or late on the 14th:D The week after this week is finals time and I need to study:) But they will be posted very soon. By the way, I get a whole month off from school for Christmas break!**

**_Review! :D_**


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